Someone Should Honestly Write A "4 Times That Shang Qinghua And Shen Qingqiu Accidentally Acted Like

Shang Qinghua: Ugh, my waist really hurts.

Shen Qingqiu: Did we go too hard last night?

Shang Qinghua: YES! Didn't you hear me beg to slow down????

Shen Qingqiu: Oh, I thought you were just crying for attention as always?

The Other Peak Lords: What the fuck is going on.

Last Night

Shang Qinghua: BRO THIS HURTS!!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!!

Shen Qingqiu: No can do, bro. *flicks Twister spinner* Left hand on red.

A pole dancing bunny for whoever who wants it.

I could have fucking done this????

I was playing Minecraft and my friend confessed she had a serial killer character in The Sims who would trap other sims inside walls.

your brain is my chewtoy omg omg

Thinking about cumplane... scumcumplane...?

The peak lords (sy!sqq and sqh) going on a trip or mission. On that journey, they are met with a plant that entrapped people into tripping over vine-like tentacles, and into their mouth. Their head is shapped like a Venus fly trap—it is constantly open flat on the ground unless it was processing its meal—camouflaged by the greenery that surrounds it.

Sqq was able to notice the plant before anyone got tripped into its jaw simply because he smelled cup ramen. (Something that doesn't exist in ancient China or PIDW.) The plant entices people/animals by letting off a scent that people yearn, whether its perfume or food. If it is inhaled a lot, it can even cause hallucinations and/or paralysis.

Sqh just forgot that he even created the plant for some random, forgotten wife that was devoured by said plant, and lost their qi to papapa with lbh. (Fortunately, in some sense, it was a consented papapa as the random, forgotten wife was lured into the plant's jaw because she was hallucinating lbh after smelling "lbh's" scent for way too long.) It wasn't until sqh literally saw sqq getting his leg devoured did it instantaneously come to mind.

Had sqq, been a second late from jumping away, he would've been completely devoured. However, just one leg was enough for the venus trap to quickly devour sqq's qi. He groans in pain, as the hairs on the plant pierced into his leg.

In the same instant, the vine-like tentacles had yanked sqh up into the air, leaving him hanging upside down. It was probably its next meal after it was done with sqq. Sqh cuts off the entangling vines, sliding down the same vines he had cut before he rolls onto the floor, and lands on one knee acting like some super hero. Practically scoffing proudly because heh, wasn't that so cool of him? (Not the right time to be joking, though!) As sqh gets slammed to the side by another vine. Sqq had laughed at sqh because of how ridiculously stupid this whole situation was, and as a coping mechanism.

The fool coughs, like shit. The attack had knocked the wind out of his lungs. He hackles and wheezes, inhaling the plant's scent way more than necessary. He was lying prone on the leaves that had helped camouflaged the venus trap. It is especially coated with honey-like substance that acts like a sticky trap for insects or mices. He's stuck against the leaf. He covers his mouth with the end of his robe sleeves. Not that it's of any help because of the hallucination/paralysis-inducing trap. Suddenly, he remembered another key point of the venus trap.

His head swung up, eyes widened as he watches the very moment sqq had lost consciousness. "Fuck, Cucumber-bro!" He hissed underneath his breath.

"Wake up...!" He shouts, coughing. "Wake up!" He shouts again, with more urgency. His face twisted in anguish and pain as he couldn't move, he could only watch helplessly as the jaws of the venus trap released sqq's leg, and vines wiggled around sqq's limbs. (It was acting like some tentacle hentai...) That's not the key point, the key point is that the vines have this ability—oh. It needn't be elaborated as sqh gets a first class view of what exactly the vines do.

Sqq echoed...? It was like watching a rock plop into water, causing the surface of the water to riddle wavy lines. It was like watching a player lag back and forth. Sqq's soul—or rather sy's soul—had been ripped away from sqq's body. The vines that had previously been entangling sqq's body dropped him, and was now entangling sy's soul.

"Wake up before your soul gets taken away, Shen Qingqiu!" Unable to move a limb, sqh shouts, screams, and cuss to no avail. He's unable to strip the robes away as the he is being held down by vines. This is not the type of shitty porno he wrote! Hell, why did he just now realize that he doesn't know sy's real name aside from Peerless Cucumber?

And just seconds before the venus trap had open its jaws to chomp sy's soul entirely, the vines were cut into multiple pieces. Its jaw completely cut in half. Green robes fluttered, grabbing ahold of the soul before landing on their one good leg.

Sy's soul glitched like some broken TV frizzing with rgb colors. It cackles as if a fuzz had popped. The soul had previously been a cyan green color. It is now that of a normal human. Their hair is no longer long or ebony, its more slightly gray. Their skin blushed red, they huffed a fever. Their long lashes contorted into their scrunched face, they kind of look adorable... Hell, who the hell is that? It doesn't look like sqq at all, which makes sense as the one that had been occupying sqq this whole time wasn't sqq.

