If It Clears Out My Heart

textures @ marchesa ss2020

Illumination.

Titania (Anita Louise) and the faeries in A Midsummer Night’s Dream (1935)

the signs as summer

Aries: Heat waves and dried out fields filled with crickets and dragonflies. Trees whisper in the wind, gray clouds roll over, and birds fly over silently. There's enough static electricity in the air to feel it.

Taurus: The smell of flowers is heavy in the air and lightning bugs blink in the sky as it fades from orange and pink to purple to blue and finally black. The grass is cool and you sleep with the window open.

Gemini: Golden hour turns your surroundings to solid gold. Your eyes sparkle and you friend's hair glows in the setting sun. Hands still sticky with ice cream you can't help but to smile and laugh.

Cancer: Peaches, plums, and blueberries, bees buzz around you, but they mean no harm. Life seems just as sweet laying on a picnic blanket with your best friend staring at the clouds.

Leo: The smell of sunscreen and sun bleached hair, the salt spray from the ocean stings your eyes and the lull of ocean waves calms you. The sun rises from it's bed of clouds and embraces the earth for yet another day.

Virgo: Eyes squinting in the sun as it slowly sets and skin turned the slightest hint of red. The hollow sound of a wooden boardwalk and a sundress blown about in the breeze. The smell of good food and sounds of laughter fill the air.

Libra: Driving around town with the windows open; hair wind blown, cheeks flushed, music playing loud, and a smile to make your face hurt. The smell of fresh air and taste of ripe fruit, you hope you never reach your destination.

Scorpio: The view of a city from the hills above, the lights glow and motorcycle engines blare on unseen highways. The stars poke their holes in the fabric of the night sky and the earth beneath your feet is dry, you know things no one else does.

Sagittarius: The sky is forever twilight as a fire burns on the shore of a lake known only to you and your friends. You take turns jumping and pushing each other into the water. Laughing, screaming, yelling you hope the night never ends.

Capricorn: Empty soccer fields and deserted shopping centers. The world feels devoid of people under the lamps of parking lots and broken scoreboards. You drown yourself in the fluorescent lighting of the also empty grocery store.

Aquarius: Late night walks in quiet neighborhoods, the few illuminated houses give you glimpses into lives other than your own. Animals rustle in the bushes and you go home to stare at your ceiling fan and play music to fill your mind.

Pisces: Warm days still spent inside, you rest your head in your arms in the sill of an open window. You simply watch the earth as it moves in every way imaginable. Someone you love is laying in your bed, their breath barely audible as they sleep. You wouldn't dare disturb them and your heart aches for them.

it’s been raining non-stop and everything is alive

Have people preaching for their partners to be their saviors ever actually had to be that person? When your partner implies that you’re the only person who can fix them, that’s so much pressure forced on you. 

My ex-boyfriend would tell me all his insecurities and his darkest stories and emotions, while he had a therapist, who he told nothing to. Eventually, I had to end it because I couldn’t bear the stress of feeling like his keeper and his only hope. I’m a good listener, and I want to give advice and help, but I’ve got my shit too, and it’s not my job to save someone else.

Also, therapists don’t become therapists for the hell of it. Who would go through years of schooling and still want to listen to horrible stories of trauma and pain and watch the people they help struggle or hurt themselves or kill themselves if they didn’t genuinely care? They have difficulty coping with the emotions that those experiences bring with them, and they are trained professionals. 

Why should I be expected to be capable of doing the same?

y’all need therapy. not girlfriends

by  Dave Fieldhouse

this video saved my life

Well, I know now. I know a little more how much a simple thing like a snowfall can mean to a person.

Sylvia Plath, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath (via wordsnquotes)

“She was intelligent, and intelligent women mixed literature and poetry with love,”

— Anaïs Nin, from “Delta Of Venus,” originally published c. August 1977