Things I Wish I Could Say Out Loud...

First time?

um .

A/N: I’m so mentally ill about him. 80 pulls and his lim hasn’t come home yet pls akito I love you your dinner is getting cold. Once again, this is very self indulgent I just love Akito

*ೃ༄ Waking up with Akito

You could only register two audible sounds as you slowly blinked your eyes open—the soft buzzing of the ceiling fan, and the gentle breeze of Akito’s quiet breaths against the nape of your neck.

This was a rare occurrence. On the weekdays, Akito got up early for school, and on the weekends, he got up early to practice for whatever event was upcoming. For these two reasons, whenever he slept over, he’d always leave as soon as he woke up—not without giving you a wordless kiss on the forehead, and pulling the covers up to rest snuggly beneath your chin, of course.

Somehow, by the will of some god, Toya had convinced Akito to take the Saturday off, telling him that even the hardest of workers needed to take rest days every so often. He’d had an event the night prior, and a particularly taxing school day—so to say he was spent would be an understatement. Your poor, exhausted, sleepy boy.

You were roped back into reality as Akito nuzzled himself further into the nape of your neck, strands of whispy ginger hairs tickling your jaw and cheek. You took a deep breath, gently bringing a hand to scratch lightly at his scalp, and bringing the other to rest on the small of his back.

Typically, Akito preferred that you were the one laying on him, but somehow, you woke up like this quite often. You found it amusing—how he always tried his hardest to be cool and stoic, when in actuality, he really was a big baby. It was endearing, as much as it embarrassed him whenever you brought it up.

In an attempt to get more comfortable, you tried your hardest to wriggle your body into a better position without scooting Akito off of you—quickly prompting a huff and a groan.

“Stop moving...”

“You’re awake?”

“I am now.”

You craned your neck to kiss his forehead, mumbling an apology for waking him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.” You whispered, noticing the sun had still yet to rise, as your eyes flickered towards the window. It must’ve been 5 am or earlier.

“Nah, it’s fine.” The ginger sighed, “Why are you even awake this early, anyway?”

“I don’t know, I just randomly woke up.” You yawned, nuzzling your cheek into the crown of his head. “It’s weird that you’re still here, huh?”

He huffed against your skin. “Do you want me to leave?” The boy deadpanned.

You sucked your teeth, your hand stroking his hair slowly. He could be such a shithead when he wanted to be. “Of course not, I’m just saying. I don’t usually get to cuddle you like this in the mornings…”

He chuckled breathily, lazily pecking at the juncture of your neck. “Lucky you, then.”

Akito had a tendency to be more tender than usual in the early morning and late night, his affection at an all time high from 10pm-6am. Perhaps being tired made him clingy—not that you minded whatsoever. It was a welcome habit.

The boy pulled the covers tighter around you both, sighing with content. “I’m goin’ back to sleep,” He muttered against your skin, “It’s not everyday I get a full eight hours.”

“Okay then,” you answered, “Guess I will too.”

Akito leaned upwards to place a gentle kiss to the corner of your lips, scooting closer to you as he rested his head back down once more.

You smiled, embracing his warmth as your arms squeezed him tightly. “I love you.”

Akito shut his eyes, feeling his consciousness slowly leaving him. “Yeah, yeah. I love you too.”

kazutora boyfriend hc, plis

Hope u doing well

❀ KAZUTORA AS YOUR BOYFRIEND | TOKYO REVENGERS

; w i t h hanemiya kazutora

; w a r n i n g gender neutral, second pov (you/your), cursing, angst and fluff, a dash of ptsd, boyfriend headcanons

; a / n ngl, i was a little out of it when i wrote this. i still hadn’t recovered from baji and kazutora so this is a little angsty.

↠ Hanemiya Kazutora will be a little reluctant into getting into a relationship, the past trauma of bonds still clinging onto him.

↠ But if he falls, he falls hard.

↠ He’ll hesitate so much in touching you that it’ll physically hurt your heart.

↠ He’s afraid to hurt you whenever he tries to initiate physical contact /_ \

“...Can… Can I hold your hand?”

↠ Kazutora is really careful in kissing you. He’ll sit on it for days, trying to think of the best way to initiate.

↠ It’s actually adorable how the tension on his shoulder literally disappears the moment you lean in and kiss him back, lips a little smile.

↠ Is actually really touchy as long as he has your permission.

↠ He lets you decide what you want to do for dates. If you want to go running from dogs, he’ll run with you. If you want to act silly and talk to random strangers, he’ll tow after you. If you want to have lots and lots of pictures, he’ll take them for you.

