Log #7

ps st. i th in k yo u sh ou ld go ta lk to he r .

Aw, she doesn't want to hear from me. We took her lil' slice of heaven right out from under her!

t his is n't heaven. an d this is the first time i' ve h eard her ad mit th at since.... you k no w.

Hm. Fair point!

is it so hard to find somewhere where i can be l o v e d? 🖤

someone to take my hand and actually mean it when they smile at me. like someone who wouldn’t rather be anywhere else in that moment and something about the way their eyes crease as they smile makes me so sure of that like it’s some kind of truth buried in the dirt stuck in the soles of my converse.

i promise i’ll care about you that same way in return. or i’ll try my best.

maybe what i need is r e b i r t h. maybe i’m not the life destined for a blissful eternity. like maybe if i hadn’t come in here i’d be giving another version of myself a better shot at heaven.

it’s not like i’ve done anything to deserve it HERE. 💒

i guess i just thought with all the bad happening to me something g o o d had to be at the end of the tunnel, you know?

but i don’t think so.

baby birds fall out of their nests and get eaten and run over and stuff all the time. and i don’t think they deserve that, if they’ve only been alive for a few days or something. sometimes the world is just s h i t 💔

or maybe there’s just something about me something wrong like, i’m not stupid. i know i wasn’t, like, popular in school. but it was fine. i wasn’t bullied either. just kinda ignored, i guess.

but i had friends online. even if they were, like, a bit inconsistent. they got tired of me too, after a while. but by the time they did, i would’ve already found the next one.

you don’t really run out of people when you’re online. and you control what they see, from the moment you meet them. 🖤

like i don’t really know what my classmates in real life saw like maybe i had really bad b.o. or never closed my mouth when i chewed or talked way too loud in class or something

but i don’t know. i’ll never know.

i guess i do know i was annoying in other ways to my online friends annoying in ways that were harder to hide like when you fill up something glass with something too hot too fast and it just shatters

but online you can always try to change, right? you can always try to improve yourself for the next person. you can always mold your reality. and if you heard that kind of h e a v e n could be your f o r e v e r, wouldn’t you come in too?

spoilers: it’s not all that. and you can’t change yourself from the trash you are.

l m a o.

sorry.

this i s bogu s. stop tre ating me like i' m an idi o t. i wa sn't go ing to go here, bu t i know wh at he's don e, and i think what yo u're up t o is wo rse. it's ba d things en ded up th e w ay they did. but wi ll rea lly thoug ht it wo uld wor k. we w ouldn't ev en be ha ving th i s con versati on if i t had wor k e d. and be sides. yo u knew an d clearly didn' t thi nk it would work... but let him g o th rough with it a nyway to g et yo u r re ven ge. is i t bet ter to trick yo ur fri e n ds tha n mes s u p a li tt le whi le you 're try ing to help the m? and ov er eve rythi n g. will m ight've not go ne about i t the ri ght way, but he 's been s weati ng hi s as s off try ing t o fi nd wh a t's missing a nd le t us le a v e th i s aw ful place o nc e an d fo r al l. al l yo u'v e been d oing is put ti ng m y g o o d budd ie s i n da ng er to w hat... gr o w yo u r cult? go on a pow er tri p? beca use yo ur wh o le h e a v e n schtic k is w earing thin, ta ti. y ou can ' t let your so - cal le d ang el s kn o w tha t w e're in h e ll. i'm gon na stick w ith the one p erson wh o's doing an ything ab out it, if that's alr ig ht wi th yo u. s o rry.

h e l l o 🤍

i h a t e h a t e h a t e to do this. but we've reached a t i p p i n g point. i can't s t a n d to stay silent.

and i think or at least h o p e some of you a n g e l s are voting for will without understanding the g r a v i t y of what he did. 💔

i have r e c e i p t s though.

will is dangerous, unstable, unruly, and m e a n .

he is a t h r e a t to me, to you, and to our b e a u t i f u l p r i s t i n e f r a g i l e h e a v e n.

y o u have the power to make him leave peacefully.

don't let him l i e any longer.

@williamy3w what do y o u have to say about t h i s❔

What are five (5) things that make you happy?

Thanks for askin’, pal!

1) A swell tune! Some folks here’ve been sharin’ their favorite songs with me, and a good find always makes me smile!

2) Thinkin’ and dreamin’ of loved ones!

3) Gettin’ to know new folks!

4) Whenever I get to sing, perform, and create!

5) Handsome fellas!

我的朋友们要我寄给你一些歌曲，希望对你有帮助！

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx8UeeVSZjTm49sH3JcMC6Yb4z9LIY9dR&feature=shared

https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx8UeeVSZjTleFDyXeL6pERY_jehRRNms&feature=shared

多谢, 多谢！ 我正在准备出发。

Out of curiosity, what's the last thing you remember before the abime?

Feel like I've always had one foot in here in those early days, but it's hard to tell. It was a kinda mix of both. Sometimes I'd feel like one of those insects with the eyes that are a buncha tiny eyes all together, you know -- Henry showed me a photograph of one once -- watching eighty different things in eighty different places. Sometimes it's all just quiet. Nowadays, it's mostly quiet, so I feel like I can be in here in one piece real solid.

S'pose the only memory I can concretely say was before all of this was being seventeen or eighteen, tickling the Ivories in that recording room. Singing.

Yes, Mal visited discord once. She ended up dropping pieces badly and it left damage afterwards even when she returned to her website. It just worries me. I'd honestly love to see you guys working together and maybe helping each other more than see you bicker like this. That said, I don't think I ever said it, but congratulations on reuniting! You two are sweet.

oh that makes sens e! but i don t know if it's the same here. will is h elpi ng me st ay toge the r. and th ank you. i'm very ha ppy to be b a c k and i think i re cognize you! lots of old fr iends were on the w aves with me i'm finding. sorry for forg ett in g you a ll. i want us to w ork t oge the r too.

Thanks for the congratulations! Boy, am I glad to have him around. Didn't make a registry or nothin' but getting all these gifts anyway has been a hoot!

who are henry and mal ?

Some of the other folks en abime with me!

were you guys able to eat that sandwich? i could send more food that DON'T have sesame seeds maybe

y e s i t w as gr ea t! though everything t ast e s like a m emory of a s andwich i ha d. i wis h i c oul d tas te ne w thin gs.

Munch!

您来自中国哪里?

广州!

what would happen if one were to lets say put what youve said here and train an artificial intelligence to act like you. would it be you? or a sad clone (im anti-ai i hope this is obvious)

Well, if I ain't there talkin', it ain't me! I s'pose it'd be a thing guessin' off of an amalgamation of my time on "Tumblr."

Figure it's like how there's tons of fellas named "William Yew" out there. Common name, y'know? But they ain't me!

So not a clone, but a sad...portrait of a fella who looks kinda like me, I s'pose?