Wasted-life-musings - Musings Of A Wasted Life

You’re not a bad person for the ways you tried to kill your sadness.

(via dignitea)

“ For seven long years I’ve been in prison, for 7 long more I have to stay, just for knocking a man down in an alley, and taking his gold watch away.  Sitting alone, sad all alone, sitting in my cell, all alone, oh thinking of those good times gone by me, knowing that I once had a home “

Are Ancient Astronaut Theorists fucking retards?  Yup.  I mean, IS it possible that aliens came here in search of gold to repair their atmosphere, because there isnt other gold on non inhabited planets, that they genetically altered our dna so we'd be smart enough to mine their gold, is it possible that they invented theology as a way to employ plausible deniability?  That they then left, and never contacted us again, and or monitor us from a distance?  

Sure, that’s ALL possible, of course it's also possible I could be a hot redheaded chick in a nuthouse right now banging my head off a wall and I just invented this WONDERFUL persona of mine.

( God damnit, Nappa...)

The Cemetery

My last post reminds me I never told you people that I worked in a cemetery as a teen, I remember the first body I buried i was maybe 13, 14 ( i worked under the table because i knew people there ) He was a suicide victim, 35 i think.  I stood at a distance during the funeral, picked up the plywood, took off the straps from lowering the coffin, etc. 

With modern machinery most is done with a backhoe, but you need to manually shovel the dirt between the vault and the ground, and etc.  so It’s raining out, and by the time i get there the hole is filled with water, i jump on the coffin and shovel dirt, i feel the coffin move beneath my feet, i float on this dead man and shovel dirt in cracks/ 

I remember after I went to the crematorium, which was a warehouse full of cardboard boxes, and drank coffee and what not, it being cold and rainy.  I remember shedding a single tear for the man I never met and moving on with my life.

After that it was childsplay, nothing in a box or in the ground was even human, but that one moment will stick with me forever, that and the smell of the crematorium, once you smell a burning human body I promise you you wont ever forget it. 

By 13 I had looked death in the face, and maybe it was traumatic by millennial standards but death has always been a part of life, and by 13 I knew someday id have some small funeral of people pretending to care and I’d be put in the boggy mud and forgotten forever more.  It has shaped my life in ways you’ll never understand sans the experience. 

There is no god, there is no redemption, there is here and now, and there is gone, and dont let any Babylonian babble sway you, when you’re standing on that floating coffin you know then and there, god is a lie and there is no redemption.  I think, in private, I cried for that strangers water laden corpse more than I did for any of my loved ones, I regret not remembering his name. 

https://fredarctor.newgrounds.com/follow

I was once on newgrounds more than a decade ago and decided after just playing some games sleeplessly there I’d make an account, feel free to stalk me on different medias.

Here’s a song I always thought would sound better fingerpicked, of course pulling it off didn’t go ALL that well.  Here’s me playing “ You Only Live Once “ by the Strokes, one of the only newish bands I think are worth a fuck