God I Really Wish Carrying Stuffed Animals Around With You Was Socially Acceptable

God I really wish carrying stuffed animals around with you was socially acceptable

❗AVOID THESE PEDOPHILES AT ALL COSTS! ❗

I was scrolling through Tumblr and came across a post of KNOWN PEDOPHILES ON TUMBLR (many of which have or want to rape actual children/minors)

THERE ARE ACTUAL PEDOPHILES ON TUMBLR TRYING TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MINORS ON TUMBLR

PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST THIS LIST AND KEEP OUR MINORS SAFE

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xiaotopia

4 years ago

★ 【てこ】「アルベド＆甘雨」 ☆ ⊳ albedo / ganyu (genshin impact) ✔ republished w/permission ⊳ ⊳ follow me on twitter

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xiaotopia

2 years ago

A Soulmate Who Wasn't Meant to Be - Erwin Smith x fem!Reader Soulmate!AU

A/N ; Straight up this was the second thing I've ever written in the realm of fanfiction so it sucks and I mean that. But I was urged to post it. So. Here it is~! *jazz hands*. I still really like the concept, maybe I'll rewrite it in the future?

Warnings ; angst, fem!reader, soulmate!au, POV switching

Summary ; Soulmate AU - the name of your soulmate appears as a tattoo on your wrist. Everything else is the same. In which you're a pianist, and Erwin is married to his job and you find each other anyway.

Words ; 3.5k

You idly trace the words written on your wrist. You’d committed them to memory long ago, but still found yourself captivated by them. Erwin Smith. The name of your soul mate.

How cruel.

Like all children and teenagers, you were so excited about finding your soul mate, mind swimming with possibilities. I hope he’s tall, I hope he’s handsome, I hope he adores me.

But you never met him. Not after blossoming into a beautiful young woman. Not after taking up interest in learning piano and singing. Not after your friend noticed your playing and offered you a permanent job performing at her bar. You never even heard his name in passing, and gradually you started to give up hope.

Some things just weren’t meant to be.

So, you played your heart out, singing songs for the love you’d never have. Unable to look into the crowd, so you’d turned your back to them. The thought of seeing his face in the crowd, so close but so far out of your reach, was too much to bear. So, you kept your focus on the piano, the singing, the playing. Every night.

Your heart fluttered when you first read his name. Finally, after all this time. It was the headline in this week’s paper: Erwin Smith promoted to 13th Survey Corps Commander. You read that article every day for the first few weeks. It was finally something, some shred of hope that it wasn’t a fluke and the man whose name darkened your wrist was out there, somewhere. Tangible. Alive.

You were there for his first expedition beyond the walls, just like many other citizens. Truthfully, you’d never had much interest in watching the scouts, until now, but you found yourself in the sea of people. Eagerly scanning the rows of horses and green cloaks.

Your heart nearly stopped when you saw him for the first time. Gods, he was gorgeous. Even from your vantage you could tell how tall he was. Blond hair neatly party and combed, strong features, and the most stunning blue eyes you had ever seen. He was everything. He shone brightly like the sun. And you might lose him before you even get to meet him, you realized. The mortality rate of expeditions was…bad.

This point was driven home by the whispers all around you. Talk of how this new commander wouldn’t change anything. How they should just shut the scouts down. How someone’s son had been unfortunate enough to die beyond the walls… Your heart squeezed, and you said a silent prayer that he would return safely.

You were there when they returned, too. Beaten, bruised, morose, but alive. Whole…mostly. And you thanked the gods as you ignored the whispers. His features looked more ragged, the lines under his eyes deeper, exhausted. You wanted so badly to rush to him, to tell him…what exactly? Reassuring him? Anything to ease the hurt that was plastered across his face.

In fact, you started to before someone’s musings found you. “I sure am glad that Erwin Smith is the new commander, I heard the death toll went down significantly for this excursion. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have any distractions and can stay so focused. You know I heard he hasn’t found his soul mate yet, is it wrong for me to hope that never happens? That way he can devote all of himself to saving humanity. Maybe he could be our savior, maybe people will see the benefit of the Scouts with him at the helm.”

