When I See This:

𝟏𝟗𝟕𝟎.

𝓢𝓲𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝓒𝓸𝓷𝓭𝓸𝓵𝓮𝓷𝓬𝓮𝓼 𝓣𝓸 𝓛𝓮𝓷𝓷𝓸𝓷𝓸

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

Yoko Ono’s Workbook

20th June 1970.

We were in LA for the past week. Two months passed from the shitshow that was 10th April- no scratch that- the whole month for John and me. John kept running around Starr and Harrison trying to ease the wound McCartney had been pouring salt on for the past few months recording Abbey Road. McCartney and him got along well when I got with John, but things took a turn for the worse when John went with me on their practices. But who can blame him for asking! God, if I was stuck with McCartney because of a ten year contract I’d be bored too. McCartney is a genius for melodies, but he really behaves like a peasant. I cannot believe I liked him at first! I liked him more than I liked John, which is offputting.

Today, we went to San Francisco with our friends, the Wenners, for a showing of the thing that is… Well it is like this year's April, movie Let It Be.

John was not ecstatic and dragged me to the side while the Wenners were busy formulating the route.

“Can we not?”, John turned away his eyes, not something John does.

“We didn’t watch it the first time. You have to face it someday.”, I tried to convince him.

“But does that have to be… today?”, he shifted his composure from relaxed to stiff.

“Kinda does love.”, I chuckled, “By delaying, you are going against your image.”

“That your right, Yoko.”, he patted me with a sad glint in his eyes. Melancholy didn’t suit him in the slightest. John went to them and joyfully told them to lead the way, embracing denial.

John grabbed me under my arm and we followed the pair to the theatre. We avoided the crowd which were excited to see another Beatles movie. He saw their smiling faces and barely held himself together. Thankfully there weren’t many of them. We went inside and grabbed first row seats which John hated very much but there was a smaller chance of being seen from the front so he obliged.

“I always wanted to see how you practice-d.”, Jann Wenner said to John.

“Oh, nothing much, could’ve just asked me directly, not see everything through the rosy lensed glasses of the director.”, John smiled.

“Maybe the director is more objective.”, Jane Wenner assumed.

“We’ll see.”, I ended the conversation before John would get heated, stubborn and try to defend his point.

John, like always, understood I was diffusing the situation and did nothing else?

The film began and I’m reminded of the chaos, suffering and pain I went through with John. Everything came back. Though that movie had only the nicer parts, McCartney's treatment of my husband was getting on my nerves and making me want to break something in the vicinity. I understand Harrison, he is a very pampered talented child who, at one moment, realized he didn’t want to be treated like that forever and he spends the whole movie trying to prove himself. I understood why I was disliked by him, he had less time to talk with John to show him his achievements. And my behavior didn’t help. Starr isn’t like either of the three that were in the band, so he didn’t deem me a threat. He liked me less because I was causing Harrison and McCartney to lash out. 

But why did McCartney dislike me so much? Doesn’t he have a lifelong friendship with my husband? He even brought his own wife, Linda, and that still wasn’t enough for him to stop making inappropriate comments about John and me. They all brought them, why would I make such a difference? John always bites, of course. He would always defend me, like he used to defend Powell before he left her. Both of the Lennon/McCartney famous duo were perfectionists, even though I didn’t know that at the time because of John’s image. McCartney went into overworking while my husband went into laziness and disinterest, which was pleasantly being jammed down my throat with images of McCartney arguing to work, while John strummed into nothingness.

During those painful rehearsals, John and McCartney would always go and have a short private talk from which both of them would return equally angry. John was always visibly angry and aggressive, while the other one was passive aggressive like the snake he is.

One of them came back to me with full force, one which I witnessed when they thought no one was around. I never wrote it down in full.

“Why do you keep bringing Yoko with you?”, McCartney and John were standing in the “private” room.

“I dunno. Same reason you brought Linda? To show the fuck off!”, John went mad.

“You would never show off a woman! You always say there is more to a girl's girl! So, tell me why, John?”, McCartney most of the time fluttered his eyes when trying to pry.

“You forgot who you’re fucking talking to Paul.”, John was defensive and boiling from anger while trying to control it.

 “Snap out of it, Lennon! Where is the lovely John I knew during the fifties? Who gave a shit!”

