Hey Did You Know That Uhh

Matoro Mahri

okay, you know what? Running away shouldn’t be a crime. It shouldn’t be dangerous, either. Any kid should be able to leave their parents if they want, for any reason. No I’m not kidding.

“But Rue, where will these kids stay? Do you want them on the streets?”

of course not. In an ideal world, a kids would have multiple adults other than their parents they could look to for care, but I recognize that that will never be a reality for every single child. So: youth shelters, if they have nowhere else to go. There should be clean, warm shelters where anyone under 18 can stay for as long as they need, no questions asked. (And of course shelters that aren’t just for kids, but we’re talking about youth rights right now)

“But Rue,” I hear you say, “what if some moody teenager runs away after an argument?”

First of all, I’d rather a thousand moody teenagers run away than one abused child be trapped. Second, so what if one does? A kid needs time away from their parents, so they leave. The vast majority of them will get some time to cool down and then go back home, and if they don’t want to go back, period? Then nine times out of ten, they have a good reason. (Because yes, as hard as it is for you to believe, kids are humans who have common sense.)

“Okay, but what about the one time out of ten the kid doesn’t have a good reason?”

Then the kid doesn’t have a good reason. It doesn’t change anything. If someone wants to break up with their partner because of something stupid, you wouldn’t say they legally shouldn’t be able to. (And if you would, then you’re just a bad person.) No one should have to be in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, that they don’t want to be in.

when i was a straight boy, i said so, at least to myself.

it was always "pretty girls" and "beautiful women" shown to me, described to me. men were "handsome", but that's not an aesthetic judgement. it's a recommendation for marriage that could be based on other traits.

a good-looking man's portrait was almost always painted to what would make him look good to straight men, not those who wanted to fuck.

it seemed like desire for men was alien, an unexplainable, unrelatable magical feeling that others were mind controlled by.

until, eventually, i found that desire.

yet, it still feels wrong to use the same descriptions. masculine men are still, generally, not pretty to me. but i. i want to kiss them so much. i want a better word. help.

being attracted to men is not shameful or regrettable and if you think this is a 'needlessly arguing for the norm in a community of outsiders' post then you're part of the problem

Having icons on the dashboard increases community. I don't take the time to read every username, but with a quick glance, I know who posted something. It means I can associate what they posted with them. Otherwise it's just Stuff. (It's also fun to see the icons. It's a unique personalization that makes people happy, and their prominence makes tumblr unique.) It doesn't take up space. Why take that away?

it's honestly alarming that they're making this shift to depersonalize and disintegrate community.

part of me feels like this is the progression they want:

can't tell who posts -> don't care who posts -> no connection to who is on your dash -> FYP/algorithm

and it's horrible that they seem to be taking such a beloved website and sending it in these directions. probably overreacting but it's sad and frustrating to watch it go

anyway. it's a good reminder to reblog the posts you love, because that's how the website can keep functioning like it does

foam loam loom boom boot bolt molt malt male gale game tame tome tone tune tube lube lobe robe rote mote moth mosh posh pooh pool cool :)

Medium

Autistic “Memory-Foaming”

Why the difficulty (and sometimes inability) to self-advocate is so common to the autistic experience… and why it’s so insidious.

During a writing workshop I took this past year, I was reading a submission from someone in the group, and the following passage hit me like a brick: “I learned the things most people don’t have to know, too, how to shut down my brain and just perform the motions when needed. I made myself into the perfect parallel, not a mirror but foam. Folding in when he needed to push down, anticipating his next move, and absorbing it in kind. I became resigned to his every need, trying to never let him get ahead of my mental preparation.” — Lizzie McCord I unpacked this with my partner, and then with my therapist, and the concept of social memory-foaming formed. Here’s my attempt at a formal definition: Memory-foaming is the process of losing, giving up, or having trouble forming a sense of self-identity, self-advocacy and self-determination in social situations, and molding oneself to someone else or to a situation. It often involves excessively conceding, bending, conforming and acquiescing to someone, either actively or passively, either as a reaction to specific feedback, or in anticipation of a certain response. It often involves making yourself as small, as accommodating, and/or as agreeable as possible, to the point of self-neglect and self-alienation. Memory-foaming is different from people-pleasing in its process of self-unknowing, and in its process of identity-anchoring to someone or something else. It involves actually taking the shape of whatever or whoever you come into contact with, and being an adaptable, soft, malleable cast, often in order to fit in, gain acceptance or maintain connection. In relationships, memory-foaming is different from compromise, generosity, accommodation, and balanced self-sacrifice mainly because of its characteristic ignorance or un-awareness of self, and the resulting extreme deference to someone else by default.  It often involves the actual adoption and internalization of someone else’s perceptions and desires, and therefore often involves not knowing the difference between “mine” and “theirs.” As a result, just like real memory foam, it takes a long time afterwards to understand what was “me” and what was “them.” Sometimes, that understanding never comes.

Wow. This was a fantastic read. I think Lizzie McCord & Attlee Hall's "memory foaming" metaphor describes a psychological experience common to Autistics far better than "people pleasing", "codependency" or even "fawning" ever did.

Once you start thinking about humans as a species in a biome, it affects your entire way of looking at normal things.

The other day I referred to female morning joggers as an 'indicator species' in that if you see women jogging in the dark it means that the environment provides migration pathways (sidewalks, clear signs) and doesn't have any known predators of female morning joggers (guy with knife, bear, BigTruck, male morning joggers).

Though, I think that people consider framing humans as animals reacting to their environment as rude.

I have realized that the perfect form of media must have a delicate balance between absolutely heart wrenching pure emotional devastation and the most ridiculous nonsense you have ever seen in your whole life

it was not on wheat...