But then, who the hell is actually occupying sqq now...? Of course, who else but the original goods? The original sqq has sy in his arms, looking down at him as if he was looking at some bug. At any moment, he looked like he'll drop sy into the hole where the venus trap had once been hiding in. However, that never comes. He merely stares at sy, looking rather displeased.

With the venus trap dead, the honey-like substance that had once entrapped sqh prone to the leaf had lost its effect. Its unknown how it works, really. May hap it was the results of qi-depletion. Whatever, the details of how the plant works are not that important.

Sqh runs to sqq? Sy? With whatever adrenaline helping him. He looks up at sqq and down at sy before he just hugs the both of them. "Thank you. Oh my fucking god. Thank you, thank you for being alive." It's unknown who exactly he's saying that to...

And then, I never got past this idea! Lmao, it simply loops in my brain, never continuing

We got ice cream🍦🍦🍦 I got a Birthday Cake and Rainbow Sherbet. (at Scoops on First) https://www.instagram.com/p/BsHihlHlSaE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=siht04ro7me4

here have some gay https://www.instagram.com/p/Brniv2Jlkd2/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=lrvnruxwmcbt

a lil sketchy cumplane comic i drew for an art trade event on the bingyuan server!

im so obsessed with cumplane dynamic, theyre soulmates, theyre enemies, theyre eat others worst nightmares, theyre equally obsessed w/th each other, theyre divorced but also theyre old married couple. imagine ur watching sqq interact w/th sqh and like sqq is so aloof that he rarely lets ppl touch him and sqh is just hanging off his arm and laying directly across him and kissing him and sqq has massive rbf and everytime u think that sqq had enough and is gonna hit him, it doesn't happen!

id die, id go home, id sob, everyone has to settle for headpats and sqh over here is getting the full spa treatment

I am also a sucker for your top 10 worldbuilding posts so here's another one: top 10 times the media got some TMI on Victor and Yuuri's relationship (and does it include Victor drunkenly revealing they switch to tabloids and Chris' speech at the wedding about where they've done the nasty?)

The wedding was strictly family and friends only so Chris’speech never got made public (Yuuri would have died if it did!) but there havebeen several incidents where the media learned a lot more about Viktor andYuuri than they ever expected.

Top 10 Times The Media Got Some TMI On Victor and Yuuri’s Relationship:

10) Once - when Yuuri was competing in the Four Continentsand Viktor was on the side-lines to cheer him on - during the warm up Yuuri waspracticing his quad flip over and over to make sure he got it right whileViktor was doing an interview at the side of the rink and the reporter sort ofoffhandedly mentioned ‘oh, Katsuki has been doing jumps for a while now and hedoesn’t even look tired, I guess it must be true that he has really goodstamina’ and Viktor just went really dreamy eyed and said ‘yes’ whilecompletely ignoring the interviewer and gazing at Yuuri. And the reporter andthe camera man just ended up looking at each other like ‘should we finish theinterview or just let him keep daydreaming about his sex life?’

9) During the season after the end of chapter 14 Viktor’sexhibition skate was the Stay Close To Me duet and afterwards one of thereporters asked Yuuri ‘were you ever concerned about doing the lifts during the routine?Were you sure Nikiforov was going to be able to hold your weight or were youworried he might drop you?’. And Yuuri was just like ‘No, I had faith in himand we already knew he could lift me up pretty easily anyway’ which he probablywould have gotten away with if he hadn’t proceeded to go bright red afterwardswhen he realised what he’d said and everyone who watched it was like ‘we kindof really want to know but at the same time we probably really don’t.’

8) After Viktor finally retired he was doing a jointinterview with Yuuri and one of the reporters asked him if he was concernedabout maintaining his physical condition now that he wasn’t competing anymore becauselots of athletes have a hard time adjusting once they stop such vigoroustraining regimes. And Viktor was just like, ‘I’m sure it won’t be a problem, I’llstill be getting some pretty intense regular exercise even if I’m not traininganymore’ and winked at Yuuri and Yuuri started blushing really badly while allthe reporters went into minor meltdowns

7) Once they ended up being caught by reporters a few daysafter Viktor’s birthday when they were out taking the dogs for a walk and itwas mostly fine but one of the reporters asked Yuuri what he had given Viktoras a birthday present and they both went bright red and Yuuri sort of mumbled ahurried and fake sounding answer that probably wasn’t even in English andpractically sprinted off. No-one ever found out exactly what Viktor’s ‘present’was but there was a lot of speculation and the general consensus became thatYuuri Katsuki was probably a lot kinkier than anyone ever expected and ViktorNikiforov was a very lucky guy.  

