“the Stars Said Hello, Love.”

hi just a reminder this was the decade that lemony snicket wrote ‘I will love you as misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch everything go wrong’ and I think it is the greatest love poem in existence

“The road to Hell is easy. Pluto’s door is open day and night. But to retrace one’s steps and come back up to the world above, that is the problem.”

— Aeneid, Vergil 

Reminder that Stonewall wasn’t about marriage equality. Stonewall was about police brutality. It was about systemic abuse and subordination. Stonewall was spearheaded by black trans women. As we celebrate Pride 2020, within the context of the Black Lives Matter riots, it’s imperative that we remember that.

Riots in protest of police brutality are the reason that we have more rights today. Do not forget your roots.

You can’t celebrate Pride while simultaneously condemning the Black Lives Matter riots and protests that are happening right now. Know your history.

It’s ok to do things that make you happy. It’s ok to learn a new language despite your parents saying it’s useless. It’s ok to play games if that gives u something to look forward to. it’s ok to do things to relax and calm down even if it’s not “productive”. it’s not a waste of time to doodle flowers or make cookies for yourself or make pretty patterns with washi tape. You don’t need to be productive all the time, sometimes it’s nice to take time to close your eyes and listen to music or look up at the clouds passing by. Your life is yours and it’s not any less worthy if you spend more time doing what makes you happy. Destroy the idea that life has no time for simple pleasures and happy things.

spin the bottle except instead of kissing each other you fight

when oscar wilde wrote “there are moments when one has to choose between living one’s own life, fully, entirely, completely-or dragging out some false, shallow, degrading existence that the world in its hypocrisy demands” i felt that

my playlists (+ descriptions)

asparagus is in season: character playlist for francis abernathy from the secret history

dark academia but it’s girls: imagine the secret history, dead poets society, and if we were villains but all the male characters are replaced with female counterparts

donna tartt’s walkman: some music donna tartt probably listened to from her bennington days into her secret history days; also evokative of a sexually ambiguous classics student from a homoerotic dark academia novel

the holy trinity: florence, mitski, and hozier

prep school nostalgia: best of my effy stonem phase

scary girl fall: inspired by the gory girls from suspiria, midsommar, the vvitch, the moth diaries, and ginger snaps

turtleneck season: 'tis the season to become the pretentious protagonist of a modern greek tragedy (dark academia but it’s girls pt. 2)

slavic androgynous bette davis and the incongruous meathead: playlist for the goldfinch starring russian vampire and erudite sad boy

ode to the 2010s: music that shaped me in my formative years

Donna Tartt with her Pug, Pongo.

“My dog has a number of acquaintances of his own species — as do I — but it is abundantly clear to both of us that there is little company in all the world which we enjoy so much as each other’s.”

i desperately want to be happy. i can feel the ache for it deep within my bones where purest part of my soul screams for it. like without it i will die.

sometimes i think i have it. i let myself get comfortable with the carefree air i carry with me and the laughter that fills my lungs are heart. i feel complete as if i have everything i could ever want and question what it was like to feel alone and hopeless.

and then all of a sudden something slips.

and it is like i have awoken from a wonderful dream to only be thrust back into a cold reality. every interaction i have is made through a sheet of glass, voices muffled and touches separated. and the screaming is back.

i know i will one again be back within the warm realm of belonging where joy seems to reside. but this cycle exhausts me to my core and makes me question if i will ever be permitted to stay bathed in happiness and light.