↠ He gets embarrassed on some days but he’ll still go through it just to make you happy.

↠ His smile is always the softest when he’s with you, his eyes a little more clearer and focused.

↠ Sometimes, he calls you in the middle of the night, voice shaking and sounding as if he was about to implode and combust simultaneously.

↠ He tells you about his nightmares, about his thoughts, and about his hallucinations. Sometimes, he could still see Mikey’s heartbroken face. Sometimes he could still feel the wrench on his hands. Sometimes, he could still hear Shinichiro’s voice.

↠ On these nights, you’ll let him talk it out.

↠ Kazutora is usually silent, a listener, and he rather prefers hearing you talk. But when he talks, when he finally opens up, he would love it if you could stay silent and listen.

↠ Surprisingly, he feels a lot better when he manages to let it all out.

↠ Sometimes, he worries that you already hang up or fell-asleep, but can immediately be placated when you hum in response.

↠ He timidly relies on you on some days when he thinks that he’s going to go insane from the voices and the memories. He doesn’t want to burden you but when you look at him with a smile and open your arms in invitation, he’ll feel like tearing up before he nuzzles onto you.

↠ Please handle with care ಥ_ಥ

↠ Will let you play with his hair. In fact, he loves it ! He relaxes into your hand most of the time.

↠ He’ll even let you style it on some days. Falling asleep on some.

↠ Likes to play with your fingers and your hands. He just likes fiddling with them when you’re watching a movie or reading something.

↠ Is actually pretty soft to animals and will immediately melt when he’s in a three meter radius of one. Gives you that look silently asking if he can pet them.

↠ The two of you had plans to adopt one when you move together.

↠ He still looks so red whenever the thought is brought up.

↠ Kazutora sometimes talk about Baji. It’s a little reluctant, looking away from you as he reminisces. But most of the times, there’s a smile on his face as he recounts something stupid Baji once did.

“You should have met him. He was the best friend anyone could ever ask for...”

↠ He doesn’t cry often but these are the times he looks like he’s close to tears.

↠ Sometimes, he looks at nowhere a little blanker than usual. It’s frightening because he can dissociate for hours, neglecting things he has to do and taking care of himself.

↠ You’ll have to physically tap him just to ground him back.

↠ When he’s back, he’ll silently ask for snuggles or at least holding onto you. He doesn’t say it directly but he pleads with you with his eyes.

↠ Kazutora doesn’t always join in physical activities or confrontations. He prefers looking over you from a little distance away as you interact with friends or acquaintances.

↠ Tries to cook for you. He got discouraged when he failed but he’ll try again.

↠ He isn’t quite vocal. His love language is actually physical touch. He’ll start off being hesitant in touching you but once he realizes that he’s not hurting you, he’ll start leaning onto you more often.

↠ Kazutora is immensely loyal. Once he chooses you, he’ll be with you no matter what.

Going to pride with them

since today is the last day of pride month, here’s some headcanons over how these characters would act at pride

Itadori 

-Itadori is super excited to go to pride because he genuinely wants to show his support and learn new things about the community.

-He is legit decked out in a rainbow shirt along with a ton of colorful necklace beads and vibrant face paint drawn across his face.

-Itadori just has the biggest smile on his face as his eyes take in all the lively surroundings around him. He’s waving a tiny flag around in his hands while cheering loudly when he notices that everyone else is as well. 

-People would start to sense Itadori’s enthusiasm to be here right now, so Itadori has a lot of people who come up to him and give him things such as flower crowns, glasses, and pins. There are also people who would call him over and start dancing with him to the music playing loudly on the speakers.

-He’s complimenting everyone’s fashion as he walks by them and somehow finds himself taking pictures with a lot of random strangers.

-He’s listening intently to the stories and experiences of others when they’re giving speeches and he slowly starts to become educated of the history and significance of this festival. By the end of the day, Itadori appreciates and acknowledges how important pride month is to many people and will now have such an happy memory forever ingrained in his head.

Keep reading

hey vinny, dom said you're a simp / windbreaker

— Likes to pretend he's this broody, independent, need-no-woman badass. But if he woke up and your side of the bed is empty, he will get up to search for you around the house. Even outside of the house if needed. Honestly, if you're not in bed because you're cooking, he will abandon his sleeping endeavour altogether to spend time with you.

Will be a little pouty because you could've been in bed cuddling, but instead, here you are. He won't be annoying for long though, not when the smell of your cooking chases away much of his bad moods.

