✶ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ❜ 𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙎𝙀 𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙈𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙀𓈒𓈒𓈒ㅤׂㅤ

✶ 𓈒ㅤׂㅤ❜ 𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙎𝙀 𝘿𝙍𝙀𝘼𝙈𝙎 𝙊𝙁 𝙈𝙄𝙉𝙀𓈒𓈒𓈒ㅤׂㅤ

✶ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Nanami is not the same man as before. It’s not easy to wake up from nightmares without your husband to comfort you. It’s not easy to live in a house where his presence is constant and also avoidant, questioning your sanity and his existence.

✶ 𝐚. 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: fck gege.

✶ 𝐬𝐲𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬: angst with good ending, after shibuya, reader has panic attacks, quick description of blood and death, trigger of mahito for one second, reader gender is not mentioned, reader skips one meal. english is not my first language.

✶ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.1k

You have always been a good partner to your husband, in fact you succeed at being Kento’s perfect match. You understood him ever since your first met each-other at Jujutsu high, where you shared classes and, eventually, many kisses.

The first thing most people realize about your husband is his individuality, the need he has for personal space. You have always gave it to him, even when Nanami didn’t realized he was turning bitter, you reached for his arm and would bring him somewhere calm and let him be, only returning in a few hours to a happy man eager to devour your attention — and maybe you as well.

After the Shibuya incident, you came home after Nanami, as per his odd request through your friend Shoko. When you reached your house in a hurry, your student, Itadori Yuuji, was there, sitting on your sofa with puffy eyes.

“He…” Yuuji chocked on air before breathing deeply. “He says he wants some time. Something happened.”

For the first time in your life, you wanted to disrespect your husband’s needs and commands. You craved Nanami from the moment you separated at Shibuya and it had been two long weeks without any details. Sadly, you knew you were the only one out of the loop.

“Yuuji, what happened to him?” You sat next to boy and felt your eyes burning, Itadori seemed to have aged so much. “What happened to you?”

“I-I’ll be fine! I swear.” Yuuji reached for your hand and you gave it to him, he squeezed it fast, as if he was drowning in his feelings and needed to reach the shore, in this case, you. “But he made me promise to not tell you what happened to him. I’m sorry y/l/n sensei.”

“It’s okay, honey.” It was not, but how could you tell that to Yuuji?

You opened your arms and not a second later, the teenager was hugging you, his unhinged breathing turned into hiccups and loud cries, there was nothing you could do but hug him tighter and silently cry with him.

That night, Yuuji slept in your couch. And for many more days after that he kept you company. Not exactly only for you, Nanami still avoided your presence, he kept himself in the guest room, fortunately for him there was a bathroom there.

That first night at dinner, you made Yuuji send Nanami’s his pajamas, his toothbrush and his dinner. The boy knocked and introduced himself, it didn’t take long for Kento to unlock the door. You wanted to keep an eye and hope to catch a glimpse of your husband, but you valued him more than anything, so you turned your back when the door started to open.

Yuuji left the room half an hour later, with a plate mostly empty and a smile nearly happy.

“He says thank you.”

It’s not enough, it’s not what you want to hear. How badly you wish you were selfish, to bring that door down and take your husband to your embrace in a way that your bodies would melt against each-other. But you are good, so good, and you love him more than anything.

So you prepare the living room for Yuuji to sleep, while he takes a shower in the apartment extra bathroom before eating. You serve his plate when he comes back wearing your husband’s sweater and sleep pants. You tell him you already ate, it’s a lie he buys and you keep him company until he sleeps.

When you kiss his head goodbye and move to your bedroom, your hear pats on the floor of the guest room, but the sound stops when yours stop. That night, you pretend you don’t cry to sleep, and everyone else in the house will pretend they didn’t listened.

This routine of tip toeing and Yuuji being the mediator is tiring, but you still keeps supportive. You start to send Nanami’s clothes and food with stickers glued to them.

“I love you.”

“Please take care.”

“I’m here.”

You try to not let the tears stain the paper, but sometimes you fail and hopes that Kento himself will tear that door down and come get you. You miss his touch like sinners misses heaven. But, as always dutiful, you put your head down and go back to bed.

The dreams have shifted. From dreaming with black spaces, you now wake up in panic, feeling dreadful that maybe your nightmares are right: Nanami is dead, there is no one on the other side of the door but your pathetic imagination hanging on the thread of hope. And that’s how Yuuji finds you, sprinting to your bedroom Itadori catches you in his arms like you had done the first night, you keep crying and chocking on air, trying to not disturb Nanami.

“He is alive, right?” You ask Yuuji when you can finally open your eyes. He seems petrified at your question. You know he is disturbed by that, but a tiny thought cross your mind wandering, maybe Itadori is shocked you learned the truth on your own.

“Yes, he is.” Is not enough of an answer, your mind tells you he is lying, but you believe Yuji for your sake and his, and maybe Kento’s.

A small, yet aggravating part of you knows that if Nanami died, most likely everyone would avoid telling you for as long as they could. Ever so pure and gentle, so charming and lovable, many of your friends have an ideia the spiral of depression you would go to, and only Nanami can calm you down.