Your heart sank. Oh.

They had a point, and you froze. You would just be a distraction. You would get in the way. If he had his mind split between you and humanity…well. Humanity was more important, wasn’t it? Their goal of learning the truth and trying to save everyone from those damned Titans. That was more important. The needs of the many over the needs of the few, right? Humanity was more important than the night’s you’d soon spend crying yourself to sleep, or anxiously waiting for his return. It was more important than the heartache that would never go away, knowing you could never be together.

You steadied your resolve. Humanity was more important than just one person, you could do this. You could take this heartbreak for the greater good. You silently absolved him of any duty to find you, in your way this would be your first and only gift to him: freedom from you. Freedom from the shackles of your love for him, so that he could fight for humanity’s sake.

How cruel.

The years that followed went by rather uneventfully. You’d been there for every excursion, and every return, always sending silent prayers for his safe return. You scanned the newspapers, clipping every article that so much as said his name, keeping them taped around your vanity in the powder room behind the bar. A solemn reminder. You watched as he addressed the gathered crowds, booming voice echoing in your chest and reverberating around your mind long after he’d stopped speaking. You loved him from afar, and that had to be good enough.

In all the world you only ever had eyes for him, and he was so far out of your reach.

This evening was the same as so many others. You sat at your vanity, putting your face on for tonight’s performance, trying not to reread those clipped articles for the thousandth time, when your friend approached you. She was tall and beautiful and quick of wit. You’d confessed to her your feelings for Erwin, and she’d supported your decision to stay away from him. She was the one who suggested pushing your piano against the far end of the stage, keeping your back to the crowd. You were so grateful to her.

“How was their return today ___?” she asked, placing her hands on your shoulders and looking at you in the reflection of the mirror. “Good. He looked good, whole. That’s as much as I could hope for.” You smiled weakly, remembering the somber and stoic look on his face. “And you’ve still not tried to even talk to him, huh?”

“No, you know I won’t-I can’t.”

“But you could. It wouldn’t hurt to talk to him, even barring the soul mate thing. I know your heart bleeds for him. You shouldn’t have to suffer because of this stupid idea you got in your head that you’d just be a burden or a distraction or whatever. You’re just as important as his job, ____. You deserve to be happy…” You ignored the tightness in your chest. “Humanity is more important. His job is more important. It’s better this way.”

“Then why don’t you try to face the crowd tonight? If you’re so resolved to suffer alone then seeing his face could bring closure to you.”

Maybe, you mused. But as you imagined seeing him watching you play the songs that were for him-always for him-you felt tears stinging the back of your eyes. Not tonight. Seeing him in person left you feeling too raw, the temptation to reach out to him and confess everything was too great. You couldn’t maintain your distance if you saw him tonight. So, you kept your back to the crowd, just like every other night. And sang all the songs you’d written for him, about him, just like every other night.

How cruel.

Erwin

He hadn’t intended on entering the crowded bar, even if it was a classier joint. Especially not since they’d just returned today, and he longed to rest his aching muscles and sore injuries. However, the divine sound that permeated the cool evening air drew him in. It was beautiful and sad, and he felt in his bones the melancholy of the words she sang.

Standing far back, just inside the door, he scanned the room. People crowded around everywhere, drinking and talking, roars of laughter and amiable chatter filled the room. The lighting was dim, a single spotlight trained on the humble stage where sat a lone pianist with her back to the crowd. She played beautifully, singing words of love and loss and longing that flitted through the crowd. Some were captivated, others uninterested. But he…he was enamored.

Without realizing it he’d pushed his way to the stages, eyes fixated on her. She wore a sequined red dress that scooped low down her back, revealing just enough of her feminine curves to keep him trained on her. On the subtle motions and breaths as she played. She never once turned to greet him, but he watched her all the same; entranced.