“Stuck in Strawberry Fields, musty gel quiff, overheating and asphyxiating in his stupid teddy boy getup. He is dead for all I know.”, John looked him straight in the eyes.

“You are avoiding the goddamn question Lennon.”, McCartney returned the favor.

“But I answered it!”, John shrugged and smiled.

McCartney pinned my husband to the wall. Tension reaches its boiling point, Lennon staring him down, huffing from anger, McCartney being cold and strong with his laser focus on my husband's eyes.

“You know what the hell I’m talking about smartass!”

My husband creeped awfully close to McCartney’s face… McCartney took on a heat red color.

“Maybe if we didn’t work like slaves in this sweatshop… Maybe if Brian wasn’t dead and kept you in check… Maybe if you for once listened to my suggestions too, not wanting to… I dunno, ask a third party which I won’t mention here because they are close to your heart… Maybe I wouldn’t bring Yoko around as my stress ball.”, John trailed around the room looking McCartney in the eyes.

“Oh, poor Lennon, being stressed because of his own stupid mistakes! Having a clear solution given to him in 1968! Having a perfect chance to do something with his fucking life: to not be a burden on the third party he won’t mention out of pity for himself! No wonder I don’t ask you for anything anymore! You have taken everything away from me.”

McCartney was by this point bawling.

“Still spewing the same bullshit during those ten days. For me it was becoming more clear I had to continue.”

“And I’m using that too, I truly am trying to work with you. I am trying, John.”, McCartney tried to pull himself together to no avail.

“Without you, Paul, without you… It’s clear now.”

He caressed McCartney’s face in a brotherly way.

“John… You’ll see that I’ll leave first.”

“I know. I know that well.”, my husband let out a tear, “You have to get yourself together, Paul, we have more stuff to shoot and rehearse…”

“You don’t need to remind me, John, you really don’t, I know that much better than you.”, McCartney rested his head on my husband’s shoulder.

They stared into the abyss that was the window. I went back to the main room forgetting what I was doing. They didn’t come back for the next fifteen minutes.

The same thousand yard stare was present in John watching what felt like a painstakingly long movie. When it was time for the concert his eyes were full of tears. He loved that concert even if it was huddled in the lowest point of his mental health. He was joyful, he was hopeful, he forgot what it felt to play live. McCartney singing made us both tear up… The songs he played were one of a kind and I’ll always respect him for that. John knew that none of the other members went to see the movie. His glasses glistened with tears. My hair got in my eyes. I wanted to hide. I was glad we were out of the toxic hands of McCartney’s overwork schedule yet looking back... He left for nothing. He left and didn’t feel proud. He left and made an album at his house, not even a studio... 

John was hiding behind his hair too. He was reaching out for McCartney’s face. He was weeping, he was splitting. The movie was over and we didn’t wait any longer to get the hell out of the theatre.

Jann and Jane were sad and shocked. They saw us cry for the first time. But they did not know what sight awaited us.

John was brushing his tears constantly trying to stop crying, not succeeding. Again and again he would dry his tears, but his face would be wet. His eyes were red, his movement stiff, his face filled with worry and regret, his mind going to some other place.

“I’m sorry.”, Jann said, “We shouldn’t have brought you to the cinema… I feel so guilty.”

“No… It’s fine.”, John tried to play it cool, but his red and tearstained face said more than his words.

“It’s a great loss to music…”, Jane muttered, “I see that you think that too.”

“John really needs to spend some time away from them.”, I sniffled, “Some time. I did not want to make you breakup… It was your band, remember?”

I looked him in the eyes.

“I know, Yoko, I know.”, he kisses me on the lips. His lips were salty and warm.

We found a lonely bench somewhere in a city park and huddled in a foursome. Staring into the starry sky.

“You know, Paul and I used to stare into the sky together… We even had a star.”

“What star?”, Jann asked.

“It’s a secret, love.”, John smiled into the darkness. 

“He told me that too, so you aren’t missing much.”, I joked.

John was in awe of the sky this night. Running away again.

“We passed the audition, but gave up.”, John referenced his joke.

John became absent, which was rare when I was around. Me and the pair talked while he hummed something. Only one part of him knew how to put me on hold and that was… Someone I didn’t see for a good while. Someone I kind of miss when John begins to malfunction. John struggled out of the group after a while when he calmed down.

