Via

I think everyone should make dumb ugly zines and bad music and write shitty books with weird premises and publish them for pay what you will online. I think people should write plays that are only ever intended to be performed with their friends in their living rooms. I think people who like ttrpgs should explore bizarre itch.io games and new systems that have no affiliation whatsoever with any major publishing house. If youre lucky enough to have a cool local community radio station nearby you should listen to that and what people close to you have to say and what they're creating that has no focus on being nationally appealing. I just think creation should be more joyful and local both in a geographic sense and a personal and social sense and unconcerned with whether or not it will be commercially viable or slick or even good beyond your own pride in it. And I think it's good to seek out art that exists for its own sake or to appeal to the community it was created within

one of the favorite games

Granny from The Convenience Store (2020)

I have my TV open at nights with no sound (everything’s subtitles here) to keep me company while I draw, write or read. I don’t watch it, but sometimes my attention turns to the TV for some reason.

As I’m drawing here now my head turned, almost on its own, to the TV. A woman was speaking in a crime series to a man. She said “We must understand that The God works on his own Divine timing.”

I’m like “Okay. A clear message. I’ve heard this previously, also delivered to me directly.”

Then, RIGHT after that, I put on an audio book Many Lives, Many Masters by Dr. Brian Weiss. It’s non-fiction book of Brian Weiss who discovered past lives together with his psychiatric patient. The audio books starts with the following:

“Everything comes when it must come. A life can not be rushed. Can not be worked on a schedule as so many people want it to be. We must accept what comes to us in the given time.”

so sick and twisted that i can't do everything and learn everything in the world all at once forever

I rearranged all my plushies just to fit the Puppy Surprise in there 🧸 

It was worth it.

im everyones husband and wife *is being held down by doctors*

today the strangest thing happened. id been making kandi all day, a long awaited task turned furthermore into a burden as the days dragged on and continued to the sooner end of the summer season. when id found myself soaked in the silk of a conundrum. i needed hot glue because i lacked any type of punctuation mark for the ending to a bracelet i was making. however i had no such exclamation mark. so i had made one of an upside down i, however i needed to glue it to my other letter for this to work. yet no luck, the glue was missing. obviously bewildered by this, i searched and asked around finally leading back to the layer by which my brother bodes his domain. it quickly escalated and got out of hand, as his response to my questioning was that to assume my inquiry implied that of theivery. it did not but he knows not with his young age to listen. so alas i was thrown out to look elsewhere. my parents had gone so i took to it with the free space from the car having vacated the area where the storage bins lay. and i got to work opening and looking into them. i knew of two hot glue vestiges in my home. two documented ones at least, as they both routinely go missing and reappear at random, i knew better than to not take the time to look inside the office storage bins in particular. and as i dug through my first box in particular, i found photos of myself from deep in my very first term growing period to my most recent. i, being the first born was always the most heavily documented on, of my sibling collective. which is fine so to speak as i have proper proof for my experiences and that of my life previously to my most recent years. however i had come upon a pooled amount of dvds at the bottom, after i had divvied out some pictures of myself for the taking to add to my childhood shoebox. many familial events and activities, holidays, school photos, my parents wedding, stuff like that. however there was a dvd entitled “((my name)) photos” i was confused about the title so i set it in the pile with the other things i was certain id never find and left shortly after to make my departure. however when id put the disc into my tv after id arrived in my room. itd made many strange noises. then inexplicably brought me to a picture of a snowy mountain, in what looked to be a tundra climate. i stared at the photo for awhile just pondering the whole thing, before i realised it was a sort of slideshow. i pressed the remote for the next slide and took note that all of the slides were more or less the same thing. the disc being full of pictures of the dreary antarctic. where images of snowy mountains and clusters of strange looking penguin hold themselves a collective. though it continued endlessly, of eerie near perfect looking snowy mountains, surrounded by water and such. the photographer perhaps on a boat. i found it went on forever, me skipping through them for a solid half hour maybe, before i was called to do some chores. id been gone for a long time too, about midnight, as is the curse of leaving my room and stalling my way back to the connecting hallways, always somehow leading back to my door. i got right back to skipping through the slideshow. and the photos did not change, and there was no option to go backward. i took a short video of what i was seeing, to try to picture it better in explanation. but its really short as my phone stopped itself from recording not even 20 seconds in because of low storage-__-

im not very sure what to make of this, what association i am supposed to draw from a cd with my name on it, implying photos of me through its titling. and what the frequent photos of the antarctic imply to me as a person. this is quite the query, is it not? im afraid to take it out of my dvd player as i do not want to lose my place in the sequence of images i have found myself lost in. many of these photos beyond uncanny in a way i cannot pinpoint. perhaps it is the entailment of isolation making me feel this way. as i find myself anxious thinking of the endless artic tundra and pointlessness provided to me in such an environment, leading me to an endless feild of water, all surrounding to my periphery. a true nightmare to be lost to the ice and water beholdent in these photos. how i long to be away from it and yet i am viewing it from beyond that of a distance. i wonder what this is reflective of if not my own fear, is it true that our fears are what make us ourselves? i wonder where i heard that from. maybe in the future, i am these photos. maybe im the one taking them. or maybe these photos are just meant to represent me as an individual being. like finn from adventure time representing a sword when not trapped to that of a flesh corporeal form. regardless, perhaps these images were placed here for me to find when id come the age of understanding. i will ponder this more frequently as it has happened now a time ago, since id started writing this. yesterday to be exact. and i am still unsure if i even want to keep looking through the slideshow, as im not sure if it will ever end and time has not been very generous to me as of late. we will see. for now it is a mystery i will continue to write about.

continuation to this post

so in love with cultivating a space for yourself exempt from the view of others, for no reason in particular other than self-expression. i could stare at my saved pins pinterest board for hours. those are the picures i like!!

i did not know others knew of this

god’s child aka mom on the net