Send Requests For Drabbles With Tommy Shelby! I'm Sitting Down To "Taste Of Shame" Today Along With Some

Not Now, Not Ever

Part 1

Sorry it took so long. I was busy.

The view was almost pleasant. Where ‘almost’ was the key word in the eyes of a person who spent most of their life seeing it: a tall building in the city center, surrounded by even taller expectations of people who somehow got there. In recent years, more and more people were finding a way to earn time. Whether it was by honestly earning it, luck or tearing it out of some poor bastard who entered the city in search of cheap pleasure and a good time, unfortunately encountering such a frequent guest. Death.

Because that's what Dayton was known for: cheap pleasure and death.

No matter how much time passed, the luridness of Dayton lingered in Y/N’s deepest thoughts and memories. Thus the view here wasn't too bad. Dark eyes closely watched people who'd pass by the building, as her hand twirled her pen.

What a silly habit it was.

It helped her focus, at the same time ensuring that her eyes would not wander to the man sitting on the other side of the large office. Sighing deeply, Y/N leaned forward as her elbows made contact with the desk before reaching for the keyboard. The combination of symbols and numbers created password she knew by heart, typing it in within a single glance.

Hundreds of files, cases hidden under certain codes, were only known to the timekeepers who belonged to the group called A6. A6 consisted of three members. One of them was stationed ten floors higher, with gold letters on his office door, wrinkles on his face and the whole system in his hands. The second member was sitting directly in front of Y/N, separated by ten feet of distance and his stone cold expression. Raymond Leon. Even though Greenwich was bursting at the seams with people who looked permanently young, he was one of the few people she ever encountered who… never changed, not even slightly.

He had a blank expression adorning his face accompanied by scars crossing his pale skin. Weirdly bright, blue eyes dispassionately observed the environment he'd find himself in, no matter where and when. His hair slicked back perfectly, which sometimes drove her mad when she'd wake up in a worse mood.

How could he possibly do it? Not a single strand of stray black hair on his forehead throughout all the years they worked together. Scoffing quietly she rolled her eyes, realizing that her thoughts wandered once again.

It wasn't the best day. She usually had focus, but the switch she learned to make going through the entrance of the building seemed to not work very well today. Her mind was consumed with the wistfulness of the free will she used to have in the past.

Before it all started. Before she became something more than Y/N Y/L/N. Before becoming a Timekeeper.

Several decades ago when she had more in her than this fucking badge in the pocket of her leather coat.

As she suddenly got up, the armchair rolled with a screeching sound. Raymond's attention shifted to Y/N as he raised his eyebrows, looking over his screen at her feminine silhouette.

He didn't say a word, even though he wanted to ask.

She didn't say a word, even though she saw him looking.

Passing by his desk, she grabbed a lighter wordlessly as she moved towards the window, opening it wide on the arms length. The disparate feelings of fresh air and the burning nicotine filling up her lungs was all she needed at the moment.

Feeling the not quite unpleasant scent of tobacco in the air, Raymond was just about to get up to join his colleague in the window when suddenly the door swung open.

“Leon, Y/L/N” A forty year old looking woman stood in the doorway clutching onto a file with a fierce expression on her face. This felt like a breath of fresh air after spending several hours with Raymond’s impassiveness, Y/N thought. “Jameson was found dead thirty miles out of Dayton. We're dropping the case.” She said in a tired voice. Not waiting for an answer, the woman took a step back before disappearing behind the black door.

Y/N scoffed with annoyance. It was the cherry on top of her already bad mood.

“Sure, I only worked on it for two weeks. No biggie.” Her voice was stuffed with sarcasm. Her barely contained frustration filled the now silent room, getting a chuckle out of Raymond.

“In a great mood, aren't we?” He replied with a blank expression, playful mockery in his tone that he used so often, almost like a tool towards Y/N.

Getting up he closed the file, before approaching the window that she stood by. He pulled a pack of menthol cigarettes out of his coat and snatched the lighter out of her hand.

Y/N didn't reply, glancing sideways at him while taking a drag.

“Kinda funny for someone who can't even smoke like a man.” She replied smoothly, without missing a beat causing him to slightly lift one corner of his lips.

“You're enough of a man for both of us.” came out of his mouth along with a trail of smoke. Y/N realized it was only the second sentence he said to her that day, and yet, she had enough of his talking.

Putting her cigarette out, Y/N passed by him, getting back to work and leaving him standing there. Finally, she managed to get to work.

The weather was windy, the sensation of fresh air glazing his skin felt good accompanied by the scent of her perfumes and smoke. Strangely calming, even though he couldn't put his finger on what she smelled like. It's not like it matters, anyway, he thought watching over the busy city center. People rushing places even as the sun started to set was not a surprise, as Greenwich barely slept bustling with life.

Raymond rarely experienced the time where he could just be. Without pacing and his mind being on constant overdrive.

Just like now, standing by the window and pondering on the scent of his colleague's perfume, a calmness settled somewhere between his ribs. He realized that after so many years spent here in this building, with a steely badge on his chest, and with the sound of Y/N’s nails clacking against the keyboard in the background, he felt at home.

