⋆。°✩ Pushing His Buttons To Finally Make Him Confess

⋆。°✩ Pushing His Buttons To Finally Make Him Confess

⋆。°✩ pushing his buttons to finally make him confess

unsorted | nishimura riki x male!reader

⋆。°✩ Pushing His Buttons To Finally Make Him Confess

pairing: childhood bestfriend!ni-ki x male reader genre: fluff, little bit of a build up of angst? i actually don't know ... words: 2.03k notes: trying something completely different and just getting these ideas out! i've always liked the 'childhood bestfriend' tropes and i think ni-ki definitely fills up the criteria. not meant to be a realistic take on ni-ki in anyway (since this is a fanfic lol) but something just loosely based on him. hope you like it!

You've been so focused on impressing your crush that you've completely overlooked Ni-ki's feelings for you. For a long time, he's harbored strong emotions, but he keeps them hidden while you excitedly talk about your crush and ask for his help getting closer to him. Ni-ki always shakes his head and tells you that his friend is not interested in you, but the truth is that every time you mention his friend, it stings a little more. He doesn't want to complicate your friendship by revealing how he truly feels.

Deep down, Ni-ki wishes you could see how much he cares for you. He's been there all along, offering support, even while dealing with his own heartache. While you focused all your attention on this new crush, they were just a new development, yet you seemed to put all your efforts into them at once. Ni-ki couldn't bear it at all.

One day, your teacher announces a group project, and you're in a group with your crush. You're thrilled, but you have no idea where his house is for the group meeting. Luckily, Ni-ki knows the area well and offers to accompany you. He can't resist helping you, even if it hurts him to see you so enamored with his friend.

"You sure you know his house?" you asked, fixing your backpack as you walked alongside your best friend.

"Ugh, it's not like I wanted to," Ni-ki sighed, trying to distance himself from the topic. Clearly, he doesn't care about the guy or the project. He only cares about you.

"But still!" you tugged his arm. "Thank you for taking the time to come with me..."

Ni-ki looked at you with his hands in his pockets. As he saw your golden smile appear, he couldn't help but be mesmerized by it. He couldn't tell whether he was living a dream or a nightmare — it was too hard to tell.

When you both arrive at your crush's house, you try to play it cool, but you can’t help but feel nervous. Your friends arrived shortly, joining you in your project as well. You’re eager to impress your crush, while Ni-ki stands silently beside you, feeling nothing but emptiness and sadness for himself.

As you start working on the project, you keep stealing glances at your crush, laughing at his jokes and trying to engage him in conversation. Ni-ki observes from the sidelines, noticing how your face lights up every time you look at his friend. Each giggle you share with your crush feels like a sharp reminder of what he can’t have, but he keeps quiet, not wanting to ruin the moment for you.

After a while, your friends suggest taking a break and playing some games to lighten the mood. You agree, thrilled to spend more time with him, while Ni-ki watches quietly, wishing he could take your place.

When one of your louder friends suggests the game of truth or dare, laughter fills the room. You sit there nervously as your friends take turns revealing secrets or completing silly dares.

Finally, when it’s your turn, you shyly choose 'dare.' Your friends, excited, dare you to kiss the person you like. You glance over at your crush, your heart racing with anticipation, while Ni-ki’s expression darkens just a bit, feeling the weight of the moment.

"I-"

"This is ridiculous," Ni-ki rose from his seat and quickly pulled you away from the group, who could only groan in dismay. Although it seems unlikely, your supposed crush had a small look of concern. But did it even matter?

"Riki..." you pleaded. "Your hand..."

But Ni-ki couldn't hear you. He didn't want anyone to see you with him at this moment, so he was determined to get you as far away from the others as possible.

"RIKI!!" you shouted. Ni-ki stopped as he saw you.

"You're... you're grip was too tight," you pointed at your arm, and he let it go immediately.

"S-sorry!" he apologized, rubbing your hand quickly. It was clear that he didn't mean to hurt you, but he felt a bit disappointed with himself anyway.

"Hehe, It's alright," you tried to smile for a bit, even though you had no idea what just happened.

You two stood there under the bright moon. It wasn't the best of days, but it was magical how the crickets sounded in the early hours of the night. You looked at Ni-ki, still confused. He couldn't speak at the moment, rethinking what he had intended to do.

"Riki-"

"Do you really like him?" he spoke in a deep voice. It wasn't the first time you heard it, but it sounded so serious now.

"I-"

"I can tell that you're trying too hard," Ni-ki looked at you with his eyes, filled with curiosity. "Too hard."

That didn't feel right, you thought. Why would Ni-ki say something like that so suddenly? Is he against the idea all of a sudden? Does he hate you for it? Does it matter who you want to like?

"Okay..." you sighed. "Can you just tell me what's happening? I thought you were supportive of me..."

Ni-ki looked at you, sincerity clear in his gaze. "I... I am!"

"But you don't feel like it!" you walked towards him.

Ni-ki could only look at you closely before you spoke again.

"Are you..." you took your time to say these words. It was the worst case, but what if it is now?

"Are you disgusted by what I'm feeling? By me?" you spoke hesitantly, knowing full well it wasn't the case.

Ni-ki shot a surprised look towards you, a shocked expression on his face. "N-no! Why would you say that!"

"Then why are you so against me having a crush on him!" you spoke loudly, not even sure if you sounded too loud at that point.

Ni-ki couldn't believe it. Of course, he could never judge you for who you wanted to love. Not in that way. It didn't matter to him what your choices were. Sure, he may be bad at expressing himself sometimes, but he always supported you no matter what.

And he liked it that way.

He liked you that way.

"Because I like you!" Ni-ki replied with his voice shaking in fear. Fear of letting you know, and the fear of possibly losing you. He couldn't handle it, saying the most outrageous thing that might drive you away from him.

"I like you," Ni-ki spoke softly. "I really do."

Ni-ki liked you? Since when?

When did this happen? How could you not see it?

Where was it when you looked for it?

Looked at him.

That way?

"Y...you..." you covered your mouth as you tried to take in his words. "No... no I-"

"I can explain-"

"How could you explain this to me!" you stepped back from him as he tried to come near, his face showing that he was really sorry.

"Are you even listening to what you're saying!"

"I- I do like you!"

Silence.

There was only silence.

Only two people, two best friends... two hearts talking to each other.

"Then ... why ... now..." Tears fell from your eyes as you said those words from your heart, out for your best friend to listen closely.

Why now? Why would your best friend like you when you've given up entirely on that idea?

At daydreaming a future of you and him?

At loving the one person who cared for you like nobody else could?

You punched and punched his chest as you sank to the soft ground. Ni-ki tried to comfort you by wrapping his arms around you. You could only cry even more as you breathed in his familiar scent. There was nothing else that you could say.

You were supposed to forget these feelings, but why do they need to come back like this? Now that you've tried so hard to keep them away from hurting you? Why?

"I... I'm sorry." Ni-ki tried to speak as his sniffling nearly choked him. "I'm sorry I couldn't be brave enough to even pursue you..."

You continued to cry, remembering how much you liked him. How much you appreciated everything he did. How you wanted to understand him so you could build a lasting relationship with this kind guy who got you language guides and taught you manners you wouldn't know otherwise.