“Thank you, that helped.”, he told our friends, “Should we head back to the hotel?”

“We should.”, Jann agreed, “And sincere condolences for the movie.”

“No condolences needed, love.”, John smiled feeling sad for all of us.

We headed back to the car, the pair leading the way, leaving John and me a bit behind. 

“John is a fast walker so what is happening?”, I asked myself, “Could it be?”

“Yoko. I need to be serious for a moment.”

This isn’t John serious, John serious doesn’t mean getting awfully quiet and slow.

“Okay, what do you want to tell me, John?”

“I…”, he took me by the hand, “You know when Paul and I fought and he mentioned ‘68?”

“You told me that in 1968. Paul and you had a fight about Julia.”

John gulped.

“See, the reason why Paul was so, um, adamant about Julia was…”

“He liked Julia. That was reason! That was fucking reason for hell we went through!”, I thought.

“He loved her.”

“I cannot believe that man! You made your choice, John, why did he force that on you so much!”

John stopped me from ranting further.

“I’m not finished, Yoko.”

My heart skipped.

“I…”

“Oh god, please no. Love songs upon love songs… All written for… Were all of them written for…”, my mind got more and more occupied with bad thoughts.

“You loved him.”

“loved him for a while.”, he finished at the same time I said my conclusion.

“And when did you want to tell me this? Never! You! I accept you! I love you! And you betray me! Why, John, why?”

“I love you too!”, he hugged me, “I do. I had to tell you now. I couldn’t tell you when the Beatles were together, because of Paul! And I couldn’t get to tell you during April and May. I was depressed! You couldn’t see that!”

“I see that! I see! I feel! I am human too! I am wife! I make everything good for you! I try! I try my hardest to make John happy!”, I was losing my speech, I was losing my marbles, I was crying.

“You’re right…”

“Are you leaving me for that pushover! That no good McCartney! Are you leaving me! Are you?”

“No.”, he bit his lip and sorrowfully caressed my face like he did Paul’s, “I cannot ruin your life too. I ruined Cyn and Julian’s. I’m not ruining yours and mine.”

“Julia… You would leave… I know you would… You’re just lying!”, I screamed at her.

Julia, or the “real” part of John would always look at me neutral instead of lovey dovey like him. Although she is always welcome, I liked John a bit more. She never seemed to mind that.

“No, I am keeping him with you.”, she chuckled, “You’re silly, Yoko.”

She twirled my hair with her iconic melancholic look.

“I am not silly! I am serious.”

“I am not leaving, you are crucial to John’s survival.”, Julia laughed, “And I am serious. Just in a John way.”

“You're confusing.”, I started to calm down, “Great to see you still exist, Julia.”

“We are close hip to hip, but great to see you too, Yoko. Jules is fine also.”

Got a point there.

“You were in denial for so long I didn’t see you that much.”

“John would be very very sad if I showed meself.”

“We can be sad together.”, I offered.

“Now that both John and I are sad, it means that I can sort some things out… John is so unbreakable I sometimes forget he needs to act like a human.”

“He is… He is…”, I sniffled, “He is not some kind of idea. I wouldn’t marry him and be stuck with you too…”

“We are the same person are we not?”, she was being a smartass.

I was silent; were they really?

“Speechless huh?”, she smiled more.

“John was in denial, while you were fully aware of the feelings you felt”, I made a theory, “Before this year I used to see you a lot more… I mean, I know how you work Julia, I know when you become John and vice versa, but I never saw John switch for the past half a year.”

“Become? What… I was just… Being myself.”, she was thinking out loud, “Um, Yoko, I dunno, maybe it was my defense mechanism to remain like John for months on end.”

“I adore John. I do. But… He needs to relax. He needs to cry, and you are not letting him do that. Let him be vulnerable when he needs to! When he was today, because of his buildup, he couldn’t help wiping off his tears, in the meantime ruining your precious hard work or makeup. Imagine if our friends saw you, thankfully for you it's dark. You were lucky.”

“More like having the luck of the Irish.”, that response made me jab her softly on the shoulder.

She played with my hair… We continued walking.

“You plan to stay like this?”, I asked.

