Whydoyoucare866 - Sextones

Petrichor [13]

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of fwb)

Words: 19,197

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, hurt/comfort (i know!!), manipulation (canon), gaslighting, jason being drugged against his will (canon), description of scars (jason has autopsy scars because i said so), mentions of the roof scene, mentions of gore?, mentions of death, mentions of withdrawal, self-deprecating thoughts (jason tried to walk off of a roof and titans never mentioned that again so we're going back to that mindset for him for just a second, there's no attempt or anything, just his thoughts), violence, blood, mentions of abuse, mentions of drug addiction (canon), drug use (canon)

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Gotham is home, not just for Jason but for you, too. And now that you’re both finally back home, together, you’re ready to see where this next chapter brings the two of you. He’s your best friend and you’re his. And you both might want a little something more with being back home, the place you both feel most comfortable. Surely, nothing could possibly go wrong now.

A/N: I was writing the warnings and wow lmao poor Jason. I can't wait to write him a happy ending lol You can add yourself to the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary and turn on notifications if you prefer that!! I love feedback, I swear it keeps me posting on a weekly basis 😭

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Maybe going back to the manor would be in your best interest. You could go there and lock yourself in your room, throw your technology against a wall and call it all good enough. No temptation to turn back around, no temptation to pick up the phones and hit redial, and demand it’s a mistake and you take it all back. It would be easier to go to the manor and tell Gar what happened because maybe Gar would tell you it was the wrong decision and none of you can give up on Jason. But, none of this has been easy so you don’t go to the manor. Instead, you go back to the Excellent Gotham, going up to the roof through the back where the crime unit doesn’t see you.

You ditch your phone and your necklace on the roof, figuring all of it will be safe for an hour. You hide everything under the radiator unit before you head back down and back to your bike. Then you drive to the one person who will not be so understanding of this entire mess but deserves an answer. And deserves to know what’s going on, just in case.

“Hey.” Molly greets, standing in her doorway.

Her hand rests on the doorframe, blocking you from inside while she wears a sowl. You look to your feet and then back to Molly, knowing this is going to be difficult. You're thinking your own guilt might fall into the air and suffocate you like carbon monoxide poisoning. Maybe that’d be less painful.

“I need to talk to you.” You state softly, tugging your sleeves over your blood-stained hands.

Molly scoffs, shaking her head as she keeps her hand on the door. It’s unbelievable. She knows Jason dying was horrible. It’s worse that you had to be the one to find him mangled and bloody. But, Molly cleaned his blood out of your suit and off of your hands. She cleaned his blood off of the bathroom floor that night all by herself. It was Molly that got you into bed with tear-stained cheeks and the smell of iron radiating off of you. It was Molly that had to take care of you instead of grieving for her friend. Molly didn’t see what you did but she didn’t have to because the blood across the entire bathroom and your traumatized demeanor told her everything and it was fucking traumatizing for her, too. Molly still tried to be there for you and you do what you always do. You run away from everything that hurts. That left Molly alone to deal with the loss of one of her best friends. Alone.

“You’ve been ignoring me for a week and now you want to talk?” Molly spits back. “I lost—“

“It’s about Jason.” You cut her off because you know you've been a shitty friend. You know. Molly hesitates, her eyes narrowing as she shakes her head. “You can yell at me all you want and you can slam the door in my face but I bet you didn’t replace your locks so I can just break in anyway.”

“Seriously?” Molly asks, unamused.

You shrug softly, sucking in a deep breath. “It’s important. I know, alright?” You gesture your arms out. “Just…let me fucking--”

“Is that blood?” Molly asks, seeing your hands.

You look down, blood staining your hands yet again. Your hands are shaking and you didn’t even realize it. When did they start shaking? Have they been shaking the whole time? When did the blood dry anyway? It feels chalky on your hands and it makes you grimace, shaking your head quickly.

“Uh…yeah.” You nod and you see Molly’s face soften. You swear you don’t deserve sympathy. “It’s not mine. It is why I’m here though.” You say softly. “Not Jason's either, to clarify.”

Molly raises a brow at the last remark, knowing it can’t be Jason’s on account of him being dead. But, she’s watching you shift your weight on your heels and your hands shake at your sides. Molly might be mad but she is also intrigued with what this could have to do with Jason and at the end of the day, she is worried about you. She knows your body count is up to four but she knows you would say it’s five. And that’s always concerning. So, she lets out a sigh and moves her hand, stepping aside so you can enter the apartment.

“I’m mad at you. But, fine. Say whatever it is.” Molly crosses her arms over her chest as the two of you stand in her kitchen.

“I’m sorry, okay? You were looking out for me and I just….couldn’t deal with it. I’m sorry for yelling and being mean. I know, I know you lost him, too. And I’m sorry.” You swallow thickly. “I just…” You shrug in defeat. If you're going to get Molly to listen to you, you need to tell her why you did it. “I think I thought I didn’t deserve your help, okay? Maybe that’s what it was. Like…” You pause, looking up to the ceiling. “Uh, ya know? I, uh, I couldn’t look out for Jason when he really needed it so I didn’t fucking deserve it. I don’t know. But I’m fucking sorry because you didn’t deserve that.”

“I know.” Molly nods, softly as her brows furrow. As mad and as hurt as she is, she never wants you to feel like you don’t deserve help. No one should feel that way and it wasn’t even your fault. “Why would you think you don’t deserve help?”

You grit your teeth. “Oh, well, that’s part of what I get to tell you.” You roll your eyes. “He just…” You chew the inside of your cheek. “He has saved my life more than once and…I couldn’t fucking save him. And I should have seen it and I didn’t. I should have been there for him and I wasn’t…not in the way he clearly needed. He did….so much for me without ever knowing it, I think and I just…couldn’t repay him. So…I took it out on you and Gar and Dick and everyone. And I’m just really fucking sorry.” Your voice cracks.

There’s a fear creeping into the back of your head and for a reason you don’t quite understand, you think about the anti-fear drug. It would be easier to have this conversation if you had it. But you don’t. You have to suck it up and it sucks. It’s making you think you were too hard on Jason for making and taking the drug in the first place. You snapped and went after him and maybe you were too hard on him because he was suffering and he wanted a way out without taking a way out. He just wanted help and to be Robin. It’s all he ever wanted, to be fearless so he can do the one thing everyone thought he was best at. You think about the drug because all you want right now is to stop running from everything that hurts and that scares you so you can stop hurting other people. The people that care about you. Maybe you were too hard on Jason for it.

“And I’m sorry for ignoring you. I did what I always do. I know. And I’m sorry. And some shit fucking happened and it just…got so fucking messy and I’d have to lie to you and I couldn’t do that. But…” Your rambling pauses. “I have to tell you because it’s not fucking fair to you and uh…I’m just…scared and tired of keeping secrets. But you can’t tell anyone.”

Molly lets out a breath as she watches you tug your sleeves down over the ligature scars. They’re fading, slowly. But they are fading and it doesn’t excuse you for being a shitty friend but…this can’t be easy. Molly puts herself in your shoes. You're uprooted from the only thing you've ever known and then tortured and given powers. Molly knows you always hated the idea of having powers. It was always good for other people but no thanks for you. Now you're stuck with them and not even by accident or by your own doing but by your abuser. You're then thrown into being a vigilante. Something you never quite understood why someone would do. Why risk your life for other people who don’t give a fuck about you? And then Jason. It’s not right but… things haven’t been easy.

“Okay.” Molly nods softly. “But, you need to get help for your own shit, okay? It’s not fair to me, you’re right.”

You nod quickly. “Trust me, already thought about that.” You scoff. You should have followed in Jason’s shoes. You should have taken Bruce’s advice and just talked to Leslie.

“Okay so…what’s going on?” Molly asks as she uncrosses her arms, resting one hand on her hip.

“Jason’s alive.” You spit the words out so fast Molly nearly misses them.

“That’s not funny.” Molly shakes her head but her voice lacks any and all venom.

“Yeah.” You scoff. “That’s what I said but he is. Long story, not mine to tell. But he’s alive. He’s Red Hood.” You explain, keeping it short.

Molly nods her head once, realizing that’s why Red Hood dropped Deigo off. That’s how he even knew about the missing kids. It’s because Red Hood is Jason. That explains a lot while also explaining almost nothing.

You nod softly. “Yeah, he killed Pete Hawkins.” Sam states as if you could see Molly putting pieces together.

“And you knew?” Molly asks as you watch her eyes start to glass over.

“He asked me not to fucking tell anyone and I told him he had to tell you and Gar because you’d both hate me if you guys knew I knew and didn’t say anything.” You shake your head and while that’s true, that does not stop the guilt from turning your stomach. “But shit is hitting the fan and…I don't know when he plans to tell you and I’m tired of keeping his secrets.”

Molly’s brows furrow as she’s taken aback by everything. Jason is alive and comes back as a crime lord. That’s already weird but now you're standing here saying you're tired of keeping his secrets. You're nothing if not loyal to the people you love and Jason is very high up on that list of people.

“Okay, hold on.” Molly closes her eyes for a second as she tries to process everything. “So, he’s alive but he doesn’t want anyone to know? Instead, he decides to become Red Hood? And now you’re suddenly not on his side? What the hell is going on?”

You gesture your hands, waving them slightly with the roll of your eyes. “Mr. Drake was shot today, hit on Excellent Gotham.”

“Is he okay?” Molly rushes. “Why…wait. Jason…didn’t?”

“Uh….I don’t know. Tim’s gonna text me but uh, yeah it was Jason.” You suck in a breath and you decide you're just going to tell the story as quickly and as plainly as possible. It’s going a bit numb anyway. “Some sort of threat to Tim because Jason is working with Scarecrow to make an anti-fear drug. Jason left the formula and it was coded. I figured it out, Jason figured out that I had to go to Tim. I only even went to Tim thinking Jason wouldn’t think I would do that. But, of course he did because he knew I’d never be able to look you in the eye and not tell you he’s alive. So, yeah.”

Molly blinks a few times as the room falls silent. When you said it was about Jason, you really could have prepared her a little more for this. What the hell is going on and how is Molly supposed to just take all of this in? There’s a small part of her that wonders if this is just a fever dream.

“Can…can I wash my hands while you digest that?” You ask after a few seconds of silence.

“Yeah…” Molly points to the kitchen sink while you walk over. “Why the hell are you so calm?”

“Probably shock.” You mutter. “Oh, and let me give you a rundown of everything that’s happened, literally this week. Jason’s alive so Dick and me dug up his grave. Fun. All of the Titans got mad at me and basically turned on me for knowing he’s alive. Ya know whatever. Then I remade the drug, got high, me and Jason then fought each other cause I went to confront him. While I was there, he was putting a bomb in Hank’s chest. I failed, blah blah blah, we all failed. Hank blew up. Me and Dick kidnapped Crane, then fought Jason again. They almost shot me so I fought both of them, then Babs got Dick shot. Then Excellent Gotham got shot up while I was inside and I killed 3 more people because Jason gave them the drug.” You say casually, the water almost overcoming your voice.

“There’s so much to unpack there.” Molly mutters softly and decides maybe she should sit down. She needs to figure out which part of that she wants to dive into first.

“Oh, yeah, it’s been a very eventful week. At this point, I think this is just my life. You know that little stuff I’ve been telling you about what happened?” You ask.

You told Molly bits and pieces of what happened to you, specifically over the last couple of years. But, you've also been very careful to avoid anything that could ever out any of anyone's vigilante alter egos. You've been very careful not to give anything too detailed away about what happened to Jason in San Francisco. You always kept a lot of the details to yourself, partially to keep secrets about everyone but also to spare Molly horrifying details. But, in order for Molly to understand everything that's led Jason here, she has to know the whole story. In every detail.

“Neglecting every important detail that would make your stories make sense, yes.” Molly quips.

“Right, well, you know Deathstroke?” You question and Molly nods slowly, already hating where this is going. “Well, when we got hurt together, yeah, it’s because Deathstroke and Dr. Light kidnapped us and then tortured us. Some vendetta against Dick. And uh, you know Jason’s limp he has sometimes? Yeah, Deathstroke dug the tracker out of his leg. Dropped us from a skyscraper, Conner saved Jason when he fell. Dick pulled me in. So, ya know, oh, the powers! Jerry, abusive fuck, yeah that’s all him.” You say with the nod of your head.

“You were both kidnapped by Deathstroke?” Molly asks, earning another nod. "And Jerry gave you powers?"

"Well, experimented on to give me powers to give himself powers, yes." You nod your head, chewing the inside of your cheek. "Not really relevant right now, but I figured I'd throw that in there."

You suck in a deep breath before you explain the story of Deathstroke to Molly. And the events that followed, this time in excruciating detail. Everything between being hit and Jason being choked. The two of you trying to defend the other only for it to be useless. You explain everything that happened outside of the skyscraper and then your talk in the bathroom that, up until this moment, has been just between you and Jason. Then you tell her about Jason walking out to the roof. You tell Molly every detail.

“That explains a lot.” Molly nods. “I knew he was different. I knew something bad happened over there but…” Molly's heart aches and she really wishes Jason could have told her or talked to her about it. She isn't sure she could have helped, but she would have tried.

“Yeah…” You nod your head.

“Why are you telling me now?” Molly shakes her head in confusion. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“I don’t know. I just…you asked why I’m so calm and I just think it’s my life now. And I think you should know. I think you need to know the whole story in order to understand any of it. It’s bigger than Bruce taking Robin away from him. You have to know the story and you’re the only one that doesn’t.” You shrug softly.

“Right, okay, yeah. That makes sense.” Molly nods her head before she decides to switch back to something else you said. Molly takes a seat at the kitchen table. “Wait, hold you, you made a fucking drug and then took it?!”

You glance at her as you shrug and then look back to the water. Everyone is so upset about that part of the story. “Yes. I’m fine. It was fine. Ya know, it wasn’t like…I didn’t die.”

“You’re an idiot.” Molly groans as she holds the bridge of her nose while you dry your hands.

“I’ve been told.” You nod your head as you lean against the counter, keeping the paper towels in your hands.

“I have so many questions.” Molly rests her elbow on the table. “Why is Jason working with Scarecrow? I mean, are you sure?” Molly isn’t sure why she asked. You and Dick literally kidnapped him, so you have to be sure but she just finds it so hard to believe.

“Oh, we are positive.” You let out a sigh. “Robin can’t be scared.” You grit your teeth, the anger bubbling back in your stomach like mixing pop rocks and pop. “It’s…Bruce made Jason feel like he was only ever good enough as Robin. And he made him and Dick sign a fucking contract about not being scared or something. I don’t even know. So, Jason gets fucking PTSD from Deathstroke because Dick got Deathstroke’s son fucking killed and Bruce sends him to therapy and then for some fucking reason, decides to just….take it away. Robin can’t be scared so Jason got immediate help, I fucking guess.” You sneer and you're still so mad at Bruce.

So much of this is on him and he just left. He left Gotham in the hands of the Titans as if they weren’t busy with their own shit. He leaves and Jason’s back but he wouldn’t know because he’s unreachable. His own son is back from the damn dead and he doesn’t even know. His other son is being hunted down and again, he doesn’t even know. Dick lost Jason, too but it was all about Bruice even though Bruce is the one who could have prevented this. He could have made Jason see he didn’t need to be Robin. He could have killed the Joker sooner. He could have just let him be Robin. There were options and Bruce always chose the worst one. You all let Jason down, but at least you and the other Titans are here unlike Bruce.

“Why…I mean…” Molly sucks in a breath, trying desperately to understand Jason. “So, he makes an anti-fear drug and I’m assuming it’s the opposite of the fear gas?” Molly asks while you nod. “So, he’s just…not scared.” Molly rolls her eyes. “He doesn’t feel anything else, does he? I mean…it’s why we can’t live without our adrenaline glands.”

You nod, walking over to the trash can to toss out the paper towels. “Yeah, it’s a little more complicated than that but yeah. It, uh, it’s like it gets rid of hesitance, ya know? And then you just….do whatever seems fun and it thrives off of anger. It doesn’t matter what you do either as long as you’re fighting. That’s how we fought. Neither of us really…tried. But, we did anyway and that’s why. So, uh, yeah. But, um….I think Crane is withholding it. It looked like he was going through withdrawal tonight.” You explain as you chew the inside of your cheek.

“He was actually there while Excellent Gotham was hit?” Hurt consumes Molly's voice as her brows raise.

“Yeah, outside. He didn’t know I was there. He didn’t see me, I guess but that doesn’t matter.”

Molly watches you carefully and as much as Molly wants to believe you're here out of the kindness of your heart to let her know about Jason, she also knows that is not the case. Everything is hitting the fan. You're friends with Tim and you both could have died. Jason is targeting the Titans. Gar is Jason’s friend, too. Jason knows you're always at Excellent Gotham. If he’s willing to target them, who else is he willing to target? You would not be standing here confessing everything if you weren’t scared and if something else didn’t happen.

Molly scolds your name as you walk over, taking a seat across from her. “Why are you really here? You didn’t come because I deserved to know. I know you.”

You shift in your seat. “If he shows up here, calls you, texts you, I need you to call me, Dick, and Gar, okay? Don’t let him in. I don’t think he’ll come after you because you’re his friend, too but…I also never imagined he’d ever target the Drakes.”

“He’ll know you came here.” Molly gestures a hand toward you, eyes darting to where the necklace normally sits.

“Ditched my phone and necklace.” You state. “I’m going back for everything when I’m done here and I don’t actually think that’s how he knew about Tim. I don’t think he’s tracking me or anything but yeah, I wasn’t taking that risk.”

“So, I just…call you guys?”

You nod. “Yeah, keep him here or on the phone until we show up. I’ll text you their numbers when I grab my phone. I just…want you to know. And uh, don’t…don’t go out of your way to contact him, please, okay? I really, really, want you left out of it. Crane is fucking insane. And I know he’s gotten into Jason’s head so Jason’s been trying to kill Dick. I think if Bruce were here he’d be going after him, too. I don’t know if the hit on Excellent Gotham was all Jason or Crane. I don’t know. The more people involved, the more people Crane can weaponize Jason against.”

Molly takes everything in and she’s starting to grow worried for Jason. If Jason is targeting the Titans, of all people, where is that going to leave him? Even if all of this is Crane and the drug, what’s going to happen to him? You're sitting here confessing everything to her which means, to some degree, you've lost hope in him. And that’s not something Molly ever imagined happening. Is there only one way for this to end?

“What’s gonna happen to him?” Molly asks quietly.

You shrug. “I don’t know.” Your eyes start to water. “I hope he uh, stops taking the drug entirely and uh…then he comes home but I don’t know.” You sniffle softly, biting down your own tears.

If Jason doesn’t stop taking the drug and he keeps working with Crane, that only leaves two options. Lock him up in Arkham or kill him. Not that anyone wants to do the second option, it’s just that Jason will force it. He won’t go out quietly or easily. It’ll be a fight to the death and you know that and you hate the idea of it. You think about everything you could possibly do to take the drug away. The only other thing is to try and kidnap him but, given your history, that just seems fucked up. You don’t want him kidnapped or in Arkham or dead. All you can do is hope he snaps out of it.

Molly nods softly before tilting her head to the right slightly. You're looking down at the table, tugging your sleeves over your hands. “Are you okay?”

You shake your head softly before looking up at Molly. “I, uh, I ended things tonight.” You state as you watch Molly’s frown grow deeper. “And, I don’t mean it, I think we can get him back but, uh…I told him I gave up on him and I…regret it.”

“I’m so sorry.” Molly says and she knows it’s bad for you to even say it. You're usually careful with your words when you're angry. “Have you tried everything else? To get him back?”

“Everything. I’ve tried talking to him and fighting him and yelling and we tried to trap him. I tried defending him and…yeah.” You nod, the lump growing in your throat once more. “But…I promised him I’d never be like everyone else and I stood there and I did it anyway. I don’t fucking mean it but I just…he could have gotten me and Tim killed. His dad might die. It’s not really Jason but it’s just…I just regret it. He’d never do that to me.” There’s a crack in your voice as your eyes start to burn and turn a haunting shade of red.

“We’re not kids anymore.” Molly says sternly. “You can’t keep every promise you make. Jason has always been bull-headed. I’ve known him for years. If Jason is good at something, it’s pushing people away.”

“Yeah, I know. His self-preservation is just self-destruction in disguise. But...”