***

The whole day passed uneventfully, spent on typical, boring office work. They’d clash every now and then during the rare cigarette and coffee breaks. It was more to break the tension than out of spite; a practiced routine.

While the ticking of the clock used to be a menacing sound some years ago, now it just meant that the end of her shift was getting closer. Eventually Y/N logged out of the system, leaning back on her chair as she scanned over her few belongings on the desk.

One would think that spending most of her days for several years here, she'd have more knick knacks lingering around, but her desk was neat. Almost like a brand new working space. Y/N believed there was no need for additional chaos in her space.

As she stood up, throwing the coat over her shoulders, Raymond didn't move or look up, focused on his tasks, or at least he made himself look like it.

He almost never finished his work when others did. Some people in the office even wondered whether he’d spend his nights there sometimes. So it wasn't new to see him remaining seated as Y/N zipped up her coat, gathered her belongings, and shoved them in her purse before heading out. No words were said as the door shut behind her.

Only when complete silence filled the room did Raymond allow himself to relax a little. He slumped into the armchair as he tilted his head back, closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

Subconsciously, he regretted how the sweet scent of her perfume faded away when in her absence.

***

Y/N couldn't help but feel bitterness. She remembered the time when she felt relief arriving home. That feeling was long gone once the hope of turning the apartment into an actual home faded. It was hard to make peace with, but there was nothing she couldn't handle.

Not anymore.

Y/N took a long shower and changed into more comfortable clothes. Subconsciously she skipped the kitchen, as she didn't feel like eating anything.

Wine was another story though, Y/N thought, chuckling when she grabbed her favourite kind. Not bothering to get a glass, she headed to the living room and settled onto her couch. She took her sweet time drinking, smoking, and letting herself dive into her chaotic and melancholic thoughts. Driven by the sour feeling on the tip of her tongue, Y/N pulled out her phone and scrolled to the unanswered message that had been sitting there for longer than it should have. She finally typed her reply.

“Okay, one date. Tomorrow 8 PM” she sent, tossing her phone aside before she'd change her mind.

A deep sigh left her lips, followed by a chuckle. What a mess.

***

“Fuck!” Raymond exclaimed, followed by a hiss when the heavy door made contact with his back, tearing him out of his thoughts and forcing him to stop reading the file he was holding. Turning around he noticed Y/N entering the office.

She couldn't help but let out a giggle at his angered expression before shrugging and raising her eyebrows.

“Not sure if anyone ever told you that, but Ray,” she started with a cheeky smirk, slowly becoming more serious as she took a step forward, her hand landing on his shoulder, pretending like she was massaging it. “it's not the best idea to casually stand by the door. You might get hit.” Y/N finished with a mockingly serious tone, causing him to roll his eyes and shaking her hand off his body.

“You’re in a strangely good mood. Found a penny on your way here?” He shot back, matching her tone, narrowing his eyes as she chuckled instead of rolling her eyes as she always does.

“Nope, just can't wait to finish my shift today.” She answered honestly, walking over to her desk and dumping her purse on it.

Seeing her in such an unusual state, Raymond felt a weird warmth which bothered him, like every unwanted feeling did.

“Don't worry, I'm sure your empty apartment and book won't mind if you come back late.” He said, more bitter than usual, seeing the lack of reaction.

“Actually I have plans. I don't know if you ever heard of such a thing.” She replied smoothly, slicking her hair back into a neat ponytail and keeping up the eye contact. Raymond laughed out loud, making her look at him weird.

“Yeah, sure, and I'm actually going bowling later.” He mocked arrogantly, shaking his head lightly and running his hand through his perfectly slicked back hair. Y/N felt the dig somewhere deep inside, but refused to let him see it.

“To each their own, but with your size it might be an issue to hold the bowling ball properly.” Y/N replied calmly, sitting down.

Her words hung in the air as Raymond chose to ignore her.

The entirety of her ten hour shift passed quickly, and before Ray even realized, she was gone. Once again, she left a trail of her intoxicating perfume and her perfectly neat desk.

His own desk, on the other hand, was covered in all kinds of papers, reminding him of the amount of work he willingly put upon himself.

Time always passed smoothly when he'd throw himself into the whirlwind of work. He reread some cases over and over until his sharp eyes picked up on details that an average Timekeeper wouldn't notice. That's why he was the best at what he did.

Sometimes a small crisis got a hold of him, filling his head up with unwanted thoughts about the lack of actual sense in his almost eighty year old life. Raymond would never allow himself to indulge into spiraling down memory lane, as the cloudy moments from his past would try to make their way into the view. Ten minutes turned into an hour, and an hour turned into three when finally he stopped his work. He felt the burning need for some nicotine.

Raymond rolled up his shirt sleeves, took one cigarette out of the box, and settled in his usual spot at the nearby window.

He watched the almost empty street in silence. His arm hung in the air with intentions of taking another drag when he suddenly heard a familiar giggle.

Narrowing his eyes, Raymond focused on the couple slowly walking down the street.

