What Kyrie Was Doing During DMC5 Probably

3 Times Jeremy's SQUIP Was NOT Helpful

1. Jeremy was still getting used to his SQUIP. It was weird having someone in your head telling you what to do, what not to do, controlling every aspect of your life. At least when he was at home he could be more himself. It was a bit hard ignoring everything the SQUIP was hissing in his ear, but he was used to tuning things out. It was how he survived school. Apparently, however, his SQUIP didn’t like this.

“Jeremy, how many times do I have to remind you that you need to do those push ups? You thought about sex a total of 55 times today, and if you ignore me, I will just make you do double tomorrow.” He rolled his eyes. He knew the SQUIP was trying to help him, but it was sometimes overbearing and annoying.

“How many times to I have to tell you I’ll do it once I finish my homework?” Suddenly his hand started flying, filling out all the blank spaces on his papers. “There. Finished. Push ups. Now.”

“Geez you haven’t even given me a chance to stand up!” Jeremy complained, earning himself a painful zap. “Ow! You know that hurting me won’t help, right? When you do that, it just makes me want to disobey you more out of spite,” he said and could practically feel it buzzing with discontent.

“Fine, I will lower the intensity of your warning shock to a more mild feeling,” it said, and Jeremy could’ve sworn he heard a sarcastic note to the voice in his head. “Warning shock? I’m not a dog, you can’t just- AH! What the hell was that?”

“I lowered the intensity of the shock I sent through your body. Does it still hurt? Your pain tolerance must be weak just like every other aspect of yours,” the SQUIP snarked. Jeremy went on the defensive, “Hey, my pain tolerance is normal! And the shock didn’t hurt it just felt… weird.”

“Well of course it felt weird Jeremy, it was a shock. They aren’t exactly supposed to feel pleasant.”

“Yeah, well could you not do it?” he asked. “Jeremy, I will do whatever I need to in order for you to be more chill,” the SQUIP calmly replied. Jeremy closed his eyes, placing a hand to his temple, “Yeah, well if you keep doing that I won’t be able to be more “chill.”“

“Why?” the computer asked, “It is simply a painless shock, I don’t see how- Oh you’ve got to be kidding me. You just love making my job harder for me, don’t you?” Jeremy was blushing profusely, “Shut up! Lots of people are t- oh you know!” he shouted, burying his face into his hands while he curled up in his desk chair which earned him another zap. “GAH! I said stop!”

“Jeremy, lots of people are ticklish. You just happen to be extremely so, and you’re terrible at hiding it it seems, which is just one more quirk of yours that make it near impossible for you to be cool.”

“Gee thanks,” he said, head still laying on the desk. “But trust me, I will make you the coolest person at your school. You just have to do as I say.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever.”

“No not "whatever” Jeremy. Do as I instruct. Now, if someone were to tickle you-“

Jeremy instantly went red, "What? Why would that even happen?” he stammered out.

“My data shows that it is a form of bonding between close friends, and as your pool of friends increases, the odds of this happening are higher.” Jeremy tried to make himself appear even smaller, “Will you just… stop talking about it?!” he said in what he hoped would be a demanding tone but instead was a shriek. The SQUIP made a sound of disgust, “Jeremy, you must learn to not make such humiliating noises.

"Just, ack, gaaaah!” he let out a frustrated cry, running his fingers through his hair. He was, of course, interrupted, “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this. It’s just a word. A simple action. Nothing to worry about, just be. More. Chill.” The SQUIP accented each word with a small shock, and Jeremy was practically having a spasm and fell into a fit of giggles.

“You might want to work on that laugh,” the SQUIP suggested.

“What? What’s wrong with my laugh?” Jeremy asked, and of course, the computer gave him an answer. “It sounds too dorky, if you want to be cool, you have to have a cool laugh.” Jeremy rolled his eyes.

“That’s a lie. I heard Rich laughing at some joke Jake had told and he has this high pitched, shrieking laugh, and he’s still considered cool,” he justified.

“Yes well, you’re not Rich.”

2. Jeremy was over at Brooke’s house, and they were sat on the couch, making out. “My parents are out of town, the coast is clear,” she had said, dragging him to her car before he could protest. Not that the SQUIP would let him anyways. And it turned out Brooke was a great kisser, so Jeremy couldn’t complain too much.

That is, until she moved down to his neck. “Don’t squirm, she’ll wonder what’s wrong,” the SQUIP informed him. Her teeth grazed a particularly sensitive spot below his jaw, causing him to let out a gasp.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, pulling away and placing a hand on his chest to balance herself. “Nothing,” he reassured her, offering a smile and pulling her in, doing as his SQUIP instructed. She shrugged, going back to kissing. Jeremy couldn’t help but let out a huff of air when she gently bit the stretch of skin below his ear. She leaned back once more, stopping the treatment. “Something’s up. Tell me what it is,” she said, nuzzling into his neck, and this time a short giggle left his lips. Her head shot up, staring at him, a growing smirk on her face.

“Are you ticklish?”

“Say no, she’ll ignore it and go back to making out,” it said.

“No.”

“Are you saure, cause you took a second to answer,” Brooke said skeptically.

“Repeat after me-”

“You’re just such a great kisser my mind had gone blank,” he said smoothly, hoping it was enough of a cover. She smiled, her lips returning to his skin, and her hand worked its way underneath his shirt, resting gently on his side. He allowed himself to relax a little, only to jump in shock when her hand squeezed his side. He jolted when she did it again. And again, and he couldn’t help but to fall in a string of helpless giggles.