How long did he stay like this? Long after the crowd had dispersed, and the bar was quiet. Only him, the barkeeper, a few meandering souls, and her. He stayed until she finished her set and exited the stage. He had to meet her. This alluring woman that had so captivated him, made all the worry and stress and pain melt away as he watched her and listened to her songs. He had to know her name.

The barkeep stopped him as he wandered towards the powder room.

“Sorry, sir. Employees only.”

“Ah, apologies. Can I ask? Who is that woman?”

She gave him a pained smile and led him to the now empty bar. “What are you drinking, Commander?”

“So, you know me?” he questioned, quirking an eyebrow.

“Sir, everyone in this bar knows you.” He scoffed, brushing it off as because of his status as Commander.

“Whisky. Neat. Thanks.” She deftly poured him two fingers of the top shelf and slid it across the bar. Erwin downed the drink gratefully, letting the familiar burn take the edge off.

“She is our little songbird. Lovely, isn’t she?”

He nodded, “Yes but she…. she seems so melancholic.”

“She is. All her life she’d dreamt of her soul mate, as most girls do, but over the last few years she’s given up hope, resolving herself to a life of solitude. My heart aches for her.”

“I take it she’s shared the name with you?” He asked, idly thumbing the name on his own wrist.

“Oh, yes sir. Even despite herself she still looks out for him. Talks about his work and accomplishments, prays for his safety…”

“So, she does know him?”

“Yes. He is in the public eye, but he does not know her,” she said, trying not to give away too much, “How could he? What are the odds that someone of his rank would find themselves in this place, anyway?”

“If that’s true…why hasn’t she tried reaching out to him?”

She sighed heavily, “Commander,” she started, leaning in, “would you like to meet her? She plays here every evening. I could introduce you.” Erwin pondered this, tracing the rim of his glass with his thumb. It couldn’t hurt right? Maybe they’d find some common ground, there. After all he’d never met his soul mate either. Maybe they could come to keep each other company on lonely nights….he was getting ahead of himself.

“I have to return to work early. I’ve stayed way passed the time for me to retire. My next day off is Saturday, though. Could I arrange a meeting with her, then?” “Of course, sir. I’ll tell her you were interested in her playing and wanted to speak about the songs she’s written. She doesn’t often take visitors, but I’m sure she’ll warm up at that.”

Erwin thanked her and left. He should have asked for her name, but it didn’t matter. Not really. He’d long since given up on finding the one, his job took priority over everything else, and it was better that way. It had to be. For Humanity's’ sake.

But he did feel a twinge of regret for never having looked for her. Surely, she was lonely and didn’t deserve this. But he didn’t have a choice, he’d convinced himself he could suffer no distractions.

You

Despite telling yourself you’d given up hope on him, you asked your friend every night if he was in the crowd. IF she’d seen a glimpse of him or heard his name on hushed whispers. Tonight was no different, though the tone in her voice when she denied you made you suspicious.

You brushed it off, though. It was surely nothing.

You would think you’d get tired of playing, since you do it every night, but when you returned home to your modest rental, you set about finishing up the song you were writing. A song for him, always for him. You planned on debuting it this Saturday, the busiest night of the week, so it had to be finished and refined by then.

You played long into the night, only making it to bed once the sun tipped over the horizon. Late nights were no stranger to you, especially since you kept bar hours. That night you dreamt of ocean-blue eyes.

The next few days passed uneventfully, just as they always did. You skimmed the newspaper for news on the most recent excursion, finding nothing. You finished your song in time for Saturday’s performance, and even picked out a special gown for the evening.

Come Saturday you felt the familiar nerves of performing a new song for the first time. The gown you’d picked was a beautiful blue, it hugged your curves perfectly, making you look like divinity on earth. You’d chosen this specific dress because it reminded you so much of the color of his eyes. Erwin’s eyes. The eyes of the soulmate who wasn’t meant to be.