You fell for him, and you wanted to fall even deeper, but you never had a clue he liked you back.

"You're so ... stupid!" you continued to hit his chest. It wasn't that hard, but it was enough to make Ni-ki wince. He didn't like it when you hurt. Whether it was a scratch, a burn, or a bully, he didn't want you to suffer at all. He wanted to hold you in his arms as much as he could.

"I am..." Ni-ki tried to speak, trying to hide his own sobbing. "I just... can't decide whether I should let you be with him... or stay with me."

You then began to feel terrible, listening to him being a sniffling mess. You looked back towards his barren features, immediately wiping his tears away.

"So ... you just needed a little push?"

Ni-ki nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I... I didn't know how to deal with these feelings." He spoke to you. "And even if I did, I couldn't find the courage. Not with you."

You sighed, sitting up as you cleaned your face. "C'mon, Riki. I told you; you've got the charm ... the confidence ... the looks ... the spirit."

Ni-ki looked at you, laughing softly.

"What?" You spoke as you took a good look at him.

"Are you seriously prepping me when I already confessed?"

"I mean, it's not too late to not do that, you know?"

You two shared a quiet moment, mere seconds, as you took your time to process it all.

"So you like me?" Ni-ki broke the silence with one simple question.

"Of course." You nodded. "How couldn't I? You were the perfect package."

"I couldn't even handle my own feelings." Ni-ki wiped his tears as he chuckled lightly. "Are you sure you're ready to take a chance on me?"

"Hey." You looked at him. "Do you really want me or not?"

"Psh. Of course I do."

"Then don't be scared and keep your word." You smiled at him, your eyes still watery. "Love me all you want. And let me love you all I want."

Ni-ki laughed brightly, holding your hands and putting them against his own.

"Okay." He agreed. "I'll love you for all time."

"All time?" You looked at him confused. "You mean forever?"

Ni-ki shook his head. "No. I meant for all time. Past, future, present, and every other moment."

As you raised your hands to his cheeks, he gently cupped them and rubbed his own palm upon yours. "All the moments that time can give me to love you ... that's what I want."

Now, it was your turn to smile back at him.

"You're crazy." You looked at him as you fixed his stray hair. "Then ... let me do that too."

Ni-ki's eyes went wide as you pulled him into a sweet kiss. Having it felt like a soft kind of candy, and not just because of the texture. His mouth tasted so much like a sweet dream, one you'll fall into easily and never want to leave.

"We're both fools, aren't we?" Ni-ki spoke as he broke away from your kiss.

"Very much so." You giggled. "A couple of fools."

"Definitely." Ni-ki said as he rested his head on your shoulder. "A couple."

"A couple it is." Niki rest his head on your shoulders, and exposed his own nape in front of you. Without any care in the world, you pressed your damp lips onto his soft skin, relishing the beauty of this occasion.

⋆。°✩ Pushing His Buttons To Finally Make Him Confess

tried this new unsorted way of writing for stuff i couldn't just fit into compilations or a full series! also hopefully i did ni-ki's hypothetical highschool self good aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

hope you guys enjoyed it! please like, comment, or reblog~

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made by writhyv 💘

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3 months ago

random but anything you guys still look forward to for me to write? really want to chat with u guys soooo pls reply if u can tho 😤😜

Random But Anything You Guys Still Look Forward To For Me To Write? Really Want To Chat With U Guys Soooo

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2 months ago

I genuinely love your account.

AAAAA THANK YOUUU also looked at yours and your works are amazing 😭🩵🩵 mooties perhaps 🥺👉👈

1 month ago
⋆。°✩ Jake And The Simulation

⋆。°✩ jake and the simulation

there was definitely an urge to purchase an overpriced life simulator game just to date jake sim ...

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ pairing — sim jaeyun x male!reader

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ tags — fluff, implied male!reader down bad for jake, loosely accurate sims 4 references because i haven't played in a looooong while, sickening love idk!!

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ warning + notes — uhhhh sims references because i wanted it to be an april fools jokey kinda cracky themed, its either this or a whole fic written in simlish asjughfiaufsa

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ word count — 1.5k

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ looking for my main masterlist? — here's the legacy one!

The soft hum of your computer filled the quiet room as you cracked your knuckles, fingers hovering over the keyboard. The familiar jingle of The Sims 4 booting up sent a thrill through you. You’d been planning this for weeks.

The Create-a-Sim screen loaded, and you wasted no time. First on the agenda—your own sim.

You adjusted every detail meticulously, from the arch of his eyebrows to the slight dimple in his left cheek when he smiled. You dressed him in your favorite outfit and named him after yourself.

Then, with a deep breath, you clicked New Sim.

This one was different. Special.

You scrolled through hairstyles until you found the one—that fluffy, almost jet black mess of flowy hair that always made your heart skip.

You shaped his face carefully, softening his jaw just enough to match that smile—the one that had been your lockscreen for almost as long as you could remember.

This sim was very special, with you giving him warm, deep-set eyes, a gentle nudge to shape his flattering nose, and a playful set of lips based on those that always seemed to linger in your mind.

Jake Sim.

You bit your lip as you stared at the screen. It wasn’t really him, of course—just pixels and code—but something about seeing him there, even in this form, made your chest tighten.

"Okay," you muttered, saving him. "Let’s make this happen."

After the loading screen had passed, you placed them in neighboring houses in Willow Creek—close enough to run into each other, but not too obvious.

Live Mode, on cue. ˚  ✦  . .   ˚ .  . ★⋆.  ✦ .  .  ˚ .  ✦ ˚    ˚ .˚ 

The first few in-game hours were… rough.

Your sim wandered around his empty house, aimlessly flipping through TV channels before you remembered, "RIGHT... the mission."

You directed him to Jake’s house, your pulse quickening as the loading screen faded. The door swung open, and there he was—standing in his pajamas, blinking sleepily at your sim like he’d just woken up.

You almost short-circuited right at your seat. Why does he have to be cute in this too!?

You clicked Introduce, and your sim awkwardly waved.

With enough imagination, you filled those garbling nonsensical words with actual lines in your head.

"Uh, hey! I'm your new neighbor."

Jake Sim rubbed his eyes, then grinned. "Oh! Hey! I’m Jake. You, uh… want some coffee?"

Yes. Yes, you did. In the context of you being the sim, of course. Definitely.

You made them chat for way too long—about music, favorite foods, even the weird gnomes that kept spawning in your backyard. Finding out that it wasn't just an occurrence on your side was enough to bring you guys closer, growing more familiar as you chatted. Every interaction sent the friendship bar creeping higher.

Then, emboldened, you hovered over Flirt.

"Has anyone ever told you how radiant you are?"

Almost throwing yourself at your keyboard, that line played in your head, and you went haywire. Landing a line like that on Jake would’ve been so outrageously chaotic.

Seeing your screen yet again, Jake Sim blushed. Actually blushed. How does a 3D model in a game do that?! Crazy.

"Oh my god," he laughed, covering his face. "That’s so cheesy."

Just then, a green +Romance symbol floated above his head.

