The Previous Night Brodie Dreams Hes In A Jail The Size Of A Continent, Rolling Hills Of Barbed Wire,

Dream Journals

I’ve decided to start writing dreams down, so I might as well take up space here with em, some will be old dreams I remember still, some will be new dreams, just dreams, the only time we’re honest with ourselves and therefore the most honest i can be with you ( not that my 3 day old tumblr has alot of readers yet )

October 15th or something:  Fell asleep drunk watching the walking dead, dreamed I was being attacked by cops, it was a good ol time for a while til i was overwhelmed.  They’re run up, id stab them in the heart, another would come, stab, etc, eventually there was too many to stab and i ran, pretty self explanatory really, dreams are half subconscious mind and half replaying what we’ve seen experienced that day.  Now if i had that dream on say a Bahama vacation, well, worry then

I see just endless videos here of like dumb little girls smoking meth and whatever.  We used to film our smoke sessions too, of course we were like 13 and you’re a fuckin adult but, that’s neither here nor there... *Slow claps...*

current status: avoiding drunk friends on facebook who wanna talk about the good times, like they were really good.  I’m also fighting with someone about suicide and how we all need to give a fuck the sad assholes gone, so, facebooks pretty much out tonight

I realize I post alot of Russians things, because I grew up with and respect Russians.  I am, however, not Russian at all and am American, Swedish German and Irish by blood.  So here’s Swedish song I liked alot growing up, done by a Norwegian, just to confuse you, it’s actually a song from the mid 1800s that alf redid in 1955.

It’s also really hard to translate into english and make it sound good so I’ll just say its about a farmboy in a rural county falling in love with a girl, but being separated from her for much of his life, because he was too busy working on the farm to travel and see her.  Sounds pretty American doesn’t it?

The Human story: When you’re very young, the world is confusing, you struggle to understand the meaning of life, and therefore life is an abstract, fairly meaningless.  In the middle of your life, you have brushes with death maybe, health problems, near OD’s, your parents die and suddenly you’re very alone.  You work through it, but you start to fear death. 

Maybe I skipped a chapter already but at one point if you’re lucky you stop fearing the unknown, you realize everytime you sleep you die and hope you’re reborn, some people find god, and try to right all their wrongs out of fear, but death is the great equalizer, and is necessary.  Unlike Humans, Earth recycles everything and there are only X amount of resources therefore only Y amout of things can live on X. 

Do I fear death?  Sorta, do I also contemplate death as a release from the sufferings of the world?  You bet, but really it all comes down to how stubborn you are, I’m not in love with life, life has been shitty to me, and now that I’m old enough to do something about it I’ve lost all ambition therein.  At the same time, unlike some hot topic teen goth I dont romanticize death, death is grizzly and horrible. 

Most adults make a life via their vocations and families, they dont have to contemplate their mortality or the nature of the universe, not often, but I dont have that luxury, and as I sit here in my little self made cell, high or drunk on whatever, I think my perspective is different than alot of people. 

Every angsty teen is in love with death because they have a goldfish like brain, and they’re just finding the ocean, most adults are affraid to swim, so they only swim for reasons they make up, money, career advancement, what have you, and some pull the trigger and sink.  Death comes to us all, how you handle it is what makes you you, and everything you say do or think will be defined by this one basic premise, youll either be reckless or fearless, and both are really a sham.  You WILL die, your loved ones will die, in 200 years no one will remember your name, anyone who would will die, invent a heaven or live with it, live to youre old and pissing yourself in a bag, die at 20 from an OD it really doesnt matter you’re just a building everyones waiting to fall down so they can use your bones to shape a new building, you matter completely and you dont matter at all.

I refuse to cry for the people I know that have died young from drugs, i refuse to cry for the people that lived to be old enough to drain excess resources to prolong their inevitable demise, I refuse your concept of reality, I refuse.

“ The Wall “ is my favorite floyd album, even though darkside is probably better it speaks to me personally.  that being said, once floyd lost barret it was no longer floyd, here’s scarecrow, a song ya should know but maybe dont.

( Fun fact the name pink floyd comes from syd barrett, he used to wear an all blue leisure suit, and one day they were tripping and it looked pink, a floyd was a brittish slang for a fancy gentleman, hence he was the pink floyd. )