You stared at your reflection where you sat at your vanity. Stupidly you hoped he’d be there tonight, like you did every night. And just like every night you told yourself he wouldn’t be, that to continue hoping against all odds was childish. That this was the way it should be: him protecting and serving humanity, and you keeping your distance and loving him from afar.

How cruel, this fate of yours. You eyed the name written across your wrist fought back the tears. After all these years he still made your heart bleed. He still made you crave him, long for him. You just couldn’t help yourself. You supposed that was what soul mates were supposed to do, anyway.

Like every night, you strode briskly on stage, making a point not to turn to the crowd. You made a show of elegantly sitting at your piano, just as always.

Erwin

Tonight was the night. The night he’d learn her name, talk to her, get to know the woman behind the piano. So alluring, so tragic. He wondered if he dressed up too much and removed the tie from his neck only to then retie it just to remove it again. He opted for a white button down, black trousers, dress shoes, and his bolo tie. Surely this would be enough, right? But he wanted their first moments together to be memorable.

As he took in his reflection, he wondered why it mattered so much to him. It wasn’t like she was his soul mate. Right? It couldn’t be. Not here. Not now. Not after everything.

The bar was even more crowded than last time, and he was grateful when the bar keep waved him over. She didn’t ask about his drink preferences, having remembered from before. He downed the whisky in a single drink, hoping that it would take the edge off the nerves he was feeling.

Let him fight a Titan or run a coup any day. But talking to a beautiful woman? That he had no experience with. That isn’t to say he wasn’t popular with women, he was. But he’d never given them more than a passing thought, always married to his work. Until now.

He’d never even seen her face, but her music-her songs- touched him deeply. He didn’t have to see her face or know her name to know that he would burn down the world for her. Soulmates be damned.

He watched her play, and as his eyes were trained on her, the sights, smells, sounds of the bar faded away. It was as if she were the only other person in the world, and he wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was nice to lose himself in something that wasn’t work, for once.

The music stopped, luring him out of his trance. He’d made his way to the stage again, leaning against his elbow.

“This last song,” she spoke. This was the first time he’d heard her speak, and it was just as stunning as her singing, “is dedicated to the man whose name marks my wrist. To the man who I know I can never have, who I have made peace with loving from afar. This song I wrote for him, about him, and I hope that some day my words will reach him. Thank you for listening to me play, tonight.”

Her song started, dreamy and emotional. Her vocals were soft and powerful. She sang about watching him for such a long time, and how enraptured she’d been with the blue of his eyes. How his passion and drive not only made her fall more and more in love with him, but also how it broke her heart, knowing they could never be together. She sang about being afraid to feel this way, but that she wouldn’t have it any other way because despite it, she still loved him.

As he watched her, he ignored the single tear that streaked down his cheek. He could feel the pain in her words. Feel the sorrow in her voice. He wanted to leap onto the stage and crush her against himself and kiss away all that melancholy. It was not lost on him that the man in the song had the same color eyes as him, though he didn’t have the mind to process that in the moment.

He snapped back to reality when he saw her shudder.

You

You couldn’t help it. This song you’d written for him, the words you’d sang, they still tugged at your heartstrings. The emotions behind it were still too raw, and as the song ended and the lights faded, you succumbed to the sobs that wracked your body. You prayed that nobody would see.

You steadied yourself, you didn’t want to show this kind of weakness to this size of crowd, and stood to leave.

“Wait!” A voice called to you from the opposite side of the stage, stopping you in your tracks. It sounded so familiar…too familiar. Your heart leapt into your throat as you slowly turned around.

You audibly gasped when you saw his face. Erwin. The same Erwin you had been watching and loving and longing for. Your soulmate, Erwin. He’d called out to you, climbing on stage to jog over to you. Your mouth gaped as you tried to find words. Any words. What was he doing here? Why was he here, now? Did he listen to your song? Did he know you were his soul mate? So many questions flitted through your mind that you didn’t even notice the hush fall over the bar.