“No, fuck that. You just said he blew up Hank. He’s trying to kill Dick and he could have killed you more than once. He died and instead of coming back home to you or even crashing here for some reason, he became Red Hood. And that’s fucked up. I love Jason but what he’s doing is wrong and maybe he needs to hit rock bottom alone for it to make sense to him. You defend him against everyone and everything no matter what he does. Did you ever stop to think that the Deathstroke situation was his fault? You and Gar went along with the plan but Jason wanted to prove himself so you agreed. It was his fault. Sure, Dick had a hand in it and so did Rose and the other Titans. But it was Jason who didn’t listen. It was Jason who thought he was better than a group of Titans. It was Jason that got you both dropped from a skyscraper. But, you come back and you take the blame for some reason. Why? Because you didn’t tell him no? So? I met Gar and I don’t think Gar would have told him no with or without you. So, if it’s your fault, it’s Gar’s fault but you won’t say it’s Gar’s fault. It’s Jason’s.”

Molly isn’t going to let you beat yourself up over this again. You telling Jason you're done and you're giving up, that’s a huge thing. And Molly knows it. Molly would love to believe there is another way. Jason doesn’t handle abandonment well but if you're doing it, there is no other option. Jason needs to understand, in some way, that he can’t just take a drug and make everything okay again. That’s not how it works and it hurts people. He’s hurting himself and he’s hurting everyone else who cares about him. Maybe Jason needs to feel alone to get it.

“Okay, yeah, maybe. But, I just…what if this is worse, Molly? What then?” You sniffle. “What if…ya know? I don’t want it to get him killed again.”

“He’s going to get himself killed again regardless and you’re going to blame yourself for it no matter what you do.” Molly says harshly. “You’ve tried everything else, try this. If it doesn’t work, then you tried.”

“That’s not good enough!” You stand up, slamming your hands on the table. “Just trying isn’t fucking good enough! It has to fucking work!” There's a squeak to your voice as if your vocal cords are finally giving out.

“No!” Molly yells back. “Sometimes, things just aren’t enough, no matter how hard we try. That’s just how it is.” Molly shakes her head.

"Yeah, but it should still be enough. It just has to be. It has to be...worth it." Your voice grows desperate.

"It's always worth it. It's always worth it to try. Do you think Jason regrets trying with Catherine? Do you blame Jason for Catherine dying?"

"What? No, of course not." You scoff.

"Exactly. Because he tried. He didn't let her overdose. He could have. He could have let her starve, too but he didn't. He loves his mom and she tried, too. But, you know how addiction is. Jason's trying wasn't enough to save her and she died. Catherine trying to be a parent wasn't enough and it lead Jason to the streets and shitty foster homes. But, that doesn't mean their effort wasn't worth it. Bruce tried, as much as you hate him, he tried and it got Jason killed and Dick a mess. I tried and you still took off." Molly shakes her head. "Dick has tried with all of you and you're killing people and losing your mind, Jason is a drug addict working for Scarecrow, Gar is trying to pick everyone off the floor, Hank blew up, Jericho got killed, Dawn is gone. That doesn't mean his effort was wasted or useless."

You let out a breath and maybe Molly makes a point. There is a point in trying. It might work but you would never know unless you try. Putting in the effort is worth it but it's really hard to swallow when you feel so guilty about it. And what if it's not enough this time? Where is that supposed to leave you and Jason? All you want is him to be home and happy and healthy and safe.

“What do we do when it’s not enough? How do people even come back from that though?”

"Then we try something else." Molly answers simply. "And we keep trying. You giving up might be enough because if you give up, I’ll side with you and he knows that. So, will Gar. So, will the Titans. He’ll be alone. You’re the last living person that would ever give up on him and you’re his last chance at climbing out of the hole he dug himself. Maybe it is enough but you’re never going to know if you pick up your phone and call him.”

You nod your head quickly. “I know. It’s just...I wish I would have just been enough to keep him...out of this. Like...that my validation was enough and love for him was. Or yours and Gar's. I just hope you're right and trying this way is enough. I don't--”

“No.” Molly protests. “And you are enough. Don’t let his bullshit make you ever think that you’re not. You are. And he fucking tried with you, too. I have never seen him try in a way that he did with you. So, it was always enough for him. But, sometimes, being enough isn’t the problem. It’s bigger than you and me and Gar. You’re enough. And he tried. And you tried. And I’m betting he’s still trying in his own Jason way because if not, you’d be dead. And we both know it. So, he’s still trying so you try this way. You tell him you give up and then you figure something else out. You have never known how to quit anything in your entire life. I mean, you would just ghost people because you can’t quit a damn relationship.”

“Okay, that went from inspiring to mean. Thanks.” You quip. "I didn't ghost people." You mutter through a huff.

Molly narrows her eyes, offering you an accusatory look. "Yeah, you did." Molly argues. "But, you didn't ghost him, you actually ended things tonight because you’re still trying.” Molly pleads with you. “That is you trying and that is what’s important. And you don’t mean it. So, what are you gonna do?”

“Wait, I guess.” You shrug. “Try to figure out what else they could have planned. Work on the inside.” You suck in a breath, Molly waiting for another idea. "Bruce has a cure for the fear gas on the Batcomputer, maybe we can work on a cure for this one. Or just destroy the batch Crane is making while also finding a way to just take him out. Take him out with the drug and Jason has no choice then." You ramble, just tossing out the first things that come to your head.

“Exactly. He thinks you’re giving up but you’re not. You’re trying to find another way to save him. Don’t beat yourself up for it. But, then if he calls me, I’m going to talk to him not because you told me to but because I don’t want him mixed up in this shit either.” Molly sucks in a breath. “The one thing that has always worked with Jason is just having someone who listens.”

“I know. Shit sucks.” You let out a deep sigh. "Hope it works."

“We’ll get him back. You’re not alone in this either.” Molly offers a soft smile. “Then, you two can sort your shit out and give each other a fair shot at this. It’ll all work out.”

“That’s really optimistic.”

“I believe in you and I believe in Jason.”

You offer a soft smile. “Thanks.” You sniffle softly. “You should talk to Gar, you two got this whole optimism thing going. Could be like motivational speakers or some shit.”

“You’re hilarious.” Sarcasm fills Molly's voice this time.

“I’m an idiot and hilarious. Mulit-facidet.”

“Right.” Molly rolls her eyes. “How was he though? I mean…after you told him?”

“He gave me this look once, uh, the day we got together and uh….he asked me what was so bad about him.” You shake your head. “I mean, I wanted to burst into tears with the look he gave me and the way he said it. It just….fuck Bruce, man.” You scoff. “And fuck me I guess because he gave me that same damn look tonight. You can be as optimistic as you want, but I don’t he’s going to forgive me for it.”

“I told him once that it was you.” Molly states. “You were it for him and he was it for you. It was just the two of you but you’re both stupid and stubborn. You guys were together the next day.” Molly’s eyes widen. “I still think that’s true.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re the only one he told he was alive. He could have told me when he brought Diego back but he didn’t. He told you. He could have dragged you into the Crane stuff but he didn’t. I don’t think for a second, he did it to be an asshole or to push you away and I don’t think you believe he did that either. And that day, outside the house, he knew exactly what to do. Your hands were glowing and he didn’t even hesitate like he knew you’d never hurt him. Because Jason is forgiving. Stubborn and self-destructive, but forgiving.”

You remember your first night in Gotham and how casual he was but he seemed so happy and excited. You don't think you ever saw him smile so much before. And you think about how you almost kissed him that night because he was being Jason, annoying and yet somehow charming. You think he wanted to kiss you, too. You remember how you both were happy then. You both were happy before and you think about the day you blurted out that you loved him. It was the start and end of everything. You remember how he kissed you with everything in him that day as if he couldn't fathom being loved for just being Jason Todd. And you remember how happy he was. Happy and loved and safe. You wonder if there's a pit somewhere that can send you both back to those moments.

“Yeah, I hope you’re right.” You offer a sad smile. “Really miss him.”

“We’ll get him back.” Molly smiles softly.

“Thanks." You clear your throat. "Uh, I gotta head out but thank you. I’m still gonna keep my distance a bit just in case but if something happens, call me and same thing if anything with Jason happens.”

“Of course.” Molly offers a reassuring nod.

“I’m still sorry.” You scrunch your nose.

“I know.” Molly scoffs. “I forgive you. Just work on your shit after this is over.”

“You got it.” You roll your eyes before you head out.

You head back to Excellent Gotham to grab your things before you head back to the manor. Once back at the manor, you find Gar and the two of you sit down to discuss the night. You explain everything to him, what happened at Excellent Gotham, Mr. Drake, Tim, Molly, and Jason. You explain it all just trying to keep him informed and then you say you don’t want to be involved in the whole thing anymore. Maybe it’s safer for everyone if you aren’t involved. Dick is already painting a big enough target on everyone, you don’t want to contribute to that. So, the two of you talk back and forth well into the night, Gar just trying his best to be there for you but he tells you almost the same thing that Molly said. Besides agreeing with giving up. He knows you didn’t tell him that to give up literally, but he is worried it’ll send Jason further over the edge. He doesn’t say that but he doesn’t tell you it’s all going to be okay either. So, you both just sit and talk until you fall asleep.

The following day, everyone is gathered in the Batcave around the Batcomputer. Dick is explaining that Jason and Crane are putting the drug on the streets and last night was a just a trial. You broke the news to Dick when you woke up and right about now, you're regretting it, Dick says none of you can look at Red Hood as Jason anymore. Not when they're distributing the drug to innocent people on the streets.

"Is that really fair?" You ask as you cross your arms over your chest.

"Yes." Dick answers sternly. "You know what he's done and what he's doing. You took the drug. Do you want other people—"

"That's not what I'm saying." You sigh. "Look, it didn't turn me into a killer. Or some shit. And I'm not like.....normal. So, Jason has to be in there, off the drug. Like all of these people."

"But we can't view him like that. It'll cloud our judgment. Right now, he is Red Hood and him and Crane need to be stopped. If you don't want to be involved, I understand."

"I thought you were done anyway?" Gar asks, still a little bitter about the conversation from the night before.

He tries to be there for you but he really doesn't agree with you giving up and not wanting to help. They need you because you're the only one that has ever been able to get through to Jason. And without you, who's going to convince Dick not to kill him? Or Kory? They're both tired of this and Gar doesn't stand a chance arguing with them. You, on the other hand, will argue and fight to the death if that's what it takes.

"I am." You snip. "I'm just saying." You roll your shoulders. "I fucking told you, he was worried and scared last night. Crane is withholding it from him. So, maybe we give him a day or something to come around, let the drug flush itself out. I was fine the next day but Jason's been taking it, probably, nonstop for a week. Erasing who is, I don't think that's gonna help." You narrow your eyes. "Unless, you have other plans than bringing him home."

"He's had plenty of chances to come home." Kory says, putting a hand on her hip.

"I thought you were against innocent people getting hurt?" Dick questions.

"Alright, if you wanna argue about morals and shit, go find Bruce." You scoff. "Whatever." You put your hands up in defeat, knowing there's no changing their minds this time. You don't even know why you're here.

Dick continues to explain he's going to use an illegal computer while Kory and Blackfire have someone else to take care of, leaving you, Gar, and Conner to themselves.

"What are you going to do when we find Jason?" Gar asks as Conner excuses himself to grab food for him and Krypto.

"Well, I guess nothing, Gar." You shake your head, a snip in your voice as you spin slowly in your chair at the Batcomputer.

"He depends on us and you're just giving up." Gar protests.

"He almost fucking shot me and he almost killed Jack!" You yell as the guilt and regret continue to chew away at your bones. "He didn't pull the damn trigger but he already knew what they were gonna do."

"But it wasn't him." Gar's voice goes quiet but still holds the same annoyance.

"Yeah, but he's going to have to deal with his own consequences. He woke up one day and decided he didn't want to be scared anymore and went to fucking Crane. That was Jason Todd's decision. Before Red Hood. He needs to deal with it." You grit your teeth and it sucks.

It all just sucks and Gar is really making the whole thing worse. You don't expect him to side with you all the time, that's fine. But, it'd be really nice if he would just accept this. Molly did and Molly agrees. It is torture not picking up the phone and calling Jason. You just wish Gar could see that.

"He was desperate." Gar defends and you don't know why he's being so stubborn about it.

"So was I." You say softly. "But I didn't go to a psychopath for help. He has to deal with it." You say quietly. "Why are you so..." You wave your hands around slightly, raising a brow at him. "I don't know, defensive about it?"

"The whole team is just falling apart." Gar shrugs. "And Dick doesn't seem like he really wants to try to help Jason anymore."

"I know." You roll your chair over to Gar's before putting your hands on his shoulders. "It's hard but you keep your optimism. I'm not gonna let Dick or Kory kill him. I might not stand a chance but they'll have to go through me if that's what it's going to lead to. You know I don't even mean it. But I can't just take it back. You know I can't. I've tried everything else, Gar." You let out a sigh, dropping your hands from Gar's shoulders. "I'm gonna go to the hospital and check on Tim. I owe him that since I can't tell him anything else." You stand up and start to walk off. "Let me know if something happens though, please. I do care. I just....can't, Gar. It hurts."

"Can I come?" Gar asks with the scrunch of his nose, scratching the back of his head.

"Actually, yeah." You nod your head and offer him a soft smile. "That'd be really nice." You jerk your head towards the hallway. "Come on, I'll drive."

Jason shows up at the old ice cream factory where Crane's been having the anti-fear drug cooked. With the anti-fear drug making its way through Jason's system over the past few hours, he's still feeling a little confident as he walks in for another inhaler, even if it feels like there's a weight tugging at his chest. Technically, disturbing the drug worked which means he was right. He's just actively trying to forget about what happened after. He tries to focus solely on being the one in charge now. He is not replaceable or expendable and he's hoping Crane sees that now. He just destroyed the last good thing in his life for this plan and the second the drug wears off, he's consumed with regret and guilt. If that doesn't show dedication, what else does?

And Crane seems to be fine with it. He doesn't seem angry or upset. And that, for some reason, is making Jason feel uneasy. Bruce and Dick would be pissed and would be screaming at him, even if he were right. But, Crane is just saying he understands and he's not like Bruce. He forgives him for betraying him. Something seems off but Jason isn't going to push to find out what's going on. That just seems like pushing his luck. So, he plucks an inhaler from the table and hits it.

But, there's something wrong.

It burns. His throat feels like it's blistering from the inside out. His lungs feel like they're going to spasm right out of his chest. Jason starts coughing, asking Crane what's in the inhaler as his legs grow weak. It's hard to breathe and despite the drug he just took two hours ago, he's starting to panic. The last time it was hard to breathe like this, he died. He died. He died. He died and it was brutal and terrifying. He can't breathe and why can't he breathe? What did Crane give him? Why would Crane do this to him? Is Crane really going to kill him?

Jason's head spins as his limbs grow weak making him fall to the floor, trying to grip the table to stabilize himself. But, he falls anyway and his heart is beating so fast he thinks he might go into cardiac arrest. Everything spins and fades in and out of blurry and full focus. He can't fucking breathe and everything is heavy. It's heavy and his eyes are heavy and then it all goes black.

You and Gar make it to the hospital and spend a few hours hanging out with Tim who's grateful for the company. The good news is that his dad is going to be just fine and they're talking about releasing him as early as tomorrow. The bullet didn't hit anything major which is pure luck. But, he's thankful to have someone to talk to and keep him company anyway even if a part of him is still a little bitter about the whole ordeal, as he should be.

But, then Gar gets a text from Dick. They know where Jason and Crane are. They're getting together to shut them down and bring them in. Dick, specifically, doesn't want you there. Given everything that's happened, he doesn't want you involved anymore. Either you'll be a target or you're going to flip. If this ends poorly, you'll be a problem with bringing Jason and Crane in. It's in everyone's best interest if you stay out of it this time.

"Sorry, uh...I have to go." Gar says quietly.

You eye him and you know. "Dick?"

"Yeah." Gar nods his head. "He's gonna come get me so you can stay here."

"Ahh." You nod once, your heart sinking. You're staying out of it anyway but if Dick wants Gar back and is coming for him, that means maybe they found them. Some part of you still wants to be there just in case something happens. But, you can't very well go argue with Dick outside of a hospital entrance about going to fight Red Hood and Scarecrow, so you just suck in a breath. "Um...can...can you just...ya know?"

Gar hesitates and he thinks for a second. If it came down to picking between Dick, Kory, Conner, and Blackfire or Jason, who would he pick? The Titans are his family but so is Jason and he doesn't want to bury another friend. He doesn't want to bury him again. Gar thinks about it and he's thinking if it came to it, maybe he would stand in front of Jason just to make sure Dick didn't kill him because he would do the same for Dick. And Jason would do the same for him.

"I'll do everything I can and I'll call you." Gar says. "Promise."

"Thanks, Gar." You offer a sad smile.

"Of course." Gar smiles back before looking to Tim. "Nice meeting you, dude. Glad your dad is okay." Gar says with a smile.

"Thanks, yeah, you, too." Tim nods his head as the two of them say their goodbyes and Gar heads out. Your eyes linger on the exit, finding it hard to just sit here. What if you saying you're giving up gives the Titans some right of passage to kill him? What then? "What? You're not gonna go?"

You shake your head. "No, I, uh, I thought I'd hang out with you a little longer. It's probably just some bullshit anyway." You shift in your seat with the roll of your eyes.

"Jason almost gets my dad killed and now you're not going to be involved?" Tim questions, a bit of hurt and anger in his voice.

"You're not gonna quit are you?" You question him with a slight grimace.

"Nope." Tim shakes his head.

"I broke up with him, not my business." You shake your head. "And that's if it's about Jason. Not sure why it would be but ya know." You roll your shoulders, almost giving up on keeping this whole thing a secret from Tim, too.

"Right." Tim scoffs.

"Look," You face him in defeat. "You want me to tell you things I don't know about," Your eyes widen, a hint for him to shut up about it. "But you also won't trust me. I'm just asking you to trust me, okay?"

"Will you ever tell me?" Tim asks carefully.

If you were being honest, you think you can trust Tim to keep it all a secret. He could be on forums and showing everything he has to news outlets about Bruce being Batman and Dick being Robin and Nightwing. If he wanted to tell everyone, he could and enough people would believe him. But, he keeps it to himself besides to you because you're a Titan. So, you think maybe you'll tell him at some point when everything calms down. It's all a little dangerous right now but maybe one day you will.

"Maybe." You shrug. "But, you have got to fucking trust me."

"Alright, fine." Tim gives you a soft but triumphant smile. He's won enough for now and you know it.

That seems to be enough for Tim to drop it for now as the two of you go back to talking about everything that's not vigilante-related for once.

Jason finally starts to come to, his head heavy and throbbing. His eyes are burning as if he has the worst cold he's ever had and his vision is blurry, coming into focus a little slower than usual. His wrists are duct taped to the arms of a chair and his limbs feel too weak to even fight. He tugs just once but it's useless. He's been trained for this. He escaped that time with Deathstroke easily because it was in the training and duct tape is easy to escape from. But, he can't and the real drug has worn off. Tears start to brim his eyes and he has never felt more alone than he does right now.

He thought he could trust Crane. Him and Crane are supposed to be in this together. He said they had the same view of the city. But then Crane poisoned him. Why would he do that to him? Jason trusted him and Crane poisoned him. He knows he went behind Crane's back but Jason never did anything to hurt Crane yet Jason's the one duct taped to a chair and drugged. Jason swallows the hard lump in his throat and he should have just stayed in line.

He did it again.

He fucked it all up. He just had to go off and do his own thing with targeting Excellent Gotham, giving the drug to those random guys behind Crane's back. It's the same story over and over again, he just can't help himself and Jason wonders what the fuck is so wrong with him that he can't just stay in line. People trust him and then he pushes them away and he betrays them and he goes off on his own. Why does he always do this? It's all his fault and he trusted Crane. He really did. And he feels so alone.

Crane was the last person Jason thought he had that he could trust. Jason burned every single bridge he had with the Titans. Kory is going to be pissed and is going to take Dick's side, especially after Hank. Dawn would never trust him after what he did. Conner doesn't know him well enough. Jason has tried to kill Dick. After what happened last night with you, Jason doesn't even think Gar would help him. He's all alone. He's alone and he hates being this alone. He has no one and his mind is clear for the first time in a week. He is fucking terrified and filled with shame and regret and remorse and everything is hitting him so hard he just wants to scream. He hates it.