“Liar!” she cried out, bringing her other hand to skitter over his belly. He brought his hands up to try and protect himself to no avail. Her hands moved quickly and precisely, sending ticklish waves throughout his body. “Wow, you’re really ticklish! It’s so cute!” she cooed, making him blush and try to hide his face. She pouted, “Aw, don’t hide Jer! You’re cute when you blush!” Her words only made him blush more, and he let out a whining laugh, drumming his legs onto the couch, but nothing he did lessened the feeling. In fact, her teasing increased the sensation.

“Where else are you ticklish?” she asked, fingers crawling up his side. Jeremy was in hysterics and couldn’t focus on anything, unable to communicate with the SQUIP.

“I-I dohohohohon’t knohohow!” he laughed out, squirming beneath her. He hoped she would just give up and let him breathe, go back to kissing, anything to stop the laughter inducing torture. Although if he were being honest with himself, he couldn’t complain. He craved physical affection, and he kind of liked the feeling of letting go and laughing.

“You don’t know? Well that won’t do,” she teased, scribbling along his ribs, working her hands underneath his arms. He let out a loud shriek, and boy was he glad the house was empty. She laughed along with him and moved her hands down, relentlessly squeezing his thigh.

“FAHAHAHAHACK!” Jeremy arched his back, crashing back down on the cushions in a fit of hysterics. He let out a snort, turning a bright shade of red and tried to cover his mouth to prevent any more embarrassing sounds from escaping.

“Looks like I found a good spot!” she beamed, gently scratching her nails over his knees. She was sitting on his legs, effectively pinning him. She finally showed him mercy, slowing her fingers. “You have a really cute laugh,” she said, laying her head on his chest and curling into his side. “It almost made me not want to stop.”

“Yeah, Ihihi could tell,” he said, residual giggles slipping into his words. “You’re absolutely ruthless.” She nestled deeper into him, “Thanks.”

3. Jeremy didn’t bother in covering up his hickies.  It was too hot out to be wearing any sort of neck cover and he didn’t want to take the time to use makeup to hide them. Not to mention, his SQUIP wouldn’t let him.

“Wear them proudly,” it said, “Like battle scars.” So when Christine had asked what they were, he didn’t try to deny it.

“Christine! We need to pick out costumes,” Chloe said dragging her away.

“Oh cool! Swords!” Rich yelled , pulling a toy sword from a box of props. “Engarde!” he cried out, stabbing Jeremy in the side. He let out an indignant shriek, whipping around and slapping the sword from his hands sending it flying across the room. “Woah man, are you okay? I didn’t actually mean to hurt you,” Rich said with concern.

“I’m fine,” he squeaked out, his voice even higher than usual. Rich gave him a look, “You sure? Cause you don’t sound like you are.”

Jeremy cleared his throat before speaking, “Yeah, you just scared me.”

“Honestly I didn’t think you’d be that strong,” Rich said, slightly impressed.

“Yeah, I’ve been working out more,” he said. Rich chuckled, “I thought you looked bigger,” he said, playfully reaching over to squeeze his bicep. Jeremy covered his mouth with a snort, trying to stifle his reaction. Rich smirked, “Ticklish?”

“Accept your fate now Jeremy, there’s no way out of this,” the SQUIP informed.

“What?!” Jeremy screeched at the computer.

“If you say no, he’ll tickle you because he knows you’re lying. If you say yes, he’ll tickle you just because. It’s better not to lie. Not to mention if Brooke hears you say no, she might help Rich. Saying yes is the best option.”

Jeremy had been silent whilst having the conversation, but Rich, knowing what he was doing, waited patiently, a look of false innocence plastered on his face.

“A-a bit, but I’d prefer if you diDN’T!” his words turned to squeals of laughter when Rich lunged forward and dug his fingers into his sides. “Nohohoho! Stohohop!” he pleaded, curling in on himself.

“A bit ticklish? More like a lot!” Rich exclaimed happily, moving his hands up his ribs. Jeremy couldn’t speak, only laugh as the other boy set to work. Rich’s teasing only made his blush increase, much to Jeremy’s dismay.

“Look how red you are! You’re lihike a tomato!” he laughed, taking immense joy in his work. “You’re laughing so much! You must really enjoy it if you’re laughing so hard,” he said, working his hands underneath his shirt to get at bare skin.

Jeremy’s knees buckled underneath him, and he slowly sank down, Rich following and never once stopping the torture. He squirmed and kicked, trying futilely to get away. Jeremy tried to protect his sensitive spots, but Rich kept finding new places to tickle.

“What’re you doing?”

A voice sounded from behind them and Rich turned to see who it was, not slowing in his work. “Tickling Jeremy. I just found out he’s insanely ticklish, and just listen to his laugh!” he exclaimed, pinching his side causing the boy beneath him to convulse with a snort.

“Jahahahahahahake! Hehehehelp!” he cried out through his laughter, hoping for some mercy.

“Help him and you’re next,” Rich threatened.

“C'mon don’t be like that,” Jake whined, not wanting the same treatment as Jeremy. “At least let him breathe,” he said, coming to his rescue. Rich rolled his eyes, letting Jeremy free.

“Oh my god you saint,” Jeremy said between pants. Jake chuckled, offering a hand to help him up. “Believe me, I know how ruthless he can be,” Jake said, shooting his friend a playful glare as he smiled proudly, “’S not my fault you both are so ticklish,” he said, tweaking both of their sides as he walked past.

“Hey!” They exclaimed in unison, and Jake started off after Rich, chasing him out of the theatre, laughter ringing through the air.

“You’re welcome.”

“Welcome for what? You were no help in that situation,” Jeremy said.

“It’s obvious you like it. I mean, why else would you fail to protest? I didn’t hear you say "stop” even once,“ the SQUIP informed. Jeremy’s blush intensified, knowing the computer had a point.

"Shut up.”

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