All eyes were trained on you two.

“I-“he started, looking down at you. He was so tall, gods so much taller than you could have imagined. He cleared his throat. “Why are you crying?” he said finally, reaching up to gently wipe away the tears that streamed down your face. You blinked, searching his eyes. The eyes you’d just sang about.

“B-Because…” you drew in a shaky breath. How could you explain it all? Was now even the time for that? Why had he reached out to you so suddenly, anyway? You didn’t even really know what was going on. One thing could make him understand, you realized. One thing could say more than your words could.

You stretched your arm out to him, watching his expression change as he read his name on your wrist. His eyes widened in realization, his expression softening. The crowd was completely silent now, watching the scene unfold.

“You’ve been waiting for me,” he said softly, cupping your cheek and holding your hand, “All this time, you were here. And you’ve been waiting for me.” “Erwin,” you breathed, and your heart soared with the way he smiled at hearing his name on your voice.

Softly, gently, as if you were made of glass, he leaned into you, planting a ginger kiss on your soft lips. You melted into him, and you wanted nothing more than to get lost in him. The applause that ringed out through the bar startled you both out of your moment. They’d been waiting for this. There wasn’t a regular in this bar that didn’t know the name on your wrist, and your sense of duty to remain in the shadows. And there wasn’t a soul in this bar that wasn’t glad and relieved that you’d finally found each other.

Blushing, embarrassed, and giggling like schoolchildren, you and Erwin made your way off stage and into the powder room.

“We have a lot to talk about,” he beamed at you, making your heart flutter. “Yes, we do.”

He didn’t tell you that the smile you gave him that night nearly brought him to tears.

105 notes View Post

xiaotopia

3 years ago

Warnings: Angst (as I always start off writing for a fandom with angst), MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, body is still treated like shit after death

Summary: You knew Vyn would never look twice in your way yet you had hoped that maybe... just maybe he would... once...

Notes in advance: That's right I'm writing for tears of Themis now bc I am addicted so send in those requests babe <33

Vyn Richter is a lot of things to you. He's your childhood friend, a psychiatrist, calculated, noble, and most importantly, logical.

That's what you told yourself when you found out you had feelings for him. Might as well break the fall before you die from it.

He didn't do love unless he was positive of it. He was never uncertain, each step of his was calculated, strong, with the very best outcome for himself and those around him.

You also learned more about him.

How he liked his tea, how he only drank one specific type of wine, how he liked his eggs in the morning.

Needless to say, you knew more about him than he did about you.

It wasn't that he wasn't able to read you, it had just been that he had never bothered reading you. Which you assumed was either because he trusted you since he grew up with you, or that he just didn't think of you as significant enough.

Vyn as a child had been cold, had been neglected. His father was a foreigner, his mother... he had no memory of, his cousins, always aloof and acting harshly because he was a mixed child.

It was no different from growing up in an exaggerated tv drama.

But you, the little child next door, had always thrown plushes over the fence to his backyard. You threw one over on accident while playing with it, but when Vyn picked one up, and you had watched him hug the toy for a second, before letting it drop. The slightest pain on his face before it had straightened up again. You had hardened your resolve to make that boy next door feel better.

When elementary school started, you befriended Vyn immediately. You started off by asking for help, before eventually sticking with him during recess. He had gotten laughed at and bullied quite a bit for having foreign features, and you were having none of that. You beat them up with your bare fists.

When middle school came, both of you dove into your studies. Stellis city was the top in education, and being a resident there of an upper class family, neither of you had the chance of ever slacking off. It would bring dishonour, and then both of you would get berated.

Then came high school. Vyn finding that he was invested in criminal psychology, and you still not knowing what you wanted to be. You were torn for days over this. Everyone else knew what they wanted to be, what they wanted to do, yet you were slowly being left behind. So you hardened your resolve and told yourself that until Vyn had someone who could take care of him, you would stay by his side.