You were right. He does regret it. He regrets all of it. He shouldn't have gone to Crane. He shouldn't have killed Hank. He shouldn't have targeted Dick. He never should have fought you or went after the Drake's. Everything he's done, he is regretting and there's nothing he can do about it. But he remembers you saying he can call Dick. Dick is his brother. He tried to kill him but maybe you're right. You would never tell him to call Dick if you didn't know for sure. Because even when you give up, Jason knows you wouldn't risk him getting killed. He has to get out of here but he's weak and tired.

"I pity you, Jason." Crane says, but his voice is foggy as if he were down a long and distant tunnel. "You were reckless and you were impatient last night. And you act out of fear, not out of strength. You see, you're still afraid of Dick Grayson. And I failed you. I failed you as a teacher. But here's today's lesson. You know how I broke Batman? It wasn't with fear, it was with patience. I'm going to show you that you don't need to go running around Gotham, trying to destroy the Titans, you can just sit back and watch as the Titans destroy themselves."

Jason remains silent, unsure how he's even supposed to argue or if he can. It was Crane's idea to destroy the Titans anyway. Jason has just been so mad at them and felt abandoned he thought Crane was right but now he's not so sure. He can't be sure anymore. It all feels like lies. He's sobering up and everything feels like it was a lie. Just to use him.

"That's how we're going to take care of that...unpleasant girl of yours." Crane puts his hands behind his back, standing as if he owns the entire world. Jason's jaw clenches, his eyes focusing on Crane. "Patience. You wouldn't do it but you don't have to." Crane offers a kind smile and it makes Jason's skin crawl. "You see, your little act last night I'm sure really bothered her, right? You could have gotten her killed and her little friend. She has nowhere to go now, besides to the Titans and as the Titans crumble, so will she."

"That's not part of the plan." Jason chokes out, finding the energy to argue this point. "You said we'd leave her out of it."

Crane promised him from the beginning they would keep you out of it as long as you didn't side with the Titans. And you technically, did not do that. You've only been on Jason's side, just using Dick as a way to try and help him. Crane promised they would leave you out of it and you could join their side if you wanted to. Jason's getting the idea that was just a lie, too just to get him to cooperate with whatever Crane wanted to do.

"Did I?" Crane asks. "I don't think I ever said that. But," Crane sucks in a breath, leaning down to be eye-to-eye with Jason. "She threatened to kill me. She even beat me up." Crane almost sounds pitiful and hurt. "I told you, Jason. She's not on your side and she never was. Now. You can sit back and watch her destroy herself." Crane leans up, walking to the window to watch the workers.

You already gave up on him. You and him are done. There is no coming back from last night. But the panic still floods Jason's system because he knows, despite everything his mind has ever conditioned him to think, it was the hardest thing you had to do. He knows you tried to do everything besides that and he loves you anyway. He loves you anyway and he dragged you into this. He put you right in the middle of him and your friends. Your family that you tried to have. He did that to you.

Last night you said all Jason has done since coming back is hurt you, and you're right. He never meant to. He never dreamed of it hurting you but he did and now he's terrified it just got that much worse for you. You deserve better and Jason has no idea how he's supposed to get out of this.

Crane has to let him go eventually. Crane will need Jason for something and he can warn you. You told him not to contact you or Gar but maybe this will be an exception because you have to know. And maybe he can take your advice for fucking once and just call Dick. Because Crane just drugged him and is holding him hostage. Maybe he never could trust him.

It's quiet on the way back to the Manor. It's as if no one really knows what to say or how to say it. Sure, the fight went just fine just like it usually does. They make a really good team and Blackfire is a good addition to the team. But, they didn't get Crane and they didn't get Jason. Instead, Crane and Jason are in the wind but Crane was also holding Jason hostage. Something happened that led Crane to do that and Gar is the one sitting here wondering what they're going to do about it and who the hell is going to be the one to break it to you. It was Dick's bright idea for you not to come along and maybe if you would have, you could have gotten Jason. Maybe if they had one more person it would have went differently. The team is divided and Gar hates it.

"Who's gonna tell her about Jason?" Gar asks and they walk through the Batcave.

The other Titans turn to look at him, glancing between each other before landing on Dick. It's not Conner or Blackfire's place to say anything, it's not their job. That's all Kory and Dick but Dick doesn't seem like he's going to be the one to say anything. You can say you're done all you want but Dick knows if they tell you, you'll go off the rails looking for Jason. It could get you killed, Jason killed, and you could kill Crane. Even if you do find them, what's to stop Crane from kidnapping you, too? Crane clearly has a way to do it if he can do it to Jason. And what if it's a trap? What if Jason isn't being held captive but it's a way to get the Titans to a different location? Telling you seems like it might just be a bad idea and in your best interest for your own safety.

"We don't have to tell her." Dick says.

Gar's eyes nearly bulge out of his head. "Seriously, dude?" Gar scoffs. "It's Jason. She's going to be pissed if she finds out and we didn't tell her."

"She decided she doesn't want any part of this anymore and I think that's for the best. If we tell her, we don't know what she'll do. We still need Crane." Dick argues, keeping it short.

"Screw that, man." Gar groans. "He took Jason and we know he did. There was proof of it back there. If something happens to him, she's gonna never forgive any of us. Let her decide if she wants back in."

"He's right, Gar. She's been a little bit of loose canon lately." Kory offers kindly.

Gar is also tired of the secrets. All keeping secrets from each other has done is get them hurt. That's all it's done and now they want to keep this huge thing from you? That's insane. You have every right to know and he doesn't understand why they would want to keep it from you. Maybe you'll explode but it's not like anyone else is going to go save Jason. What if he actually is in danger?

"Because of everything that's happened!" Gar defends, tossing his arms out to his sides. "If you guys were in her shoes, you'd probably be loose canons, too! I mean, Dick has been going off on his own most of the time. Bruce even snapped. And we just have to pretend like everything is normal?"

"I mean..." Conner chimes in. "She didn't tell us he was alive."

"Yeah, and that sucked but she was scared for his life. It sucks but at least I get it. And it was one day! What is keeping this from her going to do?"

Dick crosses his arms and he's really missing the days where the only problems he had were Jason and you pulling some dumb prank just to harass him. "Do you think she'll sit back and let us handle it or do you think she's going to take it into her own hands?"

Gar knows you will. It's Jason but Gar also knows that if it were him, you would do the same thing. The only reason you didn't come after him by yourself with CADMUS is because you didn't know how to and it was CADMUS not just one person. But, Gar also got the story about you being the driving force to make sure you all saved him, regardless of what was happening to Dick. Gar was the first priority. You're going to take this into your own hands but at this point, Gar is ready to jump right in with you. Jason came to save him.

"I know." Gar shrugs. "But what if she doesn't? What if she asks for help this time? We just don't even give her the option?"

"That could get her killed. It's for her own protection." Kory says.

"Well, that sucks." Gar snaps. "Keeping secrets from each other doesn't keep any of us safe." Gar scoffs as he goes to leave.

Now he knows how you feel. Arguing with them is exhausting. They won't even listen. It's either whatever they want to do or nothing. That's normally fine. Gar normally agrees and Dick and Kory usually do know better but not this time. This time it's wrong, for your own protection or not.

"Gar." Dick calls.

Gar turns around quickly, a look of defeat on his face. "If she asks, I'm not gonna lie." Gar shrugs his shoulders before he turns away and heads upstairs.

Gar finds you in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets for food. He wonders if this is what it felt like when you knew Jason was alive. His stomach feels like it might fall right to his feet, heavy with guilt. He wonders if you were also mad at him for asking you to keep it a secret because Gar's mad at Dick and Kory. It really fucking sucks and Gar wonders how the hell you even manage to keep everything a secret. He's been standing here for just a few seconds and he already wants to snap and spill everything. Maybe that's why you've been a bit off, because this just sucks and it's heavy.

You pop your head out from behind the cabinet door, a granola bar sticking out of your mouth, feeling someone had entered the kitchen. "Hey." You greet as you pluck the bar from your mouth.

"What are you doing?" Gar questions.

"Looking for food. Hospital food sucks." You say softly. "I guess." You mutter quietly as you pluck a box of Mac and cheese from the cabinet, a displeased look on your face.

"Don't you like that?" Gar asks, entering further into the kitchen.

"Yeah," You sigh. "Just not feeling it but I don't wanna go through the effort of making anything else or looking." You look at the box and back to Gar. "Is there real milk in this?"

"Uh, yeah." Gar chuckles, sticking his hands in his jacket pockets. "Why?"

"Could have made it with the vegan butter and oat milk if you wanted some but never mind, I guess." You sigh, moving to the cabinet with the pots. But the room goes oddly silent, making you look back at Gar. He's just standing there, watching you. "What happened?" You ask as you turn around, leaning against the counter.

Gar shifts his weight on his feet. "What makes you think something happened?" Gar asks softly.

"You have a look and you're quiet. You didn't point out Bruce probably has vegan Mac and cheese somewhere or Dick probably pick some up for you." You explain. "I can always tell with you and Jason when something's wrong."

You watch as Gar looks to the ground and you're terrified what's going to come out of his mouth. Jason can't be dead again because Gar probably would be crying right now but he's not and his eyes aren't red which means he isn't sucking it up for your sake. The other Titans are probably fine because Gar wouldn't be so hesitant to tell you if something happened to them. So, you have to assume it has to do with Jason and there's a small part of you that thinks the Titans won this time and they sent Jason to Arkham instead of bringing him home. You swear you'll lose it if that's what happened.

"Um..." Gar scratches the back of his neck as he looks back to you. "Can you promise not to freak out?"

"I can't promise that." You shake your head as you brace for whatever bullshit Gar is gonna say next. "Jason, right? Something happened?"

Gar nods softly. "By the time we got to the office where Crane and Jason were, they were gone. But, we think Crane had Jason duct taped to a chair and took him with him."

You blink a few times and you swear you just forgot how to breathe. Not again. This cannot possibly be happening again.

"C-crane...you-I mean...you guys think C-Crane kidnapped him?" You sputter.

Gar nods. "Yeah."

Jason said you're the one with a habit of getting kidnapped but so far, you're both two to two here. And you hate it. Why the fuck would Crane need to kidnap him in the first place? If they're working together, then Crane has no reason to. Unless Jason is actually turning on him. In which case, it just got really dangerous to be Jason Todd.

"Do you know where they went?" You ask, trying to keep your voice level.

"No." Gar answers shamefully.

You offer a large nod as your appetite vanishes. You push from the counter, leaving the box and pot on the counter. "Thanks for telling me." You say as you walk up to Gar. "You guys aren't going to look for him, are you? And Dick said not to tell me, right?"

Gar nods once more, letting out a deep breath. "Dick thinks it could be a trap and yeah, he's worried what you'll do."

"Got it." You let out a scoff with a bitter chuckle.

All you can hear is Tim in the back of your head about how you're supposed to be a hero. Well, so is Dick. You think that word is starting to lose its fucking meaning because what kind of hero just lets a psychopath kidnap someone? You know it's more complicated than that but they're brothers and Jason was kidnapped. Again. It was fine the first time, but what? Round two and he's on his own? Is that how it is?

"You're gonna go, aren't you?" Gar asks.

"Yeah, and if Dick's gotta fucking problem with it, he'll have to go through me. I'm not letting Crane kidnap Jason and hold him fucking hostage. I don't care." You shake your head, venom shooting through your words.

There's a bit of relief that fills Gar's chest. Maybe Dick is right and it's a trap but what if it's not? Deathstroke and Dr. Light could have been a trap, it kind of was. But, Dick went anyway to save Jason and you. Trap or not, you all should be trying to find Jason and help him just in case it's not a trap.

"Can, uh, can I help?" Gar asks, making you do a double take.

Gar tends to do what Dick asks, especially since the whole Deathstroke thing and you both accidentally losing Conner for a day. You kind of figured he wouldn't try to really stop you because that would be useless but you thought maybe he'd offer some voice of reason. The last thing you ever expected was Gar to ask if he could help, despite Dick's wishes.

"Huh?" You hum, eyes wide. "What?"

"He's my friend, too." Gar shrugs. "And he came to save me. I wanna help find him." Gar lets out a breath, eyes hopeful you'll let him help.

"Yeah, uh...I mean...it could be a trap. I mean...are you sure? Dick is gonna be pissed." You furrow your brows, still eying him with confusion.

"I know." Gar nods. "But, I don't want you doing this alone either in case it is a trap or something happens like last time. I just wanna help. We can't let Crane hold him hostage."

You nod quickly, figuring maybe it would be nice to not do this completely alone. "Okay, but, can you stay here? I might have to do some stuff you don't like and if it is a trap, we might be fucked." You say and Gar is about to protest. "No, no, I have an idea. Follow me." You gesture for him to follow you as you walk past him.

You and Gar walk to Jason's room, you shutting and locking the door behind you. You go to one of Jason's hiding spots and grab the tablet. You always put it back, exactly where he kept it, just in case. You unlock the tablet and go to the software used to track your necklace. The tracking device is only synced with his tablet and his phone since you hated the idea of Bruce being able to track you. Jason was always fine.

"Here." You hand it over, showing a green blinking dot right on top of Wayne Manor. "You track me. My phone is synced to the Batcomputer. I'll text you every hour on the hour. If I miss, you call and if I don't call back in thirty seconds, get Dick. Something went wrong."

"Why do you know about this and just why?" Gar asks, confused as to what's even going on. "Why can't I go with?"

"Because Jason is a shithead who was lying to me before he died. I know where all of his hiding spots are and he knows where all of mine are. I, apparently, am the one with a habit of being kidnapped but I didn't want Bruce involved. Jason swore he'd always come find me." You shrug casually. "So, you track me and then we know where he is. And then maybe we tell Dick where they're hiding out. See, everyone wins. If you're with me and we both get kidnapped then Crane has all three of us and Dick and Kory won't know where to go. I need someone here, just in case." You explain quickly.

It's not a lie, it's true. You've put some thought into the vigilante life after all of this is sorted out, hoping things go back to some form of normal. It's dangerous to be out there as a team and alone. It's dangerous both ways and it's dangerous to have people know but, you think it might be worse for you to be alone out there and no one know where you are or what you're doing. Having someone be eyes and ears behind a screen seems like it might be helpful, especially if something goes wrong.

"Right, okay, yeah." Gar nods and this isn't really what he meant by helping but you have a point. At least this way, if something happens, it's not the three of you stuck in a bad situation with no one knowing where you are. At least they'll know where to find you and Jason. "You're gonna call if things start looking bad, right?" Gar asks as you remain silent, moving your eyes from the left to the right before landing back on Gar. "Dr. Light? Deathstroke?" Gar presses, narrowing his eyes slightly.

"Fine." You nod your head quickly. "If it starts looking like it might go even a little south, I'll call you. But, I don't even know if I'll be able to find him."

"What're you gonna do?"

"I know a few people I can grab, try to get some intell on where Red Hood and Crane would go. Someone knows and they'll start talking."

Gar lets out a sigh, deciding it's best he doesn't know what you're going to do to them. Maybe him staying back is a good idea if you think that's the only way to find him. If anyone is gonna know how to work around Gothamites, it'll be you.

"They in Batcave?" You ask as you head for the door.

"Yeah."

"Great." You suck in a breath. "Okay, I'm going to get my suit and find him. If he asks, you can tell Dick you're helping but try not to show him, please. He'll come after me and probably fuck it up. If Crane has him hostage, I can get through to Jason."

"Are you going to bring him back?" Gar asks, a bit of hope in his eyes.

"Not if he doesn't ask." You shake your head. "If Crane had to duct tape him to a chair that means Jason isn't siding with him as much anymore. While I feel guilty and I hate myself for last night," You shake your head. "Maybe that does have something to do with it." You start the walk to the Batcave. "He has to make the decision on his own. As much as it fucking sucks." You scoff. "Okay, I'll be back later. Every hour." You nod once before you dart behind the grandfather clock.

You walk right over to the display with your suit, ripping the case open as you grab Dick's and Kory's attention. If they want to work this alone and not save him, fine. But that's not you and they're not stopping you.

"Where are you going?" Kory asks.

You spin around and you shrug your shoulders sadly. "To save Jason." You answer simply.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Kory asks and they really should have known Gar was going to tell you immediately.

"You're staying here. We don't--"

"I don't care." You roll your eyes as you cut Dick off. "Do you really want to tell me to just...let Crane kidnap him? Me? Of all people?" You ask.

"It could be a trap." Dick argues and he's also tired of this back and forth. He's never met anyone so hardheaded. Why can't you just listen? Just once?

"Yeah, maybe." You shrug softly. "And that's a risk I am willing to take because I give a fuck about him." You snip right back. It almost feels like you're arguing with your parents.

"You could get hurt or worse." Kory states. "For all we know, this is what Crane and Jason want."

"It's not safe." Dick says. "We can't risk it. You don't know what you'll be walking into."

"I don't fucking care if I get hurt!" Your voice cracks with frustration. "That's part of the job! Getting hurt to keep people, innocent strangers safe. You think I'm not gonna risk getting a little hurt to save someone I actually care about? I love him anyway and I'm going to save him." You let out a bitter scoff. "You know, Tim said something to me last night. I didn't tell him shit, don't worry. But, he said that I'm supposed to be a hero." You shake your head. "And he's fucking right, ya know? It's just complicated but look at you guys. We're supposed to be heroes! And you're all just gonna...sit back? Let whatever happens, happen? No, fuck that. I did that last time and we see what fucking happened."

"We aren't sitting back." Dick says sternly. "We've been trying to bring home this whole time but he clearly, doesn't want that. He dug his hole and he has to deal with it. He made his choice."

"I'm not going back and forth about it anymore. Just...what is it? I mean, Deathstroke, was it just that you felt you had our blood on your hands? So, you were obligated to do something? And now that Jason's kidnapping doesn't have shit to do with you, your hands are clean? Is that what this is? Why not try to fucking save him?! You know Crane. Crane could have snapped and then...what? That's just it. One less body to deal with."

"Hey!" Kory scolds. "You know that is not what this is. We all have given Jason a fair chance but Dick's right he made his choice. He knows how bad Crane can be."

"That doesn't make it okay." You say quietly. "I made a promise to him and I broke one of those. I'm not breaking another one tonight. He is not Robin anymore so if Crane wants to go after him, he gets to deal with me and if you have such a fucking problem with that, I guess you can try to stop me but I'm going." You turn back around, grabbing your suit before you slam the case closed. "I was wrong about what I said about trying. Sometimes, it isn't enough. But, at least I'm fucking trying. Unlike you guys."

Dick lets out an exasperated sigh. "You don't know when to quit do you?"

You shake your head, the corner of your mouth perking up. "Not when it comes to people I happen to like." You spin around, suit in hand and you head off to change and leave.

"You know, she handled that well actually." Kory says softly. "All things considered."

"Yeah." Dick scoffs. "That's the worrying part."

You head off on the bike once you're suited up. You get to Crime Alley figuring that might be your best bet for any type of answer. You use your phone to look into the men you killed last night and see what their ties could be to Red Hood and Scarecrow. Their files don't have too much but they are a few notes about people the three of them used to run with so you figure you can start there. Someone knows where Red Hood and Scarecrow would be. This is Gotham and they're in the drug trade.

You track one of the men down, following him carefully from the rooftops and waiting for the right moment to confront him. The whole rooftop thing might have actually been a good idea, you will give Bruce that one. You wait until an alley with almost no lighting comes up. So, you take your opportunity to get down from the rooftops and beat him to the alley. Just as he approaches, you yank him into the alleyway, slamming him against the wet brick as hard as you can.

"Where is Red Hood?" You seethe, your teeth grinding under your mask,

The man looks down at you as your arm is pressed against his throat. "How the fuck would I know?"

You pull back just enough to shove him against the wall, this time his head bangs against the wet bricks. "Bullshit. You know where he's hiding out. Him and Scarecrow, fucking spill."

"Fuck you." He spits.

You do not have time for this. You're done arguing and going back and forth with people. All he has to do is give up a name or a place. It's not that hard. So, you pull out a knife and hold it right to his jugular.

"Do you wanna end up like your friends? It's all pretty easy to make happen." You press the tip of the knife into his skin, just enough to break skin and blood starts leaking down his neck.

His eyes widen, filled with panic. "I don't know!"

