Damian Is Very Proud Of His Sleep Schedule. He Nurtures His Body, Mind And Soul, He Wouldn't Be Able

damian wayne better than me bc if i was sent to bitchfuck america with no sun and the whitest cracker family on earth who treat my family like terrorists i would’ve begun killing not stopped

The small boy and the big demon. (Jason Todd - Damian Wayne)

The Batkids doing that "Suspect" tiktok trend where they take turns filming each other running and say increasingly personal and deranged shit to make each other laugh.

Spoiler, recording Red Robin: *in a confused voice* Suspect listens to Green Day and Enya, like my guy pick a struggle

Nightwing, recording Red Hood: Suspect died once and made it his entire personality

Red Hood, recording Robin: Suspect has a superiority complex that is way too big for someone his size

Robin, recording Nightwing: Suspect has been engaged at least twice and married never

Red Robin, recording Spoiler: Suspect thinks assaulting people with bricks is a legitimate flirting strategy (Spoiler: It worked on you!)

Signal, who came out at night solely for this, recording Red Robin: Suspect can't come up with an original name and keeps stealing everyone else's

Red Hood, recording Nightwing: Suspect is actually a huge asshole but hides it behind that cheerful demeanor so everyone thinks I'm lying about it

Robin, recording Red Hood: I'm going to let the Suspect keep running because he needs the exercise

Signal, recording Red Hood: Suspect acts tough but has read every Jane Austen novel at least six times

damian wayne would totally be a fan of the sonic the hedgehog franchise

more specifically, he would be a fan of shadow.

hearme out on this please

ok but like, i dont have anything to back this up, but like

just trust me on this

tell me that this little kid, who was told from birth that he is genetically perfect, who eventually learns to chill out with the killing:

would not look at the ultimate lifeform, all broody n shit:

and not start learning the lore reasons for why shadow is cool as fuck

Here…. Imagine, tim preg. But litreally know one except bernard and tim knows yet.😭😭😭💀💀💀💀

"Imagine, Tim pregnant—" Done.

And, yeah, they would somehow either forget to tell everyone, or they'd just... Not.

—

Tim, throwing up in a dumpster mid patrol:

Stephanie: Oh my god, Red Robin is dying!

Jason: I don't think their doing that bad, sure the place closed on mian, but—

Cassandra: Your brother!

Jason: Huh? Oh.

Bruce: What's happening?

Tim: Oh, nothing, my bad. I just should've swallowed.

Tim, promptly passing out:

Damian: . . . What?

Cass: We've got him.

Stephanie: Spleenless wonder.

—

Tim, calling Jason at three in the afternoon: Jason. I need Subway.

Jason: . . What?

Tim: Bern is still at classes. I'm hungry.

Jason: So go get food.

Tim: Can't, injured my ankles during patrol last night and last time I tried to drive with a sprained ankle I lost my license for a year.

Jason: F#&#&$... Just wait for Bernard to get off classes.

Tim: You're starving me!?

Jason: I am not driving forty minutes to pick you up and get you a sandwich!

Tim: Fine, I'll call Dick.

Jason: He lives over an hour away.

Tim: And, yet, he'll get me a sandwich.

Jason: Oh my gods I wish Bruce closed the door on your face... Fine. Fine! I'm coming! Driving forty f#&$-#& minutes to get you a SANDWICH!

Tim: Thank you.

—

Damian: You've been avoiding spicy foods for than usual lately.

Tim: Uh . . ? Thanks . . ?

Damian: Suspicious.

Tim: No, it's not! I don't like spicy foods.

Damian: You usually eat Alfred's chilli though.

Tim: Well, not tonight.

Damian: Suspicious...

—

Kon: . . . Rob?

Tim: Yeah?

Kon: Why do you have two heartbeats?

Tim:

Kon:

Tim: Bat training.

Kon: Oh, okay.

—

Bernard: You really shouldn't be patrolling while pregnant.

Tim: Probably, but on the bright side I can say our kids been a vigilante since they were in the womb!

Bernard: You're impossible.

Tim: Their first vigilante name can be "The Egg"

Bernard: You're insane.

Tim: Glad you finally realized it.

—

Bruce: Now, this is a high stakes mission, so... Where's Red Robin?

Stephanie: He said he'll pass.

Bruce: . . . What?

Cassandra: He's not coming.

Bruce: . . . Why?

Dick: Maybe he's sick?

Jason: Could be hiding an injury.

Damian: Perhaps he's quit and decided his time is better used maintaining his horrid wreck of a boat.

Duke: Maybe he's pregnant.

Bruce: That's impossible.

Stephanie: How's that impossible?

Bruce: I had birth control specifically made for him.

Dick: He could've stopped taking it.

Damian: Don't be ridiculous, Drake would never willingly continue his cursed bloodline.

Duke: Bruce didn't even want to, man was snagging kids off the streets before he'd willingly get your Mama pregnant.

Damian: SAY THAT TO MY FACE!

Cassandra: No, no fighting.

Bruce: . . . Tim would tell us if he was pregnant, right?

Stephanie: Would any of us tell Bruce if we were pregnant?