You try to push those thoughts away, and you let Yuuji sleep in your bed while you go prepare some tea. When passing the guest bedroom, you let your hand rest on the wood of the door, tempted to knock or punch it down, you don’t know. But you keep still, in the silence, waiting for a sound to prove you he is there, he has always been there. You hear shuffling after more minutes and hope that is enough for your turmoil.

After that night, the dreams have turned more and more realistic, some times you reach the guest room and find nothing that could show you Nanami was there once. A few days ago you had a dream that Yuuji would be in there alone, eating your food and pretending it was Kento.

Itadori was the only person who knew the constant rise and danger of your nightmares, every night the teen would wake up and lay in your bed telling you it was just a dream, Nanami is alive and he misses you so much, but he would avoid your eyes whenever you questioned when would you see your husband again.

Unfortunately for you, after a month of this, Yuuji had to return to his school. The boy wanted to stay for your sake and Nanami’s, but you promised him that everything would be fine. It was another lie, this time Itadori didn’t believe you, but what choice did he had? He hugged you tight before going away, leaving you inside the apartment feeling alone.

It was almost dinner time when Yuuji had to go, you knew Nanami wouldn’t let you inside the guest room, but you also knew he had to eat. You prepared his food and chose comfortable pajamas you had bought before Shibuya, letting all sitting on the floor, you knocked the door.

“Hi. Uhm, there’s food here and… and also your pajamas, I… I’m going to sleep so you don’t have to worry about opening the door with me here.” But you wish he would. “Please eat. I love you.”

Nanami doesn’t say it back.

You try to avoid sleep by watching the TV on your room, or reading a book setting on your husband’s cabinet besides his side of the bed. It’s a boring book, but you pretend is him reading to you, and unfortunately, that sends you into slumber.

The nightmares usually starts and ends the same way, but this time when you reach the room, there is blood everywhere. An intense amount that drowns your feet and choke you with the metallic smell. You try to keep your eyes on the floor, only to get caught in a trap when your head is lifted by a long hand covered in stitches, before you can see the person, they move to your back and grabbing your hair push you to the ground to the origin off all the blood — laying on the floor is your husband with a large wound on his chest, your hands are all over him, bringing his blood from the floor and trying to return to his wound as if that could help. You cry desperately while Nanami keeps stoic, dead.

You wake up falling from your bed, in a mirage of dreams and reality, you confuse your carpet as Nanami’s blood and at that you cry louder. You respect your husband’s wishes, but you run out of the room to beg for his comfort, even his voice could calm you right now.

When you reached Nanami’s door you look down and gasp, falling to your knees with shaking shoulders, you cry louder. His food and pijama is still there, untouched. Kento never opened the door, was he even there this whole time? Was Yuuji lying to you?

You keep crying as you move the plate to the side and grab the sweater, pushing your head to the floor to caress it to your cheek, feeling your heart breaking at the possibility that it was all a lie, he was dead.

How can life keeps moving in a world without the charm that was Nanami Kento, you honestly couldn’t find in yourself the strength to be alone in this world. He was your half, your better half.

“Please… Please, bring him back.” You cry loud again, banging your head on the floor hoping to stop existing for a moment. “Please, don’t take him from me.”

You are so occupied with your cries and pleas, that you don’t hear the sound of strong footsteps on the floor, nor you hear the door opening so fast it breaks from the hinges. But you feel the strong arms around you in a second, like a protective cage, you sense Nanami’s love for you in that embrace. You stay with your eyes closed, smelling him and head on his chest, still crying desperately.

“Please, be real.” You beg one last time, before sensing his lips on your face.

“I’m here, I’ve always been here. I’m so sorry, I went to sleep hours ago, I’m sorry I didn’t hear you sooner.” Nanami’s voice is hoarse and you open your eyes, shifting your face to look at him, Nanami tenses. “I’m not the same anymore, my love.”

He is not lying, sadly. Half of his face and, you could bet body, is burned. Tinted red and pink, his skin seems sore and sensitive. His left eye is hidden behind white gauze. Kento is scared, you can sense his trembling fingers digging into your skin, under your pajama. You know how exposed he most be feeling right now.

“I’m sorry.” He repeats the mantra quietly. “I wanted to be with you the moment I woke up from the hospital. But… As you can see, I’m not myself anymore.”

“You are.” You reach your hand, the one with your beautiful wedding ring, and caress his face. “You still are my love, my husband, my Kento.” With your thumb, you clean the tears that fall from his eye. “I love you so much, and you are alive, you are everything I have ever wanted and everything I’ll always need.”

“I love you.” He kisses you, lifting you in an easy motion, before moving you both to your room, where he lays with you on top of him. “I’m doing treatment with Shoko for the burning whenever you go to sleep or buy groceries, she comes here. I was trying to control the damage. It was much worse before, I didn’t want you to see it.”

“I wish you would have told me, Ken. I’m your spouse, the one person who understand you the most. I wanted to be there for you.”

“You were.” Nanami raises his hand, showing you his wedding band. “And in my heart. You have always been with me.”

“And I’ll always will be.” You kiss him again. “Always by your side.”

“Always, my love.”

And for the first time, when sleep reached you, you accept it with open arms, allowing the nightmares to creep away and be met by warm breezes and soothing waves. The next morning, waking up by Nanami’s side and admiring his face, so pretty you knew that it had never been more handsome, you kissed him awake and told him of your idea to get away for some time, and maybe, just maybe, take Yuuji with you two.