“I do. I am tired of being John Lennon for half a year.”

She held my hand close to her. That was the quality of my partner, even though it looked like John on the outside it would be obvious to me by the mannerisms that it was Julia, an overly sensitive, talkative, sarcastic and lovable woman.

The pair arrived at the car and they showed us to go faster.

“Couldn’t you have picked a better moment, Lennon?”

“That was the best moment to tell you, I wouldn’t have told you otherwise.”

“Maybe it sounds to you like normal talk…”

I ruffled her hair.

“At least you told me.”, I was thankful.

We went inside the car. The lights were dim and I fell asleep immediately. Julia’s lap was a very comfortable spot to lie on. I always wondered if she wanted to be a man from the beginning… I mean, who in their right mind would, if they were rejected from many bands run by men, conclude pretending to be a man to form a band is better than just waiting for the women to show interest? Was he the physical image for an escape from reality? She is a perfectionist in the same way as my husband but more… Stubborn. McCartney and even John could ask for help, but Julia… Julia would never let anyone tamper with her ideas and ideals, especially John (even though I consider him his own thing). Except me. Privilege carries between them… Though I wonder, does love count too?

I wake up to find Julia bent over waving a hand in front of me.

“Wakey wakey, wifey. We have arrived.”, the whole car chuckled.

“John, you are a pleasure.”, Jane commented.

“See you then tomorrow, we have so much to show you.”, Jann said.

“See ya.”, Julia went outside, opening the door for me.

“Ladies first.”, she giggled.

“You are all smiley.”, I added.

We went inside the hotel, Julia for the first time in forever, undressing after me. Usually she would go when I wasn’t looking so it felt like John was always there lurking, even in bed. I felt great but I felt like he was trapped. She relaxed in a chair.

“Why do you let me influence you?”, I questioned, my curiosity piqued.

“Scared I’ll disappear too early?”, she asked.

“Answer with an answer, Lennon.”

“Hm, I like that you can keep John safe and sterile.”, she admitted.

I was shocked by her statement! But that was Julia, Julia was always so out of the box.

“You don’t think I’m breaking any molds? I want to do the opposite!”, I was uncomfortable.

“No, no, your work is great, just John needs an anchor and you fit the description. Also, safe and sterile doesn’t mean not socially active, just not as impulsive as most of the times during Beatles.”

“You’re impulsive? But you seem so calm and collected?”

“I am… Everything is based on a hunch. That’s how I write.”, she explained, “I had a hunch that Beatles were going to break up because of me, I had a hunch you would keep John on the right track, I had a hunch that Cyn will be better off without John and I had a hunch I had to continue pretending I was John all those years ago. Gosh, for how long now… Thirteen years. Wow.”, she stopped, “I’m old.”

I laughed, “No, you’re just right. And if you are, then what am I? A grandma?”

“Always liked older women-”

“Oh, stop it!”, I pinch her cheek half seriously.

“Exactly why you can tend to Johnny boy. You’re not afraid of pushing the limit. I love that about ya.”

I blushed without realizing then. I realized moments later when I began stumbling over my words.

“Um, thank you- for noticing. Only normal for me.”

We were quiet for a moment, while Julia grabbed a book to read.

“What did you think of me when I met John… When we first met…”

“I thought you were a great gal doing her own thing and surviving in a man’s world.”, she gazed into my eyes, “Also that you are a very capable and funny person.”

I was proud.

“What did you think of me, darling?”, she asked me.

“I thought you were the wrong Beatle. I wanted to meet McCartney, instead I ended up with you of all people. Then, I didn’t know about Julia so I thought you were more than you show and was I ever so right.”

“Tsk, tsk, I am always the right Beatle.”, she scoffed like she hadn’t heard my answer a hundred times, “I asked for plain me.”

I remembered the moment when John told me about Julia.

“I told you then… You revealing your photos, your clothes, your books, your feelings made me conclude that being with John was going to be more interesting. Your presentation is always so grand.”

“Thank you, oh Yoko.”, she told me.

Another small pause. She got her pair of cat-eye glasses and began reading. I stopped her with a serious question:

“Were McCartney and you ever together?”

She closed the book and plainly said,

“Yes.”

“How long?”

“Seven years.”

