Whotoldyouso - Ayyyyyyyyyy Macarena

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be fat london housecat named Lady who does nothing all day and sits by the fire with a bow round her neck

i'm sorry but i hate burgers. they are the size of my little face and i'm supposed to what?? unhinge my jaw and deepthroat it??? icky

normalize being the backup friend. some of us are just the wheels mounted on the backs of those suvs.

throwback to when my delirious five year old sister sat on the toilet, counted on her fingers, and declared with bone-deep wonder and joy that 7 + 3 is eleven

i'm all for gay rights but i've never seen even one gay person. which makes my relationship with gay people like my relationship with kangaroos

life is just humiliating yourself over and over and learning to live with the inherent shame of being alive !! do what makes you happy !! it is impossible to live life without embarrassment, so why bother trying !!

mothers store all their love in pickles and tupperware

Can you tell me how I can improve?