He saw a taller man with a sheepish smile in the company of a beautiful woman, wearing a tight but sophisticated black dress and heels with a denim jacket draped over her shoulders. An obviously oversized jacket. They talked while laughing every now and then. A smile was constantly plastered on her dark red lips.

If asked, Raymond wouldn't be able to answer why his jaw tensed so badly at the sight. He couldn’t explain how the burning in his body overpowered the burning on his fingers as the cigarette burned to the filter. Scoffing with pure anger, he threw the cigarette away before pulling down the blinds as he slumped into his chair.

His heart pounded in his chest and his breathing deepened. Raymond knew he wasn't wrong.

He ran a hand through his hair in a messy manner, ruining his perfect hairstyle.

He couldn't tell what infuriated him more; the way he reacted to the sight of Y/N accompanied by another man, or the way he subconsciously responded seeing her in such circumstances.

Taglist!

@kittenonpluto @candlelover @4ria790 @xsweetcatastrophe @cillianinlove @lau219 @theangelofbastogne @sasha28x @the-buddy-things

I can't tag some people, I don't know why. Sorry. Let me know if you want to be tagged in the next part! Bye!

Hiii I’ve been reading your stories for some and I love them all. I also love the story you started writing (Robert Fisher-Lost on you and Raymond Leon- Not now, Not ever) and you never finished it and I was wondering (I know it’s some time since you started writing them) if you could finish one of these stories like plssssss cause I am in love with your writing so if you would consider finishing one of them and publish it on Tumblr I would be so so so grateful 🙏🏻

Thank you

Thank you so much for that sweet message, I lost the drive to write them a bit ago already, but since you liked them so much, I might take another chance on one of them, or maybe even both! Stay tuned!

Artist: 📸 The Pulp Girls

He looks like he has more control than he actually does! He's burdened with the urges he feels around her, which makes him angry... And it doesn't help the situation at all, does it? 😈

Thank you so much for the much needed feedback! ❤️

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part one Part two

Summary: You can't escape, and the line between his manipulation and your own thoughts begins to disappear.

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: COMMENT AND REBLOG PLEASE!

After the events of that one particularly dark evening, Y/N shut off. She didn't come out to see Ada when the young woman would visit, not for a while. Spending most days in her room, sometimes even not reacting when one of the maids would come to remind her of Mr. Shelby's wish to see her at five PM.

Sometimes she didn't show up, and he let her.

”She's a teenager, Ada. What am I supposed to tell you, eh?” He spoke one day, finally answering the questions she had for him ever since Y/N's behaviour changed. His eyes remaining at the contract in his hands, agreement from Churchill himself. A small grin danced on his lips, tugging on one of the corners of his mouth. ”Don't you remember how it is as a young girl, eh? Always a bloody handful,” He snorted, lightly, letting go of the piece of paper as his eyes finally met his sister's. Cold and calculating, playing chess with every word, just the way he always did since their lives changed.

Ever since he unapologetically took the whole of Birmingham, and greedily reached out for the rest of Britain.

Unapologetic, that's the word she'd use to describe him.

Letting out a sigh, Ada shook her head lightly, crossing her arms across her chest as she stared through the big window.

”You didn't hurt her, did you?” Her voice came out almost tired, knowing the person Thomas Shelby became, Ada was... Almost expecting it. Dealing with the effects of his violence and decisions day to day.

Thomas' blue eyes slowly raised to her own, but she didn't look at him, still peacefully looking out the window.

With parted lips, he breathed out a quiet snarl.

”Am I a monster, Ada?” The voice so full of mockery, she should have felt disrespected, but worry for the girl was stronger.

”You want to be, Tommy”

~~

Jabbing at dinner with a fork, Y/N wrestled with her thoughts back and forth. She knew she couldn't escape, her absence would bring an inevitable danger onto her family, and despite the hatred she felt towards them ever since... Her father sold her, she couldn't bring herself to not care.

After all, where would she go? Y/N had nowhere to go. Nowhere to run.

His horrible, mocking chuckle rang in her ears loudly, making her wince as she heard steps behind. His expensive leather shoes clicked against the floor, and Y/N recognized his heavy steps.

The silence in the room was suddenly heavy, suffocating. She didn't dare to move, almost freezing under his gaze.

Her fear was palpable, and Thomas could easily sense it in the air. Her flowery scent came to his nostrils immediately when he stood behind the counter. Making coffee, as a cigarette hung from his lips. His blue eyes glanced towards her frame, a quiet chuckle leaving his mouth at her posture. Admittedly, he didn't know why her fear was so... Joyful to him. So attractive and addicting, like a sweet treat. His presence alone was enough to make her shiver, and he'd always take on every occasion to torment her.

Y/N expected it, almost like she got used to it. Holding her breath when he moved, steps growing closer before the cold air hit the skin on her neck. She waited, for something, anything. Pain, shame or whatever he would give her. That's what he always did.

So when he wordlessly passed by, all Y/N felt was a confusion.

The expected relief didn't come, and the cold temperature of the room suddenly seemed to swallow her whole as she let out a breath.