My mouth dropped. McCartney and Lennon were together even though Lennon was married.

“Wait, wait, Julia, how were you two together when John was married to Cynthia? You are a cheater!”

Julia was heartbroken.

“I realized that a bit too late. For the public it was two different people so it didn’t matter but… It was so fucked up. Exactly why I ruined Cyn’s life. She even knew it and let me do it. Because she had John.”

“Julia. I am now dead serious. Are you going to do that to me?”

Julia’s usual poker face disappeared.

“I don’t love him anymore. I got over him.”, Julia was depressed.

I embraced her.

“Look, if you are still bummed about him and his plans, you can always write about that alright… Your venting to me about Paul has gained a new quality to it.”, I sighed.

Julia was always so complicated underneath her songs. I have to admit she is the one in control whenever John is writing.

“I have to get meself together…”, she said under her breath.

“I’ll help you.”, I caressed her face.

“You help enough by just being there.”, she gave me a weak smile.

I sat in her lap. She was comfortable with that.

“You never told me more about yourself, only stuff I’ve seen.”

“You know John well, so you- I’ll stop using this joke.”

She put away the book.

“Ask away.”, she stared at my figure.

“What was the relationship between you and Powell?”

“Us two are best friends.”, she smiled, “She had a soft spot for John so we had an idea to pretend we’re together when I’m him.”

“You mean she liked him.”

“Yeah.”

“So she knew everything you did?”

“John and her were together for so long. Of course she knew.”, she was direct and that hurt. I was… Jealous?

She found that amusing.

“Oh.”, I continued, “Did you sleep with any other women as John?”

Her eyes widened with suppressed laughter.

“I had to because I needed to uphold his image. But I didn’t like any of ‘em. I like men more.”, she collected herself, “Don’t worry, John is just yours. And I’ll tell you if he sleeps with anyone like I told-”

“Powell, who is your best friend still!”, I pouted.

“But who is with John?”

“I am.”

She booped my nose. It was obvious she valued me the same as she valued Powell.

“Did John like McCartney too?”

“Hm… In a small part.”, Julia told me, “I was the one doing the liking mostly.”

My jealousy was worsening.

“Paul was jealous of us for a long time, maybe he still is. Since I broke up with him, left Cyn and got with you, he was unbearable.”

So McCartney was jealous. He didn’t dislike me because of my character, but because I was with Julia all the time. Well, that is so-

I bursted into laughter.

“And he’ll never admit that, that bastard.”, she clucked.

“Guessing he’ll blame everything on me.”

“No, he’ll blame everything on John. Then on you.”, she proposed.

We both laughed.

“Julia, did you ever wish to be just John?”, I asked.

She raised her eyebrow.

“I wouldn't be able to wear me dresses then. And that would suck. Why ask that?”, she looked me up and down.

“Why would you spend so much time as John then?”

She was dumbfounded. It looked like she never asked herself that question.

“Huh… That’s a good question to mull over.”

She put a hand on her chin and looked into the window behind us. She was thinking over everything. She hugged herself with one hand while holding me with the other.

“It would certainly be easier…”, she barely uttered, “Everything would be simpler…”

She glanced into my lips.

“I would be able to be an ideal in full.”, she pressed her lips onto mine.

I succumbed to them. Those tearstained lips felt chapped and rough like John’s. She stopped and charmingly remarked,

“But life is not like that is it?”

I infectiously grinned. She was beaming.

“We should spend more time like this.”, I suggested, “I never get to spend time with happy Julia. Only serious Julia, only Julia that has to deal with John’s problems.”

“Then grab some poetry and let's read together.”, Julia put her book on the bed.

I went to our bookshelf and grabbed some of Oscar Wilde’s poetry. Lennon always had books.

“Oh, good choice.”, she noticed my choice.

I sat on her lap again, making myself comfortable. 

“If you’re now comfortable, choose a poem.”, she opened the page with the names of poems.

“Hm, let’s just start from the beginning and read from there.”, I played with her hair.

“Alright, Yoko.”, she passed a few pages to the first poem, “Ravenna.”

She began reading. Her voice flowed differently than John’s, much more silky and relaxed. She was mesmerizing and showed she cared about making the poem interesting the story beautiful and exciting.