Everyone:

Bruce: What?!

Jason: If I was pregnant I'd be on a remote island with Kori and Roy to avoid the stress you f#-$%-$s put me in.

Stephanie: I avoided Bruce like the plague when I was pregnant, he was NOT about to adopt my baby.

Cassandra: I would've terminated the pregnancy a week before I had sex.

Dick: I would be trying to get my life together.

Bruce: Why do you all have plans for this?

Dick: . . . Do you not have plans for this scenario?

Bruce: . . . I—

Stephanie: OH MY GODS, HE DOESN'T HAVE PLANS FOR IF WE GOT PREGNANT!?

Jason: Hate to point it out, but didn't the Joker get pregnant one time?

Bruce: . . . Moving on—

Duke: Why do none of y'all have plans for if your partner was with you?! I'd be chilling with my loving spouse!

Damian: That requires them to be loveable.

Jason: Kori and or Roy would be the reason I got pregnant.

Bruce: CARRYING ON!

—

Stephanie: You're getting fat.

Tim:

Stephanie:

Tim, breaking down into tears:

Stephanie: I'm sorry!? I didn't mean it! I was joking!? Tim, are you okay!?

—

Clark: So, uh, Bruce..?

Bruce: What is it?

Clark: Tim told Kon the other day... something interesting?

Bruce: Spit it out.

Clark: . . . Is it part of bat training to have two heartbeats?

Bruce:

Bruce: What?

Clark: Kon has been hearing double heartbeats from Tim—

Bruce: I gotta go.

—

Tim, snapping pop tarts in half to stick in a large bowl of several different kids of ice cream, then dumping two boxes of pocky into them, topping it with chocolate syrup and powdered sugar: . . . I don't even like sugar—

Bruce: TIMOTHY JACKSON DRAKE-WAYNE!

Tim: Oh no.

—

howdy pardner

since a lot of yall liked the idea of cowboy nightwing

throws these out for good measure

freaky wip photo

The Batkids have the same twenty dollar bill that has been going around for like 16 years straight or something - beginning with Jason and Dick

The story goes:

Jason, 12: I bet you $20 that I can make Bruce cry without saying a word

Dick: Deal.

Jason: *walks up to Bruce and hugs with love in his eyes*

Bruce: *violently sobbing and picking Jason up*

Dick: *angrily walks by and slyly hands Jason a 20*

—

A few weeks later it’s

Dick, on a skyscraper looking down at a different one: I bet $20 that I can make this landing

(Info: this genuinely should not be possible for Plot Reasons)

Jason: okay but if you die I get to keep it

Dick: *jumps and lands it*

Jason: *sadly climbs back down to the street and hands a proud Dick the SAME $20 he earned not too long ago*

—-

This goes on between them for years - up until you know what

—-

Dick, out of habit: I bet you $20 you can’t do six front flips in a row

Tim, new and eager to please: watch me bitch

Tim: *does it perfectly - maybe with a tad bit of a waver but still*

Dick:

Dick, crying hysterically for many reasons: *hands the faithful $20 over*

—-

(For plot reasons Tim never spends it for X reason)

Steph: I bet you $20 I can make that guy over there ask for my number

Tim: okay

Steph: *comes back over after successfully getting him to ask*

Tim: *handing over the 20*

—

Cass:

Steph: oh you’re fucking on

Cass:

Steph: DAMNIT *hands $20 over*

—-

Cass:

Damian: -tt- yes obviously I can. I shall take on the bet

Damian: *wins*

Cass: >:(

—-

Damian: Thomas, I will give you a 20 dollar if you can scare Father

Duke: Hell yeah

Duke: *goes on a quest for a few days before he genuinely scares the crap out of Bruce*

Duke: GIVE ME THE $20 HOE

—

By now, it’s a very big inside joke between the bats

—

It’s Dicks turn with the $20 when it happens like the first day

Jason: hey I bet I can make Bruce cry

Dick: oh please he hasn’t since 2013

Jason: Watch me

Jason: *walks up to Bruce, says a few words, hugs him tightly, walks back over to Dick*

Jason: Wait for it…

Bruce: *wonders off and a few moments later - you hear crying*

Dick: *passes a very wrinkly and used $20*

Jason: what the hell is this? The routing number has been out of rotation for years

Dick: oh it’s the same one that we used back when we made stupid bets - it’s been around the family

Jason:

Jason: *definitely not crying*

—-

Anyway; the reason I made this post was cuz of this headcanon

The bat siblings might have a $20 bill but there’s a 75% chance they won’t give it to you because “oh it’s not spending money”

“(Bat) YOU’RE A MULTIBILLIONAIRE”

“I know but this one is special-“

Once again, I bring up how it would be funny if there were Gotham-ized colloquialisms or phrases. Just imagine the opportunities

Police Officer: if we’re efficient we can get these both done, two bats one explosion-

Dick Grayson, neck creaking as he turns around: so help me superman…

—

Red Hood’s Goon to another: it’s time to move on from this topic. let’s not beat a dead robin here

Jason: let’s not what a what

Buying some candies for Halloween night with his (in cloning process) boyfriendddd