You pumped your fist. "Hell yeah!" ˚  ✦  . .   ˚ .  . ★⋆.  ✦ .  .  ˚ .  ✦ ˚    ˚ .˚ 

Three in-game days later, you finally worked up the courage to send them on a date.

You chose that one custom café you saw on YouTube and tried to get your hands on the tray files. A quiet spot nestled in Magnolia Promenade—the café was quaint, intimate, and nothing but perfect. Your sim fidgeted with his shirt the entire walk there, and you couldn’t help but laugh at how nervous he looked.

Jake Sim was already waiting at a corner table, idly scrolling through his phone. When your sim sat down, he perked up instantly.

"You came!"

"Of course I did."

Oh, these imaginations of yours are doing wonders, aren't they?

You made them order pancakes from the menu, already savoring the taste in your mouth. Oh, I want to taste actual pancakes right now. Maybe a date tomorrow at the local restaurant will perk you right up.

"We’re sharing, right?" Jake asked—and watched as they bickered over the last bite. Your sim let him have it, just to see him smile.

Then, you clicked Flirt again.

"You’re even cuter when you’re obviously stealing my food."

Jake Sim nearly choked on his coffee.

"Yah! Rude!" But he was laughing, eyes crinkling at the corners.

That's how it definitely was. So Jake Sim.

With a quick glance, your Romance bar was so close to full.

Thinking about it, if it becomes full... does it translate to something else? Scrolling through Reddit, Sim sites, and others, it definitely looks like it.

Do it. Just do it. There's no time like now.

You hovered over First Kiss, hesitated, then—

Click.

Your sim leaned in. In your head, you could just imagine Jake’s breath hitching.

And then—

A soft ding, pink sparkles swirling around them as their lips met. Love chiming happily in the air.

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding.

"Finally." ˚  ✦  . .   ˚ .  . ★⋆.  ✦ .  .  ˚ .  ✦ ˚    ˚ .˚ 

A week later (in-game, at least), Jake Sim moved into your sim's house.

You spent hours designing their shared home—a cozy two-story with a big kitchen, a record player in the living room, and a bedroom with one bed (because why waste space on two?).

Spending hours on finding the best CC, you could almost tell that the home you were building was a complete copy of where you were currently at.

To your surprise, even your phased-out office table had a model so similar online! Doesn't matter if you paid almost $10 for the Patreon, you're putting a masterpiece in your abode. Real or not!

In the kitchen you based so well on yours, Jake Sim kept burning every meal he tried to cook. Clicking over to your busy sim, it walked straight to where you led them and made them take over. If there were only voices, it would definitely be just like you—teasing him as he dramatically collapsed onto the couch.

"I give up. Cooking is evil." That line just rang randomly in your head.

You were belching with laughter as you saw your sim setting a plate in front of him.

"Good thing I like taking care of you." You mumbled as you set your foot up on your chair.

Just then, your favorite sims kissed right in front of you.

You may have squeaked at the sight. Just a little. ˚  ✦  . .   ˚ .  . ★⋆.  ✦ .  .  ˚ .  ✦ ˚    ˚ .˚ 

Then came the neighbors.

The Landgraabs showed up with their usual terrible fruitcake, and your sim and Jake stood there, awkwardly nodding as Nancy rambled about property values.

Then, out of nowhere, Nancy was definitely trying to flirt... with your sim!?

"You know, you’re very attractive," you could just imagine Nancy batting her eyelashes at your sim.

Your jaw dropped.

HELL. NO.

You immediately made your sim grab Jake’s hand and kiss him right in front of her.

If this was real, you'd know Nancy’s smile would've dropped then and there. She would've just turned and stormed off like the diva that she is.

Jake Sim burst out laughing. "That was amazing."

Your sim smirked. "Told you I only have eyes for you." ˚  ✦  . .   ˚ .  . ★⋆.  ✦ .  .  ˚ .  ✦ ˚    ˚ .˚ 

Weeks passed, and the day has come.

You’d been saving simoleons for weeks, scrimping on furniture and eating nothing but salad to afford the ring.

Finally, the day arrived.

You waited until sunset, directing your sim to lead Jake into the backyard, where you’d set up fairy lights and a picnic blanket.

Your palms were sweating. Both in-game and in real life. This was... uncharted territory.

With an insightful gaze, you turned to your screen.

Click. Propose

Your sim got down on one knee.

Jake Sim’s eyes widened.

"Jake… you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Will you marry me?"

"Is that really how you intend to propose to me?" The soft, looming voice behind you finally let out his silky tone.

Your blood ran cold.

That voice. That laugh.

You whirled around—

And there he was.

Jake.

The real Jake.

With his arms crossed and his slightly damp hair, he grinned like he’d just won the lottery.

Your heart stopped.

"H-how long have you—?!"

"Long enough," he said, stepping closer. "I saw the entire playthrough. The bad cooking, the worse flirting, Nancy’s disastrous attempt at homewrecking—"

Your face burned. "Oh my god." You rolled a small distance between you and the desktop you were so quietly engaged with earlier.

Jake laughed, resting his chin on your shoulder as he continued to peer at the screen, where his sim was still frozen mid-gasp.

"Well?" He nudged you. "Aren’t you gonna make him say yes?"

With shaky hands, you clicked Accept Proposal.

Jake Sim tackled your sim in a hug, spinning him around as confetti rained from nowhere.

The real Jake chuckled, his warm breath heating your temple and pressing a damp kiss to your cheek.

"Cute. But next time… maybe ask the real Sim, yeah?"

You turned to him, heart hammering. "So… does that mean…?"

He winked. "Figure it out, Sim Master."

You swear your heart exploded right at that moment. Oh, you just know... Jake Sim will be the cause of all your deaths. That many.

EN—D

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ kai's notes — HOOOOHH i grow day by day loving jake... I just think he'd love the idea of us playing with a game version of himself ... but also would be 100% jealous and make you chase after him just to get on his good graces IDK FSAHFAKF honestly tho ... mmmhhh I love him sm I hope he knows how MUCH everyone appreciates and loves him toooo 😭😭💙💙

my masterlist! | made by writhyv 💘


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2 months ago

erm i updated the jake series and the unsorted stories with spotify tracks soooo HAHAHAHAH

1 month ago

the male urge to bre

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1 month ago

TEAHFUAEIFHUAIHFUAHFUAEHU!!!!!

4 months ago

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

⋆ note: as of now, all my works are very much sfw. however, they may still include mentions of various objects, sensitive topics, and suggestive themes. please read each warnings (if provided) and be guided accordingly. thank you! ⋆

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

I-800-LOVE-YOU | nishimura riki x male!reader

YOUR IDOL GIVES YOU HIS NUMBER YOUR IDOL ANSWERS YOUR CALL YOUR IDOL WANTS TO SEE YOU AGAIN

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

fairy of shampoo | park jongseong x male!reader

YOUR DOMESTIC BOYFRIEND IS HERE YOUR DOMESTIC BOYFRIEND IGNORED YOU YOUR DOMESTIC BOYFRIEND AND YOU YOUR DOMESTIC BOYFRIEND COMFORTS YOU

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

tfw... | nishimura riki x male!reader

TFW WHEN A BAD DATE LEADS TO YOU... TFW WHEN YOUR DISTANCE CLOSES IN...