“And England, too, shall glory in her son,

Her warrior-poet, first in song and fight.

No longer now shall Slander's venomed spite

Crawl like a snake across his perfect name,

Or mar the lordly scutcheon of his fame.”

This verse stuck with me… 

She began yawning after ten poems. It was already early morning.

“Looks like the warrior poet lost her stamina.”

“I’m no warrior, maybe a bad poet.”, she hugged me, “We should sleep.”

I went and jumped onto my half. She lied down onto hers.

“Good night, Jules.”, I said her nickname for the first time.

“Good night, raven head. Sweet dreams.”

“When will be the next time?”

“Whenever you want.”

I kissed her.

“Then tomorrow.”

“I thought you’d miss John.”

“We’re helping him.”, I snuggled into her chest.

She was a bit uncomfortable.

“Relax. I’m your wife remember?”

She snorted.

“Yoko, you’re silly.”, she snuggled me further. 

We fell asleep like that. Writing this now, I have a plan. I need to get Julia to let down her walls so John could be more truthful to me… He needs to heal. And knowing her and fixing her is the only way. I wonder where Jules would like to go out the most, maybe she made a plan already…

Rest of Sacrifame

Gary Crimble and a many Rudolph everyone! + announcement

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates today.

I got my Christmas present today from the AO3 site - a place to share all my brainrot fics.

So now "Sacrifame" and everything else I made and hasn't been uploaded to here is transferring to lenmon40.

me when I see your support everyone, thank you!

Forced to install Twitter, free to choose icon.

it hurts

it hurts...

Oh McLennon...this is intense!

Dear Boy, May 1971

I Know, July 1973

Of course it's a dad joke (he has taken in four lost teddy boys)

Also, amazing humour

Brian Epstein 1960s Autographed Fishing For Compliments Greetings Card

An original Fishing For Compliments greetings card that that was commissioned by Brian Epstein. It has been autographed by Brian in blue ballpoint pen. The card has his home address 4 Chapel Street, London, SW1 printed on the inside at the bottom.

(source)

on god why. Why is Lennon so stupid

This gif kills me because what the fuck are you so enamoured by gay boy……

Real men are like Paul McCartney.

paul mccartney can only write about four things:

getting pussy

getting high

a woman with depression he just made up out of nowhere and it has nothing to do with him or his internal life.

john lennon

𝟏𝟗𝟔𝟒.

𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓮 𝓘𝓼 𝓢𝓮𝓽!

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙀𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙎

John’s Letters To Aunt Mimi

Dear Mimi,

We are in the bougie part of London, and we had such a lovely sunny March day (which is a lovely yet rare occurrence during springtime!) and we are making a motion picture. Can you believe it?! Yeah, I can’t either.

It’s fab as now people say because of us four! Gosh, I am so proud of them and me of course! Can’t forget about me!

Today was a long long day for shooting. We ultimately got nothing done… It was just a long train scene. We were all nervous. Imagine, even I, who is used to acting, got nervous. It’s a hard task to pull off a role taking upon another role. But it was fun. We had a great dinner afterwards. Georgie met this girl, and I think they will get together. You may very well have already seen the gal in a mag, Pattie Boyd, the model. She is cute, but not as beautiful as Twiggy or Doris Day or Grace Kelly. After the dinner I was a bit sad we didn’t get stuff done, but “my little friend” told me we will do better tomorrow, though I knew he was even more unsure than me. I told him “Paul if we fuck up, it’s fine, we still have each other.” Great words that. He lit up. And yeah, now I’m writing to ya… Aunt Mimi, I promise I’ll make ya proud, and make this film amazing!

Love ya lots,

John 

Dear Mimi,

we’ve finally filmed the train scene. I got comfortable with the camera and was acting like never before. Even more macho, even more humorous, even more witty. Wish you could’ve seen me, oh YEAH ya will! They say that if we continue at this pace the movie will be released in early July! I can’t wait for you to see all of our lines and our playing and so much stuff! 

To answer your questions. My boys and I are doing great and we are safe. They are not making us do stuff against our own will. We have a contract that prohibits tampering, at least that’s what Brian says. For the stores, I’ll promise I’ll go and check out some when I get the chance. I know how much you like it when I get new clothes and accessories… You just want me to enjoy things now and to spend the money I earn on fun things… Oh, Auntie. And to solve the next problem, I will take Paul with me. He has an eye for what fits me… He is my partner. I will take care of meself, I don’t always need the others or Paulie who you like to single out. Wish you could see how great the flats are!