He ignored her, simply, walking through the doorway and disappearing into the corridor.

Leaving her breathing slowly, as a little smile appeared on her lips.

Maybe that was it.

The rest of the day passed calmly, without any events and Y/N spent some time entertaining little Charlie, doodling away in her notebook and drawing all the animals she could think of to make the little boy happy. Only when he fell asleep, drained from being awake that long, she sighed, letting one of the maids take him to bed as she walked back to her own room.

Glancing up, she noticed the beautiful view from her window. Something so obvious, yet not important enough to ever catch her gaze before. Now she felt a little peaceful, while he wasn't home.

Pulling out her drawing supplies, she set her notebook on the windowsill, taking her time to draw the sight, the beautiful trees bending under heavy wind. Rays of the sun penetrate between branches and hitting the window, accompanying the silence in her room well enough that the environment seemed peaceful. Calm. Safe.

Unknowingly, Y/N began softly humming under her breath, feeling a glimmer of hope for a better future still smoldering somewhere between her ribs.

He came back late, later than usual. Tommy's steps echo throughout the almost empty house, getting the attention of staff but nobody else.

”Good evening, Mr. Shelby,” One of the maids said, quietly, getting a quick nod out of him as he climbed the stairs, stopping midway.

”Where is she?” His voice held the usual complete seriousness, not holding the amount of mockery he seemed to have only for her. The middle-aged maid, shifted her weight from one leg to the other before answering.

”Miss Y/L/N informed Frances she'd go visit her horse in the stables.” Her voice was quiet, unsure.

Nodding again, Thomas moved forward before clearing his throat and stopping, just for a second.

”It's my horse. Everything here is mine.” His sharp tone cut through the air while maintaining the huskiness and not disturbing the silence of the house for too long. ”When she comes back, she is going to come to my office.” He liked it. The intimidation in the air, present wherever he goes.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

That day felt more special than most, much longer as if it held more than twenty four hours in it. After leaving the house and making her way to the stables, Y/N stopped checking her watch, letting the activity engulf her completely once she saw the precious creature she missed so dearly. Normally, Y/N would be too scared to come here without asking for permission first, and she didn't seek any reasons to come to Mr. Shelby. Not really.

Walking through the wooden building, she carefully eyed each of the horses there, eyes widening as she saw the biggest one. A massive, black horse with eyes that had the look to them, which made her back off. The madness in this horse's eyes reminded her of the blue ones she feared so badly.

Yet all the worries seemed to disappear as her gaze met the calm, brown eyes of her horse...

Before she knew it, Y/N walked back through the field, rushing towards Arrow house, sun barely up in the sky still. Time passed between her fingers so fast when she was having fun, but it's been so long she almost forgot how it feels. The beautiful black mane on a completely white Stallion took at least an hour to braid, but Y/N loved the process. She was taking care of him ever since he was a foal.

Taking him out on the free field and getting to ride him again, despite having to do it bareback felt wonderful. Felt like the freedom Y/N so desperately yearned for.

As the canter turned into a full on gallop, a bright smile appeared on her face, as her hair blew on the wind. The scent of nature, wilderness and sharp wind which turned her cheeks bright red made the experience almost magical, so she lost track of time. There was no reason to rush home either, since Mr. Shelby was away.

Letting out a tired sigh, Y/N's smile remained plastered onto her face until she noticed the long, black coat on the rack.

Which was a sign that he was home

Swallowing the lump which suddenly appeared in her throat, Y/N calmed herself down mentally before slowly turning towards the stairs and step by step climbing them, extending the whole process just to make as little noise as possible.

Her feet felt a little numb from horse riding, so when she reached the top of the stairs, one wooden plank bent under her weight, creaking slightly.

When no sound followed, Y/N let out a sigh, walking through the corridor and heading to her room when suddenly Frances opened her bedroom door on the other end of the hall.

”Miss Y/L/N” She spoke up, wearing her modest bathrobe and nightgown, ”Mr. Shelby asked me to tell you to come to his office when you get back.” She instructed quietly, as not to disturb the rest of the staff which was probably sleeping. The night came around, and the sky was almost completely pitch black. An old, wooden clock on the wall struck eleven PM.

Y/N's breath hitched, realizing she didn't manage to get out of coming eye to eye with him. Not today. Seeing the questions in her eyes, Frances, let out a quiet breath as well.

”He came back around three hours ago” The older woman added, replying to the silent question which never got asked. Not out loud.

”Thank you, Frances” She smiled lightly, before disappearing behind her bedroom door again, leaving Y/N standing on the corridor completely on her own.

She stood there, frozen for a hot minute. Contemplating what to do, whether she should go and change her dirty clothes first, or maybe go see him as soon as possible. After all Mr. Shelby's anger was the last thing Y/N wanted upon herself, knowing how cruel he could be if he felt like it.

Weighing her options shivers ran down her spine at the risk, and so her shoulders slumped slightly when she made up her mind. Turning around and slowly making her way further through the corridor, the dark, wooden door growing closer with each small step.