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

u got texts // drabbles by writhyv | text stories x reader

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

would you kiss me? | sim jaehyun x male!reader

JAKE PULLS YOU INTO A KISSING BOOTH JAKE, YOU, AND AN APOLOGY TOO JAKE AND HIS HEART BEATING FOR YOU

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

CELEBRATING VALENTINE'S DAY 2025 [NI-KI] PUSHING HIS BUTTONS TO FINALLY MAKE HIM CONFESS [SUNGHOON] YOU WERE ALWAYS IN HIS HEART [JAY, JAKE, NI-KI, SUNGHOON] YOUR BF COMFORTS YOU FROM UNWARRANTED HATE [JAY] COMING HOME TO YOUR POUTY BF [JAY] A DAY WITH YOUR BELOVED SUPERSTAR [SUNGHOON] A TABLE FOR TWO AND SUNFLOWERS TOO [JAKE] THE EYES, THEY NEVER LIE [JAKE] JAKE AND THE SIMULATION [SUNGHOON] JUST A LITTLE BITE

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

got me shakin' | park jongseong x male!reader

𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖✦⋆˚ αℓℓ мʏ ωσяκƨ ιи σиɛ ρℓαcɛ

way back into love | park jongseong x male!reader

4/9/25: This masterlist will be revamped soon as the 'LEGACY MASTERLIST'. Stay tuned for the new one!


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3 months ago

AAAAAAAA !!!! IM MELTING IM MELTING!!!

Credits To The Owner

credits to the owner

3 months ago

THANK U FOR SERVING THE CUNTRY RAAAHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸

just a boy —

Just A Boy —
Just A Boy —
Just A Boy —

pairing : fuckboy!jay x gn!reader

summary : you meet jay at a party where you reject him after making a move… he likes it when they play hard to get.

warnings : angst, fluff, more angst than fluff tbh, uni au, reader is a freshman, jay is older, featuring heeseung + jake, jisung from nct, and minju from illit

a/n : omg fun to write is actually an understatement. i hope it turned out fun to read :) also for my pookie @writhyv

queueing : just a boy - alaina castillo,

— wc : 6.6 — not proof read —

you don't really care about parties. they're loud, crowded, and always filled with people trying too hard. but minju drags you along anyway, insisting that you need to "experience the university nightlife" at least once.

"come on, it'll be fun," she says, looping her arm through yours. "plus, jisung bailed on me, and i am not third-wheeling jake and his situationship all night."

so now you're here, standing awkwardly in the corner of a frat house, gripping a red solo cup filled with something that smells suspiciously like gasoline. minju is already off somewhere, talking to a girl from her english class, and you're left to watch as people dance, drink, and make questionable decisions.

"you look miserable," a voice says from beside you.

you turn and come face to face with park jongseong, jay, as everyone calls him. you know his name, even if you've never spoken before. he's older, popular, and has a reputation that follows him everywhere he goes.

flirt. player. fuckboy.

minju has warned you about him. "he's hot, yeah, but he's the kind of guy who doesn't do relationships. he flirts, hooks up, and moves on. trust me, i've seen it happen."

but none of that matters, because you have no plans to entertain him.

jay grins at you, leaning against the wall like he owns the place. he's got that easy confidence, the kind that comes with knowing he's attractive and that people want him.

"not a fan of parties?" he asks, tilting his head.

you shrug. "not really."

he chuckles. "then why are you here?"

"minju."

his eyebrows raise slightly. "you know minju?"

"from high school." you say, keeping your answers short.

"interesting," he muses, eyes scanning your face like he's trying to place you somewhere in his memory. he doesn't seem to recognize you, though, which isn't surprising. you've never exactly run in the same circles.

"so," he says, shifting closer. "wanna dance?"

it's not a question, not really. it's the kind of offer people don't usually refuse, not when it comes from him. jay park doesn't get turned down.

but you just blink at him and say, "no, thanks."

his smile falters, just for a second, before he recovers. "really? you sure? i promise i'm a good dancer."

"i'm sure." you say with a fake smile, giving off the vibe that you’re annoyed

he lets out a soft laugh, like he can't believe you're actually rejecting him. his ego must be bruised, but he hides it well, still looking at you with interest.

"alright," he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "then how about a drink? i can get you something better than… whatever that is." he nods at your cup.

"i'm good."

"wow," he murmurs, shaking his head in amusement. "you're really not making this easy for me, huh?"

"should i?"

he grins, running a hand through his dark hair. "most people do."

"well, i'm not most people."

jay studies you for a moment, like he's trying to figure out why you're different. why you're not reacting the way everyone else does. you don't bat your lashes at him, don't giggle or play into his flirting. and for some reason, instead of turning him away, it only seems to intrigue him more.

"i like you," he says suddenly.

you roll your eyes. "you don't even know me."

"not yet," he agrees, "but i’d like to."

there's something almost playful in his voice, but you know better. jay isn’t interested in getting to know people. he's interested in chasing, in winning. and right now, you’re just another game to him.

"keep liking me from a distance," you say, brushing past him.

you don’t look back, but you feel his eyes on you as you walk away.

for the first time in his life, park jongseong has been rejected. and somehow, you think that only makes him more determined.

you don't think much about your encounter with jay. to you, it was just another conversation at a party, one you barely wanted to be at in the first place.

but apparently, jay thinks otherwise.

it starts with small things.

you see him at the campus café, where he just so happens to show up right behind you in line.

"oh, hey," he says casually, as if running into you is pure coincidence.

you glance at him, unimpressed. "hey."

"what are you getting?"

you turn back to the menu. "haven't decided."

"let me guess," he hums, tapping a finger against his chin like he's solving some great mystery. "you seem like a caramel macchiato kind of person."

you raise a brow. "what does that even mean?"

jay grins, leaning in slightly. "sweet, but a little bitter if you get on their bad side."

"so basically, you're guessing."

"i call it an educated guess," he says, nodding at the cashier. "get one. my treat."

"no, thanks."

he lets out a dramatic sigh. "you really don't like accepting things from me, huh?"

"nope."

instead of looking discouraged, jay just watches as you place your order, an iced americano, completely different from what he guessed.

he chuckles. "so i was way off."

"yup."

you take your drink and leave without another word. jay doesn’t follow, but you swear you feel his stare on your back as you walk away.

it keeps happening.

and then, one afternoon, you’re sitting under a tree, trying to get through an assignment, when someone drops into the grass beside you.

"you always look so serious," jay muses.

you don’t even glance up. "because i'm trying to focus."

"right, right." he leans back on his hands. "but don't you ever take a break?"

"nope."

"come on," he nudges your knee with his. "five minutes won't kill you."

you sigh, finally looking at him. "do you need something?"

jay flashes you that same easy grin, the one that probably gets him whatever he wants. "just your company."

"i think you’ll survive without it."

he clutches his chest dramatically. "ouch. you wound me."

"you’ll live."

jay just laughs, shaking his head. "you know, you’re making this really difficult."

"making what difficult?"

"getting to know you."