You got into the same university as Vyn.

You cried, without telling him, about the news, and while he nagged at you for neglecting your health for your college exam, you knew he felt relieved when you made it in as well.

University was never any easier than it should've been. Both of you dove deeper into your studies with Vyn going into criminal psychology and you into behavioural psychology. You needed to learn to read people and protect yourself... and Vyn.

Then after both of you getting your doctorate, you became coworkers. You had thought you had a chance. But that was diminished very quickly. Vyn had started to grow distant after a phone call, and you pretended that it was alright.

You didn't let that stop the routine though. Breakfast at his place, lunch in his office, the other staff had joked that you two were pretty much a married couple. but you knew that he never thought of you that way.

Then he met someone new. A mysterious girl who was different to you in so many ways. She was confident, elegant, intelligent. Working at Themis law, became famous for winning a case for the Pax group's son.

Vyn was enamoured by her.

So were you.

She was everything you could've only hoped to be.

While Vyn spoke to you about how wonderful she was, you found yourself offering help in being around her. You befriended her, and you knew exactly why she was loved by all, she just had that personality and character.

When the PUA victim ran to Vyn for help, you told him that you'd be resting for a bit. You would've been a big help, but you felt as though you'd be third wheeling on them.

So while Vyn tracked down the PUA group with her, you found yourself slowly letting go. It began with the messages, then the meetings, eventually the meals together.

It was slow, and Vyn would have probably not realized it at all if one of the patients hadn't spoken up about it.

"Dr. Richter... where's your assistant Y/n?"

Then Vyn realized that he hadn't seen you in the last weeks. It was like you disappeared.

He didn't think much of it until he felt empty.

"Y/n can you-" You're not there anymore.

"I have these files Y/n can you-"

"Y/n did-"

Then he receives news that you had left the hospital. Rumors of you two getting into a fight circulated and Vyn found himself irked.

That was when he realized something.

He grows more irritated without you. There's no one to lighten up his day in the morning or remind him to stop scratching himself when he feels uneasy.

No one was there to tell him that he should really stop pulling on his hair, to stop downing 4 espressos a day.

Meanwhile you had met a woman named Jasmine. A woman who was investigating Opaline village, and needed the help of a psychiatrist. A woman who had a little child, whom received help from the girl that Vyn loved.

You two were driving back from gathering evidence when the car swerved.

The last thing you saw was a white light.

Vyn is baffled when your name appears in a NXX file.

What were you doing there?

You had gotten into a murder disguised as an accident.

You died.

You died and somehow it was related to the drug they were researching on.

Then for the first time, the organization watched him lose his composure and break down.

The only person who had stuck by his side his entire life had left forever.

He tried to find your grave, but your family never held a funeral for you. You had betrayed them by becoming a psychiatrist while all of them were deeply religious. They cursed you, saying that this was how the heavens were punishing you. Your body got donated to scientists for research. Vyn never got to send you off or give you a flower, all he had left of you was that faltering smile the last time you met up with him.

You had left him with nothing.

Nothing except those whispered words the last time you met up.

"I hope I'd be your favourite crime"

673 notes View Post

xiaotopia

4 years ago

in your dreams | m.

pairing: xiao/f!reader

wc: 7.140

genre: smut, hurt/comfort

cw: exes to lovers

tags: past toxic relationship, alluded past abuse, blood and violence, xiaos love language is touch, soft!xiao, dom!xiao, fingering, squirting, wet&messy, spitting (lit once), reassurance kink, very mild dumbification, dacryphilia if u squint, aftercare

summary: your life had finally become normal without him. but it took one encounter to undo a millennia of hard work.

note: it isn't specified what reader is but she is not human and is very old as well as she's known xiao for a long, long time.

+ also adepti do not need sleep in this fic so!!!

this blog is a dark content blog please dni if you don't like it.

Winding up at Wangshu Inn wasn’t in your plans. Tired and worn out, a sudden thunderstorm was the final straw.

