Dazai: But I Do Know Two Things.

young man young man.

Hiyaaa!!! Can you do a Illumi imagine in which he opens up to reader for the first of how he is always lonely and reader comforts him by telling him that they will never leave him as they love him?!

Hiiiii!!! OOO so this was a really interesting request to me because at first I was like “hmm idk if Illumi would” bUT the more I thought about it and the more I analyzed his character, I think I figured out how he would. Like he wouldn’t do it in the same way Killua would, so I really had to get into his mind for this. Haha anyways sorry for the ramble, I hope you enjoy and I hope you enjoy this!! Some vulnerable Illumi for the soul<3

Illumi had never questioned his place in this world, nor his place within the family. He was the eldest Zoldyck. He was had a role in the family. He was an assassin. He had no need for friends. He lived in a completely different world. He had no time for human feelings such as loneliness and longing. He was born to kill, born to serve his family. 

This is how the Illumi Zoldyck held his outlook on life. He was built to serve his family. Oh and they loved him anyways, right? Of course they did! If they didn’t love him, why would they always be sending him off to work? Why would he be the one to clean up any messes from the others if he wasn’t loved? Love to a human was deep, love to an assassin was recognition and skill. His parents loved him, that’s why he kept working. Killua loved him, that’s why Killua was able to harness all his talent and be the heir to the family business. 

At least that’s how Illumi saw the world, until his whole world came crashing down. He was walking about the Zoldyck Mansion, as he does on a regular day, and stopped outside the room where his parents were screaming. 

“THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” Kikyo screamed, a muffled sob could be heard as her voice broke. “If it wasn’t for you, Killua would be home now. He would be here, where he belongs and carrying on the business. It’s your fault he’s running around freely!”

“He will be back,” Silva responded, unfazed by the woman’s outbreak. “This is my son we are talking about. You and I know very well he’s not like the others. He is a success.”

“And what if he never comes back?” she rebutted, not showing signs of calming down. “What are we supposed to do? Give the business to Illumi? Our first attempt and failure! The family is better off dead than in the hands of him!” 

“Will you stop it already!” Silva raised his voice. “You know I’m no idiot, I would never hand off the business to Illumi. You and I both know he is just a pawn, one we made to be thrown away. He serves us nothing like Killua will. We will get Killua back.” 

While Illumi listened in with what appeared to be an emotionless expression, his heart began to shatter has realization set in. He was unloved? He was unwanted? He would be casted aside? He would serve no purpose? He had no purpose? This world has no space for him? 

He rushed away from the scene, his thoughts racing as he tried to deny it all. It couldn’t be real, right? He was an assassin. He had no reason to long for love, for accept. Then why was he now falling apart? 

Now he found himself at your doorstep, breathing heavily as he repeatedly knocked on the door till you answered. 

“Illumi!” you answered surprised. “What are you doing here? I thought yo-”

“Do I have purpose?” Illumi asked, cutting you off. 

“Well yeah of course,” you answered confused at his sudden outburst. “Why are you asking?” 

“I don’t know who I am anymore,” his usual emotionless face became consumed with pain. He looked as if his whole body was about to break, like a fragile piece of glass. One more hit, and he would be shattered. You quickly pulled him inside and onto the couch, asking him gently what was going on. You let him know you were safe, that he could come to you. He had never opened up to anyone like this before, so at first was nervous. However, you were so gentle to him and so welcoming, he found himself able to tell you it all. He told you how lonely he was growing up, the abuse he faced, the lack of love and appreciation from his parents, how Killua left him, the conversation he just heard, and how he is only now realizing how empty he is. He had finally opened his heart up to not just you, but to himself. 

“Illumi,” you hugged him tightly. “I had no idea you were carrying all that. I mean I knew you had a rough upbringing, but I never knew how hard. I’m sorry you have been through all this. I promise, you are enough. You have me and all my love. I love you more than anything Illumi. You’re not alone anymore. I’m here for you, always.” 

For what felt like the first time, Illumi allowed himself to be consumed by your love as he melted in your touch, leaning on you. You two had been together for a few months now, but for the first time Illumi’s eyes and heart were opened. He realized he had been chasing after this type of real, pure love his entire love. He was human. He was lonely, and now he is loved. The gates to his heart were open. He was experiencing real love for once, and he loved it. 

Dazai: Good morning, cruel world.

Kunikida: Isn't it 'goodbye'?

Dazai: The world may be cruel but unfortunately, I'm still kicking.

⌕ boku no hero academia • dabi.

like or reblog if you save/use. 🤍

i wanna scream and shout and let it all out

Backstage at the Palladium in Los Angeles - 22nd November 2019

I wonder if Tolkien ever daydreamed about Middle-Earth like many worldbuilders do about their own worlds

F I L M O G R A P H Y - For film roles, he is credited as Colson Baker, unless otherwise noted.

iamhalsey: It’s become very clear to me that some of you need to see what I’ve seen. Please swipe through this. These pictures and videos don’t even scratch the surface. It’s easy from the comfort of your home to watch looting and rioting on television and condone the violent measures being taken by forces. But what you don’t see is innocent peaceful protestors being shot at and tear gassed and physically assaulted relentlessly. You think it’s not happening, it’s only the “thugs” and the “riots”, right? The police are keeping you safe right? You’re wrong. This is happening everywhere. And innocent people exercising their rights to speech and assembly are facing violence and abuse of power. With all of our medical professionals being CONSUMED and EXHAUSTED with Covid, there is little to no medical attention available. I have first hand treated men women and children who have been shot in the chest, the face, the back. Some will lose vision some have lost fingers. I have been covered in innocent blood. My father is a black man. My mother is an EMT. This week I had to put those two associations together in ways that have horrified me. This is NOT a virtue signaling post. But I HAVE to show you what I am witnessing with my own eyes. With Trump’s decision today to enforce the mobilization of armed forces on our own citizens, this has escalated beyond your privilege and comfort to not care. Please care. We are begging you to care. This is war on Americans. This is everyone’s problem. Everyone’s. #BLACKLIVESMATTER

there’s absolutely nothing better than reading a 100k word fanfic, that is until you remember you have a body that is starving, thirsty and incredibly sleep deprived and hasn’t used the bathroom since the sun set 8 hours ago