— His eating habit is a little... atrocious, to say it nicely. If his mom doesn't cook, then he will sustain himself with whatever he can find. If you cooked for him and prepared homemade lunches for him, he will love you forever. Honestly, the best way to surprise him is getting groceries and cooking with his mom. It warms his heart to see the most important people in his life getting along.

Hearing you calling his mother as “mom” ... not only it makes his knees weak, his eyes burn, his cheeks warm, it also causes him to be so embarrassed that he doesn't know what to do with himself. Can he really chastise you for doing something he doesn't even have the gall to do? (Admitting that he want to spend the future with you?)

— Not... good with emotions, he cares, you know he cares. But when you are in an emotional turmoil, he freezes. Moatly because he doesn't know what to do, he's a problem solver, when there are troubles, he expects to deal with it. However, he can't fight your demons, not when they exist in your mind.

It's ridiculous because he expects himself to fight his own demons without anyone's help, yet when it comes to your troubles, he wants to do it for you. The best he can do is being there for you when it matters, even if he can't find the right words, him being there at least helps you calm down.

— He's a bit troubled with understanding what you want, in general. Being a relationship is not easy for him, it's a completely new territory. It requires him to be emotionally vulnerable and rely on another when the time comes.

There will be times when Vinny shut down and try to recuperate from events from real life. All you need to do is being there for him and gently coaxing him to let you into his mind. This is necessary because he often gets self-destructive when his mind became clouded. Having you there to ground him would help him immensely.

— Not openly affectionate in normal terms, at least, not in front of others. Will hold your hand if you initiated it, sometimes he'd reach out for your hand on his own terms, too. Stands close to you whenever possible, it's mostly a protective thing. Nobody would mess with you while Vinny is around, at least, no one who knows better.

Will let you kiss him on the cheek if you want, but be warned that he will blush all from the moment you asked him to bend down and at least five minutes afterwards.

— Honestly, Vinny will mesh with your life perfectly once he got comfortable with sharing your living spaces. One day you'd come home to seeing him using your makeup headband because his hair was bothering him. He is a bit resistant to self-care things at first, but if you want to do it, who is he to say no?

He will have this moment of existential crisis after he saw how clean and smooth his skin became, but he improved for the better so he can't even compain much himself. Really, he even wore your cutesy house slipper with the rabbits on them when he can't find his own.

— He can get playful sometimes, even if it's only when you initiate first. At least, he knows to hold himself back whenever the two of you play-fight. However, if you somehow managed to tussle and had him pinning you down, you'd get the chance to witness Vinny devious grin. Even if his bastard days are long over, the reminder of it can send a shiver down your spine.

Until, until, he realizes how promiscuous your positions were. And he comes to notice your expression, the blush on your cheeks, the way your lips slightly parted. Cue Vinny jumped away from you like a spooked cat.

— He likes to walk you home, okay, let him do the gallant thing. You don't go to the same school, which is one of his grievance, but he never minded the walk back and forth even if your house is in the opposite direction of his. Since his bike makes the way back less tedious, he has even more reasons to go see you.

He likes knowing you're safe, and on a perverse note, likes being the reason you're safe. Secretly, he likes it when you greet him with a hug whenever you see him at the school's gate, too. Gives him a little peck before you get inside your home, and if he's feeling bold, he'll keep you there for a deeper kiss before letting you go.

— Don't think because Vinny is bashful sometimes that he's reserved. Not really, he's simply shy in the beginning since he's far rougher than you, he doesn't want to accidentally spook you away. Once he overcame his shyness, expects him to be far more intense whenever he kisses you. If he allowed himself to let go, you'll be left with your lips swollen and eyes glazed.

He knows he's a lot to handle, so he doesn't expect you to take all of him. This is why he always gets pleasantly surprised whenever you readily accepted him after his lips left a trail of evidence on your neck and shoulder.

— He has accepted the fact he is simply not... academically gifted, okay. Being badgered again and again that he has no future damaged what motivation for studying left inside him. Since he had accepted long ago that there'd be nothing awaiting for him, seeing you actively trying to help him stirred a weird feeling inside him.

At first, he got mad because he thought it was pity, but with times he learned that you did all of it because you cared. You had to talk him out of thinking the worst, but once his mind cleared, he acquired a newfound appreciation for your determination and loyalty.

— He really be like, I'm not cute, I don't do cute, then goes around and uses a cutesy phone case because you bought it for him. You changed his wallpaper to a picture of you two together? It's going to stay there forever, he will never change it. The password of his phone? Your birthday. His password in general? Your name and birthday. His lockscreen is basically one of those silly pictures of you which was sent to him earlier.