"Bullshit!" You yell back, doing your best to refrain from pressing the knife further into his neck. "Red Hood was able to get your friends which means there has to be some sort of connection. Tell me where he is."

"I don't know!" The man's voice is panicked. "Jeremiah! Word is he has an in with Red Hood and Scarecrow for whatever they're cooking."

"And where the fuck would he be?" You almost mock him. A name is fine but come on.

"Robinson Park!" He yells back, the panic leaking from his pores. "He's been dealing there."

"Thank you." You pat the man's cheek. "Was that so fucking hard?" You scoff, dropping the man. "Seriously, get your shit together and do something more productive." You roll your eyes as you shoot the grappling hook to the rooftop, leaving the man alone in the alley.

You reach Robinson Park and give Gar a quick text to let him know everything is fine. Then, you make your way inside of the park to look for this Jeremiah guy. You were able to figure out what he looks like thanks to him and the guy you just grabbed having been busted for dealing just a few months ago.

It doesn't take you too long to find him near a bridge. That's where you sneak up behind him and grab him, slamming him against the cement just as you did with the previous guy. You're hoping he'll be willing to spill a little quick but you're also betting you're not going to get that lucky tonight.

"Red Hood. Where is he?" You ask with fire in your words.

Jeremiah laughs. "You think I'm gonna tell you? You're a fucking bat--"

You yank your fist back and punch him in the face. He spits blood out by your boots, looking back at you with fury. "I am not a fucking bat." You say through gritted teeth. "I will burn you alive limb by fucking limb until you spill where Red Hood is."

"Yeah? And uh, what makes you think I even know?" He gives you this grin that makes you want to scream.

"Word is you have an in for the drug him and Scarecrow are putting on the streets. I assume it was a test run last night. Unless, you're full of shit just trying to get some weird ass respect." You quip, tilting your head to the right.

"I'm not telling you shit." He scoffs.

"You know, Red Hood decapitated six men, right? Of some of Gotham's most notorious families in the business. Yeah, I can be worse. And I will start with you." You tug your glove off with your other hand, still keeping pressure on his neck. You show the neon green so bright it illuminates your face. Jeremiah watches you before you touch a finger to his face, he lets out a horrendous scream, echoing through the tunnel under the bridge. "Every limb but I won't kill you. I'll let infection set in and that can kill you. Tell me where the fuck he is!"

Jeremiah lets out a sigh, gritting his teeth. "There's that old ice cream factory. They were cooking there."

"They're not there. Titans showed up tonight. Where else would they go?"

"Aren't you a fucking Titan?" He sneers.

"Does it really seem like I'm a Titan?" You narrow your eyes at him.

"There's the old Wellington pump station. Heard they had a hookup there." Jeremiah says reluctantly. "I don't fucking know anything else."

"Thank you." You let go of him as he falls to the ground. "You know, you should also get your shit together. I know you deal to kids. Stop or I will actually kill you. Leave kids the out of it." You roll your eyes, earning yourself a confused look as you walk out of the tunnel.

Once you get back to your bike, you head right to the pump station. The drive feels like it takes an eternity when it only takes twenty minutes. You're growing more anxious as more time goes by. You don't know how long Crane has had him tied up for or what he's doing to even keep Jason tied up. Jason should be able to get out of duct tape. So, you worry as every minute passes by.

The closer you get to the building, the more you start to remember what it was like the night he died. The drive and how it was freezing but you didn't even notice because you were so panicked. You were going to save him but you were too late. Every second from the phone call to Molly until you passed out is embedded into the deepest parts of your mind, tattooed and stitched as cruel reminders of the world you live in sometimes. You can't forget but you're trying to save Jason again and it's like you're thrown back into that night all over again.

It can't end like that again.

It can't.

When you get to the pump station, you park far off in the old parking lot before making your way to the back of the building. You use your grappling hook to get to the roof where you find a skylight looking into the building. That's when you spot Jason, now tied to a chair. Crane is walking around, throwing his hands around dramatically but there seems to be a pep in his step, as if he's happy or excited about something. You roll your eyes. He's so fucking insane.

A part of you does question if this is a trap. Jason is faster and stronger than Crane. Jason should have been able to escape. He has all of the training and he can easily take Crane. It doesn't even look like Crane is armed but you know Jason is. It doesn't make a lot of sense but you're watching carefully and Jason doesn't even seem to be partaking in whatever nonsense Crane is on about. So, you brush the thought of it being a trap away and think maybe Crane drugged him. That would explain everything. Trap or not, you're getting into this building and you're grabbing Jason.

You try to look at everything surrounding them and the drum barrels on the catwalk. All you need to do is distract Crane long enough to get Jason free. That's the point. It's not so much a rescue mission as it is just getting him free. If you can get him free and he can walk, he can escape Crane if it comes to that. Then, you spot an alarm sitting far off on the back wall and you have an idea.

"Hey, you at the Batcomputer?" You whisper into the phone.

"Uh...yeah, yeah, why? What's up?" Gar wheels himself closer to the keyboard, looking at the screens.

"Crane has Jason tied up. I'm at a pump station but I can see an alarm of some sort, not a fire alarm. Is there any way to like...trigger it from where you are?" You ask.

"I can try, hold on." Gar says as he starts typing away.

"Or trigger anything to distract Crane so I can grab Jason."

"How long do you need?"

"Three minutes, tops." You keep watch as Jason's head nods softly as if he's trying to stay awake and failing miserably.

"Okay, yeah, there's an alarm system that's still active in the building. I can set it off but as soon as Crane disables it, that'll be it. So, you have to be quick." Gar explains, getting into the building's security system.

"Okay, yeah. Quick, got it." You nod your head. "Ready when you are."

"Hang up and I'll trigger it. Text me when you get somewhere safe."

"Of course, thank you." You say softly before you hang up.

You grab a knife from your belt and start working on the lock to the skylight. Luckily, this was a part of Jason's training. Lock-picking. Of course it was. As soon as you have the lock picked and the window ready to be opened, you hear the blaring of an alarm.

Jason and Crane both jump, looking around as the noise echoes and bounces off of the walls. Crane looks to grow more and more annoyed before he storms off and that's when you make your move. You open the window, using the grappling hook to lower yourself down as quickly as possible.

Once your feet touch solid ground, you yank the hook loose and run to Jason, immediately bending down to be face-to-face with him. His pupils are blown and he's barely awake but his eyes widen just a little, trying to make you out. It's blurry but he swears it's you. That can't be right. Why the hell would you come?

You swear you find yourself hating Crane more and more by the second. You shake your head and grab a knife, cutting Jason's hands free before you come to his face again.

"Jay? Can you walk?" You ask quietly, just loud enough so he can hear you above the alarm. But all Jason does is stare at you and he just can't believe you're really in front of him right now. Maybe he's hallucinating. "Jay?" You place your hands on his cheeks. "Hey, can you walk?"

It's you. You came.

Jason nods weakly and he thinks he might burst at the seams. He thought he was alone.

"Come on." You help him up.

Jason's arm rests over your shoulders as the two of you head to the exit, opposite the way Crane went. Jason's footing is a little unsteady but he tries his best while you keep him stable, one arm wrapped around him and the other holding his arm around your shoulders.

The entire walk to your bike has Jason's head spinning, both from the high and the confusion of you showing up in the first place. You broke up with him and you gave up on him. His head might be foggy and he might be out of it right now, but he knows that happened. And yet you're here anyway. Not Dick or Kory or Gar. It's you who showed up. Maybe you shouldn't have but you did. And even in this state, Jason thinks maybe it was still a hard decision, given what happened last night...and the last time you found him. But, you showed up anyway and he does not deserve that.

Every part of you wants to explode like a volcano. It wasn't fucking a trap. Crane drugged him and tied him up so he couldn't fucking leave. That's what happened. Dick and Kory, they were wrong. They were fine letting Jason suffer over a what if situation. You just grabbed him without any damn problems. All you needed was a little help from Gar. it was fine. It went fine but who knows what Crane's plan for the rest of the night was. This could have gone so much worse for him and Dick and Kory just didn't care. They didn't care enough to try.

And then there's Crane. It just drives you insane. Jason got himself wrapped up in this but he doesn't deserve to be drugged and held hostage. You swear people in general don't really don't deserve it. But, now it's happened to Jason and you think maybe you shouldn't leave him again. Every part of you doesn't want to leave him again.

"Can you hold on?" You ask as you reach your bike.

"Uh..." Jason sucks in a breath before he nods. "Yeah, got it." He mutters, his words slurring together slightly.

"Where do you wanna go?" You ask, biting down your own hope that he'll say the manor.

Jason's heart rate spikes for a quick second with the question and for that split second, he almost spits out manor. But, that second is just that, a second. He can't go back. Not like this. Not now. If they want to turn him in, he can't run or defend himself and he's not putting you in that position anymore. So, he tells you another hideout he has and you just nod, all hopes of bringing him back fading away.

"I'll go slow." You say softly as you get on the bike first, Jason wobbly getting on behind you.

You bend uncomfortably around, popping the spare helmet on his head. You slide the face shield down before turning back around and grabbing his arms to wrap around you. Once your own helmet is on, you take off, leaving the pump station in the rearview mirrors.

When you reach the hideout, you help Jason inside and upstairs with his directions. You reach the room that contains a mattress, an old broken dresser, and a few lamps scattered about the floor. You help Jason over to the bed and help him to sit down.

Jason sits with his knees bent, feet planted on the floor and his eyes locked on you. He just can't believe this is real. He still thinks he might be hallucinating or maybe he's just having a really vivid dream.

"Are you okay?" You ask as you kneel in front of him, resting your hands on his knees but Jason's head sways. "Jay?"

Everything hurts and it's spinning. And his chest hurts, the lump in his throat hurts. Every piece of his body is aching and burning and heavy, exhausted. But, you're here, right in front of him. You broke up with him last night and you gave up but you're right in front of him and he is so thankful. Why are you here? He doesn't deserve it.

Jason reaches forward, tugging your mask off of your face as if just to make sure it's you. "You came." His brows pull together as if he's in pain.

Your heart breaks at the surprise and tenderness of his voice. He really thought you wouldn't? You know what you said but...does he think it's that easy?

"I'll always come to save you." You whisper, your eyes watering as they scan over his face.

Jason can feel his bottom lip start to quiver. He really fucked it all up and he's high and it's the worst high of his life. It all sucks and you're here and he doesn't know why. He wants to take it all back. He wants to turn back time and take everything back. He wants to go back to that day in your room when you were the one that told him loving him is the easiest thing you'd ever done because he knows that isn't true anymore. And it is breaking him.

"But you..." Jason chokes on his own words. "You said you were fucking done and--"

"Doesn't matter." You shake your head, cutting him off. You search his face until his eyes meet yours. Jason thinks you've never looked sadder. "If someone's going to hurt you or kidnap you, they're gonna have to deal with me." Your voice is candid but there's a weight of heartbreak etched in every syllable.

He doesn't deserve it and Crane betrayed him and hurt him. Another person he trusted hurt him and yeah, he went behind Crane's back first but did he deserve this? And you're the one still offering him kindness through everything. He could have gotten you killed, twice, and you're sitting in front of him with sad but kind eyes and Jason hates who he's becoming.

Jason sucks in a shaky breath and there's a part of him that can't do it anymore. He can't deal with the heaviness or the way his chest feels like it's going to collapse in on itself. He can't deal with the spinning or the numbness or any of it. His head bows forward slowly until his forehead lands on your shoulder. Tears start to fall from his eyes and everything around him is fucked up and a mess and it's all his fault. Why did he do this? What has he become? Was he better off dead?

Maybe he was better off dead.

Your teeth grit together as you hear him sniffle and feel him shake. Hitting rock bottom shouldn't be like this because it's him. If only he knew that he always deserved better and believed it. Maybe if he was treated better from the beginning. Maybe if trying would have just been enough the first time around.

"Jay." You whisper, hearing a soft cry come from Jason's throat. "It's okay." You say softly, moving away just enough to get him to pick his head up. You shake your head at him, brows knitted together. "It's okay." You say again but this time you move closer and pull him into a hug and that's when Jason finally breaks entirely.

He's hurt so many people. And for what? He can feel the itch of withdrawal and the migraine kicking in. He wants to peel his skin off of his bones but his chest hurts and he doesn't think he can breathe. He sucks in a breath but all that comes from it is a cough and a cry. He wraps his arms around you and he feels you hug him tighter. Why are you doing this? He doesn't deserve it. Why did you even save him? Maybe he shouldn't be saved. Maybe Joker had it right the first time. Hank would be alive. Tim's dad would be okay. You wouldn't be mixed up in this. Dick wouldn't have been shot. Maybe it would be better if he had just stayed dead.

It feels that way anyway.

It's like a pull he can feel in the marrow of his bones, The betrayal to fate. He has no business being alive and he can feel it. Maybe that's how it should be. He was never very good at being good anyway and if he's no good, what's the point? He's more fucked up than he ever was before. Why does he bother trying? He should just be alone, it's what he deserves.

But, there's this voice in the back of his head that says maybe it's just the high this time. Whatever Crane has him on maybe it's messing with his head, maybe it's that and the betrayal of the night. Maybe it's the withdrawal. Maybe it's just a mix of everything.

So, he pulls away and your hands come to his face and it's like an instinct. There's no effort in you showing up and caring about him because you just do. And it's right now with your thumbs, rubbing the warm tears away that Jason starts to wonder if this is unconditional. There were always conditions to people loving him and he thought maybe yours was just that he was three for you, or maybe Crane was right about you using him. Maybe it was just that you felt obligated to him because of Deathstroke. But, he almost got you killed and you fought and he killed Hank and you're sitting in front of him, helping him as if it is the easiest thing you've ever done. You just do it and maybe that's unconditional, even when someone says they give up.

Jason's breath is shallow and ragged and he just can't breathe. He wants to remember what it feels like to breathe again. To breathe effortlessly.

"Hard to breathe." Jason mutters, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.

You nod your head before you rest your forehead against his. Your eyes close and you just sit like that. Jason's eyes close a few seconds later and he always wonders how you know what to do and say. No one ever did. Not like this. But, you do this and the act of you being there, in this moment, without even saying a word, gets Jason to suck in a full breath for the first time tonight. His tears start to slow down and the brutal thoughts about himself start to grow quiet. The only sound he can hear is his own breathing and the cars passing outside. He never thought silence could be so comforting.

You aren't sure if this night changes anything. Maybe he'll go right back to Crane but maybe he won't. Maybe tonight and last night stacked on top of each other is enough to get Jason back on solid ground. Maybe he's tired of drowning. You're hoping he's tired of it. And even if not, for tonight, you're going to let yourself believe he is. Because he was the one kidnapped and held hostage and betrayed. He was the one left alone and the only people willing to help him were you and Gar. Maybe letting him hit rock bottom was a good enough idea, but maybe you aren't willing to follow through with it. Not if it leads him here. There has to be another way.

There is always another way.

You pull away once Jason's breathing seems to be back to normal. "You okay?" You whisper, Jason seeing your own eyes turning a light shade of pink.

"I'm so fucking sorry." Jason coughs out. "For fucking everything."

"I know." You nod your head quickly, brows pulling together.

"No," Jason spits and he hates how his mouth feels like he's tried to swallow thirty cotton balls. "You don't fucking deserve it. None of you do. I'm so sorry." Jason's voice is pleading and begging and you wish you could take out of your own heart and replace it with his just to ease some of his pain.

"Jay, you're high. We can talk about it later, okay?" You nod your head. "Come on, let's get you to bed, okay? You gotta sleep it off. I don't know what he gave you." Your hands slide off of his face and back to his knees.

You would love to discuss this now but you're not sure how much of this he'll even remember when the high wears off. If you're going to talk, you want him to be sober. This isn't actually his fault this time but you still want him to be sober.

Jason nods his head, feeling more defeated than he already was. He's thinking you really mean it. You really are done and you really are giving up on him. You were just there so Crane didn't go too far and kill him. And he wants to take it all back.

"Hey, I promise, okay?" You nod your head softly, seeing the deflated look on his face. "We can talk tomorrow if you still want to, promise." You offer a subtle but reassuring smile and that seems to do the trick.

Jason nods softly again and accepts it. He's exhausted anyway and maybe him spuing apology after apology like this isn't going to get either of you anymore. Maybe you're right. He just hopes you mean it.

"Want help?" You ask.

Jason shakes his head, tugging his jacket off sloppily before telling you his spare clothes are in the broken dresser in the corner. You grab him a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie from the drawer before moving back over to him. Jason struggles more and more trying to get the hoodie off, his limbs failing him as he grows defeated and exhausted. The breaking really used up all of his remaining energy.

"Lemme help." You rest the clothes beside him before you tug the hoodie off gently.

You help him take the armor off next, leaving him in a black tank top. And that's when you see two scars peaking out of the very edges of the tank top on his chest. Your heart plummets remembering exactly what he looked like after the autopsy. His face was mangled and pale, blood long cleaned off of his body and the stitches trailing from his chest down his abdomen. You wonder why those didn't heal but the marks on his face did. But, your heart breaks because now he's permanently marked with what happened to him. He'll never be able to forget it anyway, but now he has a physical reminder and that's just not fair. At least he can probably dye his hair if he wants but there's nothing to do about the scars.

Why did it have to happen to him?

You glance to his face, his eyes drooping and then you look at the white streak of hair. Jason said he thinks it's lame and you wonder what he thinks of the scars. You think he probably hates those, too. Another reminder. And you want to say something but what the hell are you supposed to say? Yeah, sorry Bruce had an autopsy performed? Didn't think you'd come back from the dead? That's ridiculous. But, you also can feel his stare falling back on you and he starts to shift. Not saying anything, that's always an option with him. You don't have to.

So, you don't. Instead, you just trace over them because that's what you always do to his scars. And Jason thinks he might cry again. He hates those fucking scars. The white streak he can deal with, but those scars? Why did Bruce even have it done? Was it not fucking obvious what the cause of death was? He was brutally murdered by a crowbar to the face, something he'll never forget, and now he has fucking autopsy scars. Those are a little hard to explain. At least if he had crowbar scars, they could be explained by a mugging. The white streak is just a choice. Autopsy scars? There's no normal explanation for those. But, then you run your thumbs over the scars anyway as if they're any other scar and Jason wants to combust. He thinks he might burst into flames right under your fingertips.

You offer a small but kind smile before you help him take his boots off. And something about him not refusing your help this time is kind of reassuring for once. Usually, Jason would be telling you he can do it himself and he's fine but now he's just quiet. A part of that is concerning but him letting you help without protest is nice and maybe he's coming around. Maybe he is off the drug.

Once Jason is out of his Red Hood gear, you help him get the other hoodie and pants on before Jason finally lays down. His head spins but his back starts to cramp in just the right way that starts to feel good. And all he wants to do is sleep this whole thing off.

You offer him a sad smile, resting your hand on his cheek. "Okay, I'm gonna head out. Call Dick if you change your mind and you wanna come home." You whisper before you go to stand up.

You don't really intend to leave. You figure you'll just go downstairs until he wakes up and then you can go from there. You don't want to overstep by staying here with him if he's not going to ask. At the end of the day, he's out of it and it's not really your place right now. Even if the very thought of leaving him alone makes you want to burst into tears.

Jason doesn't even think before he grabs your hand as you pull it away from his cheek. You haven't even gotten up. Your other hand is on your knee to help yourself up and you're looking at Jason, one brow raised and waiting. He doesn't want to be alone. Not this time. Just for tonight, he can't be alone.

"Can you stay...please?" Jason lets go of your hand, eyes looking up you, sad and pitiful.

It's like a knife is shoved through your ribs and right into your heart. How the hell could you ever say no to that? Jason Todd rarely asks people to stay and you already left him once. You're not doing it again. There will be another way because this? This isn't it. This is torture for him and for you and there is another way. You're not leaving him alone so you nod.

"Okay." You nod your head and Jason moves over. You sit down, moving the pillow up against the wall so you can lean against the wall comfortably. "You can lay down." You say softly, gesturing to your lap. "I can play with your hair until you fall asleep."

Jason eyes up you, barely keeping his eyes open but there's a warmth that consumes his chest this time. "Thanks for everything." He has no idea how he'll ever be able to repay you. But, he is so thankful you're here and that he's not alone.

"You and me." You say right back as Jason lays his head down in your lap.

