RB IF YOU AGREE

I bestow upon thee; concept playlists

•classical music to sip tea to while contemplating philosophy and the next marble bust you’ll buy

•stealing books from the Oxford library with friends you never thought you’d find, in the snow, yelling about Ovid, lighting candles

•folky music for sitting on your front porch in the lazy evening sun, surrounded by your closest friends, gazing at a wheat field and singing along with a guitar in your arms

•feeling listless; like you’re walking the world alone, wandering with no destination, held in the arms of the earth and happy with that

•songs to sing LOUD in the car on a road trip going nowhere in particular

•staring out the window of a quaint coffee shop, watching the raindrops cling to the glass and thinking of all the poetry you’re going to write for that lover you left behind

•looking back on a long relationship and realizing all the ups and downs you’ve had as one, suddenly seeing it all in slow motion like a silent film

•laying back on your bed, smiling uncontrollably, thinking of all the beautiful, bucolic times you’re going to have in the sun with that person you can’t stop thinking of

•a rock in your rib-cage, sobbing on the floor, feeling empty; things are coming to an end and you can’t bear to see them go

•the first day of summer – sprawling yourself in the green & vivacious grass, heart shaped sunglasses perched on your nose; youth in all its glory

•songs that bring back days of your old glory, reliving your childhood and your golden days, tracing over the old scars and remembering how you got them

•the smell of old books, melancholy, songs that are so potent with a sort of wild and tragic longing that they’re almost dangerous

•looking out a car window; letting your eyes cling to weeping trees and then letting them snap back again. feeling self centered and tragical.

•literally just songs that remind me of Oscar Wilde and Bosie Douglas

•stuff that i’m listening to right now! always changing, songs that i’m playing on repeat

Half of being trans is being hypervigilant against transphobes. Like, I spent 15 minutes scrolling down on a blog that I would be super interested in just to make sure that it wasn’t going to start reblogging stuff from my favorite transmisogynists. Turns out that my hypervigilance was right again.

i want to see an adaptation of the iliad that accurately portrays achilles’ grief over the death of patroclus.

i don’t want to see achilles act out in anger and violence as he realizes that patroclus died in his armor.

i don’t want to see achilles remain stoic and emotionless as he carries patroclus’ body back to camp.

show me achilles collapse to the ground when he hears the news. show me achilles sob so loudly that his mother on the bottom of the sea hears him and thinks him dead. show me how another warrior must hold down achilles’ hands so that he does not cut open his own throat to join patroclus in death.

show me achilles carrying back patroclus’ body and sobbing into his chest. show me achilles refusing to leave patroclus’ side to eat or sleep because he can do nothing but cry. show me how achilles looks his mother in the eye and say how he no longer cares if he dies when only a few days prior he said that nothing is worth his life.

i want to see achilles, the most powerful warrior of the greeks, to be completely undone by grief.

i just want to work in a small museum in italy where i translate latin manuscripts and talk to college kids about the ancient world before walking to my little apartment by the sea to drink tea and watch the sunset while chopin plays in the background. is that too much to ask?

PLEASE DONT BUY YOUR BOOKS FROM AMAZON

I want to be alone but I don’t want to be lonely

I want to be special and I want to be insignificant

I want to be brave and I want to be cowardly

I want to work and I want to do nothing

I want to be loud and I want to be quiet

I want to be noticed and I want to be invisible

I want to live and I want to sleep

I am a contradiction and that is ok

from “Winter”