Love ya lots,

John 

Dear Mimi,

we got a free day! So I decided to go shopping like you told me! I found some great clothes and shoes and I can't wait for you to see ‘em. One of the clothes is a yellow checkered puffy dress with a rose emblem on it, then there is a cute red dress and the combination of a white shirt with black dots and a pencil skirt. I got red pumps and black heels too! That’s done. Paul helped me choose them, he is so stylish… He and the lads greeted you!

I’m glad you are doing well, I cannot believe I forgot to ask you! John’s doing!  I’m so happy you have gone back to your hobby. I miss your hats. Can’t wait to get a new one. How are the other ladies? I hope you are talking to them, don’t get too lonely without me. Did you visit Mum? I hope you brought flowers for me too… It’s so unfair to both of us. I promise, when I come back I’ll keep ya company. I promise and you have this letter as proof I promised. I promise you as me, not my facade.

Love you,

your niece John

Dear Mimi,

everything is so bad. We are done “filming” all the scenes. Yay, I thought. But… Some scenes need to be redone. We have to “redub” some of our live singing. Why? I like it live! I love the studio but it is so stupid to dub live recordings… God, I am so frustrated. Brian and Paul don’t agree with George and me. Everyone thinks Brian is always right, well maybe he is, but this is a musical sin! They wanted to use our album recordings for it. The microphones were so bad they didn’t catch the “nuance of the Beatles playing”. What the hell are they talking about? We just strum. Still, I’m happy with the result we have currently though I am in a fight with Paul because of the stupid dubbing. Paul is so staunch on keeping his opinion, so stubborn! Well, John Winston Lennon is more stubborn than him!  I’ll show him… 

I am very glad the ladies are fine. You think of everything when you do something, Mimi. You even brought my favourite flower to bring her… You really are the greatest aunt. At these scumbags you would for sure scoff. They are so mean sometimes. And they smell bad. Money grubbing idiots. Not fit for a lady like you and Jules, but fit for me… Maybe I am filthy like them, John collects their filth… Julia remains clean. I wonder how clean can a person here be?

Love ya lots, 

John

Dear Mimi,

I’m barely able to write this letter, my rock and roll finger is hurting! Jokes aside, I listened to your solution for my fight with Paul, much to my dismay. Before that I was always on edge to beat him up and to pout at Brian. I formulated to him that what I meant was for us four to ask the film director to film all the scenes with us playing again with more cameras and better sound proofing so that the music would be live and prove to Brian that me and Geo were right. He was intrigued to say the least and gave in, after me bothering him more and more. We went to the film director and as it turns out, he doesn’t have the budget! The goddamn Beatles motion picture doesn’t have the budget! I was fuming! Paul looked like he was expecting such a response. He got on my nerves again. Though, I won’t forget he supported me then, when I argued with the film director about the footage. “No, we don’t have enough film for that.” or “Sound proofing for our sets is quite expensive, and besides that clunky.” would be heard a dozen times. Then I would say, “But isn’t a studio supposed to be acoustic?”, and he would say, “But this is a movie, mister Lennon.”. That’s a new level of dumb. So I had my little revenge. I wouldn’t want our band to waste away, so I told them that we will play everything all over again to make a unique dub for the movie as a fuck you. Weirdly enough, Brian supported me. Even if the film director felt that that was unnecessary, how could you say no to the stars of the film who could pull out any moment? That is the reason my hand has cramps. Paul is annoyed with me because of this choice but he can’t say he didn’t enjoy making a different version. I plan, during the editing phase of the movie, for us four to go explore the place some more and relax. I owe them that much for putting them up to more work.