Tears prick his eyes as they close because it's still you and him. Somehow, against all odds, it's the two you. He does not deserve it but he's thankful and he loves you. His head is pounding and throbbing, dizzy and foggy but he finds himself thinking maybe he's done with Crane. After everything tonight and having you still show up, maybe you're right. You've tried to save him this whole time but all he's done is push. You stayed for him, at the very least, maybe he can try to stay for you and then himself. Even if it's too late to salvage anything between you.

Your fingers tangle through the white streak of hair, lightly rubbing his scalp and you think this feels normal. Some part of this feels normal and maybe you're starting to hope it can go back to normal if he comes back to the manor. Maybe he can forgive you. You forgive him. You forgave him the second you saw the look of withdrawal on his face. You forgave him for everything else the second your own high wore off. Maybe if he calls Dick, if he's really off of the drug, maybe it can go to normal and maybe Molly's right. Maybe you can find a way back.

You plead for you and Jason to be able to find your way back.

It doesn't take long for the exhaustion to take over and send Jason into a deep sleep. You can always tell when he really falls asleep because his leg twitches and then his entire body relaxes as if it's the only time he can really breathe. It's as if being awake is just too hard sometimes so when sleep does take over, his entire body just collapses on itself. You desperately wish it weren't so hard for him. It's not really your job anymore, but if there were a way to make it easier for him, you'd do it in a heartbeat.

"Hey." You whisper into the phone, your hand still running through Jason's hair.

"Is everything okay?" Gar asks quickly.

"We've been worried." Kory adds in and you figure you're on speaker and you wonder when Gar decided to loop them in.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Crane drugged him. He's asleep now." You watch the white fall over your fingers and then through them. His arm is draped lazily over your legs but keeping you in place and you wonder if it still feels safe like this for him. It does for you.

"He's asleep?" Dick questions and you think there might even be a softness to his voice.

"Yes." You answer back. "Whatever Crane drugged him with was enough to subdue him and now he's tired. So, he's asleep."

"Is that what he told you?" Dick asks and you just roll your eyes.

"No, but I could tell given he was tied to a chair and I had to help him walk. He was drugged." You mutter sternly, trying to keep your voice down.

"Is he okay?" Kory asks and you can hear the worry in her voice.

You keep your eyes on him and it's the same answer. It's always the same answer and you really, really hope one day it'll change.

"No." You answer. "He's not. But I got him."

Gar can hear the bitterness mixing with heartbreak in your tone. He's relieved you were able to get Jason and setting off the alarms works. He's a little surprised it worked since the three of you together don't seem to have the best of luck. But, you have Jason now and he knows you fought with Dick and Kory before leaving, about them not helping. Gar isn't sure you're going to be so willing to come back, especially if you're getting through to Jason.

"You're not coming back, are you?" Gar asks.

You swallow thickly. "No, I gotta stay. I can't leave him like this. But, I'll be back tomorrow."

"Did he tell you anything before he passed out?" Dick asks.

"He said he was really sorry but he, uh, he was really upset and drugged so I said we'd talk later. Then, he asked if I could stay. Um...I think maybe, he'll come around when he wakes up so if he calls you, Dick, you better answer and let him come home, okay?" Your words should be stern but instead, they're desperate and aching.

"Okay." Dick agrees simply, not willing to go back and forth this time. "Did you kill anyone tonight?"

"No, " You scoff. "I let them off with a warning for helping me."

Dick gains a soft smile. He didn't want you to go. He was really concerned for your safety, for all of the Titans' safety. But, you didn't kill anyone and you were right about Jason. You got him free and brought him somewhere safe, with just a little help from Gar. You had a plan of some sort and a backup just in case it was a trap. Dick hopes Jason realizes one day how lucky he is to have someone who's willing to learn from past mistakes and forgive and forget so easily. Not many people are willing to do that. And Dick is proud.

"Good work." Dick says. "Both of you." You can't see it but he offers Gar a simple nod.

You're still a little mad but it is nice to hear you did good for once. Bruce wasn't very much of a positive reinforcement kind of person. Jason always said you were doing a good job but it was different and that's when you finally get it.

Molly and Gar were right. It was never about you being enough for him because it's different. Your validation is important but you weren't the one who gave him the suit. You weren't the one that took him in. Jason always knew you were doing good and you're good at being a vigilante but hearing it from Dick, means something different.

It's like you expect Jason to think you're good because he loves you and that's the thing. Of course, you always believed in him because you love him. That was never the issue. Dick's been doing this for over ten years. Bruce even longer. And Dick was the one who said you could be a Titan. It was Dick that introduced you to it. Like Bruce introducing Jason to it. It's different hearing it from the person who believed in you. It never had anything to do with you.

"Thank you." You say softly, a soft smile on your lips. "I'm gonna go. Thanks for letting me do this and not following me." You say. "I'll be back tomorrow." You sigh before you hang up, resting your phone on the floor beside the mattress before you rest your head against the wall, closing your eyes.

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88 notes View Post

whydoyoucare866

1 year ago

Lighthouse (Jason Todd x GN!Reader)

Word Count: 2.6k

Rating: PG-13 (Swearing and a bit of spice.)

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you enjoy this one-shot! Special thanks again to my cousin and @problem-bat for beta reading for me! I wouldn't be able to do these works so well without you guys!

Jason Todd was, to put it simply, an elaborate mystery that you've been itching to solve all school year. You've been sitting right beside him, partnered together for a few assignments, and even gotten so far as to consider him a friend. But as of late, every time you try to talk to him, he darts away or cuts the conversations short with half-assed excuses.

Since then, you've been trying to give him space, no matter how difficult it is. Occasionally you can feel eyes on you in class, your brain jumps at the thought that it could be his eyes. But, when you look in his direction, he's focused on his work, shoulders tense and the tips of his ears flushed pink.

The kid that lives next door overheard you talking with your roommate about this debacle the other day and she popped her head in, spouting about how that's how boys in her school act when they like someone. But you're college students, for goodness sakes. You aren't in middle school, so surely that isn't the case.

A lot of people had been afraid of him, with his massive, brick shithouse build, scars littering his face and massive arms, and brooding demeanor. But, you took one look at him and saw a big ol' teddy bear hiding beneath that grizzly bear shell. You think back to the casual conversations you’d had with him.

One day, about two months into your hesitant friendship, he’d come into class, bruised up and looking absolutely exhausted. His dark hair looked as though he’d been tugging at it from stress, the shock of white falling into a loose curl over his dark, furrowed brows. As soon as the professor had released you, you’d taken him by the hand, dragging him to the on-campus cafe.

You hadn’t even noticed you’d been holding his hand until you were at the door. His big hand had dwarfed yours, fingers haphazardly intertwined. Upon realization, you’d felt your face heating, yet the rest of your body felt cold the second you slipped your hand away.

When you’d looked up at him and your eyes met, you found that you could no longer hold his gaze like you once had. For this time, you feared drowning in his turquoise eyes, a willing victim to their depth.

That had been two months ago, just before the winter break. Your feelings were far from fading, and you’d spent the whole break thinking about him, even beyond the few texts you had exchanged. When the winter break ended, the strange behavior on his end began.

Maybe… Maybe he figured out that you were starting to fall for him. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk because he doesn’t feel the same way and he doesn’t know how to let you down gently. The thought alone made your heart clench. The last thing you want is to lose a friend because you caught feelings.

Now, you find yourself feeling like a stranger to a boy who still floods your thoughts. You stare out the window, watching the snow fall, but your concentration on the fluffy white flakes is broken as you hear Jason sigh. You glance over at him and watch as he crumples the page he’s been writing on and starts writing again.

Despite the distance you’ve been struggling to give him, you can feel the curiosity poking at you. But the way that he’s got his huge arm curled around the notebook makes it impossible to make out what he’s writing or drawing.

When the professor dismisses the class, Jason bolts from his seat, but the crumpled piece of paper falls from his bag. You grab it to return it to him, but he was already long gone. Considering that this is the last class of the day, he’s likely headed home.

As you stare at the paper, that curiosity pokes at your brain again. You carefully open the ball and you see Jason’s elegant script adorning the paper and your heart drops into your stomach as you read.

"For you are the other half of me.

The bright light to the darkness of my world.

When I feel lost in an empty sea,

Your smile is a beacon leading me to shore

All-encompassing taste of glee,

Everything I want and truly need.

Pulling the fraying threads of my sanity

To tie them back together, my mind is at ease.”

Whoever this is for is very lucky, you think bitterly. As his friend, you should be happy for him, knowing that he found someone who inspires him to write such beautiful poetry. But as someone who has fallen for him as hard as you have, it kills you.

You continue to stare at the paper before resolving to return it to him and own up to violating his privacy. Each step you take feels as though your shoes are made of lead as you make your way across town to his apartment.

By the time you finally make it to his apartment, it’s nearly dark. Your face is stinging from the cold, your eyes burning from unshed tears, and your stomach churning from nerves. You try to take a moment to collect yourself before knocking, trying to stop your hands from shaking and to get a hold on your emotions. You’re so caught up in trying to collect yourself, you don’t even hear the footsteps approaching.

His deep voice breaks your concentration as he calls your name. “The hell are ya doin’ here, dummy?”

You glance up at him, but the second you see his face, the urge to cry slams into you like a wrecking ball. “J-Jay? I came to… I came by to give this to you. I… You dropped it when you were leaving class this afternoon,” you explain, jerking your arms out, the crumpled ball of paper in your open hands.

You hear the rustling of plastic grocery bags being set on the floor, and feel his warm hand brush against yours as he takes the paper from your hands, uncrumpling it. As you wait for his response, the dam holding back your tears finally breaks, a steady stream pouring down over your cheeks. You’re sure he can’t see the tears, seeing as you can’t bring your face up from where you stare at his feet.

“Shit. Jus’ don’t tell me ya read it,” he finally speaks, his voice soft.

“I’m so-sorry,” you reply, your voice cracking. “I was just curious. I didn’t… I didn’t think it was anything so private, Jay.”

“Hey, I’m not mad at ya, dummy,” he assures you, placing a warm hand on your shoulder. “Jus’ feeling stupid. I shoulda paid better attention if I didn’t wanna have it read. I was ‘bout ta make dinner. Wanna join me?”

“I-I don’t know if that is a good idea,” you reply, your stomach still churning, voice still shaking, tears still streaming.

You turn to leave, but his large hand gently grabs your chin, tilting your head so that you have no choice but to look him in the eyes.

“Ya can’t jus’ expect me to let ya run off on me like this,” he whispers, his turquoise eyes boring into your own. “Come inside, dummy. ‘m not gon’ make ya eat, but at least come in and get warm. It’s fuckin snowing, you’re already shiverin', and ‘m not a fan of sending anyone out into the cold, ‘specially in a state like this. Those eyes of yours are gonna freeze shut.”

He’s careful as he drapes an arm over your shoulder, gently leading you into his place. He helps you out of your coat and boots, before setting them near the heater to dry, and settling you on the couch. By the time he comes back in with the groceries that he’d left in the hall, you haven’t stopped crying, but at least you’ve stopped shaking like a leaf.

You feel so pathetic. You’d promised yourself that you wouldn’t cry until you were out of his sight, yet here you were, softly sobbing like a heartbroken little kid, curled up on his couch. You can hear him rummaging around in the cabinets, and after a few minutes, you’re out of tears and he’s walking out with a mug of hot chocolate, a heaping pile of whipped cream on top.

He hands you the mug and you offer him a weak smile in return before he speaks, his voice still gentle. “So, dummy, you gon’ tell me what’s got you cryin’ at my doorstep?”

“It’s nothing, Jay,” you manage to reply, concentrating on making sure that your voice doesn’t shake or crack again.

You can feel him staring at you as you sip at the sugary concoction he’s given you. When you burn your tongue, you gently place the mug on the coffee table, careful to use the coaster he’s got sitting there.

“I don’t wanna push,” he begins with a sigh. “But it’s clearly not ‘nothing’ if you’re crying. Who the hell do I need to beat up?”

You manage a weak chuckle, shaking your head. “Jay, I swear, it’s nothing. I’m not going to tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because, it’s stupid.”

He grabs your chin again, making you look at him as he speaks, “It’s not stupid if it’s got you upset, dummy. It’s killing me to see you hurt. You’ve got a big heart, we both know it. But, you don’t go around cryin’ over ‘nothing.’

“I’ve seen you cry when we’ve watched Titanic, The Notebook, and Bridge to Terabithia. But in the months we’ve known each other, I’ve never seen ya cry for no reason. If you’re crying, it's because you’re hurtin’ something fierce. Tell me that ya read The Fault in Our Stars again. Tell me ya saw that old commercial with the abused puppies in cages and the Sarah McLachlan song in it. But don’t sit here and tell me that you’re cryin’ over nothing. We both know that isn’t true.”

You can’t say anything. Not when he just, with the softest voice you’ve ever heard him use, read you from memory like he reads Pride and Prejudice. Not when he’s looking at you like that, raw concern in his pretty eyes. Not when he’s holding your jaw like you’re made of glass. How is it, within the span of September to February, he’s managed to memorize you?

You can’t help it. In a surge of emotion, you crash your lips to his. He freezes for a moment, but then his hands move to either side of your face, cradling your face so tenderly in his large, warm hands. He kisses you back with a slow, steady passion that sets your veins alight.

It isn’t until you brush your tongue against his lips that he pulls away, his face red, hands shaking, and his eyes blown wide with lust.

“I’m sorry, Jay,” you whisper, feeling ashamed as you turn your focus to your hands. You’re not sorry that you did it. You’re sorry that you didn’t ask for his consent before you did it. It feels like nearly every cell in your body is glowing and vibrating with excitement. Yet, you forced yourself on him.

“Hey, dummy,” he mutters with a small chuckle. “You wanna look at me?”

You do as he says and you see a big, dopey grin on his face. His eyes are filled with hope, light, and warmth, making your heart do a cartwheel.

“Why are you apologizing,” he asks gently, hesitation obvious.

“I just jumped on you,” you reply honestly, and once you start, you can’t seem to stop. “I mean, you wrote that beautiful poem, Jay. I know that you’re interested in someone else and I just forced myself on you.”

“You… You think that I’m into someone else,” he asks, an eyebrow cocked as he shakes his head.

“I mean, it was so beautiful and you clearly had someone in mind when you wrote it. I didn’t-”

You don’t get to continue your thought as he pulls you back into him, pressing a searing hot kiss to your lips. He places his hands firmly on your hips, slowly lowering you onto the couch. You’re confused, but you can’t bring yourself to argue. This time, it's him that brushes his tongue against your lips. You open your mouth without a moment of hesitation, a low groan escaping his throat as your tongues intertwine. When you part for air, he easily moves his mouth to your neck, placing soft kisses to the flesh there in a way that sends a shudder down your spine. He gently nips at your neck and you find a whimper escaping your mouth.

He pulls away after a moment of nipping and sucking at your neck, a proud grin covering his face as he examines the already forming marks on your skin.

“I’m. Going. To. Give. You. Three. Guesses. Who? Do. You. Think. That. Poem. Was. For. Now,” he mutters, punctuating each word with a soft kiss to your lips.

“Me,” you whisper, unmistakable hope thoroughly lacing your voice.

“Damn right. Couldn’t get the balls to tell ya, so I was writing a poem to give ya tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Valentine’s Day, dummy,” he replies, allowing you both to sit back up.

“Oh.”

“If you liked the poem and me, I was going to invite you back here. I got all the stuff to make your favorites,” he offers, rubbing the back of his neck. “When I saw you at my door, I was hoping that you wouldn’t see what was in the bags and spoil the surprise. But clearly, I just spoiled it myself.”

“I thought you were avoiding me because you found out I liked you and you didn’t know how to tell me you weren't interested,” you confessed, feeling bashful.

“I’ve been flirting with ya since OCTOBER, dummy. But when you hadn’t gotten the hint by Christmas break, I asked my brothers and my grandfather for help… They all said to spit it out and tell ya. But, I got so nervous, I felt like I was gonna hurl every time I tried to tell ya.”

“You’ve been flirting with me since October? The only thing that really changed in October was that you started calling me…”

“Dummy. I started calling you dummy. ’m not the best at this kinda thing, okay? When you held my hand on the way to that coffee shop back in November, I thought my heart was jus’ gonna up and burst. I’ve never… I’ve never liked anyone the way I like you.”

“Guess that neighbor kid was right,” you mutter, picking up your mug again, taking a hearty sip of the now cooled cocoa.

“Huh?”

“Neighbor kid is about twelve. She said that boys her age start acting the way you did because they like someone. I told her that was silly, because we were adults, not kids.”

“Well, I guess, you make me feel like a child, dummy.”

You find yourself letting out a laugh as he bashfully speaks, “You know, if you'd like, I could read you the rest of that poem?”

“I’d like that, Jay.”

"Since the day I met you, you’ve enchanted me.

An unfamiliar comfort in a life of pain.

I’ve found that you are the other half of me.

The bright light to the darkness of my world.

When I feel lost in an empty sea,

Your smile is a beacon leading me to shore

All-encompassing taste of glee,

Everything I want and truly need.

Pulling the fraying threads of my sanity

To tie them back together, you make it look easy.

You are the lighthouse that leads me to safety

In the best of all of my dreams, it’s you that holds me.”

“Hey Jay,” you whisper as he finishes.

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me again?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” he mutters before crashing his lips back to yours.

403 notes View Post

whydoyoucare866

1 year ago

maybe i was born to read fanfic and obsess over fictional men idk

16K notes View Post

whydoyoucare866

10 months ago

take the edge off. [suna rintarou x f!reader] chapter three.

>>You struggle with your weight and body image, but Suna extensively and thoroughly undoes all the damage done by other guys.

You haven't gotten laid in over a year, and your best friend takes it upon himself to fix that for you.<<

series status: [complete]

previous. || masterlist. || next.

a/n: we are now entering yn's suna-obsessed arc aewfafawef theyre just so horrendously down bad for each other i swear

[feel free to buy me a cup of coffee!]

---------------------------------------

Suna’s decided lack of caution comes with the discovery of two pieces of rather dangerous information.

The first is that you very quickly become used to the feeling of sharing a bed with someone, to the point of relying on it. In the days after that fateful weekend, you fall asleep with Suna’s head on your chest and wake up with his arm draped across your waist, his face buried in the crook of your neck. You aren’t sure how you’d never once learned in passing that he’s the type of man to pull you closer and hold tight when you try to move away, but that knowledge is bad for you.

It’s bad for you to find out, despite your subtle hints that he doesn’t need to do this every night, that he’s adamant about it. That even on the nights where nothing happens between you, he still drives you home from work with the unspoken expectation that he won’t be leaving. That those nights are the worst, truthfully, because he spends them pressing lingering kisses into your skin, his body laid between your thighs only so he can bury his face into the side of your neck and whisper that you look ‘ extra pretty ’ lounging in his t-shirt on your bed.

And when you call him out for it, asking, between warm kisses on flushed skin, why he’s pushing this entirely separate boundary with you when the agreement was strictly sex, it’s bad for you that all he does is smile against you and whisper, in a voice that betrays a warning, ‘ I told you I was done being careful ’.

It seems you’d been woefully unprepared for what he’d meant when he’d said he would fix things.

The second bit of knowledge, equally – if not more – dangerous, is that Suna Rintarou is beautiful in a way that’s forbidden when he blushes. That getting him nervous enough to trigger that flush of embarrassment is easier than you’d thought it would be. That all it takes is for you to treat him the way he treats you, soft and sweet and quiet.

A whisper against his skin, the words ‘ you’re so pretty ’ after you kiss him perfectly sufficient in making his ears warm.

A smile, golden and warm, coupled with the admission of ‘ I missed you’ when he picks you up at work all it really takes to make him scratch at his brow with a shaky laugh, his face a little redder than before.

A question, in the middle of kissing him on his couch, his hands anchored to your waist as you sit comfortably in his lap.

“ Will you tell me what you thought about? ”

“Mm?” He responds, fingers dancing up to the clasp of your bra and tugging curiously.

You breathe your consent, whole and eager, and shiver when he unhooks it. “In college.”

His hand twitches against your skin, and you almost smile, because he’s pulling away with wide eyes.

“In college…?” He blinks, and heat starts to spread across his cheeks. You watch it go, entranced, and nod.

“Please?”

When he swallows nervously and flicks his eyes between yours before looking away, you know you would do anything to see that exact face again and again, as long as he’ll let you.

“Uh-” He smiles, shaking his head. “No, I don’t…” He pauses, thinking, and then shakes his head more forcefully. “No, definitely not.”