"who said i wanted you to?"

he stares at you for a moment, eyes glinting with something unreadable. then, instead of answering, he stands up and dusts himself off.

"alright," he says, shoving his hands into his pockets. "guess i’ll try again tomorrow."

before you can process his words, he's already walking away.

"okay, what is going on?" minju asks a few days later, sliding into the seat across from you in the dining hall.

"what do you mean?"

she gestures dramatically. "you and jay. he keeps staring at you. he keeps showing up wherever you are."

"it's just a coincidence."

"coincidence my ass," she huffs. "he’s interested."

"interested in what? flirting with someone who doesn’t want to flirt back?"

"exactly!" minju exclaims. "he's never been rejected before! you’re like. like. his first loss."

"not a loss," you correct. "just… not a win."

"same thing in his mind." she leans in, eyes narrowing. "be honest. do you like him?"

you snort. "no."

"not even a little?"

"minju, he flirts with anything that breathes."

"true," she concedes, stabbing a piece of her salad. "but he’s never tried this hard before."

you roll your eyes. "and that’s exactly why i’m not interested. he only wants what he can’t have."

"so you think if you gave in, he’d lose interest?"

"obviously. but it’s not like i want him to be interested in the first place,”

but what you don’t see is jay, sitting at another table with jake and heeseung, watching you from across the room.

"so," heeseung says, "still trying?"

jay sips his drink, not looking away. "yup."

jake shakes his head, laughing. "dude, you're obsessed."

"i'm not obsessed," jay scoffs. "i'm just… interested."

heeseung raises a brow. "in what? winning?"

jay pauses. that should be the answer. that’s how it always is. he flirts, he wins, he moves on. but this time, it feels different.

"i dunno," he mutters, eyes still locked on you. "but i wanna find out."

and just like that, park jongseong makes it his mission to make you fall for him.

whether you want to or not.

you’re starting to think the universe has a cruel sense of humor.

there’s no other explanation for why jay park keeps showing up everywhere you go.

first, it’s the café… again. you stop by for your usual iced americano, and there he is, leaning against the counter like he has all the time in the world. when he sees you, his lips curl into a smirk.

"you stalking me now?" he teases.

you blink at him. "this is literally my usual spot."

"yeah?" he muses, stepping aside so you can order. "funny. seems like it’s mine now too."

you ignore him and pay for your drink, but as you turn to leave, he suddenly holds out a muffin. "here."

you frown. "what is this?"

"peace offering," he says. "for annoying you so much."

"i don't want it."

jay tuts, shaking his head. "harsh. you don’t like sweets?"

"i don’t like you."

he laughs, completely unbothered. "that’s not true. you just won’t admit you think i’m funny."

you roll your eyes and walk past him, but not before he calls out, "see you around!"

unfortunately, he’s right.

the second time, it’s the library.

you’re sitting at a table, halfway through an essay, when someone slides into the seat across from you.

you don’t need to look up. "seriously?"

jay rests his chin on his palm, grinning. "seriously."

"do you even study?"

"i do now." he gestures to his laptop, which, sure enough, is open.

you sigh and turn back to your work, ignoring him completely. for the first ten minutes, he’s quiet, and you start to think maybe—just maybe—he’s actually here to study.

but then he leans forward. "you always this focused?"

"yes."

"cute," he murmurs, just loud enough for you to hear.

you finally look at him, unimpressed. "why are you here?"

"what, a guy can’t expand his knowledge?"

"you haven’t typed a single word."

jay glances at his screen, where his essay is blank. he shrugs. "i’m thinking."

"about what?"

"about how long it’s gonna take for you to admit you like having me around."

you let out a slow breath, standing up and gathering your things. "good luck with that."

"where you going?"

"somewhere quiet."

jay watches you leave, the smirk never leaving his face.

you think that’s the end of it.

until your professor assigns a group project.

"you’ll be working in pairs," she says. "check the list for your partner."

you scan the names, looking for yours, and freeze.

park jongseong.

"you’ve got to be kidding me," you mutter.

"what?" minju asks, peering over your shoulder. then she snorts. "oh. wow. the universe really has it out for you."

you groan, dropping your head onto the desk.

"who’d you get?"

you glance up to see jisung standing beside you, holding his own paper.

"jay," minju answers for you.

jisung grimaces. "yikes."

"yep."

before you can say anything else, someone taps your shoulder.

"guess we’re partners," jay says, voice far too amused.

you sigh. "don’t remind me.”

working with jay is… not as painful as you expected.

you still don’t like him. obviously. but he’s not completely useless.

turns out, he’s actually smart. and organized. he doesn’t slack off or make you do all the work. and—annoyingly—he’s kind of funny.

you realize this when you’re both at the library, bouncing ideas off each other.

"okay, so we could go with this topic," you say, scrolling through the research.

jay hums. "or we could pick something that won’t make me want to throw myself off a building."

you bite back a smile. "dramatic much?"

"you’re underestimating my ability to get bored."

"i think that’s just your problem."

jay gasps, placing a hand over his chest. "ouch. i thought we were bonding."

"we’re working."

"same thing."

you shake your head, but you don’t argue.

slowly, things shift.

you still tell yourself that jay is just playing a game. but sometimes, you catch him looking at you—really looking—and for a moment, it doesn’t feel like one.

like when you’re at the library, and you yawn without thinking.

"tired?" he asks.

"obviously."

without a word, he slides his drink toward you.

you blink. "what—"

"it’s an americano," he says simply.

you hesitate, then take a sip. "it’s sweet."

jay shrugs. "i like sugar."

you give him a look. "so you were way off when you guessed my order last time."

he grins. "guess so."

you shake your head, but you don’t push the drink back.

"okay, so he’s not the worst person alive," you admit later.

minju stares at you. "who are you and what have you done with my friend?"

"i’m serious," you say. "he’s… fine. actually kind of helpful."

minju sighs. "that’s how it starts."

"how what starts?"

"you start thinking he’s not that bad. then, before you know it, you’re catching feelings."

"i’m not catching anything."

she gives you a look. "just be careful, okay? he’s only this persistent because you’re the first person to say no."

you nod, but her words stick in your head.

you tell yourself you don’t care.

but then one night, you’re leaving the library, and jay is waiting outside.

"walking alone at this hour?" he muses. "dangerous."

you raise an eyebrow. "and you’re what? my bodyguard?"

jay smirks. "i could be."

"no thanks."

"still," he says, falling into step beside you. "i’ll walk you back."

"you don’t have to."

"i know."

you sigh, but you let him.

the walk is quiet, save for the sound of your footsteps. when you reach your building, you stop.

"this is me," you say.

jay nods. "guess i’ll see you tomorrow."