No, he's not changing it, he likes it as it is. Your name in his contact list might have been left as is, but if you changed it into something adorable? He's not changing it back, you can live with your decision. Will still blush when he sees the copious amount of heart next to his name in your contact, though. Because he can dish it but he can't take it himself.

— Everyone pretty much know he always saves a seat for you in group settings if he arrived first. But honestly, that doesn't happen enough because Vinny always shows up with you. Somehow, the two of you always know why the other is absent. You're pretty much an unit together at this point, he'd not have it otherwise.

Having you around during the competition always makes him extra motivated to do his best, too. Can't really blame him for wanting to show his best side in front of his girlfriend.

— Although it doesn't happen, it's always funny for the group to see the two of you fight. Since he can never stay mad at you for long, it's always you that drag out the cold war period and whatever he does afterwards is mirroring you. So if you're ignoring him, he's ignoring you back but he always looks so miserable. You would, too, but pride, pride.

The funniest would be when you eventually reconcile because neither of you can handle the distancing period well. You can stick to him like glue afterwards and you'd hear no complaint from Vinny because he wants to make up for lost time too.

— Once showed up to a group meeting with others in the Humming Bird while carrying a huge teddy bear that he saved up to buy for you. It's meant to be an anniversary gift and he knew you had been eyeing it since forever. It's big enough that him holding it was an inconvenience, but you holding it simply looks comical.

Everyone else, including Jay, had to suppress themselves from laughing when the bear swallowed you from view. But the smile you made when seeing it really made Vinny's entire month, so definitely worth it.

— Never makes empty threats when chasing away guys who hit on you. He's an intimidating presence to everyone when he wanted to be. However, if anyone even crossed the line to harass you, suddenly his name is Fearless Hong and he's ready to go jail for, not physical assault, but murder.

He'd get extra physically affectionate after these occasions, too. Mostly in how he holds you and keeps you close to him, would have an arm on your shoulder at every chance possible for a while afterwards.

How you grew up

➳ Childe x gn!reader

➳ Oneshot ; 2.4k

➳ Angst without comfort ; Use of Childe's real name

You never expected to see your best friend again after he disappeared from your life years ago, but was your reunion really a blessing? [1O.O7.2O21]

Zep's Note ; I never really write angst nor did I ever write anything like this before. So uh, I'm not entirely sure how to feel about this?

content under the cut | masterlist

It was over a decade ago that your best friend had disappeared without leaving a trace. Over a decade since you had last seen his ocean blue eyes that sparkled when the boy smiled, since he had last brought you pretty flowers he found in the neighbors' gardens, since he had last taken your hand in his as you ran through the Snezhnayan snow together. On a day of misery over a decade ago, Ajax had vanished from your life, and not even his family knew a thing.

That's what they said, at least, and no one in town questioned anything. Neither did you, but what was there for you to question when you were only ten years old? 

You were in love with Ajax back then, and he was in love with you – for as far as two ten-years olds were able to comprehend the true, in-depth meaning of love. As if it were meant to be a tragedy, you had promised each other to be forever together, to get married when you were old enough, just a few days before the boy disappeared. 

Years passed, the promise slipped from your memory and ended up forgotten, and the small necklace Ajax had given you to seal the promise had lost its significance. 

Until he was in front of you again.

April 17

Upon barely reaching the top of the stairs that led you to the Northland Bank in Liyue Harbor, a sudden appearance in your vision had you gasping for air frantically and you almost toppled down again in sheer and utmost shock.

The purpose of your visit was long forgotten, so was everything else on your mind; all was washed away now that you almost collided with the person who had been about to descend the same stairs you had climbed, but he now stood frozen as much as you did.

It was over a decade that your best friend had disappeared without leaving a trace, and now he was in front of you, all grown up into a tall and handsome young man but still so much like the Ajax you knew.

"Y/N..." he whispered, and just when your name fell off his lips, you leaped forward and threw your arms around him with a sob.

He too had teared up, eyes watery as he held you so so so close, as if he was afraid of another decade of separation if he would let go of you again. With great effort you peeled away from his embrace after a while, let your eyes wander to meet his, cupped his face and called his name with a shaky voice.

There were so many questions, so many things you wanted to say, but your voice had forgotten its sole purpose and you could only utter out his name over and over and you felt like crying for real when a smile washed over Ajax's face.

You weren't stupid. Of course you recognized a member of the Fatui when you saw one. It was quite clear to you that Ajax had joined the Tsaritsa's delegation of diplomats, but in your moment of bliss you chose to ignore it.

You had found Ajax again, the boy you had lost for more than ten years. The hows and whys were the least of your concerns now. All that mattered was the fact that you were reunited, and you were utterly overwhelmed by the fact that he was right in front of you.