You climbed the steps of the Inn, out of breath by the time you reached the front desk. Your room was cozy for the most part, so much so that you felt out of place soaking wet and dripping onto the wooden floors.

You didn’t even have a change of clothes. You opted to shed your outermost layers, the thick material having kept your undergarments dry for the most part. Hanging up your soaking clothes, you place a towel on the floor to catch the dripping water and climb into bed.

The sound of thunder and rain lulled you into a restless nap to pass the time.

It wasn’t often that you dreamt. In fact, many years had passed since you recall dreaming. This one was particularly vivid. Featuring a face you had hoped to never see again.

The golden eyes of your ex lover sent shivers down your spine. The wind blew, tousling his hair every which way. He stared at you, regarding you with the same neutral face you’d known him to wear for all of his existence.

Still as cold as ever, he didn’t speak.

Just as you opened your mouth to say something first, you jolt awake.

You frown and sit up in bed, the sheets falling around your waist haphazardly. Running a hand through your hair, you wince as your fingers catch the tangles.

“I see you still enjoy sleeping...like some kind of human,” the familiar voice has you gasping, whipping around to look at where the voice came from.

He leans against the wall, arms crossed over his chest. His eyes are closed, almost as if he were tired but you know that’s not the case.

You scoff, “I knew you were here. Awfully bold of you...sneaking into my dream like that.”

He doesn’t say anything more. It’s silent after that, save or the lightning striking the ground occasionally, mixed with the white noise of raindrops.

“Why are you here Xiao?” you finally ask, knowing that beating around the bush will get you nowhere with him.

“Why are you here?” he retorts, finally opening his eyes to glare at you, “You knew I was staying in this Inn yet you come here anyway. But you still have the audacity to ask me why I’m here?”

“I didn’t know you were staying here,” you spit, suddenly remembering you’re in only your bra and panties. You casually pull the sheet back up to cover yourself.

“That’s a lie,” he scoffs, finally pushing himself away from the wall, “Are you that desperate for my attention that you come crawling back to me under the guise of a mistake in hopes I’ll take you back? Pathetic.”

His words sting just as much as the tears filling your eyes, “No,” you spit, tossing the sheet off so you could get out of bed, “I was worn out and got caught in the storm. If you must know, I didn’t know you were here because frankly I avoid learning anything about your whereabouts!”

His eyes follow you as you tug your still wet clothing down from where it was hanging. Its freezing cold against your warm skin and makes you flinch as you begin to put it on.

“Where are you going?” he asks, voice sharp as ever.

“I’m leaving!” you snap, ignoring the way your voice cracks from your tears.

He scoffs, “Of course you are, all you do is run away.”

“You don’t get to say that to me!” you whip around suddenly, “When you’re the one who ran away in the first place!”

He bares his teeth, “I didn’t run from anything. Instead I got rid of something.”

His eyes narrow and you take a moment to look into them. Eyes you once loved held no softness or light that they once had. You barely remember those times, instead all you remember is the hurt.

You don’t have it in you to speak anymore. Everything that needed to be said had already been spoken. Whether it be now or in the past, there was nothing else to say.

He didn’t flinch as you walked past him, shoulder bumping into him as you headed to the door.

“Make sure you don’t come back here,” he spits the final, parting warning.

You pick up your pack and sling it over your shoulder, opening the door and leaving.

When you’re finally gone, he takes a seat on the bed and sighs, eyes unfocused as they stared into nothing. Lost in thought, he doesn’t know how long he sits there for.

The rain doesn’t show any signs of letting up as you continue on your journey. You don’t have any real need for sleep but your body feels worn, overexerted. You do your best to bypass monsters that lurk around, knowing you don’t have the strength to defend yourself.

Any strength you had had been stripped from you the moment you were confronted with Xiao.

His words hurt just as much as they had a millenia ago. The new, negative feelings festered along with the brought up memories of once upon a time.