"guess so."

he hesitates, then lifts a hand, ruffling your hair before you can react.

you blink. "what the—"

he just grins. "goodnight."

then he’s gone, leaving you standing there, heart doing something it definitely shouldn’t be doing.

this is bad.

really bad.

the next party is loud, too loud. music shakes the floor, conversations overlap, and the air is thick with the scent of alcohol and sweat. you don’t even know why you’re here.

well. you do.

minju dragged you out, saying you’ve been too cooped up with schoolwork and your stupid group project (which, unfortunately, includes jay park). jisung backed her up, insisting you needed to “socialize like a normal human being.”

so now you’re here, standing in the corner of someone’s crowded apartment, gripping a half-empty cup of soda because you don’t drink, and pretending you’re interested in whatever minju is talking about.

until you see him.

jay.

you tell yourself you shouldn’t be surprised. parties are his thing, after all. loud music, dim lighting, a sea of people who’d fall into his arms without hesitation.

he fits right in.

too well.

you spot him across the room, leaning against the wall, that lazy smirk on his lips. there’s a girl beside him, standing too close, laughing at something he just said. she tilts her head, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. jay doesn’t move away.

he says something else, something that makes her giggle, and then he leans in,,, just a little.

your stomach twists.

it’s stupid. so, so stupid.

this is what he does. this is who he is. he flirts with everyone. you’ve seen it before. you knew this about him before he even knew your name.

but tonight, it bothers you.

you don’t know why, and you don’t want to think about it.

"you okay?" minju asks, nudging your arm.

"yeah," you say too quickly. "just… tired."

she eyes you but doesn’t press. "wanna leave soon?"

you nod. "yeah."

but before you can say anything else, you feel a presence beside you.

"hey," a familiar voice says.

you turn, and there he is.

jay.

his smirk is gone.

"what do you want?" you ask, not in the mood for whatever game he’s playing tonight.

he hesitates, glancing at minju, then back at you. "can we talk?"

"no."

he sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "please?"

minju looks between the two of you, then slowly backs away. "i’ll be over there," she says, pointing to jisung.

you cross your arms. "what?"

jay doesn’t answer right away. instead, he exhales, then jerks his head toward the door. "outside?"

you should say no. you should walk away. but there’s something in his eyes, something that makes your chest feel too tight, so you follow him out.

the cool night air is a relief against your heated skin. outside, the noise is muffled, distant, like the party belongs to a different world.

you stop a few steps away from the door, crossing your arms. "well?"

jay shoves his hands into his pockets. "you looked upset."

you scoff. "why do you care?"

"because," he says, stepping closer, "i do."

you laugh, but it’s humorless. "you flirt with someone else, then come running after me? what is this, jay?"

his jaw tightens. "it’s not like that."

"really? because it sure as hell looked like it."

"you think i do this with everyone?" his voice is sharper now, frustration leaking through. "yeah, i flirt, but this,whatever this is, is different, and you know it."

your breath catches.

different.

he said it first.

but that doesn’t change anything.

"do i?" you challenge. "because it looks exactly the same to me."

jay groans, running a hand through his hair. "i didn’t even realize what i was doing."

"that’s not making this better."

"i know!" he snaps. "i just—fuck."

he exhales, tilting his head back like he’s trying to find the right words in the sky. then, softer, he says, "it’s a habit, okay? flirting, keeping things surface-level. that’s just how i’ve always been."

you swallow, suddenly unsure. "then why are you here?"

jay takes another step forward, close enough that you can see the tension in his shoulders, the crease in his brows.

"because i don’t want this to be surface-level," he admits. "not with you."

the words knock the air out of your lungs.

for a moment, neither of you speak.

then you say, "so what? you want me to believe that you’re suddenly different?"

"i don’t know," he admits. "but i know i don’t want to fuck this up."

you stare at him, at the raw honesty in his expression.

this is dangerous territory.

you should walk away.

you don’t.

but then you think about that girl inside, the way he leaned in so easily, the way it took him this long to come after you.

"you say that," you murmur, voice quieter now, "but you still went back to your usual thing the second i wasn’t around."

jay flinches.

"it didn’t mean anything," he says, quickly, desperately. "i wasn’t even thinking about her."

"exactly," you say bitterly. "you weren’t thinking at all."

jay opens his mouth, then closes it.

"you don’t even realize what you’re doing," you continue, voice tight. "you don’t realize how easily you slip into old habits. you say this is different, but are you sure?"

"yes," jay says, without hesitation.

you laugh, but it’s broken. "then why do i feel like i’m just setting myself up to get hurt?"

he doesn’t have an answer for that.

silence stretches between you, heavy and suffocating.

jay looks like he wants to say something, to fix this somehow, but what is there to fix? he’s still the same jay park who flirts with everyone, who doesn’t think before he acts, who only realizes too late that he might actually care.

"you’re not ready for this," you whisper.

"i am," he insists, but there’s something fragile in his voice, something that tells you even he isn’t sure if he’s telling the truth.

you shake your head. "i don’t think you are."

jay reaches out, just a little, like he wants to touch you, like he wants you to stay.

but you step back.

his hand drops.

and with that, you turn around and walk away.

jay doesn’t call after you.

he doesn’t chase you this time.

and maybe that tells you everything you need to know.

you avoid him.

it’s not hard at first. you’re in different years, different circles. you stop going to the café where you know he likes to hang out between classes, ignore the parties minju tries to drag you to, and duck your head whenever you spot him on campus.

the only problem is that jay notices.

you’re not sure when it happens, but at some point, jay park—fuckboy, campus heartbreaker, the guy who shouldn’t care—is suddenly watching you.

you feel it in the way his eyes linger too long when you pass by in the hallway, in the way his conversations falter when you’re around, in the way his whole demeanor shifts whenever you deliberately turn away.

he doesn’t chase after you.

but he’s not ignoring it, either.

and that’s what makes it worse.

it would be easier if he didn’t care, if he went right back to flirting with someone else like nothing ever happened. but he doesn’t.

and that terrifies you.

so you run faster.

"okay, what is wrong with you?"

jay exhales sharply, gripping the pool cue tighter. "nothing."

"bullshit."

heeseung snatches the stick out of his hands before he can even attempt a shot. jay scowls, reaching for it, but heeseung just leans away.

"bro, you’ve been in the worst mood for, like, a week," jake says, spinning an unmarked beer bottle between his fingers. "just admit it."

jay glares. "admit what?"

heeseung rolls his eyes. "that you’re being a little bitch about this whole thing."

jay scoffs. "about what?"

"oh my god," jake groans. "are you in denial, or just stupid?"

jay clenches his jaw. "neither."

heeseung and jake share a look, and jay hates that they’re silently communicating in that annoying, knowing way that only best friends do.

"listen," heeseung starts, "you don’t do feelings. we get it. but this? whatever’s happening between you and—"

"don’t say their name," jay mutters, looking away.

heeseung smirks. "oh, so you do care?"

jay exhales, tilting his head back against the worn leather of the booth.

fuck.

he doesn’t know what this is.

he just knows that it sucks.

he didn’t think avoiding them would be a big deal. people walk away from him all the time, sometimes before he can even do it first.

but this?

this feels different.

it feels like something is missing. like something is slipping through his fingers and he’s too fucking slow to catch it.

"you don’t even like people," jake points out.

jay sighs. "i like you guys."

"yeah, but we don’t count," heeseung snorts. "we’re basically required to deal with your bullshit."

jay scoffs, shoving his shoulder, but heeseung just grins.

then, quieter, he says, "this is the first time you’ve actually looked miserable over someone."

jay doesn’t answer.