He took you to where he was staying in the harbor city that night, and though he avoided the topic of what happened during his long absence, you two happily reminiscensed about all the good memories you had of growing up together.

And the promise? He never forgot.

It made you wonder. What if maybe, just maybe, the bond you once had could be restored again? What if you two could still find the together you had promised each other all those years ago? If fate reunited you again, who knew what else fate had in store for you?

June 24

Ajax wasn't Ajax anymore.

Though you initially thought your friend was still the boy from all those years ago, it was a statement you quickly dismissed. Ajax had changed, and drastically so. What happened to him when he disappeared? And how did he end up with the Fatui?

He was a Vision bearer now, aided by an additional Delusion. Why did he need the strength of two elements? You were a bit worried about it. Did his Vision relate to his disappearance? It wasn't a rarity for Archons to bestow their elemental power onto people in a situation dire or tragic. And then there was his Delusion. Not much was known about these artificial Visions, but they were rumored to be harmful for their bearers.

What was he doing?

"Good morning, Ajax," you greeted the male, smiling softly as you woke up next to him in the morning.

"Can you stop calling me that?" he asked, averting his gaze as if he was ashamed. "I- Please call me Childe from now on."

"Childe?" you echoed, your smile rapidly faltering.

He had asked you to be his the day before, and the sweet moment had you forgetting about all your worries and doubts regarding the male, but they all came back now.

You wanted to ask him why, but Ajax, or Childe, slipped out of the bed and started to prepare for another day of work. He got dressed, fixed his hair, gave you a quick kiss, and then he was gone, leaving you behind in a confused daze.

It was summer in Liyue Harbor, so why was it so cold all of a sudden? You curled up into a little ball under the blankets in the empty bed and heaved out a sigh. Maybe the red flags you blissfully ignored shouldn't have been ignored.

The fact that he worked for the Fatui, the double elements he wielded, and above all, the fact that his ocean eyes had lost their sparkle, and his gaze had become empty and dull and his sweet and boyish smile never reached his eyes anymore.

You fell in love with the guy who was merely a ghost of the person he used to be. He was no longer your Ajax. Who was Childe?

July 10

He was a Harbinger.

Childe was one of the Fatui Harbingers, the elite that led the military detachment along with the Tsaritsa herself.

Was that why he had become so cold? There were weeks where you hardly saw him, when the Fatui required his full focus and attention and he had no time left for you.

He came back tired that night, mood sour and grumpy, but he still forced out a smile when he walked past you. You could see he tried to show his heart, his warmth, to tell you he loved you despite everything. That night, he fell asleep in your arms, and it felt truly okay.

But Childe was still a Harbinger.

You weren't too sure what it meant to be one, but it seemed to implement a fair deal of stress on the male in your arms. That must be why he often acted the way he did. Yet, it didn't make it less tough on you.

You missed Ajax.

All was good now that he was peacefully asleep in your arms and you held him close now that he let you do so for once. Sadly, it was but a momentary burst. Tomorrow he'd be the cold Fatui elite again, and you weren't looking forward to it.

This wasn't what you signed up for. You had cancelled your return to Snezhnaya so you could stay with the man you loved but it felt as if you were only drifting apart more. For Celestia's sake, Childe was a tapestry of secrets who hid his true self even from his lover, and he got upset at you whenever you gingerly brought up the subject while all you wanted was to understand him.

He refused to open up to you, no matter how hard you tried. Childe was at peace when he slept in your arms, but that was as far as the moments of love you shared went. This was no good, and you were reaching the limit of how much more you could take.

You felt homesick, and the feeling of home you had hoped to find at Ajax's side wasn't there. You yearned for Snezhnaya, because next to Childe, you felt lonely.

You knew he tried, but was it enough?

It was a game of push and pull, and the male seemed to be at war with himself, with his feelings and his desires. Was it even fair for you to expect him to love you properly while he was struggling with his own problems?

But he was the one who asked you...

September 15

He came home, his clothes covered in stains of crimson blood. You didn't want to believe it, you refused to acknowledge it, but your attempts failed when he greeted you with a cheerful grin. So when acts of violence were still freshly engraved in his memory, he was able to find some mirth within himself? He needed to spill blood in order to look happy?

This wasn't right.

"Childe, why?" you quietly asked.

"I got stronger again," came the reply, and the hand that had just held a bloodied sword now ruffled your hair playfully.

