Say Immortal, I Heard You Like Em Young

Say immortal, I heard you like em young

Firsts - A Blackbonnet Fic

Title: Firsts Wordcount: 927 Ship: Blackbonnet | Stede Bonnet/ Edward Teach

just some silly comedy-fluff

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“Hey, whoa!” Ed laughed into his mouth as Stede kept pushing in to kiss him. The dinghy rocked uncertainly. Out on the open water, the waves lapping at them were high, even under this afternoon’s clear sky. The threat of tipping more than anything was what made him finally back off, looking a little sulky.

“Don’t squirm, Ed, or you’re going to sink us. I thought you were a professional.”

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AU Where Stede Is Just Inexplicably Yolked, Dude

Weak. Delicate. Pathetic. All the words Izzy Hands would ever use to describe Stede Bonnet, joined only by the word 'annoying'.

That is, until Stede punches him in the face.

"Put your fuckin' back into it!" Izzy had been shouting as he made two of the useless crew (Roach? Wee John? He can't be arsed to remember their names) clean the deck.

"Actually," Stede had said in a sing-song voice as he walked up the stairs to the wheel, "We're going to forgo the chores today! I picked up some fab art supplies at port last time and-"

"Shut your fuckin' mouth."

Stede had stiffened. "Well. You could've phrased that more constructively-"

"Do you ever shut your fuckin' mouth?"

Stede had huffed, and then Ed had walked up. "Izzy, come on, man. He's the Captain."

"He's barely a Captain."

"It's his ship man."

And it had been enough. "And who's fuckin' fault is that, Edward? Who didn't steal the fuckin' ship like we'd planned? Who decided to let this ponce be in charge, huh?"

Ed had snarled back. "Think about who you're talking to, mate."

"I am. I'm not talking to Blackbeard, am I? I'm talking to Edward. A fuckin' soft-hearted, useless, doormat of a ma-"

And then there was a sharp pain and everything went black.

When he came to, he was on the deck with Fang and Ivan hovering over him while people chattered in the background. He slowly sat up and put his hand to his nose. His glove came away bloody, and the slight touch had sent sharp pain through his whole head.

"How the fuck did Captain do that?" he hears the scribe boy whispering, voice trembling a little.

"It's always the quiet ones," the chef says, looking up at the wheel. "Did I say so before?"

"Yeah, but that turned out to be an accident," the annoying bald fanboy whispers. "This was like. Real."

No. No. No fuckin' way.

Izzy looks up at the wheel and sees Ed and Stede in a heated conversation, and holy fuck that's Izzy's blood on Stede Bonnet's knuckles.

Finally, the two descend, and Stede looks sheepish. He gives a wobbling smile to his crew, clapping his hands together. "So, ah, allow me to apologize for losing my temper, there."

"You knocked a man out," the one in the orange beanie says. "You didn't even use the stun move."

"Yes, I know."

"How the fuck do you have the strength to do that?" the one who freaks out about cats asks, both intrigued and frightened.

"Well... I don't know. I suppose the layers of my outfit get rather heavy sometimes."

Everyone stares. Stede clears his throat. "Anyway, it was completely unprofessional of me to strike someone else's First Mate over some harsh words. Now- oh, good, he's awake. Izzy Hands, I deeply apologize for um-"

"Smashing his nose in?" Jim (Izzy can remember Jim easily, that one's made of different stuff than the rest) provides.

"Yes. That." Stede offers an ingenuine apologetic smile. Izzy knows it's not genuine because the man never stops with the genuineness, and it's absence is almost shocking.

"You fuckin'-" Izzy begins to growl, but his own blood gurgles in his throat and Ed is looking at Stede with something like reverence and Stede, under all that hoity-toity propriety and apologetic nature, looks proud of himself.

And Izzy doesn't know if he could stand getting knocked out by Stede Fuckin' Bonnet twice.

"I accept your apology," he mumbles.

Stede grins and claps his hands together once again, and Izzy wants to punch himself in the nose when he flinches at it.

121 notes View Post

windrexs-new-twitter

8 months ago

in fics where luke gets plopped into the prequels i want every jedi within ten metres of him to think hes the weirdest jedi theyve ever seen. he has negative lightsaber form. he doesnt know what a kata is. he handstands when he meditates. his solution to sith is to try and have a chat. hes a political radical who keeps suggesting revolution. you ask him what the jedi code is and he says "kindness and compassion and helping those in need :) ". you ask how he used the force like that and he says some shit about how you are a luminous being limited only by your mind. the councils authority is just a suggestion. he is somehow the new favourite of both qui gon and yoda

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windrexs-new-twitter

2 months ago