"so what are you gonna do about it?" jake asks.

jay exhales, drumming his fingers against the table.

he doesn’t know.

but he knows he can’t keep pretending this is nothing.

not anymore.

you don’t know why you look.

it’s just a normal afternoon. you’re heading toward the library, minju walking beside you, talking about something jisung said earlier.

and then you see him.

jay is standing near the campus courtyard, golden light catching the sharp edges of his jawline. he’s not alone.

there’s a girl with him. she’s standing close—too close. her hand is on his arm, fingers curling lightly around the sleeve of his jacket. she laughs at something he says, head tilting, eyes locked on his.

and jay?

jay just smiles.

it’s the same smile you’ve seen before, the same effortless charm, the same easy confidence that has made him a campus legend. he leans in slightly, talking low, his posture relaxed like he’s done this a thousand times.

because he has.

your chest tightens.

"hey, you okay?" minju asks beside you, nudging your arm.

you snap your gaze away, pulse quickening. you shouldn’t care. you knew what he was like before you even met him. you knew he flirted with anyone he found attractive, that he never had to try, that he never faced rejection.

you knew he was never meant to be serious.

so why does it feel like something inside you is caving in?

"yeah," you mumble. "just remembered something i have to do."

minju frowns, but you don’t give her a chance to question it. before she can say anything, you turn and walk the other way, ignoring the burning feeling in your chest.

you don’t look back.

and jay doesn’t notice you leaving.

yet, jay can tell something’s wrong.

he doesn’t know what it is, but he can feel it.

it’s in the way you won’t look at him, the way you walk past him like he’s just another face in the crowd.

at first, he thinks he’s imagining it. you were never friends to begin with—maybe you were just busy, maybe this is normal.

but the shift is undeniable.

before, you’d at least acknowledge him. you’d give him a polite nod, a passing glance, sometimes even a subtle eyeroll when you caught him flirting.

now?

nothing.

he sees you on campus, and you don’t even flinch.

he walks past your usual café, and you’re not there.

he catches you in the library and for a second. just a second. he swears you meet his gaze.

but then you turn away.

like he’s not even there.

he doesn’t plan to confront you.

but after a week of this, of whatever this is, he finds himself standing outside your dorm, hands shoved in his pockets, frustration bubbling under his skin.

he doesn’t even know why he’s here.

it’s not like you owe him anything.

but still, he knocks.

no answer.

he exhales sharply, rocking back on his heels, debating whether to try again.

then, he hears footsteps.

"what are you doing here?"

jay turns, finding jisung standing a few feet away, arms crossed.

"looking for y/n," jay says. "they’ve been… acting weird."

jisung raises an eyebrow. "and you just noticed?"

jay frowns. "what’s that supposed to mean?"

jisung exhales, shaking his head. "they saw you," he says simply.

jay’s stomach tightens. "...what?"

"the other day. in the courtyard. with that girl."

jay blinks, the memory slotting into place. shit.

"they saw you smiling at her," jisung continues, his voice even but firm. "letting her touch you. looking at her the way they thought—" he stops himself, sighing. "never mind."

jay’s pulse kicks up. "you think they—"

"they think they were stupid for believing you might actually be different with them," jisung cuts in, sharper now. "they think they almost fell for the same bullshit you pull on everyone else."

jay clenches his jaw.

fuck.

he wasn’t thinking. he didn’t even realize.

but now, remembering the moment, the way the girl had laughed, the way she had leaned in, the way he hadn’t pulled away—

he understands.

and it feels like he just lost something important without even knowing he had it.

"if you’re gonna say something, make it worth their time," jisung says. "because right now? they don’t want anything to do with you."

jay doesn’t answer.

because for the first time in his life, he’s the one who got it wrong.

he’s the one who let something real slip through his fingers.

and he has no idea how to fix it.

but he knows one thing—

he has to try.

you don’t expect him to be waiting for you.

it’s late. you just finished a study session with minju, and all you want is to go back to your dorm, crawl under the covers, and forget about everything—forget about him.

but as soon as you step into the dimly lit hallway leading to your room, you see him.

jay.

leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, jaw tight, eyes dark with something unreadable.

your heart stutters.

you hesitate, debating whether to turn around, pretend you didn’t see him. but then he looks up—really looks at you—and you know there’s no escape.

"we need to talk," he says, pushing off the wall.

fuck jisung for letting him in.

"i don’t think we do," you mutter, stepping past him, reaching for your door.

but before you can, jay moves, his hand catching your wrist—gently, cautiously, like he’s afraid you’ll pull away.

"please," he says.

you freeze.

he’s never said please before. at least, not like this. not as desperate as this.

slowly, you turn to face him, sighing. "jay—"

"just let me say this," he cuts in, eyes burning with something raw, something you’ve never seen on him before. desperation.

you press your lips together but nod.

jay exhales, running a hand through his hair. "i—fuck, i don’t know how to do this," he mutters, shaking his head. "i’m not good at this."

"then don’t," you say, voice sharper than you intended. "don’t stand here and feed me some excuse about how you 'don’t do relationships' or 'didn’t mean to hurt me.' i don’t want to hear it."

jay flinches. "that’s not what i was gonna say."

you cross your arms. "then what?"

he swallows hard, eyes flickering to the floor before meeting yours again. "i—i don’t know how to do this, because i’ve never felt like this before."

your breath catches.

"i didn’t even realize what i was doing," jay continues, voice quieter now. "i didn’t think. i’ve never had to. flirting, messing around—it’s just… easy. but you—" he exhales sharply. "you make things different."

you shake your head. "jay—"

"i don’t want anyone else," he interrupts, stepping closer, voice steady. "just you."

your chest tightens.

"and when you get bored?" you ask, voice barely above a whisper. "when someone new comes along?"

jay shakes his head immediately. "i don’t think i could ever get bored of you."

it’s too much.

too much to believe, too much to trust, too much to risk.

"how am i supposed to believe that?" you ask, eyes searching his face. "how am i supposed to believe you won’t wake up one day and decide i was just another name on your list?"

jay exhales, stepping even closer, until there’s barely any space between you. "because no one’s ever made me feel like this before."

your pulse is loud in your ears.

"i don’t know how to do relationships," he admits, voice low, honest. "i don’t know how to be what you deserve. but i want to try. i want to figure it out—with you."

he’s so close now. close enough that you can smell the faint scent of his cologne, close enough that you can see the hesitation in his eyes, the fear of being rejected, of losing you.

you shouldn’t.

you should walk away.

you should protect yourself, guard your heart, not fall for the one person who could break you the easiest.

but then jay reaches up, fingers brushing against your cheek, his touch hesitant, almost trembling.