6) This one came in a series of tweets from a fan who was inan upmarket hotel bar which basically consisted of, ‘oh my god Viktor Nikiforovis in the same bar as I am what should I do?’ ‘He’s sitting alone do you thinkI should go and talk to him? Would it be weird to ask for his autograph?’ ‘Iwonder why Katsuki isn’t with him, it’s the off season I thought they’d betogether’ ‘Oh my god I just noticed he isn’t wearing his ring what does thismean?’ ‘He just started to talk to a guy who sat down next to him and he’sbeing really flirty oh my god.’ ‘Is Viktor Nikiforov having an affair????’ ‘Help,red alert I’ve just seen Viktor Nikiforov in a bar chatting up some random guywithout his ring on what do I do?’ ‘Oh wait a minute the guy he was talking tojust turned around and it turns out it was actually Katsuki after all. Panicover.’ ‘Wait a minute Katsuki isn’t wearing his ring either, they can’t haveboth lost them at the same time can they?’ ‘They’re acting really weirdlythough and they’re dressed differently too I’m confused but I don’t want to interrupt’*several minutes pause* ‘Well something I definitely didn’t expect to happentonight was finding out that Katsuki and Nikiforov are apparently into roleplay but you learn something new every day.’

5) After being apart for a long time during the skatingseason they finally reunited at an airport and it was all very dramatic andViktor ended up kissing Yuuri really passionately for a really long time. Andwhen they broke away Yuuri was like ‘that reminded me of our first kiss, afterthe competition in Saitama.’ And Viktor was like ‘I did a lot more than just kissyou then solnyshko’ being all sly and flirty and then they both sort of frozeas they realised that A) they were in a very public airport which is not a goodplace to be heavily flirting even if you have been apart for several months andB ) Several people were not so discreetly filming them. And that was how theworld learned exactly when and where Viktor and Yuuri got it on for the firsttime.

4) During thefour continents after they first got together Viktor ended up doing the thingin he did in the anime where he tied Yuuri’s laces and kissed his skates whilebeing there to support him. And at that point their public relationship wasstill only a few months old so while the reaction was mainly positive therewere still some assholes who were salty about the whole thing including one trashytabloid reporter who cornered Yuuri after his skate who was obviously a die-hardViktor fan and didn’t like him or their relationship at all. And while Yuuri isusually quiet and shy and likes to keep as much about their relationshipprivate as he can because he doesn’t want the world butting in, he also isabsolutely savage when he wants to be and after going through so much tofinally get together with Viktor he is not willing to take any shit fromanyone. So the reporter was being really bitchy and asking questions like ‘don’tyou think it’s a bit degrading to make Viktor Nikiforov get down on his kneesfor you?’ and Yuuri just really calmly said ‘not really, he likes it too much’,smiled and walked away. The video clip of it happening has several millionviews.

3) At one point Viktor and Yuuri were on the beach atHasetsu and Viktor took a picture of Yuuri in his boxers (they had forgottentheir swimming stuff but got too hot and went to cool off in the sea) andnothing else while laughing on the beach. And while 99.9% of the comments wereall along the lines of ‘goddamn’, ‘please step on me’ and ‘Yuuri Katsuki with hisshirt off is a gift to humanity’ there were a couple off assholes who werecommenting on the stretch marks on Yuuri’s thighs. Because he was a naturallychubby kid with a lot of puppy fat and went from that to a lean athleticteenager in a very short space of time so he has them although they’re not thatnoticeable. And Viktor doesn’t usually care when people are rude to him onlinebecause there are always a few shitty people out there but it really pisses himoff when someone insults Yuuri. So when someone tweeted him like ‘you’re reallyhot, why do you bother with someone with ugly stretch marks like Katsuki?’ he respondswith ‘I love every part of my boyfriend including his marks. I especially liketo kiss them every night when his thighs are wrapped round my head.’ whichpretty much shut all the haters up there and then. Yuuri hit him with a pillowfor it afterwards but he was secretly kind of pleased.

2) The day after one of the major competitions Yuuri wasgiving an interview and the interviewer asked ‘now that the competition is overhas the tiredness set in yet and are you ready to go home or are you stillriding high on the adrenaline from last night?’ and Chris, who happened to bewalking past at that moment, was just like ‘well he was certainly ridingsomething last night but it wasn’t the adrenaline.’ Yuuri’s expression after hesaid it became a popular reaction picture for when someone looks like theyphysically want to die of embarrassment.

1) The incident I mentioned in a previous ask where a tipsyViktor ends up getting interviewed by a tabloid reporter when his tongue islooser than usual so when she asks ‘are you the top or the bottom in yourrelationship’ aka the question everyone else wanted to ask but was way toopolite and respectful to, he just winked and said ‘why pick just one.’ And thatwas how the world found out that Viktor and Yuuri switch.