You had enough. It was getting too much, it started to scare you. You had to get away, leave Liyue and distance yourself from the man you loved – did he even love you? You didn't know, nor did it matter. You had tried to tell yourself that you were happy here in the beginning, but time had taught you that you weren't happy at all.

That evening, you cooked him dinner – his favorite meal, because you knew it would be the last time you ever cooked something for him. The smile he gave you pulled on your heartstrings, made you doubt your decision to leave, but what was one small moment of joy worth against the emptiness you felt around him perpetually?

For months you had desperately clung onto the sorry excuse of your relationship with Childe. You refused to believe Ajax was gone for real, hoping that he would come back if you held on tightly enough. You tried to love Childe, you really did.

Your heart was at war. Next to you was the boy you spent your gleeful years of youth with, the boy who was your first love, yet at the same time he wasn't. You knew your heart wouldn't find peace if you stayed here.

You knew you had to end it, so you did.

"This isn't working, Childe," you said, your voice shaky. "I'm... I'm breaking up with you."

You were on the brink of tears when you forced out those words, but you started truly crying when the Fatui in front of you teared up as well, hurt and disbelief falling over his features.

"You grew up, Childe. I love Ajax, but I can't find him in you anymore. It's unfair for us both if this illusion lasts any longer."

You saw his heart shatter when the meaning of your words dawned upon him, and yours did the same. It fell apart in a thousand tiny pieces, shards of a broken heart that would take ages to be mended again – if it could be mended, you weren't too sure about that.

It hurt, it hurt so damn much. But it had been hurting you for months, and living in a lie had tarnished your spirit. Old wounds resurfaced, torn open so they could heal again and properly this time.

There was a boat leaving for Snezhnaya that night, and you got your hands on a ticket in the very last minute before its departure.

Childe held you close for the last time ever. His arms were around you and yours were around him in an embrace that held naught but pain. He was crying, you were too, and you both struggled to breathe as you knew all between you was over for good now.

For the last time, his teary eyes sought yours, and he hoarsely whispered your name, tellong you to take care of yourself. You told him the same, and those were the last words you ever exchanged as the boat carried you far, far away from him.

December 21

You found a small silver necklace with a tiny gemstone as blue as the shimmering ocean in a small box in your wardrobe, back in your house in your Snezhnayan hometown.

Suddenly, you recognized it.

Your heart was hollow as you stepped into the cold winter that fell over the country. It was icy, the frostbiting wind howling over the streets. In your apathetic daze, it meant nothing to you. Your feet dragged you to a certain spot just outside of the village you both grew up in, only one goal in mind;

Finding closure.

You arrived at the lake, a place that appeared in so many of your memories. You glanced around the frozen scenery, and the sight pulled on your heartstrings. You suddenly remembered all the snowmen you and your first love used to make here, the adventures, the thrill of running into a hilichurl for the very first time and how he had protected you. Oh, was that a treehouse you and Ajax had build together?

You had to get out of here.

The silver necklace rested in your tight fist as you stared at the surface of the half frozen over lake, taking deep breaths to calm yourself. Then you started running towards the edge of the lake, and with a strangled cry you threw the necklace with all the force you could muster.

By the time it got swallowed by the icy water, you were crying, tears streaking your face as you watched the ripples on the surface until they ceased. Your lungs were burning, your heart ached, but you did it.

You had said goodbye to Ajax for good.

“they” (1 word) is shorter than “he or she” (3 words)

“they” is more inclusive than “he/she”

“themself” flows more naturally than “him or herself”

“they” is less clunky than “(s)he”

it’s time to replace the awkward “she or he”

childhood best friends to lovers with xiao

ingredients: you have been friends with xiao almost your whole life... but it's the little things that make you realize there's something more.

calories: xiao + gender neutral reader

serving size: modern/highschool au・fluff・hurt/comfort・headcanons・too lazy to do word count rn

how did you guys meet in the first place? it was quite simple, really. it was when you guys were both first graders and the both of your parents were friends! all in all, they brought you over to his place and somehow xiao ended up accidentally throwing a cupcake at your face.

you thought he hated you until he popped up on your doorstep the next day, a single cupcake in his hand. to this day you think it's a pretty funny story and tease xiao for it (he always flicks your forehead and says he wouldn't mind throwing a cupcake at you again)

growing up, everyone usually knew xiao as the quiet boy in class and didn't pay attention to him. you knew him as your best friend with the great spotify playlists and the king of having no sleep. and now you were both in the middle of high school, he still barely got any sleep despite your protests.