You pout, watching how his eyes come back to you just to track it. “Why not?”

“Because it’s fucking embarrassing,” He laughs. “Because I was a horny college kid.”

You tilt your head at him with a smile, combing your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. “Just how horny are we talking here?”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do,” You press. “That’s why I’m asking.”

“No,” He groans, and you’re certain that whatever he’s thinking must be bad, because his whole face is radiating warmth. “It’s… I don’t know how you’ll take it-”

“Alright,” You concede, shifting comfortably on his lap and smiling when he clamps onto your hips to still you, something warm pressing between your thighs. “Can I just get some detail? A crumb or two?” You laugh weakly. “It’s been on my mind all week.”

He sighs, running a hand through his hair with a pained smile. “…what d’you wanna know?”

“How many times? And when?” You start, launching into questions with a bright smile. “What did I do to make it happen? What did you think about-“

“O- kay ,” He interrupts with a laugh. “I’m not answering that one-“ When you pout again, he shrugs. “You want crumbs or not?”

He laughs when you dejectedly mumble, ‘ I like crumbs ’, and then there’s a moment of silence, one where he eyes you and clearly weighs all his options. You wait as patiently as you can, scanning his face for clues.

Finally, he sighs.

“So, the first time-”

“Out of how many?”

He blinks, and you watch his ears grow red as he scratches at his brow. “How am I s’posed to remember that…?”

Your face splits in a wide grin. “You lost count.”

He scowls, embarrassed. “Four of those times were completely on you.”

“Four! Why four?”

“You gonna let me talk?”

You smile unconvincingly.

“The first one was the accident.” He meets your eyes and then looks away quickly. “You texted me, I was close. That’s it.”

“That’s what you said last time,” You argue. “Give me more than that.”

He groans. “We’d just hung out, and you sent the pictures we took together.“ He shakes his head, going quiet for a minute. “I dunno, I always thought you had a pretty smile, I guess. And I was already close…”

You stare.

“My smile made you come?”

Suna shuts his eyes, smiling wryly. “Said your name and everything.”

It’s your turn to flush, his admission making your nerves tingle. “I like it when you say my name.”

He peeks up at you, starting to smile and bringing your face close to his slowly. “I know you do.” He kisses you carefully, the push of his lips gentle. “But, at the time, I really just wanted to throw myself out a window.”

You grin, kissing him again before asking, “And then? The second time?”

He knocks his forehead softly against yours. “There was that heatwave, before third year.”

Of course it would have been during the heatwave. “Was it the lack of clothes, Suna? Too much skin?” You tease, your smile growing when he laughs.

“It was the dress. ” He shakes his head. “ Fucking summer dress .”

You blink, vaguely remembering a yellow summer dress that you’d been forced to wear. It was the only thing that hadn’t made you want to tear your hair out in that heat.

More importantly, you remember that being the first day you’d ever wondered if Suna was angry with you, because he’d spent the entire afternoon sitting on the couch with his arms crossed and refusing to look at you, his knee bouncing in agitation.

“What about the summer dress?” You ask, immensely interested in this wonderful new insight.

“Not answering that.”

“But-”

“No.” He cuts you off with a smack of a kiss. “The third time was when we went to the beach, and the twins made you sit in my lap in the car.”

You’re surprised by that, because you remember that day quite clearly – Aran and Kita piled into the backseat with Suna, everyone talking over each other and bickering about nothing. You remember being nervous about sitting between Suna’s legs on the bumpy ride there, because it was weird to sit so intimately with him. And because he’d put his hands on your thighs and kept them there the whole time, keeping you from flying around. You remember worrying that your thighs were too big, that they were big but not plush in the way boys like, and that Suna would be the first to find this out about you.

“Really? You seemed totally fine.”

“You had your ass pressed against me the entire time,” He jokes.

“I know, I was there,” You argue, flushing. “But you were so calm about it.”

“Yeah, probably because I was listing volleyball stats in my head to keep sane, and you were not making it better at all with how you kept shifting and moving and being very annoyingly soft in my arms.”

You bark out a laugh. “You kept squeezing my thighs to keep me steady! It was nerve-wracking!”

He blinks, brow furrowed, and a full beat passes.

And then he runs a hand over his face with a groan. “Oh, my God.”

You smack him playfully on the chest, smiling. “What!”

He starts to laugh, hiding behind his hand. “I was probably feeling you up.”

“Feeling me…“ You balk. “No way were you feeling me up.”

“No?” He sets his hands right on your thighs and starts to squeeze, kneading and pulling and dragging his blunt nails lightly down your skin. You shiver visibly and watch him move, taking in how he spreads the pads of his fingers across your thighs and presses you down into his lap. “No way at all?”

He slides his hands up to your waist and drags you flush against him, his lips brushing yours when you put your hands on his chest. “I was being a terrible friend, thinking about doing things to you in front of all our other friends, and you thought I was just keeping you steady ?” He smiles, and you feel it in places you shouldn’t. “That’s so sweet of you.”

“ Tell me ,” You breathe, leaning toward him, your nerves screaming for him. “Tell me what you were thinking about.”

He just tilts his head, green eyes flashing as he watches your mouth come close to his. “ Never .”

You whine, and he cuts it short with a heated push of his lips against yours.

“Please, Rin,” You try, and you feel him tense under your hands.

“You’re funny,” He laughs. “Using my name like that.”

“I want you to tell me.”

“You’ll have to be more convincing than that,” He settles, smiling at you in a wicked, beautiful way. “But, for now, no.” He kisses you once, breathing it into your mouth. “ Don’t ask me again .”

You sigh, pressing your forehead to his and feeling somewhere between annoyed that he’d said no and incredibly aroused that he’d spoken to you like that. “Then tell me about the fourth time.”

That flash of embarrassment comes back, and the warm flush that heats your skin, too. He looks like he’s going to resist, so you dip your head and push your mouth against his.

“Tell me.”

“You-” He laughs, smiling weakly. “-were tying your shoes.”

You blink, pulling away. “Huh?”

“It’s so stupid.” He groans, shaking his head. “You came over to my desk – in that random elective we took together – while I was packing my shit. You literally just bent down in front of me to tie your shoes, that was it.” His laugh turns delirious, as though retelling the story is enough to make him lose his mind. “You were talking about the assignment and tying your shoes in front of my desk, and then you looked up at me-” He drops his head to your shoulder, sighing. “ God, when you looked up at me… ”

You blink rapidly, feeling your face warm as you listen to how he talks about you.

“That’s when I knew I was fucked,” He breathes against your skin, and you feel when he shakes his head lightly against you.

Your heart races just next to where he has his face pressed into your skin. “You thought about me blowing you, didn’t you?” You tease, your body humming under his touch.

He sighs, tightening his hold on you. “That’s not how I would have put it,” He admits, whispering like he doesn’t want you to hear it.

You swallow, your limbs starting to go a bit numb. “It’s not?”

He shakes his head slowly. “It’s too…” He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you close and burying his face in your neck. You slide your fingers into his hair and scratch your nails against him gently, feeling when he shivers. “...nice.”

Your stomach drops, and you pull away enough to look down at him. “What does that mean?”

He purses his lips, unable to meet your eyes. You watch his face redden.

“This is why I didn’t want you to know,” He complains, his voice strained, and his knee starts to bounce nervously, jostling you in his lap. “I never really cared with other girls, but I don’t want to turn you off.”

There’s a piece of you that burns with jealousy that there are girls in the world – in this city , even – that know something about Suna Rintarou that you don’t. But a bigger part of you is desperate to hear what he has to say.

“You won’t,” You assure him. “I promise you won’t.”

He scratches his neck, thinking. “You mentioned that first night that you like things… well, rough.” He swallows. “But I don’t know how rough you meant, so I didn’t want to push it-”

Your lips part while you stare down at him.

“Tell me,” You whisper to him, grabbing his face when he starts to shake his head. “Tell me,” You repeat. “You want me to beg? I will.”

He breathes out a laugh, but you feel him harden slightly against your inner thigh, so you push.

“You said you wanted me to have everything I want, that you were mad that I haven’t yet,” You say, feeling his hands tighten on your waist.

“I did,” He breathes, voice tight. “But-”

“Well, I want this,” You lean forward, pressing your lips against his. His hand cups the back of your head, and he kisses you softly. You pull away just enough to look into his eyes, so green and so close to giving you what you want.

“ I want you to give me this, Rin .”

Your stomach flips and your body fills with that fluttery feeling you’re starting to get around him, because you can pinpoint the exact moment you convince him, his hesitant eyes hardening into something that almost makes you nervous.

That night, when he presses your face into his mattress and makes you scream his name, his fingers are tangled brutally in your hair and your hands are clinging uselessly to his bed frame. When you come around him, your back tight against his chest, he’s got one hand wrapped around your throat and the other pressing thumbprint bruises into your hip with how tight he’s holding you.

When he mumbles the word ‘ mine’ against the shell of your ear just before moaning your name and spilling into you, you know things with Suna Rintarou have changed.

–

In the week that follows, the change in your relationship manifests in ways you hadn’t expected.

On Monday, he tells you he has to go out of town in a week.

“There’s an art convention happening in Tokyo,” He says, circling you in the kitchen to make coffee. “They invited me to speak at a panel, something about art styles and careers.”

“That’s amazing!” You turn at the stove, beaming up at him. When he just shrugs, you nudge him. “That’s really cool, Rin. You should be more excited.”

He flushes and shakes his head with a laugh, and you realize just a moment too late that you’d called him Rin.

You clear your throat, turning back to make sure your food doesn’t burn. He’s refused breakfast every day for the past week, but you’ve learned that if you set a simple piece of toast next to his coffee cup, it mysteriously disappears when you’re not looking.

Still, cooking for just yourself in his apartment is a new habit, one that he encourages by restocking his fridge every few days with foods you know he doesn’t like.

“How long will you be gone?” You ask, plating your breakfast and following him to the couch.

“A week.” He pulls his laptop out from under the coffee table, kicking his feet up. “You should stay,” He says without looking up.

You blink, still processing the fact that it had felt like a punch in the gut to learn that he’d be gone an entire week. “Stay where?”

“Here.”

“Here?”

He purses his lips, glancing at you playfully. “Yes, here .”

You roll your eyes. “I have an apartment, Suna.”

If he thinks anything of the name change, he doesn’t say it. He just goes back to his laptop, and you see that he’s booking flights. “I’m aware. But if you stay here, then you can make everything smell like you.”

You stare, wondering if he realizes what he’s saying. That he wants you to live here while he’s gone, that he wants you to leave traces of yourself for him to find later.

“Uh,” You warm, staring down at your breakfast with unseeing eyes. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

You can see the question in his eyes when they flick to you quickly. “Alright. Well, regardless,” He sighs, nodding toward the little key bowl in his entryway while typing away. “Take the car. I don’t want you on the train after work.”

You have nothing to say to that, your ears thrumming with your heartbeat as you remind yourself that Suna’s just a friend.

–

On Tuesday, Osamu kicks you out of the shop, piling your arms high with containers of baked goods. They’re new recipes for Suna to sample and give his brutally honest opinion on, but the twin had only kicked you out in the middle of the working day because you wouldn’t stop asking him about his date with Yachi. You’d prodded about everything – what he’d wore, what they’d ordered to eat, what they’d talked about – and he’d given you every single detail with only a little embarrassment.

But the second you’d suggested he walk down the road to her shop to say hello, he’d all but put his foot on your ass and launched you out of the store.

“Don’t come back until closing,” He warns, shutting the jingling door in your face.

When you walk into Suna’s shop thirty minutes later, juggling boxes full of cakes and pastries, he’s finishing up with a client that should be on the cover of a magazine.

“Oh,” He says in surprise, eyes widening when he sees you. “Hey.”

You stand there, feeling painfully out of place while the woman looks you over. He’d tattooed her ribcage, and she’s got one hand on his shoulder to keep her arm lifted while he wraps the finished piece.

“Samu kicked me out,” You say dumbly, jostling the boxes with an awkward laugh. That hand she’s got on him is making your blood pressure rise. “I can just leave these in your office and go.”

Suna doesn’t see the woman look between you, too busy narrowing his eyes at you. “I’ll be done in a sec,” He says carefully, nodding toward his office. “Wanna wait for me?”

“You seem busy.”

It’s cold enough to draw his eyebrows up high on his forehead, and the woman’s lips lift in the ghost of a smirk. You want to curl up and die.

“I’m not,” He says cleanly, finally seeming to realize that you’re not looking at him but over his shoulder at the girl who’s eyeing you like you’re less than her. “Give me two minutes, and then I’m all yours.”

His smile is knowing when your gaze flicks back to him, and you catch a tinge of annoyance coloring the woman’s smile.

You say nothing, turning to head to the back and trying to stop the twinge of pleasure that comes when you hear him call out to his assistant.

“ Block my schedule, Suki, will you?”

“You got it – for Y/n?”

“Who else?”

When he joins you in his office, you’re rolling your eyes. “That was cheesy.”

“Incredibly,” He smiles, dropping down on the couch next to you. “But you were acting jealous, so, obviously, the situation was dire.”

“I was not-” You scoff. “I was not jealous .”

“No, no, of course not.” He reaches to unstack the boxes you’d left on the table, opening one. There’s a set of muffins inside, all different flavors. “Just looked like you wanted to stab her with one of my tattoo needles, that’s all.”

“ She had her hand on your shoulder ,” You grumble, breaking a piece off of the muffin that you’re certain is blueberry lemon. You hand him the rest, ignoring the smile he’s giving you.

“Okay. I’m sorry.” He takes a bite, and you do the same. It’s a little too sweet, and the way Suna’s face pinches tells you he feels the same. You make a note of it for Osamu. “It won’t happen again,” He continues, setting the pastry down.

“No,” You sigh, feeling guilty. “You don’t have to accommodate me. I’m just being bratty, it’s fine.” Your exes had never liked your insecure streak, claiming it made you look childish.

But Suna displays no sign of feeling the same, just shrugging as he reaches for another muffin. “It upset you, right?” When you say nothing, he glances at you with a small smile. “Okay, so it won’t happen again. Simple.”

There’s a knock on the door, one you barely hear while trying to understand how that conversation had been so easy. He stands, pulling the door open.

“Oh. What’s up?” He says, a bit confused.

You glance up, finding his client there smiling up at him beautifully. Her eyes meet yours, and a brow lifts curiously. You look down at yourself, finding muffin crumbs all over your shirt, and you brush them off with an embarrassed flush.

“I just wanted to give you your tip in person,” The woman says, her voice dripping in honey. She presses a wad of cash into his palm and then lays a perfectly manicured hand on his bicep. “You were really good. Can I come see you again?”

You swallow, ears burning. But Suna just calmly pulls away from her, stepping back to hand the cash to you while her hand flops uselessly at her side. You take the money with wide eyes.

“Guess dinner’s on me tonight,” He smiles down at you and ignores the girl briefly, and you see there’s a hint of irritation in his expression. “I was starting to feel guilty with you cooking every night.”

The woman watches the money pass from Suna’s hand to yours, and you swear she’s imagining several ways to kill you and get away with it.

He turns back to her and smiles politely. “I’d definitely be down to work with you again, but you can just make appointments and leave payment with Suki in the future. I suck at keeping track of it all.”

You almost feel bad for how hard he shuts her down, but you’re too busy wondering what alternate universe you’ve walked into. Suki’s voice in the hall only adds to the chaos.

“ You’re still here?”

Suna laughs, because she’s adding ‘ I swear, I go to the bathroom for two minutes and you get ambushed. ’

The girl fumbles, her composure falling when she looks back at Suki. “I-”

“ And you can’t come back here like this ,” Suki interrupts, and you wish so badly that you could see her sassy little face. “ This is a private area .”

You busy yourself with opening cake boxes so your pleased grin is hidden behind your hair. You don’t see how the moment ends, but Suna’s closing the door soon and coming back to the couch with a sigh.

“How was that?” He asks, reaching for a plastic fork so he can dig into the layer cake you’re presenting him with. He hums when he tastes it, nodding. “‘s good.”

You nod, putting it down. “You were horrible and I enjoyed every second.”

“Perfect, then,” He says, reaching for another open cake box. “What do you want for dinner?”

You’re quiet, remembering how his client had looked down on you, you with your clothes that don’t fit right and the muffin crumbs on your shirt. Your stomach turns with the distantly familiar and always unpleasant urge to be hard on yourself.

It slips out, despite years of learning how to coach yourself out of it.

“I’m not too hungry today,” You start, brushing lint from your pants. “The cake is filling me u- mm- ”

Your face squishes between his fingers, cutting you short and forcing you to look up at him. He stares back and squeezes your face hard.

“I don’t like where your head just went,” He says plainly, and you take it as a warning.

“ Suna- ”

“I’m buying us dinner. You’re going to eat it, right?” He lifts a brow.

You swallow, mumbling through his hold. “ Right. ”

“Good,” He smiles. “Curry sound good?”

You blink rapidly when he forces you to nod, because he’s only allowing one answer. “ I like curry. ”

“Yeah.” He finally lets you go, but you stay close, breathing him in while he holds eye contact. “You do.” He holds his fork between you, eyes flicking to the cake he’d just tasted. “Try it. It’s good.”

You take it and move almost mechanically to spear into the dessert. Only when you lift the bite to your mouth does he stop watching you.

Wordlessly, he pulls his phone from his pocket and leans back against the couch, opening his delivery apps to look for curry. You watch him scroll away, hit again with that strange realization that you’ll miss him desperately next week.

–

On Wednesday, he starts making jokes about your relationship.

A text lights up your phone just as you’re explaining the many tea options in your shop to a young girl who looks wonderfully excited to try something new. You ignore the text for a moment, finishing up with her and then leaving her to talk with her parents.

You reach for your phone, refusing to acknowledge that you’d hoped it’d be him.

[12:56 PM]

Sunarin : i have to go to the bank to take out cash for my trip

Sunarin : go with me?

You smile, a bit warmed by him asking you to do something so domestic with him. Sleeping semi-permanently in his bed and drinking your coffee together in the morning is arguably far more domestic than this, but there’s something different about being in public with him. The idea of your dynamic stretching into places where other people can see it makes your nerves light up.

You : scared to face the bank tellers yourself?

Sunarin : terrified

Sunarin : go with me, ill buy you a sweet treat after

You : you need to put the internet down for a few days

You : all those tiktoks about gfs and their sweet treats are not about us

Sunarin : yes they are

Sunarin : go with me

You stare down at nothing, dissociating as you process what he’d just said. You hear the girl deciding at the counter that she wants to try the french vanilla earl grey that you’d said was popular, so you type out a quick response and throw your phone on the counter.

You : smh fine

You come back after ringing the family up for their drinks, Haru tearing the order from the printer beside you.

Sunarin : see? youre just a sweet treat gf

When he picks you up after work, your face burns and your stomach flutters the entire way to the bank. He slides his hand over your thigh halfway there, and you hide your face in your hands.

He doesn’t ask what’s making you nervous, and you don’t ask what he’d meant. You have the distinct feeling that you don’t need to.

At the bank, the teller mistakenly calls you his girlfriend while making small talk, and he doesn’t correct her.

When he pulls you into his lap that night, you’re overheating and trembling just a little bit as you start to really wonder what you are to him. There’s a piece of you that foolishly thinks that him being rough in bed will remind you that you aren’t anything, really. That your friends with benefits arrangement is as it was before.

But he doesn’t fuck you the way you expect him to. He just buries his fingers in your hair and breathes the words ‘Stop overthinking this’ into your ear. You relax against him, and then he fucks you slow, rewarding you for listening and talking you over the edge with him in a way that makes you want more.

You want more with him.

–

Thursday is uneventful – or, at least you think it is, because you have no time in the day to think or process anything that’s happening with you and Suna. The Black Jackals are playing, so your shop has a line out the door and around the corner. You and Haru play a game he likes to call ‘Dodge or Die’, where you have to be perfect at avoiding each other or risk spilling someone’s drink all over the other’s head.

Suna texts you a few times throughout the day, but you don’t get a chance to look at them until it’s nearly closing time. When you check, you see that there’s just a couple memes and a separate reminder to eat and drink water, because he knows exactly what kind of day you’re having.

He doesn’t make another joke about you being his girlfriend, and – although you weren’t expecting a high frequency of that, considering it’s been less than 24 hours – you wonder if maybe you’d overdone it last night. You wonder if you’d betrayed your feelings too much, if he’d seen that you’d taken it as more than a joke and now he’s laying off.