Lots of love,

John

Dear Mimi,

London is such a big place. Me and the lads went through the entire Hyde Park. I can’t believe I didn’t take the time to explore the city before this. The nature in the parks is wonderful and diverse. The architecture is beautiful and elegant. The Rose Garden in Hyde Park is my favourite place, maybe Paul and I could write some songs there. It’s quiet and romantic, perfect for a working atmosphere. Maybe I get too caught up in music making. Exactly why I don’t explore as much as I did before. I would love to do this with Cyn someday. Maybe Paul and I should take Julian out to play... You asked if I knew how Cyn and Jules were, and I write to tell you they are fine. Cynthia is taking up some art courses and teaching Julian how to count, he is so smart! He knows how to count to five already. Of course he is my kid. He is a bundle of sunshine, really brightens up Cyn’s day, she won’t shut up about him in her letters (and who can blame her, he is very cute and funny). I envy her sometimes, she doesn’t let art consume her so much. But what is an artist if not a complicated person with layers and addictions towards their work? 

You made a hat for me! You spoiled the surprise. You know I love them! Well, I’ll try and forget it. Still, I wanted to ask if there is anything else that you wanted me to bring home? If not for you then for others? Wait, I am not falling into that hole. Gifts for others, not their requests, they are not my aunt. 

Lots of love,

John

Dear Mary,

I don’t know how to feel about your last letter. I am making a difference out here and you still bother me about that small thing! Also, you really think I’m doing this for money? No. I’m doing this because there is no other way… Even if there is, that “sham” you are talking about is giving me a way to distance myself from my feelings and write something quite logical. Even though I think we are still subpar and I tell my band that all the time, I think we are on the right track to improve ourselves. The person you call “shameful” and “selfish” has helped create great bands and improved the lives of the other members. It hurts me you think that way about me and my ideas. You don’t even want me to bring stuff if I don’t let go of my ideas. Silly Mary. I’m not seventeen anymore. I am my own man person and I decide what I will or will not do. But your angry response has led me to question what I did, so thank you very much Mary. Do you wonder if I had waited just a little bit and enrolled somewhere else I could’ve been able to achieve the same thing without my idea? If I had… I dunno, enrolled into art school like Cyn and found some friends there? More similar to me… Well, like Paul but you know how. But, I don’t think it would’ve had the same impact as the Beatles. First it was all about fun, and it still is fun, but I would’ve had fun that way too. But now. Now, it’s about impact too. The movie is edited and ready to go. With it, we have reached the big screen. The influence is a burden but we could use it! We could do something with it! I could help people, Mary! All four of us can! We could be the mirror of the society, we could embody the opinion of our demographic! And we already do! We are the demographic! Maybe I sound powerhungry, but I think we don’t need to educate people, we need to make more people aware about the faults and struggles of society! Maybe I am on a high horse but you can’t deny the facts I have brought up. The Beatles CAN change something. They CAN do it. Just believe in me, Mary. Please, Mimi.

Love ya lots,

John

Jules

Julia

Yours truly,

J. V. L.

Rest of Sacrifame

Masterpiece

good morning

𝙎𝘼𝘾𝙍𝙄𝙁𝘼𝙈𝙀

𝙈𝘼𝙄𝙉 𝙋𝙊𝙎𝙏

“To breach the road I sacrifice a form which holds no device. One day you’ll understand…” - John’s personal diary

Summary

An idea that spiraled out of control and became an act that went on for too long. From a mistake came about a twin tale. A story thought up by a girl who dreamed about making it in the rock world and who would do anything to keep her dream alive in a world that was unaccepting of her vision. Even if it meant pretending for years and years to be someone who she wasn’t. Create a “him” who could do anything and take anything for her. Though, was she ever really pretending or merely entertaining the fact she could be someone else and fully exploiting that position?

The story isn’t chronological and can be read in any order. It happens between 1956. and 1980.

The fanfic is already quite long, clocking in at 83 pages, and will only be longer. I will be uploading it in parts (three at a time) here on Tumblr on a weekly schedule (I will inform you in advance if I will be late next time).

Parts in order of release:

1958. Ain't She Sweet?

1973. How To Tame A Stray

1969. Skipping Practice

I updated with four because "The Scene Is Set!" and "Yearning For Their... Chemistry?" are shorter fics.

1968. Not A Little Kid Anymore

1964. The Scene Is Set!

1963. Yearning For Their... Chemistry?

1975. Go With The Flow

Lack of inspiration leads to late updates, sorry everyone.

1976. Washing The Pain Away

1959. The Fruitless Endeavour

1970. Sincere Condolences To Lennono