it was surprising on how xiao was the one waking you up each day for school, climbing the tree beside your house and knocking loudly on your window. you decided to just leave it unlocked most nights (although once, he woke you up by pouring water on you and you arrived to school with a towel on your head)

days would go by normally. hanging out with xiao, studying with xiao, even having a sleepover with xiao! so when did your heart start to flutter at the sight of him?

was it when he climbed through your window, not in the morning but in the middle of the night? it was when he nudged you awake, telling you about a nightmare he had and apologizing that he woke you up. but you both ended up playing games until sunrise, eventually passing out on the bed with your head on xiao's lap.

or was it when he suddenly stopped walking, delaying the time you would reach some random destination? xiao turned around without a word, bending down and tying your shoelaces for you because it had gotten untied. you definitely remembered him ruffling your hair, telling you to check before you leave the house next time.

or maybe it was when he won that volleyball game! his whole team was cheering but he only smiled when he met you in the school parking lot, a bright expression on your face and you insisting that it was time to celebrate.

but what about that time you were both randomly hanging out at a park playground? a shady guy was around the area and you definitely noticed xiao's hand reaching for yours, pulling you close and convincing you that the other side of the park was much more interesting.

you appreciated xiao. you cared about xiao. you wanted him to be happy. and of course you loved him! you didn't realize that you loved him in a romantic way until your heart dropped at a statement xiao said.

"high school love is a waste of time," xiao scowled, getting annoyed at the amount of people relentlessly pinning for him and suddenly calling him "the hottest in the grade." why were they wasting his time? and being so frustrating?

your heart crushed as you tried to calm him down, telling him to ignore them and that he was right.

was he?

so you kept your feelings to yourself. even when summer came around and it was a hot day, refusing xiao's offer to have his cold drink. you knew he already took a sip and didn't want to seem annoying but he seemed tired of your complaining, eventually shoving (gently!) the straw in your mouth.

the only thing you could think about was that you just shared an indirect kiss with xiao.

despite wanting to confess already, you knew xiao wouldn't waste time on such things and you didn't want to be unfair towards him. even as some girl kept insisting for xiao's number and you instinctively told her that you were his partner, shooing her off and getting a thank you from xiao.

if only it was real.

but it felt real. it felt incredibly real that one day you cried in the rain, the day being extremely overwhelming and you hating it. you let yourself believe that it was real as xiao dropped the umbrella he had in his hand, choosing to hold you in his arms instead and deal with a cold later. you still remember him rocking you back and forth, whispering sweet nothings in your ear and ignoring anyone who walked by.

and then the final straw happened.

this time, you were the one who crawled through his window late at night. the one who received the 3 AM text saying "i got another one." the one who held xiao in their arms as he broke down in front of you the first time, just so tired of his stupid nightmares that almost felt like reality.

you were upset, just as xiao was when he saw you break down before. most importantly, you felt like the both of you didn't deserve this. xiao didn't deserve getting such horrid nightmares while you didn't deserve him. was it even right for you to be his friend in the first place? were you even worth it? you felt like such a waste of time.

it was ironic of you telling xiao to ignore the voices in his head when you listened to yours. and he knew.

so he cradled your face in his hands, even as tears rolled down his face and made you cry too. you finally listened, not speaking a single word as xiao placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and pulled you closer.

"i love you. so so, much. don't ever forget that."

and you didn't. to this day as you peppered kisses all over xiao's face and he slow danced with you in his room. although you could hardly believe that he confessed first and he liked you as well, you were thankful.

here's to many more days with your beloved. cherish them, all the way to the end.

i think you can tell the message is to appreciate people when you can (unless they suck). ilysm and you are worth it, stay strong and hold on!! idc how cringe i sound right now you deserve beautiful, happy things.

ANYWAYS

tags: @noirkkat, @tiny-aroace, @ben6ett, @abyssheart, @starglitterz, @blisschi, @heavensbeloved, @mystic-helena, @kachuuha, @xmellows, @rim0na, @velionqs, @glazelilyy, @yanbub, @urujiako, @adeptusjade, @zaultar @seerie, @blossomiich, @xiaozuha

bold: i can’t tag you for some reason!

i just KNOW i'm gonna regret posting this tomorrow morning but i need something to post so i hope you enjoyed!!

our secret.

secret relationship trope.

pairings: diluc, scaramouche, xiao + gender neutral reader

author's note: fluff!! also might make a pt.2, what characters would y'all like to see for that? (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

☆ diluc: modern au

the red-haired male simply rolls his eyes, ignoring his irritating brother, kaeya, and his teasings of the mysterious keychain stuck to diluc's belt loop.

the keychain is of a very cute, miniature green dinosaur, which feels very uncharacteristic for someone like diluc ragnvindr to have. and kaeya knows his brother, does he not? the very man who's stoic face and aura drives most women looking for romance away, has a dinosaur looped to his belt.