You sit in your office, staring at the wall as those thoughts spin circles around your head, and you dread having to text him back.

He calls before you have time to figure out what to say, your phone lighting up on your desk.

Your heart drops.

“Hello?”

“ Done with work? ”

His voice makes your palms sweat, and you recognize that that’s a terrible sign for you keeping your feelings in check.

“Yeah,” You sigh. “It was exhausting, but a busy day’s always good.”

“ And we have celebration drinks tomorrow .”

You vaguely recall Atsumu texting your group chat after the game, declaring a get-together with the Black Jackals at some bar downtown tomorrow night.

“Oh, yeah… That’ll be fun.” You cringe, hearing how awkward you sound. There’s a pause, one where you think he must be deciding what to say.

“ Do you want me to come pick you up? Or do you want space? ”

You drop your head to your hand, tears pricking behind your eyes. The fact that he’s asking means he’d noticed – because he always notices – that something’s different with you now. You’re terrified to find out what that means on his end.

“Uhm,” Your voice wavers, and you want to throw your phone in the trash. “Maybe space…?”

It’s better. It’s best there’s space. Maybe space would fix things – force your head back onto your shoulders. Bring you back down to reality, the one where Suna is entirely out of your league and you’re better off not becoming delusional about your relationship with him.

“ Okay ,” He says, and then there’s quiet. “ Do you want me to ask you again? ”

He makes you feel safe in a way that scares you.

“... Yes ,” You whisper, because you’re certain your voice would crack otherwise.

“ Do you want me to pick you up? ”

“Yes.”

You were right. Your voice does crack.

“ Give me ten minutes to close up? And then I’ll head over. ”

“Okay.”

Later, when he leads you by the hand to his couch and sits you down, it’s between his legs, his arms belted tight around your middle and holding your back against his chest. You watch TV in silence, and then – when you finally gather the courage to face him – you turn in place, climbing into his lap and burying your face in his neck. He hugs you tight, waiting.

“ ‘m sorry ,” You mumble, heartbeat thrumming in your veins. He presses his head to your shoulder, arms warm around you.

“For what?”

“Running.”

You feel him smile.

“Does that mean you’ll stop running?”

“I can try,” You laugh weakly.

“If I ask you to,” He starts, sighing into your skin. “Will you?”

You tighten your hold on him and nod, pressing a hesitant kiss to his pulse point. “I’ll do my best.”

“ Promise ?” He wraps his fingers in your hair. “Promise you’ll stay?”

Your face burns, but you nod again. “Promise.”

“ That’s my girl ,” He whispers.

You desperately want him to mean that.

–

On Friday morning, you wake to Suna’s lips on your throat. You feel him climbing between your thighs, and it takes several seconds to gain your bearings. You blink rapidly, feeling his hands sliding under your shirt, palms hot on your skin.

“ Mm ?” You ask, fingers carding into his hair on instinct.

“ Sorry ,” He murmurs. “ Woke up a little needy .” He kisses down the length of your throat, hands wandering, unseen. “ You look really good in my shirt. ”

You shiver, glancing at the clock on his bedside table. It’s almost 9. “We don’t have time-”

“I know,” He says quickly, warm hands cupping your breasts. “But, can we?” He kisses you, lips full and tempting. “I just… I’m not gonna see you all day, and, when I do see you, it’s gonna be at the bar with other people, and after last night, I just want-” He buries his face in your neck, letting out an unhinged laugh. “ Fuck .”

“What?” You breathe, already lifting your hips by the time he cautiously hooks his fingers into your panties. You find, unsurprisingly, that you like it most when he blushes the way he is now. “What is it?”

“‘ s embarrassing ,” He mumbles, preoccupying himself with watching how your underwear looks sliding down your thighs.

You laugh quietly. “I think we’re past that.”

“I dunno how to say it.”

“Try.”

He groans, and you use your grip on his hair to force him to look at you. You kiss him, mumbling ‘ Try ’ against his lips.

He hides in your neck again, pushing his boxers down to his knees blindly. He slides his cock between your folds, sighing heatedly when you shiver and whisper his name.

“I want to-” He rocks against you, a quiet moan falling past his lips when he feels how wet you’re getting. You feel more than hear when he, in a voice that wavers just enough to warm you, finally says what’s on his mind. “ Wanna come inside you .”

Your heart jumps. “You do that every time,” You say, knowing full well that that’s not what he’s saying.

He shakes his head anyway, swallowing after a moment. “ Wanna ruin you .”

There it is. What he really wants.

Your head explodes in white noise, your fingers going numb where you hold tight to him.

The head of his cock nudges against your entrance, and he’s lifting his head to kiss you once, both your lips parting in silent moans when he slips just inside.

“Yes,” You breathe, nodding your consent. Your heart is racing everywhere in your body, his admission ringing in your ears. “ Please do .”

His eyes roll slightly back as he pushes fully into you, his sigh shaky as he whispers ‘ Fuck ’ against your mouth.

The pace he finds is one that has your lungs crying for air.

You dig your nails into his back, stomach lurching when he moans in response and throws his arm out to grip the headboard.

“ Feel so good ,” He whispers. “Always so good. Better than I’d imagined.”

A memory of him admitting that he’d lost track of the times he’d thought about you flies through your head.

You breathe his name, stumbling over your words.

“I-Is this what you thought about in college? Fuck …Fucking me like this?”

He groans, head hanging over you as he nods. “Yes– fuck –yes-” He slams his hips against yours, again and again, his pace uneven and desperate. “Thought about you all the time. Hated myself, but I couldn’t-” He shakes his head, laughing slightly. “ I was obsessed with you. ”

You clench around him, throwing your head back and moaning his name. His lips brush against your ear, his voice tight.

“ I think I still am. ”

The coil in your navel lurches, yanking tight and pulling you close. You stutter over it, clinging tight to him. “ Rin , I’m-”

He shudders, and you feel him twitch inside of you. “This is mine,” He breathes when your walls start to flutter around him. “I need this– I want you to need this.” He tangles his fingers in your hair, pulling taut and keeping his mouth pressed to your ear. “ You belong right here, wrapped around me just like this- ”

You think he might be the first one to go tumbling over the edge, his hips stilling when he spills into you with a groan of your name, but you follow so close behind that you can’t say for certain who went first.

After you come down, you find that he’s kissing you, lips moving lazily against yours. You wind your arms around his neck and kiss him for a while just like that – him still buried between your thighs and your hearts still racing against each other.

“Thank you for not letting me run,” You whisper eventually, kissing him earnestly and feeling when he smiles into it.

“Your avoidant anxiety is going to be the thing that kills me. You know that, right?”

You don’t let him go for another hour, and Osamu’s incredibly unimpressed when you walk into work two hours late.

–

You go home on your own after work, Suna texting to let you know he’s got a late client and will just meet you at the bar.

Your brain still tingles every time you think about the events of the morning, his admission of being obsessed with you keeping you light on your toes all day. You sort through your closet, humming, and feel a kind of confidence that’s entirely foreign to you.

Thinking back, you realize how silly it is that you’d retreated so far into yourself after Wednesday. He’d admitted, in vulnerable detail, all the things he thought of you in college, and then he’d asked you to stay at his house while he’s on his trip. He’d taken you seriously when you’d gotten insecure in his office, and he’d told you on more than one occasion to stop overthinking so much. To just follow him and see where things go.

He’d admitted he was obsessed with you.

How could you possibly disrespect that by ignoring every sign he’s given you from the start? You don’t have to worry with him – you just have to stop thinking.

Your hand passes over a dress, pushing it down the clothesline, and then you’re stalling and bringing it back. A yellow summer dress, the only one you own. You glance out the window in thought. It’s warm enough for this to be admissible, but will it fit? You haven’t worn this in years.

You throw it on, examining yourself in the mirror. You normally wouldn’t be comfortable with it, sensing how tight it gets around the tummy before it hangs loosely around your thighs, and it’s a bit short. But it’s also nearly summer, and you’re going to a bar with your friends.

It should be fine, right?

You weigh the idea, turning back and forth and looking yourself over.

The memory of Suna whispering ‘ Wanna ruin you ’ in your ear makes goosebumps break out all over your skin.

“Alright, fuck it,” You tell yourself, swiping your phone off the vanity and leaving your room before you can change your mind.

When you get to the bar, you realize that you’d taken so long to get ready that Suna’s already there. The entirety of the Black Jackals is piled up in a corner, rowdy and excited around a few tables as they throw back a round of shots.

You squeeze past a group of girls, finding Suna talking to Atsumu off to the side. You try to head toward him, but there’s an absolute mountain of a man cutting you short.

“ Y/n! You look so pretty! ” Bokuto yells, your eardrums screaming for mercy. You look up at him, laughing awkwardly.

“Jesus, Bo-” You catch movement over his shoulder, and you look, seeing that Suna’s turning in your direction, since Bokuto had announced your arrival.

He’s mid-sip when he turns, but the moment he lays eyes on you, they’re going wide. He chokes, spraying his drink all over Atsumu’s face. The blond just stands there covered in Suna’s ejected drink, deadpan, and you spot Sakusa in the back, bent at the waist and pounding a fist on the table as he laughs into his hand. Osamu’s not far away, shaking his head with an amused grin but more preoccupied with keeping his attention on Yachi, who looks impossibly pretty beside him.

Bokuto sees nothing, going in for a crushing hug. “If I’d known you’d dress up like this for us whenever we win, we’d be unstoppable!”

It’s only the hand Hinata sets on Bokuto’s arm that frees you, the ginger peeling his senior off of you. “You’re killing her, Bokuto,” He laughs, hugging you quickly when you wheeze out a quiet ‘ Thanks, Shou’ and rub at your arms.

“Here to break hearts again?” He asks cutely, eyeing you appreciatively. “Looks like it to me.”

“Just one heart,” You say shyly, glancing at where Suna is patting napkins against Atsumu’s wet skin with a sheepish smile. He meets your eyes briefly, and you watch him scan the length of your body. There’s a suspicious pink tint coloring his ears, but he just shakes his head and turns back to Atsumu.

Hinata follows your gaze, nodding with a quiet ‘ Ah’. “Seems like you’ve already done it, then,” He laughs, referencing the way Suna keeps glancing back at you with an increasingly redder face. You smile, squeezing Hinata’s arm before pointing at the bar.

“I think I’ve got a bit of catching up to do-” You gesture at Sakusa, who’s still howling with laughter in a way that’s unlike him, his glowing face telling you he’s close to plastered.

Hinata lets you go, and you make your way to the bar. The girl working is nice enough, but you can see her looking you over while she makes you a vodka cranberry. The way her eyebrows lift after she assesses you makes it clear that she’s not going to compliment your outfit anytime soon.

“Y/n!”

You jump, turning to find Yachi all but running to join you. She bumps you with her shoulder, beaming up at you.

“You look so freaking good,” She says, wrapping her arms tight around you. “This new style you’re trying is killer. I didn’t realize how hot you were until the party at Atsumu’s,” She giggles, and you laugh as you hug her back. She’s a little drunk, but her compliments warm you and make you adore her more than ever.

“You haven’t seen yourself, little miss Hitoka,” You tease. “Samu looks like he’s going to curl up in a ball any minute now.”

She blushes, pressing her hands to her cheeks. “He’s so sweet,” She says, smiling to herself before looking up at you. “He told me you were always pushing him to make a move. I’m so happy he did.”

You glance back, catching the way Osamu’s looking at her. He sees you watching and meets your eyes, smiling knowingly and then gesturing to your dress. You get a thumbs-up of approval, one that helps your confidence in ways he probably will never realize, especially since you can still feel the bartender watching you.

You turn back to Yachi with a bright smile. “You two look really good together. I’m probably breaking a million rules by telling you this, but,” You lean forward conspiratorily, and she comes close with wide eyes so you can whisper to her. “ He really likes you .”

She hides her face right away, her happy giggles making you love her just a little bit. She smacks you playfully on the arm, shaking her head.

“You’re one to talk – you didn’t see Suna ruin Atsumu’s night earlier?”

You laugh, sipping your drink. “He’s so stupid.”

It’s lovesick, even to your ears.

Yachi hums in disbelief. “That man likes you , Y/n. You can’t tell me you don’t see that.”

The words ‘ I was obsessed with you ’ ring in your ears.

“That-” You laugh, staring down at your drink with a warm face. “-would be something, huh?”

You talk to her at the bar for a while, and then she’s glancing over your shoulder curiously.

“I better leave you now,” She says with a smile. When you just tilt your head, she lifts a shoulder in a shrug, turning away from you. “I’m gonna pretend Samu just called my name from across the bar.”

And then she’s gone, leaving you with an empty drink and no idea what’s just happened.

You wave the bartender down, ordering another vodka cranberry. She’s just as almost-nice as before, her eyes judgmental when she scans you again. She leaves you feeling a bit out of place, but there’s a body pressing against yours before you can fall into it.

“ What in the ever-loving fuck did I do to deserve this? ”

You tense, Suna’s voice in your ear making your heart jump. You turn, seeing how close he is as he leans his elbows on the bar. He lifts his brows, waiting.

“What?” You laugh, shaking your head. “I just thought it’d be nice to dress up for the celebration.”

“Celebration, my ass,” He grumbles, looking you over. “You haven’t worn that since college.”

“Oh, really? Interesting that you noticed,” You say, looking down at yourself and pretending not to see the way his eye twitches.

“ Y/n ,” He breathes, and you feel the impatience in his tone. “You’re killing me. Miya already threatened to charge me for his dry-cleaning-”

“What can I get you?”

You both turn, finding the bartender standing there. She slides you your drink but keeps her eyes firmly on Suna, her gaze trailing over his inked arms and piercings.

He pretends not to see it, just glancing at the wall of hard liquor behind her. “A Jack and Coke is good, thanks.” And then he turns back to you, leaning close. “What did Hinata say to you when you came in?”

You smile, about to tease him for acting jealous, but the bartender’s interrupting again.

“I’ve never seen you in here before,” She says, smiling flirtily at him.

Suna blinks slowly at her, and you watch disinterest glaze over his eyes. “Just here to celebrate with some friends.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw them-” She nods to where Atsumu and Sakusa are bickering and laughing at each other. “Those are the Black Jackals, right? Crazy that you know them.” She looks at him again. “Could you introduce me?”

“You could just introduce yourself when they come order their drinks,” He suggests, standing to his full height and crossing his arms.

You sigh, because you know that he’s trying to warn her off, but he only makes things worse – his tattoos and piercings on top of his height are guaranteed to make her want him more.

Sure enough, her eyes light with interest when she realizes how tall he is, and she starts to push harder while she makes his drink. You reach into your pocket for some cash while she talks, just wanting to pay her for your drink and get the hell away from her. There’s another bartender further down the room – you can just go to him for your drinks tonight.

“Maybe I could,” The woman says, smiling and sliding his drink across the bar to him. “I should probably start with you, huh?”

“You could certainly try,” He smiles back, but you see that it’s mocking.

She takes it as encouragement, leaning over to hold a hand out to him. “Kaori. Sure would be a shame for you to leave here alone tonight.”

He stares down at it, and you’re smacked with the memory of every time he’d left one of your exes hanging. The unimpressed flick of his eyes to yours drives the nostalgia home.

“What makes you think I’m alone?”

You twirl the folded cash between your fingers, waiting with growing irritation. This woman had interrupted your conversation – clearly personal – more than once, and she shows no sign of letting up, even though you’re still here beside him.

The twinge of irritation twists into cold anger when she just pulls her hand back and glances over his shoulder, examining the table full of your friends. The only other girl there is Yachi, and it’s obvious who she’s with.

“Well, it doesn’t look like you’re with anyone.”

“You sure about that?” You snap.

Her eyes fly to you, and you see Suna’s head turn just the same. Your face burns, but you’re too angry to feel embarrassed. You lay a set of bills on the bar that should cover both your drinks and then meet her eyes.

“Because it looks to me like he’s taken.”

You hold eye contact with her for just a moment longer before lifting your eyes to Suna’s.

He’s looking at you like he never has before. His face is flushed and his smile is shy, and it makes your nerves flip to think that’s because of you, but it’s his eyes that catch you – bright and full of pride, he looks at you like you’ve given him something he thought might never come.

Veins humming with affection for this man in front of you, you swipe your drink off the bar and turn, walking away. He appears at your side in an instant, a hand pressing against your lower back.

“What was that?” He asks, voice betraying the laugh he’s suppressing.

“Next time, try not to make it clear just how attractive you are, please,” You mutter, rolling your eyes and letting him walk you to a couple seats in the back.

“I was just minding my business,” He teases, smiling as he leans his elbows on the table and meets your eye. You mirror him, leaning close.

“Well, she was minding mine .”

You leave him there, sitting at the table with his face buried in his hands and his ears red under the dim bar lights. You make your way back to Hinata, sitting with him and Bokuto and watching with a smile as they recount the previous day’s match in unrealistic detail. Your phone buzzes in your purse, and you make a point of barely glancing at it, because you can feel his eyes on you.

[7:17 PM]

Sunarin : possessive looks really fucking good on you

–

You manage to avoid him for the better part of the night, dancing around his every attempt to join you while you mingle with the MSBY boys. You can tell that the bartender must think you two are fighting because of her – she does her best to catch Suna’s eye whenever he asks the other bartender for a drink. It makes you smile, because he stands there every time, oblivious to her desperate act as he types furiously on his phone.

It just so happens that your phone buzzes repeatedly in your purse around that time, too, text after text keeping him from even realizing there’s another woman in the room vying for his attention.

[8:01 PM]

Sunarin : you never told me what hinata ended up telling you

Sunarin : he was checking you out though

[8:28 PM]

Sunarin : why arent you letting me sit next to you

Sunarin : y/n

Sunarin : sit next to me damn it

[9:15 PM]

Sunarin : woman if you dont stop leaning over to talk to bokuto across the table

Sunarin : your ASS is OUT

[9:57 PM]

Sunarin : fucking hell what do you want from me

Sunarin : why are you torturing me

You laugh at that, unable to stop your smile after so many drinks and so many attempts on his end to get your attention. Another text comes in almost immediately.

Sunarin : i fucking SAW THAT

Sunarin : tell me what you want

Sunarin : i will do literally anything

Your head swims from the alcohol, and you type back exactly what’s on your mind.

You : youre cute when youre obsessed

When he doesn’t respond, you look up, finding that he’s staring right at you with knowing eyes, the glow of his phone lighting up his face. He lifts a brow, typing a response without looking away.

Sunarin : so thats what this is ab

You swallow, suddenly nervous with the way he’s staring at you. You phone buzzes, and you break eye contact to read it.

Sunarin : you been thinking ab that all day, baby girl?

Mother of all fuck.

You breathe a shaky sigh and turn away from him while you think.

Sunarin : aw, did i make you nervous?

You groan, rubbing at your brow.

You : youre funny

Sunarin : and youre lying

You blink rapidly, unsure what to do with that. And then you lock your phone quickly, because there’s a body bumping into yours.

It’s Sakusa, looking like he’s on another dimension of drunk.

“ Y/n, ” He slurs, draping his arms around you and leaning his cheek on top of your head.

“Hi, Kiyoomi,” You laugh, wrapping an arm around his waist, careful not to put your actual hands on him, because even trashed, he’s holding his own away from your body.

“ You know something? ” He asks, and you struggle to hear him over the noise of the bar. Your phone buzzes, and you glance at it.

Sunarin : whats wrong y/n

Sunarin : dont want sakusa to know youre thinking ab how i fucked you this morning?

You turn the screen away from the man hugging you, lowering your brightness in a panic.

“I get the feeling you’ll tell me,” You joke, wincing when Sakusa tightens his hold. Are all these guys unaware of their strength? They’re professional athletes, for fuck’s sake.

“ Tsumu really loves you, Y/n,” He says, swaying. “ He loves you so much – he just wants you to be happy .”

Your heart swells, and you’re glancing over at Atsumu, who’s dancing like an idiot with Meian. You can only imagine how much he has to talk about you for Sakusa to be saying this right now.

“ I love you, too, now, ” Sakusa presses a drunken kiss into your hair. “ Tsumu’s made me love you, Y/n – we want you to be happy. ”

You press your face against his chest, hoping he can feel how much that sentiment warms you.

Your phone buzzes.