Moving closer, Y/N narrowed her eyes noticing a small beam of light on the floor coming from his office. Small enough to not be noticeable if she didn't pay enough attention. Another step, and Y/N's breath hitched in her throat as barely audible sounds came to her ears. High pitched, muffled almost.

Another couple feet, and she stood right there, by the door with her eyes widening at the realisation of what was happening. The door to Mr. Shelby's office was unusually creaked open, through the crack she could see the interior of the room. Dim light making it all more difficult, as she heard feminine moans and whimpers coming from the inside, accompanied by shuffling of the heavy desk.

Her hand rested on the door knob as she moved closer, covering her mouth with one hand as she noticed the dark haired woman splayed on the mahogany desk, face down. One of Tommy's hands was gripping tightly onto her shoulder, pulling back with each move as the other covered the woman's mouth, keeping her as quiet as possible. Muffled sounds kept coming out of her mouth as he kept thrusting inside her from behind, not caring about whether someone heard. Her breasts were almost spilling from her blouse, and Mr. Shelby didn't even care to get her undressed first, cigarette hanging from his lips as he fucked into her hard and fast, chasing his own high. Y/N's face twisted in disgust as the other woman began moaning crude words, calling out his name like it was the only thing she knew.

Still covering her mouth, Y/N took a step back, letting go of the door knob as she let out a shaky breath.

She shouldn't have come home so late, Y/N thought. Better go before he finds out.

Turning around, she moved swiftly through the corridor, before quietly closing the door behind her back.

She panted like someone was chasing her, and only after several moments she moved away from the entrance, sitting on her bed and taking off the jacket she wore.

Taking deep breaths, Y/N tried to calm herself down.

Half an hour later, Y/N was still laying awake, her lamp turned on as she read a book, not knowing what else to do this late at night. She wouldn't dare go out, and risk stumbling upon him or his mistress.

The last thing she expected was to hear a knock on the door, this late at night. Furrowing her brows, Y/N put the book down on the covers, and before she could answer, the door opened.

Thomas walked into the room, slowly shutting it behind him. An unlit cigarette in his hand, and she took in his appearance. The four undone buttons on his shirt, messy hair and dark, unreadable gaze in his eyes.

Shivers appeared on the back of her neck, and she froze seeing him.

”Not sleeping, eh?” He asked, glancing quickly around her room as he lit his cigarette, before letting his gaze fall back on her. He noticed the way she pulled the covers higher, covering every inch of herself besides her face and shoulders.

”N–Not yet” She stuttered out, feeling even more intimidated after what she saw just an hour earlier.

Thomas nodded his head, looking out the window as he inhaled the smoke, taking his time before letting it out again.

After a minute of silence, Y/N licked her lips nervously as she saw him move forward, lazily stepping closer to the bed before sitting on the edge of it.

”You were out late” He pointed out without looking at her, his posture firm and strong despite his clearly relaxed state. Y/N glanced nervously, looking at his side profile.

”I was in the stables” She explained, hoping that she wouldn't get in trouble for that. Y/N didn't bother explaining on why she went only when he wasn't supposedly around. ”Time passed so quickly I didn't realise–” She continued until he cut her off while blowing out a cloud of smoke, causing her to wrinkle her nose at the intense scent.

”Tomorrow is a special day” He spoke up, raising his eyebrows as he shifted to the side, leaning on his hand by her leg over the covers. His eyes scanned her emotionlessly, taking in the soft lines of her face, her lively blushed cheeks. ”I was wrong at the beginning.” He admitted, tilting his head to the side. ”I thought there would be troubles with you. That you'd try to run away, be a handful, yeah? All that teenage nonsense.” He gestured with the hand in which he held the lit cigarette, drawing a little circle in the air. His voice held a bit of humour, despite his completely numb facial expression.

Y/N looked at him nervously, looking everywhere but in his eyes.

”One of the maids overheard your conversation with Ada.” Her heart sank for a second, which he saw clearly, making him chuckle. ”Told me how much you respect the dear, old Mr. Shelby, yeah?” He chuckled again, reaching out and suddenly grasping her chin, forcing her to look into his eyes. The approval in his gaze made her a little more relaxed, just like the warmth of her touch. So much softer than the usual, bruising grip. ”Good girl” Tommy added, the corner of his mouth lightly turning up.

Y/N didn't know what to say, so she just nodded along to make him happy.

He tilted his chin up, eyes narrowing as he watched her expression while his hand moved to the side of her face, slowly pushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

”Don't go alone when you're planning to be gone for that long. Next time you're going to tell me, eh?” He offered, almost gently with a hardened expression, earning another nod from her.

Thomas sighed, deeply, letting his hand drop to his side before raising from the bed. He came up, close, too close for comfort as he looked down.

”Tomorrow at eight in the morning Ada and Polly will take you shopping. You'll get new clothes and horse riding gear.” Tommy informed, finishing his cigarette before putting it out it is in a glass of water which stood on her nightstand. Y/N's expression turned into disgust as she saw that, and Thomas made her look at him again. ”Understood?”

