I'm Jealous Of The Girls With Big Sisters. I'm Not The Oldest Or Anything, I Actually Have Three Older

i'm jealous of the girls with big sisters. i'm not the oldest or anything, i actually have three older sisters. i say older because they were never "big sisters" to me. my family was not made for people who crave individuality; you either fell out or fell in line and i was never quite good at keep the colors in the lines. i see all these people posting about what a big sister is like, how they save you from your shared house of horrors, how you're just like the best version of them and they love you for it.

Mine?

they resent me for shaping out to be just like them but what the fuck was i supposed to do? i looked up to them, at least two of them, and i just wanted them to love me.

I always said i felt like the older sister. whether it's because i'm sending money, holding them while they cry, or cleaning them up from a fucking breakdown; it was me. it was me holding their hands, it was me telling them that everything will be okay while i, a petrified child, trembled in fear and prayed my mantra into existence.

they all left me. first the house, then the state, and then just my life in general. turns out, when you show traits of who they used to be (who they want to be), they can't stand to look at you anymore.

More Posts from Whenthetreesspeaklatin and Others

whenthetreesspeaklatin

6 months ago

[Image shows a poem with a space down the middle. The poem can be read in full, or either side can be read separately. The left side is titled, "lady macbeth", and the right side is titled, "macbeth".

Together they read,

i love you
you have transformed me
with strange tenderness and i am the monster
that startles me in the mirror.
and i have come full circle.
i cannot allow this. this is me,
myself as I was destined
to be from my birth.
so soft it hurts.

The lady macbeth side reads,

i love
you
with strange tenderness
that startles me
and
i cannot allow
myself
to be
so soft

The macbeth side reads,

you
have transformed me
and i am the monster
in the mirror.
i have come full circle.
this. this is me,
as I was destined
from my birth.
it hurts.

End ID.]

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whenthetreesspeaklatin

7 months ago

Poisonous passions

Your love is like a fire,

I felt it burn within,

Yet, that burning,

Dims with each, dying, day.

Your love is like fire, and ice,

Felt, truly, only once, maybe twice.

I fail to feel your love now,

For you set me here and left.

You pushed me. Too far.

Now, I cannot stop myself from falling,

You put me from hell;

I got no glimpse of heaven.

I fail to believe in a god above,

For I don't believe I deserve the pain you bestowed upon me,

Or is it all that I deserve?

The nerve.

Your love, it's like poison...

When I felt it, it burnt.

You burn like fire,

Your flame, blackened.

You burned.

Your wood- turned to ash.

Your flame- died out.

Now, I live without you.

Happier than ever,

Despite the lasting baggage,

No poison. No pain.

Still, my heart stings sometimes,

When I remember those times,

When I was with you,

When you ruined me.

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whenthetreesspeaklatin

1 month ago

Hey, guys, I cometh with a question.

Do you guys know any poetic words, phrases, terms, etc, referring to death? Stuff that's more neutral, or melancholic, something that acknowledges death as a necessity of life and deems it almost beautiful.

It can be from any language, so long as it carries the meaning.

For complete transparency: this is for the name of a faerie character who personifies death.

They describe themself as: "the leaf that is evicted from the tree. {T}he ageing bones of a feeble grandmother. {T}he rot that gathers on a dead animal, the bugs that feed on its carcass, and the entire process of death.

"In short, I am Dying."

But uh—that'd be a temporary name for her. I'm trying to figure out his "real name" so to speak. They're someone who takes joy in their reaper-like role and finds mortality (and mortals' attempts to escape it) entertaining. They find their own domain fascinating, but clearly a cause for others' suffering.

Just not hers.

Anyone have a word/name that carries those kinda connotations? Again: it can be from any language!

(i'd appreciate a reblog for visibility)

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whenthetreesspeaklatin

7 months ago