...it's definitely odd.

every question about the keychain from his brother goes straight through diluc's ear and right out of the other, but once diluc's wine bar closes for the night, kaeya finally leaves out of the door (thankfully! ).

yet the next following afternoon, when kaeya goes out for a relaxing lunch break with his co-workers, he notices that there's a familiar looking bracelet wrapped around your wrist as you wave your hand around and talk to jean.

and what do you know... it's a blue dinosaur...?? that looks very similar to diluc's keychain??

when kaeya asks you about it after your conversation, you calmly respond with a "oh, this? amber got it for me! it's cute isn't it?" while lisa fawns over it, kaeya concludes that there's no way you and diluc are matching accessories, leaving it at that.

you don't mention that amber gave you those in a pack of two.

when it's time to go back to your offices, you let out a discreet sigh of relief and keep a calm smile on your face. because after all, kaeya noticing your bracelet lets you know that your lover did wear his matching keychain, in the end. even after he told you he wouldn't be able to use such a thing.

☆ scaramouche: canon universe

dropping a little something on accident during a harbinger meeting is practically considered normal. you just crouch down, pick it back up, and everybody moves on with the talking.

sometimes it may be childe dropping a pencil, la signora dropping a pen, or dottore accidentally letting a paper slip away. sometimes it's even you who drops something, but nobody ever dotes on it for too long before continuing.

in the current meeting of the day, a pen accidentally slips out of your palm— but as usual, it's no big deal. you bend down to pick it up, but as soon as you get back up, you can feel scaramouche's hand gently cover the back of your head so you don't hit it harshly against the underside of the table.

you sit back into your chair and mumble him a quick thank you, but everyone else around the table still seems to notice it; especially childe who currently has the biggest wide-eye look on his face. but who would dare interrupt the tsaritsa about it during the meeting?

when the meeting is eventually over and childe points it out afterwards, the cobalt-haired male just scoffs in reply that it was "common human decency". and of course, childe has to mention that scaramouche never did that for him— cue the two of them starting a reckless banter in the hallway. even la signora throws you a curious look.

unbeknownst to you, though, all scaramouche can think about is the urge to explain that childe that he isn't his lover, so why should he cover the ginger's head?

but of course, the relationship between you two should be kept a secret... for now.

☆ xiao: highschool au

truthfully xiao does not mind having a private, romatic relationship with his partner. in fact, he prefers it— to be able to be affectionate with his lover with no one there to judge him on the sidelines.

yet... having a secret relationship does have its downsides.

for example: when xiao cannot be found during a lunch break one day, he is unfortunately interrogated by a certain someone when he arrives back to the classroom for the next class. of course there's a bombard of questions from hu tao, 'cause where on earth could xiao could've have gone in that time?? especially when he usually hangs out with her, keqing, and ganyu?

in the end, xiao flatly responds to the main question of "where were you?" with a simple "nowhere", having to sit through the feeling of hu tao's eyes digging suspicious holes into the back of his head during class.

well, what else is he supposed to do? explain that he was exchanging secret hugs with you in the empty classroom on the floor above, and revealing both of your relationship statuses in the meantime?

you had texted him previously that you had failed a test he knew you studied really hard for (because you came over to his house to study), and just something in him despite being the tsundere he is knew to comfort you somehow. and apparently he was right and that physical affection was your main love language, cause tucking your face into his chest and patting the back of your head gently got you to feel better.

...but obviously, xiao won't be informing his friends about that anytime soon. so avoiding questions will have to do for now.

with a s/o who’s much taller than them

request — hi! i just saw your request are open, i would like to request their s/o taller than them please! the characters hanma, sanzu, chifuyu [ or whoever you like! ] thank you!

notes — none + i’m not shadowbanned anymore <3

characters —  hanma + sanzu + chifuyu

✿ — shuji hanma

you fold your arms over your chest, staring down at hanma who was now snickering, “ give me my keys, babe— don’t make me forcefully take them for you. “

hanma was going to go to some turf war and since you, obviously care for his safety— you took his keys. you raised an eyebrow at your boyfriend and shrugged your shoulders, “ fine, go ahead and take them. “ taking his keys from your pocket and holding it above his head.

he threw back his head to see the keys dangling above him and he pouts, “ that’s not funny at all, aren’t you a little mean. “ he spits jokingly. he makes one jumping attempt but even that fails so he sighs, “ hand them over. “

“ jump for them. “

“ y/n. “

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