”Yes, Mr. Shelby” She said, blinking quickly as she held his heavy gaze. His blue eyes remained motionlessly locked into her own before she corrected herself. ”Thank you, Mr. Shelby”

...and only then, he smiled lightly, nodding in approval before taking a step back.

”You're welcome”

He said, before turning around and heading to the door. When his hand made contact with the doorknob and the door opened slightly, he stopped, glancing down on his hands with a grin she couldn't possibly see.

”And next time, close the door once you're done watching me.”

Hearing his words, Y/N's mouth opened as she realized what he implied, eyes widening at the sense of seemingly innocent sentence. Her cheeks turned crimson red, as she blushed fiercely. Tommy stood in the doorway for a moment longer, knowing the upper hand he had on her. Knowing that the younger girl was too naïve and shy to speak up against him, to dare to correct him on a topic so sensitive. When he was sure she wouldn't respond, Thomas walked out of her room, closing the door behind him.

Once again, he won, and in that moment, Y/N realized he purposely asked the maid to get her, and left the door open. He wanted her to see.

~~

@iilovedonnatartt @randomcreator-09 @hagarsays @novashelby @wonderlanddreamer @calmingmelody96

TASTE OF SHAME

Thomas Shelby x Reader

Part four

Warnings: Dark!Thomas Shelby, manipulation, abuse, non-con/dub-con, gaslighting, violence

A/N: The calm before the storm, I'd say. Next chapter will get intense.

Another couple days Y/N spent mostly around her horse. Well, maybe not her horse anymore, but deep down she felt the same. Their bond irreplaceable and no amount of money would change that, she thought, staring into the deep eyes of a particularly tall stallion. His character was different than most horses she got to be around even back then, living on a farm. His dark eyes seemed to be eternally deep as he listened to each word spilling from her mouth. Leaning down to be on the same level as she held his chin gently.

It became their little routine, as she would come to stables before their training, sitting around and talking to him or simply caring for him in simple acts, feeding, cleaning or braiding his mane. It allowed her to keep remnants of the inner peace she once had, untouched.

He was impressive, incredibly impressive to the eyes of people who didn't know the horse from a foal. Calm demeanour, the awareness of space he was taking and something that Curly liked to call royal elegance.

Everyday they spent training, preparing him for races which were coming with big steps. Every small failure Y/N took personally, at the beginning causing her to doubt whether there was enough time.

Enough time to put in the hours of practice so that he wouldn't lose... Or disappoint Mr. Shelby, for that matter. Deep down Y/N was scared, and so she put all the effort she could possibly fit in the small frames of twenty four hours each day until she could finally breathe freely.

”He's fast.” Thomas Shelby stated from behind the gate, startling Y/N. Turning around, she spotted him by the entrance. The signature cigarette burning between his lips as his gaze assessed Inferno. His eyes were slightly narrowed, face lacking any solid expression as he inhaled the smoke, holding it in his lungs for a moment before exhaling while he began moving closer. ”...but fierce. A wild look in his eyes.”

Y/N glanced at the horse, hearing a huff coming from him almost as a response to the words aimed at him. She smiled lightly before facing Tommy once again. Her eyes met his, somehow fearlessly.

”He is good. Will win you big money, Mr. Shelby. I give you my word.” She responded, nodding along as he stepped closer. Y/N couldn't help but get a little defensive hearing his words. She knew the horse too well, and if Thomas didn't believe in his abilities, he wouldn't pay for him so much, right?

The corner of his lips twitched, as if he was about to smile. A small smirk appeared on his face, lifting an eyebrow at the tone of her voice. Exhaling smoke for the last time, he tossed the cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with his boot. Reaching for her face, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she wouldn't look away.

”Your word, eh?” He asked, almost taunting. Mockery in his eyes was one of the few emotions he let her see, shining through the icy colour of his irises. She was almost used to it by now. ”Am I to trust you now, Dove?” Her resolve crumbled visibly, her own eyes revealing everything going in her head, which pleased him as always. Even in such interactions she was completely defenseless.

Letting out a sharp breath, Y/N nodded along, biting her tongue before she would even think of saying something back. It wasn't a good idea. Holding her chin between his calloused fingers, Tommy felt the movement and subconsciously he knew exactly what she did. Smirking a little wider, he tilted his head to the side. The obedience in her was alluring, impossible to push away.

Leaning in closer, his eyes moved around her face. Slowly, he took his time, just like in anything and everything he ever did around her. Holding all the control he could afford to make her wait. Y/N felt her heartbeat rising, fear bouncing off of her ribcage at the close proximity he always chose over standing at a normal distance.

It must be one of his sick games, she thought, completely oblivious to the fact he just couldn't help it. The way she bent in every way he'd tell her to, the powerless melting into his power and whims made her almost irresistible. Almost.

His hands felt raw on her skin, the small contact of him firmly holding her chin made her breathe heavier. All the small reactions not going unnoticed under his watchful gaze.

The interaction lasted a couple moments, yet it felt like an eternity.