Sunarin : did he just kiss you

You : suna hes shitfaced

Sunarin : try again

You sigh, squeezed tight in Sakusa’s oblivious hold.

You : rin, please

Sunarin : cute

Sunarin : so fucking cute

You struggle to glance behind you, but you see that Suna’s at the table, smile amused.

Sunarin : do you want to find out how obsessed i am with you?

You : dont do anything stupid

You : hes not even on the same plane of existence as us rn

Sunarin : oh i wont

Sunarin : but i wouldnt mind if he watched me explain to you how many times ive thought about fucking you in that dress

Your eyes widen, and you’re pressing the screen to your chest and glancing up at Sakusa. He’s still swaying, eyes closed a little bit.

“I-I love him, too, Kiyoomi,” You start. “You make him really happy, and that makes me happy.”

“ Yeah ?” He grins shyly, and you catch the little lovesick look you know you get with Suna. “ He makes me happy, too. Should I ask him to make it official? ”

You stare up at him, your soul warm. This man really cares about Atsumu, you realize. You’d seen it before, but this is entirely separate. He’s confessing to you, when every guard he has is down, just how much Atsumu means to him.

Movement catches your eye, and you see that Atsumu’s standing just past Sakusa’s shoulder, staring at the back of his head with wide eyes. He meets your eyes, and you know he’d heard it, too.

You keep eye contact with him while you hug Sakusa, nodding carefully. “Yeah, Kiyoomi. I think you should ask him.”

Atsumu flushes, and he starts to smile nervously, gaze hopeful as he steps up to you and presses a hand to Sakusa’s back. The germaphobe flinches away from the touch, turning with alarm.

And then you watch as he realizes it’s Atsumu and relaxes completely under his hand.

Your phone buzzes, and you’re distinctly aware of how terrible it is for Suna to be sexting you while Atsumu’s in the middle of falling in love.

“ Tsumu, ” Sakusa says, pleased, and releases you. You glance down in the seconds before Atsumu can be in sight of your screen.

Sunarin : do you think if i bent you over the bar and fucked you right here, that bartender might finally get the hint?

Atsumu’s side presses against yours, but his attention’s on Sakusa, so you type fast.

You : rin, come on

You : we’re in public

Sunarin : never stopped me from thinking ab it before

Sunarin : that day in the car

Sunarin : on the way to the beach

Sunarin : do you wanna know what i was thinking ab?

You stare down at your phone, waiting, but he doesn’t tell you.

Sunarin : im waiting, y/n.

You want to scream.

You : yes, rin

You : of course i want to fucking know

You : youre killing me

Sunarin : mouthy

Sunarin : should i stuff my fingers in your mouth to shut you up?

The floor falls out from under you, your brain going blank. Any care you have for who’s next to you or who could see your phone leaves you. All you can do is wait.

Sunarin : thats what i thought about that day

“ Got somethin’ to ask me, Omi-kun? ” You hear Atsumu ask, his voice shy. Sakusa laughs quietly beside him.

“Later, Tsumu. I want it to be special. ”

Sunarin : in that car full of all our friends

“ Okay. Not gonna forget, are ya? ”

“ Never. I’ve been wanting to ask for a while. ”

“ Yeah? ”

“ Yeah. ”

“ Okay ,” Atsumu laughs, finally dropping it. You feel him nudge you then, trying to get your attention, but you forget to give it to him.

Sunarin : i thought about burying two fingers in your pretty little cunt and using my other hand to keep you quiet

Sunarin : thought about it for weeks after

Sunarin : thinkin about it now

“Y/n, I think I’mma head out soon- what the fuck- ”

Your head whips up, and you find Atsumu with one hand over his eyes.

“ Christ , Y/n, I didn’ need all that.”

You just stare up at him with wide, unseeing eyes, Suna’s text playing on repeat in your head. You start to giggle, worsened when your phone buzzes again.

Sunarin : whoops

You laugh louder, smacking Atsumu on the chest. He groans, digging the heel of his hand into his eye.

“You two are gonna fuckin’ kill me one day, I swear,” He complains. “First the drink, now this?”

You fist his shirt in your hand and drag him down, planting a giddy kiss on his cheek.

“I love you, too, Tsumu.” You look to Sakusa, who has no idea what’s just traumatized his future boyfriend. “And you, Kiyoomi. I love you, too.”

The man beams cutely down at you before grabbing Atsumu and pulling him toward the door. The blond goes with him, and you hear a whiny ‘ Never goin’ to the beach with them again, Omi-kun ’.

You turn back to Suna, eyebrows raised. You’re glad to see that his pleased grin is a bit embarrassed.

When you reach him, he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close.

“Well done,” You say, nodding very seriously. “He’s going to need therapy.”

“That’s not new,” He jokes, throwing his phone on the table so he can card his fingers through your hair. “Wanna get outta here?”

“Why?” You tease, letting him pull your face close to his. “So you can keep telling me all about the depraved things you wanted to do to me in front of our friends?”

“No.” He brushes his lips over yours, eyes trained on your mouth before he lifts them to meet yours. “So I can show you what I meant when I said that you blowing me was the nice way to put it.”

You moan quietly, clinging to him and thanking every higher power that exists that no one’s back here in this corner with you. “Rin…”

“You wanna leave?”

You nod furiously. He just smiles.

“Then go say bye to everyone.” When you nod again and start to pull away, he yanks you back, pushing his lips to yours heatedly. “ Wipe that look off your face, or they’re going to know that I’m thinking about fucking your mouth in the backseat of my car. ”

Your legs wobble a little bit when you walk away.

You’re entirely uncertain that you manage to say bye to everyone there, and when Osamu hugs you tight and kisses the top of your head, he mumbles to you quietly.

“Whatever you get up to tonight, I don’t want to hear about it tomorrow.”

“What?” You laugh, your face warm with nerves when you spot Suna near the door. “Why?”

“Because in no life do I want to know what that look in your eye is about.” Osamu releases you, and you wave at Yachi, smiling sheepishly when Osamu calls out a teasing ‘ Have fun ’.

You all but run over to Suna, your heart leaping when he reaches a hand out to you. You take it, leaning up against him and breathing out an embarrassed admission.

“I don’t think I was good at wiping the look off my face.”

He purses his lips, trying not to smile as he walks you out to the parking lot. “Then I guess you’ll just have to wait ‘til we get home.”

“No,” You whine. “Really?”

He smiles wide then. “Yes, really. I can’t have anyone catching us, can I?” He helps you into his car, buckling you in while you stare up at him, heartbroken. “Then they’ll know how good my girl is, and that’s supposed to be between us, right?”

You swallow, pressing your thighs together and nodding. “Yeah. Between us.”

He glances down at your thighs with a smirk and then closes the passenger door, coming around to the driver’s side.

“Can you keep your hands to yourself until we get back?” He asks, starting the car.

You watch his ringed hand settle comfortably on the gear shift, the bracelet you’d gifted him hanging loosely from his wrist. You very urgently need that bracelet pressed between your thighs, like it had been that first night.

“Not sure.”

He laughs. “Do your best, baby. We’ll be home soon.”

He’s true to his word, his apartment complex appearing after only ten minutes, but by that point, you’re squirming in the seat beside him. Suna pretends to laugh, but you can see his hand flex on the gear shift and the flick of his gaze to your thighs as he’s pulling into the parking lot. He carts you up to his apartment with an urgency you’ve only seen in situations just like this, where he’s all but dragging you into the elevator.

And when he shoves you to your knees at the foot of his bed, you know you’re in for quite the night.

You look up at him, hands on his thighs, and wait.

He tilts your chin up, keeping your eyes on his, and smiles.

“Pretty.”

You smile back nervously. “Yeah?”

His fingers curl into your hair and cup the back of your head. It starts off gentle, but you feel the tension of his hold on your head, and you realize you’re being restrained.

“Want me to show you how pretty?”

You try to nod, but his grip is tight. “Yes, please.”

Suna pulls his lip ring between his teeth, tugging as he stares down at you. He laughs almost nervously, despite showing no sign of loosening his grip.

“God, I really am a bad friend for imagining this so much.”

You shift, your panties uncomfortably wet. “You’re only a bad friend for not telling me anything until now.” You reach for his belt, undoing it. “Making me wait all this time is unfair.”

He sighs when you tug on the zipper of his jeans and pull them down to his thighs, freeing him. You take his cock in your hand, stroking him slowly.

He groans, tightening his grip in your hair. “You’re right,” He says breathlessly. “I coulda had you this whole time.”

You squirm, sliding your palm against him and feeling when he grows harder. “You have me now.”

He guides his cock to your mouth, resting the head of it on your bottom lip. His eyes flick between your mouth and your eyes, his fingers painfully tight in your hair. He breathes out a question just as you’re parting your lips.

“ Do I? ”

You let your jaw drop open in response, your tongue passing along the underside of him. He shudders, and his cock twitches on your tongue. You feel his grip on your hair loosen in his distracted state, and you use the chance to dip your head, taking him into your mouth.

Suna moans, his head falling back when you bob your head down onto him. You wrap your hands around the part of him you can’t fit in your mouth, and the swears start to fall from his mouth.

“ Fuck ,” He breathes, followed by a groan when the tip of his cock touches the back of your throat. “Fuck, that feels good.”

He looks down at you, his fingers finding your hair again.

“You’re so sweet. You’re so good and sweet and perfect. You take me so well.”

You moan around him, feeling when he shivers but ignoring it in favor of dragging your tongue along the underside of his cock and then suckling on the head of it. He whispers your name, his grip tightening.

“Shit.” He swallows audibly. “Is it alright if I-?”

You do your best to nod, stomach swooping when his fingers twist your hair into a makeshift ponytail. His bracelet knocks gently against the back of your ear, and you feel yourself start to get desperate for him.

“You ever done this before?” When you shake your head, he swears under his breath weakly. “Dig your nails into my leg if something doesn’t feel right, okay? Make sure you breathe through your nose.”

You nod, and he stares down at you for a moment. And then his grip tightens.

The sudden push of your head down on his cock has you moaning loudly around him. He swears over you, and then he pulls you off completely to look at you.

“Good?”

You whine at the loss, wrapping your hands around him and leaning forward again. He yanks you back, forcing your eyes up to his.

“Gotta answer me first, baby.”

“Yes,” You breathe quickly. “Yes, good. All good- can I-?” You slide your fingers over the head of his cock, and he groans quietly.

When he lowers you down onto him, you get the sense he’s struggling to keep his self-control. The hand on your head is tightening to the point of pain, but you only moan through it, the tip of his cock bumping against the back of your throat once, and then again. The third is rough, his hips canting forward as his hand brings you down.

But when you choke audibly, Suna moans your name, loud and echoing off his walls, and you resolve yourself to dragging that sound out of him every chance you get.

You try to sink down on him yourself, but a harsh tug pulls you back.

“Whatcha doin’?” He asks, eyes hazy and breath short. “‘s my job.”

You whimper, whispering a quiet apology and waiting.

He twists more of your hair around his fingers, holding you steady in front of him. You open your mouth and let him slide in, moaning softly when he brushes against the back of your throat.

“Promise not to move?” He asks, gaze adoring. You nod shallowly, and he smiles. “That’s my girl.”

He snaps his hips forward, and you think he sees it when your eyes roll into the back of your head.

The pace he sets reminds you of the way he’d fucked you this morning, but, as you watch him through the tears building in your eyes, you realize that this must be something he’d thought he’d never have. His eyes are squeezed shut, and your name is falling in broken whispers from his lips every time he bumps against the back of your throat. You watch him as he acts on something he’d spent a long time thinking about, and you want to give him anything he wants.

Not too long goes by before you feel him twitch in your mouth, his cock heavier and his hips stuttering briefly when you moan around him.

“ Fuck ,” He breathes. “I’m gonna- I should-” He starts to pull you off of him, but you scramble forward, sliding your hand up to press against his stomach. You fist his shirt in your hold, eyes pleading when you look up at him. He moans at the eye contact, grip loosening. You push down on his cock, going as far as you can, and he cups the back of your head carefully.

“God, you’re so pretty,” He says. You suck gently on him, using your hands to coax him over the edge. “Thought about this so much. Shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it…” He sighs, watching you work and shivering every time your tongue drags over him. “I wanted to do something about it, wanted to make a move-”

Your eyes fly up to his, wide. His face warms under your surprise.

“ Didn’t wanna fuck things up ,” He mumbles, fingers carding lightly into your hair. He moans quietly when you bob your head, and you feel how close he is. “ Couldn’t risk losing you. ”

Your heart sings in your chest, nerves buzzing loudly, and you use your free hand to search for his. When you find it, you intertwine your fingers with his, squeezing warmly.

You’re distinctly aware that that’s what sends him over the edge.

His hips push forward weakly, and you hear your name being choked on as he fills your mouth. You swallow as much as you can, using your hand to stroke him until he’s done.

After a moment, he sighs shakily.

“Shit.”

You pull off of him slowly, helping him back into his boxers. He crouches in front of you, forcing you to look at him.

You smile sleepily, your throat a bit achy as you whisper to him. “ Hi. ”

He leans forward, kissing you hard. “ Thank you for letting me do that ,” He whispers back, mouth warm on yours.

“ Thank you for doing that. ” You giggle when he wraps his arms around you and hoists you up. You cling, face buried in his shirt, as he moves you both onto his bed, your dress riding up and bunching around your waist.

Suna all but rips your panties off of you, spreading your thighs and kissing the inside of your knee.

“I really wanna fuck you while you’re wearing this-” He nips at the soft flesh of your thigh, kissing each thigh and making his way slowly toward your core. “But I wanna do this more right now.” His eyes flick to yours. “You’ll wear this again, though, right?”

You warm, nervous. “Maybe?”

“No ‘ maybe ’.” He sucks a mark into your inner thigh. “You’ll wear it again.”

“Okay.”

“Good,” He smiles, examining the bruise he’s leaving on your skin. “Then – for now – this is what I want.”

You shudder, stomach fluttering with anxiety when you see where he’s headed. “No one’s ever…”

He meets your eyes again, smile dropping a bit. “What?”

You just look away, tugging your dress down a little. “No one wanted to.”

“...You asked them to?”

“Only the first couple times.” You shrug, embarrassed. “Wasn’t worth it after that.”

The silence that stretches between you reminds you of the day you asked to kiss him. His hold on your thighs tightens, and you can see he’s a bit annoyed. “Ask me.”

Your heart skips, and you’re squirming under him. “I dunno-”

There’s a hand on your face, and you realize you’ve grown quite fond of him squeezing you like this.

“Ask me.” He lifts a brow, daring you not to.

You look away, murmuring through his hold. “ Will you go down on me? ”

He releases you, staring with warmth.

There’s something in it that looks like more than you’ve allowed yourself to hope for.

“I would be honored.”

You laugh when he pushes his face against your thigh, breathing you in and biting softly on your skin. “You’re so fucking corny.”

“You deserve at least that much,” He says plainly, biting and nipping and sucking spots into your thighs, his tongue soothing each one along the way. “That’s the only time you’ll ever have to ask me.”

You smile and card your fingers through his hair, shivering when his breath fans out over your core. “What did you mean earlier?” When he glances up at you through his eyelashes, your stomach lurches in anticipation. “When you talked about making a move.”

Suna presses a kiss to your navel and then to the crease of your hips, his hands keeping your legs open for him. “Didn’t want to scare you off and fuck everything up.”

“But you seemed completely fine with us doing this a few weeks ago. When I said I didn’t want to ruin us.”

“A few weeks ago-” He kisses the very edges of your inner thighs, and you know he can already feel how wet you are. “-the only way things could change was if you fell for me, or if you found someone else and we went back to being friends.”

He lifts his gaze as he hooks your thighs over his shoulders, speaking clearly when he looks you in the eye.

“At the time, I was okay with that second option.”

Your nerves burst under your skin, his words flying around your head and making it entirely impossible for you to notice when he drops his head and presses the flat of his tongue to your core.

Your back arches, a gasp ripped out of you as your hands fly to his hair. “ Rin -”

He drags his tongue along your folds, searing hot when it slides against your clit. “I was okay with this ending,” He mumbles, the vibration of his words making you squirm. “I thought I was over you, like an idiot.”

He laughs, and you hide your face in one of your hands. It’s cruel to make you go through this right now . To make you helpless and desperate for him in a million different ways, only to drop this bomb of an admission on you.

How are you supposed to not fall for him when he says and does everything that makes you think it’s okay?

Suna nips gently into your skin, his tongue wildly distracting while you try to process.

“I thought I was over you, but I was so fucking okay with you falling for me,” He breathes the words onto your burning skin, laughing quietly when you squirm. “It was so obvious, and I didn’t notice.”

“Rin,” You whine, pushing your hips up carefully and moaning when he grips you tight and pulls you against his mouth. “Please don’t tease me. I won’t be able to let you go.”

“Baby,” He says it so naturally and with a lilt of humor, like he thinks you’re not listening to him, that your breath comes out sharp and whiny. “Haven’t you been listening? I was only okay with breaking things off when we first started. Don’t you know how long it’s been since then?”

He dips his head and drags his tongue over your clit, latching on afterward and suckling gently. You cry his name and squeeze your thighs. He holds onto them and buries his face deeper, moaning against your core. You barely hear when he speaks, your ears ringing.

“I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

You find yourself gasping for air, your heart pounding almost painfully in your throat.

“ Rin- ”

“ Tell me you’re mine. ”

Electricity flies down your spine, but Suna keeps you held down when your body bows off of his mattress.

“‘m yours-”

“Again.” He tortures you like that, bullying you to the edge while making you work for it, your pleas desperate.

“‘m yours, ‘m yours – please, Rin, please-”

“ Again. ”

“ I’m yours, Rin, I’m yours -” You all but scream it, your words echoing long after you say it.

He rewards you now, sucking hard on your clit and then dragging his tongue over it.

You fall, and you know that it’s permanent.

When you eventually come down – seconds or minutes or hours later, you don’t know – you almost miss when Suna pushes his lips against your inner thigh and breathes a response.

“ And I’m yours. ”

224 notes View Post

whydoyoucare866

8 months ago

I AM INTO SUBMISSIVE MEN!! I LOOOOVE HIM

I’m not into submissive men but….

There can always be exceptions

Cell mates

ex!suna rintarou x singer!reader

mt list

hello, new AU WOO

y/n is Atsumu and Osamu’s triplet

shes also Suna’s ex

the dividers are by @cafekitsune

tsukishima not so secretly secretly loves y/n a lot, there was even a time where they romantically liked each other, but they just felt like they were more friends than anything else so they decided to just keep being friends, they love each other and believe they are platonic soulmates

they all are roomates even if none of them really needs one bc theyre all rich

im sorry that this is so cringe, im doing this for fun

Oikawa is part of the MYSB here bc i say so LMAO

HAPPY BDAY OIKAWA!!!!

yes the song is happier than ever by billie eilish and yes it is about suna looool

also if no one noticed, everyone except for kenma who has his youtube link, have y/n’s merch website on their bio to support her and kenma would put her link if he could put more than one too <3

i put 5 followers on her priv acc forgetting abt atsumu and osamu omg im so sorry, ill change it

Summary:

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader (little bit of FWB)

Summary: ❝Pylades: I’ll take care of you. Orestes: It’s rotten work. Pylades: Not to me. Not if it’s you.❞

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, smut, mentions of being tortured, mentions of being held captive, mentions of abuse (comic!Canon), violence, canon violence, mentions of death, various injuries, bruises, blood, hurt/comfort, some anxiety, ptsd, hints of depression (canon), mentions of Batman villains being Batman villains, nightmares, some paranoia, discussions about previous homelessness, drug mentions, drug use (canon), canon character deaths, gore, brainwashing, manipulation (canon), minor changes to the season 3 canon plotline, titans season 3 spoilers, i am a defender of Jason’s white streak of hair in the comics

A/N: The WAY I’ve been looking forward to this book. It’s gonna be FUN. There will more in depth warnings for the chapters as needed!! You don’t have to read book 1 to read this one, but you might want some extra context. If you don’t want to read all of that, you can just ask me and I’ll tell you what you need to know to read this book!!

tag list | playlist | full masterlist

↳ status: ONGOING updates: Wednesdays

Chapters:

Chapter 1 - Gotham Chapter 2 - Somebody To Someone Chapter 3 - By Accident Chapter 4 - Born With A Broken Heart Chapter 5 - And Then On Purpose Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17

Book 1 Masterlist