"please," he murmurs, his voice almost breaking.

jay park—unshakable, confident, the fuckboy—is breaking in front of you.

and against all logic, all reason—you fall.

before you can think, before you can stop yourself, you close the space between you.

his breath catches, just for a second, before his lips press against yours, warm and desperate.

jay kisses you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear, like he’s trying to prove every word he just said. his hands cup your face, pulling you closer, holding you like you’re something fragile—something precious.

and when you kiss him back, letting yourself believe—just for this moment—that maybe, just maybe, this could be real, he sighs against your lips, like he’s just found something he’s been searching for all along.

your relationship with jay park is different.

you knew it wouldn’t be easy, falling for someone who never had to try, who never had to work for love. but you never expected this.

never expected him to try so hard.

at first, it’s awkward. jay doesn’t know what he’s doing. he’s used to effortless flirting, meaningless hookups, relationships that start and end in the span of a night.

but with you?

he wants to be better. he wants to be different.

so he does things he’s never done before.

he waits for you after class, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets, eyes lighting up when he sees you.

"did you eat?" he asks one day, falling into step beside you.

you blink. "uh… yeah?"

jay nods, looking relieved. "okay. cool. just—yeah. cool."

he’s awkward. jay park, campus fuckboy, the smooth talker who never falters, is awkward.

you bite back a smile. "did you eat?"

he hesitates.

you raise an eyebrow. "jay."

he clears his throat. "…no."

you sigh, grabbing his sleeve and dragging him toward the campus café. he lets you, grinning like you just gave him the world.

the first time he reaches for your hand, it’s so casual that you almost miss it.

you’re sitting next to each other, watching a movie in the dorm common room. your hand rests between you, fingers brushing against his.

then, slowly, hesitantly, jay links his pinky with yours.

your heart stutters.

you glance at him, but he’s staring straight at the screen, his jaw tight, his ears slightly red.

you bite your lip.

then, without a word, you let your fingers slip fully into his.

jay stiffens for half a second. then, his grip tightens, and he exhales, shoulders relaxing.

he doesn’t let go for the rest of the movie.

he’s not used to jealousy.

or rather, he’s not used to his own jealousy.

he’s seen people get possessive over him before, watched girls glare when he flirted with someone new, felt the heat of their disappointment when they realized he wasn’t theirs.

but now?

now he understands.

he understands because he’s standing in the middle of campus, watching some guy—some random guy—smile at you like he has a chance.

and jay hates it.

he crosses the distance before he can think, sliding an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his side.

"hey, baby," he murmurs, voice low, casual, possessive.

your eyes widen. "jay?"

"who’s this?" jay asks, looking at the guy.

the guy blinks, glancing between the two of you. "uh, just—just a classmate."

jay smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. "cool. yeah. we gotta go, though."

you barely have time to say goodbye before jay is leading you away, his grip firm but gentle.

once you’re out of earshot, you elbow him. "what was that?"

jay shrugs. "didn’t like the way he was looking at you."

you roll your eyes. "you can’t just—"

he stops walking, turning to face you, eyes serious. "i know i don’t have the right," he admits. "but i don’t like it. i don’t like the idea of someone else thinking they can have you."

your breath catches.

"you’re mine," jay says, voice softer now. "right?"

you stare at him for a moment.

then, finally, you sigh, reaching up to flick his forehead.

"yeah," you mutter. "i’m yours."

jay grins, rubbing his forehead. "damn right."

heeseung and jake pretend to be disgusted.

"you’re whipped," jake says, shaking his head.

"nah, man, this is worse than we thought," heeseung adds. "he’s holding hands in public."

jay glares at them from across the table, but he doesn’t let go of your hand.

"you guys are just mad i have a functional love life," he says.

jake snorts. "yeah, sure. functional."

"bet he calls them ‘baby’ over text," heeseung whispers loudly.

jake gasps. "you think he—"

"shut up," jay groans.

you’re trying not to laugh. "do you?"

jay glares at you, but his ears are red. "i hate you."

you grin. "you love me."

jay rolls his eyes.

but then, under the table, he gives your hand a squeeze.

and you know—

even if he’ll never admit it out loud—

he really does.

you constantly look back and don’t know when you started believing him.

maybe it was the first time he held your hand without thinking, his fingers curling around yours so naturally, like he didn’t need to pretend anymore.

or maybe it was when he let you steal his hoodie, even though you were sure he’d never let anyone do that before.

or maybe—just maybe—it was when you saw the way he looked at you.

because it’s different now.

jay park, the guy who used to flirt with anyone just for fun, the guy who never stuck around, only looks at you.

"okay, but seriously," jake says, pointing a fry at jay. "how the hell did this happen?"

you’re sitting in the corner booth of a diner near campus, squeezed between jay and the wall. heeseung and jake are across from you, both staring like you’re some kind of unsolvable mystery.

jay takes a slow sip of his drink. "what do you mean?"

"you!" heeseung gestures wildly. "relationship jay. committed jay. ‘not flirting with every breathing human’ jay."

"it’s called growth," jay deadpans.

"it’s called ‘i fell first, and i fell hard,’" jake teases, smirking.

jay huffs. "whatever, man."

but he doesn’t deny it.

heeseung leans forward, grinning. "okay, but who confessed first?"

jay opens his mouth—

"me, obviously," you interrupt.

jay’s head snaps toward you. "what?"

you shrug. "you’re a coward. took you forever to admit you liked me."

jake laughs. "ohhh, he got you there."

jay glares at you, but you just smile, nudging his foot under the table.

you laugh, “joking, it’s complicated.”

heeseung rests his chin in his palm. "man, i never thought i’d see the day."

"what day?" you ask, amused.

"the day jay park became a simp."

jay groans, burying his face in his hands. "i hate all of you."

you pat his arm. "no, you don’t."

he exhales, tilting his head to look at you. his eyes soften.

"yeah," he murmurs. "i don’t."

later that night, after jay walks you back to your dorm, you linger outside the door.

he doesn’t leave right away.

instead, he leans against the wall, hands in his pockets, just looking at you.

you tilt your head. "what?"

jay hesitates, then exhales sharply.

"it’s weird," he mutters. "this whole time, i thought i had everything figured out. i thought i knew what i wanted. but then you came along, and suddenly, nothing made sense anymore."

your chest tightens.

"i didn’t get it at first," jay continues, eyes flickering to the ground. "why i got so annoyed when you ignored me. why i kept looking for you in every room. why i couldn’t flirt with anyone else without feeling like it was wrong."

he finally meets your gaze.

"but now i do."

your fingers tighten around the door handle, heartbeat loud in your ears.

"i don’t want to be the guy i was before," he murmurs. "not with you."

you swallow. "jay—"

"i know i’m not good at this," he cuts in. "i know i’m gonna mess up. i know i don’t deserve you."

his voice drops lower, almost hesitant. almost afraid.

"but i want to try. and i want you to let me."

for a moment, neither of you speak.

then, finally—

you sigh, shaking your head. "god, you’re such an idiot."

jay blinks. "huh?"

you step forward, grabbing the collar of his hoodie and pulling him down until your foreheads touch.

"you’ve had me this whole time," you murmur.

jay’s breath stutters.

then, slowly—hesitantly—his arms wrap around you, holding you against him, warm and real.

"yeah?" he whispers.

you nod. "yeah."

jay exhales a shaky laugh, squeezing you tighter.

"thank god," he mutters. "i don’t think i could’ve handled losing you."

you smile against his shoulder.

neither could you.

4 weeks ago
No One Will Know Which One It Is.

no one will know which one it is.

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/riːˈtiv/just writing down stupid lil things 💘

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