”What you're asking for comes with a risk.” His words were simple, yet they took a bit longer to register in her mind. Distracted by the way he looked at her. ”Risk you can't afford, so don't make me force you to pay for it, eh?”

Shivers ran down her spine as the vial threat hung in the air. Don't break my trust or you will regret it

Parting her lips for a second, she swallowed her dignity before responding.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby.”

The intense gaze broke, as he patted her cheek roughly with his fingers. Little smile stretching on his tense face.

”Good girl”

~~

”For once you could be specific, Tommy. Linda's already holding this against me.” Arthur mumbled, pulling a cigarette out of his pocket as he smoothed out his hair. ”...and we're still bloody waiting”

John was talking to Johnny Dogs as they all waited for a sign to get on the way to London. Unusually many of the Blinders stood by the Arrow House, four cars parked on a gravely yard as Thomas checked his watch.

”The least you could do is stop fucking complaining” He barked back towards his older brother, already fed up with hearing it. Thomas had enough things to worry about that day, Vendetta being one of the main worries. It was the exact reason why all of them were dressed in the exact same way, every single detail fitting. Brothers not to be recognized in the crowd. Another one of his worries was Y/N, whom he had to take with them, as it was one of the points in the contract he made with her father.

There was no way around it.

”Time's up boys, off you go” He said out loud, pulling his cap on as he quickly got up the stairs swinging the door open. ”Y/N!” His voice bounced off the walls.

”I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm here” She ran down, her cheeks flushed red as she finally managed to get fully ready. Usually it didn't take as much time, but she never attended such an event, and Ada told her to present well as to not bring Tommy shame.

...so she did her best. Dressed in one of the new dresses with her hair put up all pretty. Her look held all the intent, gracefully showing the elegant style while keeping most of her body hidden.

When his eyes landed on her, Thomas felt his fingertips buzzing with the need to grab her. It made him uneasy, the urges, coming and going so suddenly and out of control. Taking a deep breath, he steadied himself. The anger at her for being late suddenly forgotten.

”We don't have time to spare. Get in the car before I make you walk all the way to London.” He said, his voice coming out a bit less menacingly than he'd like.

Y/N nodded quickly, pulling her dark coat onto her body before rushing out the door into his car. Sitting on the passenger seat, she let out a sigh.

The sigh that made his eyes roll, as her scent filled out the car.

Fucking hell, he thought, starting the engine smoothly, not intending on talking to her any longer. They travelled in almost complete silence, occasionally broken with her voice when she'd asked a question.

~~

Getting to London took a bit longer than expected, which allowed the Blinders to gather in all the right places, following Tommy's plan exactly as they were told. Peaky caps sitting lowly on their face, covering most prominent features.

As soon as Tommy pulled up parking the car, Y/N reached to open the door, but before she managed to do so his hand grabbed on her thigh, keeping her firmly in place. Y/N glanced towards him with a question.

”You're going to stick to me the whole time we're there, you hear me? You'll place bets with John and Edward, then return to our seats. No looking around, no asking too many questions.” His hand cradled her skin as he spoke, making her lose her focus for a split second before she responded, holding the eye contact.

”Yes, Mr. Shelby”

A little sceptical for a moment, he stilled, looking for approval in her eyes that in fact she understood before letting out a sigh.

Trust, he thought.

”Good”

...and with that they got out. Speaking even less than usual he grasped her hand, pulling her towards the entrance. Holding her closely they moved up the stairs, passing by other guests before making it to the third level. Four blinders stood by the entrance, chit chatting, and three were by the betting booth. Another small crowd already climbing the stairs before they dispersed to their designated positions.

”Let's put out bets in, shall we?” Tommy said lightheartedly, glancing towards her with a small smirk and teasing look on his face she never saw before. It looked... Strange, but the coldness in his eyes made her realize he was putting on an act.

”Lead the way, Sir.” She responded, mirroring his tone with a shy smile. Despite not understanding what was exactly happening, she was happy to be included and to... Be on the receiving end of his pleasantries, even if they weren't real.

She decided to enjoy every moment of this event, as another won't be around again anytime soon. Not in her calendar, she thought, feeling strange with the strength he was holding her hand with, almost crushing her fingers.

Trying to get her mind off of that, she looked out onto the racetrack after placing the bets and getting to their seats. From that point everything was going smoothly, and Y/N give up on trying to understand the situation, Thomas' behaviour weird in ways other than usual, but she didn't pay attention anymore.

As the races began, Tommy whispered into her ear to not move from the seats at all, just wait for him to be back before he disappeared into the building behind them. Y/N nodded obediently, watching as Inferno shot out onto the rack with all the other horses. The distance was fairly long and the track slightly curving towards the left, making it difficult to see every detail from where she was seated.

Completely unaware of her doings, she rose from her seat, moving closer to the track. Her hands grasping the edge of the seat in front of her. With her eyes wide open she watched with anticipation as her black horse passed by a smaller one, making it to the second position.

Meter after meter they cut through the distance, making seconds feel like hours before finally, his head peaked to the front.

With a loud gasp she realized Inferno won, throwing her hands in the air with pure happiness. Her pink lips stretched into a wide smile as she turned around, realising Tommy didn't come back yet.

To her right she heard a loud chuckle before a tall figure came up closer, from the seats nearby. Man much taller than she was, moved slightly closer, leaning on the short wall separating two sections.

”Am I to understand that the bet was lucky?” He spoke up, his accent foreign to the ones she knew and heard before. His hair was dark and smile bright. He was a good looking man.

”For once” She responded, nodding lightly, and gesturing towards the piece of paper she held. ”Yours not so much?” Y/N asked, unsure of why he approached her, but she didn't want to appear rude.

Taking another step he was right next to her, showing his own paper to the young woman.

Maximus, was written, which turned out to be the horse who made it second to the finish line.

”Ah, I see.” Y/N said with a smile at the dramatic sigh he let out. He was maybe a little older than her, but not by much. A few years top. It was refreshing to talk to someone around her age. ”Well, maybe next time then?” She offered.

”Hopefully. Why Inferno? It's a debutant. Maximus won three times in a row.” The tone of his voice was lighthearted, carrying a hint of curiosity within.

Shrugging, Y/N quickly assessed whether she should, or shouldn't tell the truth. Eventually settling on.. a half true.

”His legs are longer than most horses on the rack. This breed is majestic, and the look in his eyes is trustworthy.” Her response was a bit held back, which hopefully he wouldn't notice.

Cocking an eyebrow, his lips stretched into a mocking smile. His demeanour visibly changing.

”And you noticed it from up here, is that right? Brilliant answer, Y/N.”

Y/N's lips parted as she took a step back once she heard him say her name. Her heart picked up on pace, thumping loudly in her chest as she realized something was wrong.

Suddenly a loud bang came from one of the chambers, chaos quickly taking over the audience as people heard another gunshot coming from inside of the building. The stranger moved quickly, grabbing her shoulder and pulling her towards him, but before Y/N managed to react she was pushed aside, in a different direction again. Stumbling back she looked up, her eyes widening and her face going pale as she realized it was Mr. Shelby who saved her from the strange man.

As he cut between the two of them, Thomas' fist immediately made contact with the stranger's face. He was shorter, but visibly more built, his strength overpowering the other man.

”Shelby” He straightened his back quickly with a grin, his teeth covered in blood as he reached into his holster but not quick enough. In a split second Tommy groaned after hearing it, ripped the cap off his head, using the sewed in blade as he cut across his face.

Y/N took another step back, scared to death as she looked around trying to find someone familiar. The scene in front of her just... Kept going, nobody stopped the Blinder from turning him into a mess, features not recognizable anymore, looking barely human.

As a sob ripped from her throat, Y/N couldn't look away anymore and only when someone else grabbed her arm, she realized it was Arthur.

”C'mere, it's time to go” He said impatiently, pushing her towards the entrance but she looked back at Tommy.

”What about him?” Her voice came out higher than usual, tears still streaming down her face.

Y/N didn't even know when and why she cried. The whole situation was so obscene, the confusion racing through her veins was incredibly overwhelming.

”He'll be fine, we need to leave. Quickly!” He commanded, and she didn't dare to argue. Rushing to the exit, she noticed John was waiting right there for them. Nodding to Arthur they shut the door behind them, running down the stairs.

Everything was happening so quickly, a few Blinders were injured, their suits marked with blood one way or another.

Her lungs were burning from the run, tears slowly drying off on her face. Looking at her hands, Y/N realized that some of the blood got on her skin, and she was marked just as much as other men around her. The wind picked up, blowing hard and cold as she turned around and noticed everyone getting in the car. Before she could ask them what she was supposed to do, a strong hand clamped down on her shoulder, turning her back and a strong body pressed her against the Bentley.

Thomas' face was covered in blood, he was breathing heavily. Unsure whether it was from the fight or maybe running, but he was visibly furious. Almost crushing her between him and the hard exterior of a vehicle, she mewled in pain before his hand wrapped around her throat.

His eyes were completely dark, face strained in fury like she never saw before. Immediately cutting her airflow off, he slammed her against the car a bit harder.

”I told you to not fucking move!” He growled loudly, still wet blood from his hand coating her skin. Pulling her by the throat, he got to her eye level. ”Are simple words too much for your bloody brain, eh?!” She was completely pale, crying again as she tried to shake her head but his hand was too strong. She couldn't move. Paralyzed from fear, it was completely visible in her eyes.

Groaning Thomas pulled her against him, his lips crashing into hers forcefully. Parting her lips and shoving his tongue inside, dominating her in the clear display of power. He tasted like.. blood, the taste alone was making her nauseous, but there was nothing she could do. Biting her lip harshly, he made her cry out before pulling away.

Quickly taking a step back, he opened the door, shoving her onto the passenger seat.

”You asked for my trust, and now you will pay the price.” She heard before he shut the door so hard, she let out a choked sob.

Getting in the car, he started the engine right away, wiping his face with the sleeve of his jacket.

Cry. There's nothing else you can do now

— roach-works

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