He always knew just what to say to you. The two of you had known each other perhaps too well. It had allowed him to see every weak spot you had, he had learned exactly what to push to hurt you most. And he always succeeded.

Xiao’s past was not one that was happy. It was filled with pain, anger, and bloodshed. Much of it by his own hands, actions that haunted him. He had been so consumed by it all that he lost control, becoming a volatile nightmare that only sought to hurt and destroy.

And that is exactly what he did.

There hadn’t been a single ounce of hesitation in the words he’d spewed at you. Hands you once loved holding raised in aggression, laughing at the misery that had been painted on your face. You had been scared of him and yet he didn’t show any regret.

It had been naive of you to try to get him back at first. You were so sure that it wasn’t the real Xiao. You knew him to be a soft, gentle man. But in the blink of an eye, it was replaced with hatred and darkness.

Your attempts to redeem yourself in his eyes, to keep him by your side had been in vain. The final time you had met him, almost a millenia ago, had only ended in bloodshed and tears. He had succeeded in damaging everything you had to offer, dealing irreparable damage to your emotions.

You had vowed that you would never allow yourself to be in his presence again. You didn’t even allow yourself to hear his name, all of his tales fell on deaf ears.

The less you knew about him, the better.

It had been peaceful, not knowing of his whereabouts. You would sometimes catch yourself wondering if he was even still alive before vanquishing those thoughts. What did it matter? The man wished death upon you once, laughing all the while.

You shuddered at the memories, wrapping your arms tighter around yourself. The cold was seeping in quickly and you felt like all your energy was sucked out.

Under the heavy rainfall, and the absentmindedness of your own thoughts, you didn’t realize the man snuck up on you until you felt the knife plunge into your back.

Hands desperately cupped your cheeks. They were warm, such a contrast to your own cold skin. Your ears were ringing but when your eyes opened a fraction, you could only barely make out the darkened silhouette of a person hovering above you.

When your eyes opened once again, there was no sound. The storm had passed and you were tucked into a bed. It didn’t smell like freshly made laundry, instead it smelled familiar. Like almonds and qingxin flowers. You couldn’t help but melt into it.

After a moment, you heard the door open. It clicked shut softly, no doubt in an effort to let you continue your rest. The figure moved across the floor, footsteps light before you heard the light sound of something heavy being placed on the side table.

The person paused and you kept your eyes closed, sleep almost overcoming you once again. But the soft feeling of fingers on your cheek had you rousing once more.

You didn’t open your eyes, instead allowed the stranger to continue on. They moved away but didn’t leave the room.

Slowly, you opened your eyes.

It was dark out but the room was dimly lit by lanterns, casting a calm, yellow glow around the room. You blinked a few times to let your eyes adjust before looking around.

Your breath caught in your chest as you looked at him. He had his back to you, leaning against the wall once again. But his gaze was cast out the window, unaware of the fact you had awoken. You swallowed nervously at the sight of him, only to realize how parched you were, tongue sticking to the roof of your mouth. Glancing to the side, you realized the object he had placed had been a pitcher of water. Condensation dripped down from the glass, pooling on the wooden tabletop.

You attempted to sit up, your head swimming as you did but you fought it. The bed creaked as you finally sat up, almost desperately reaching for the pitcher only to realize you had absolutely no strength to pick it up.

Familiar hands intervened, brushing yours away to lift the pitcher up, grabbing the glass he had brought along with it so he could fill it.

Your hands were reaching out for it before he could even offer it. He allowed you to take it, placing the pitcher back down once again. You brought the cup to your lips and took several large gulps before it was ripped from your hands. You gasped and looked up at Xiao to your stolen cup in his hand.

“Drink it slowly,” he orders, rough as usual, “You’ll make yourself feel worse.”

You nod your head and reach out for it again. He keeps it out of your reach, however, eyeing you as if you were plotting something. You whine and attempt to get it back once more before he finally takes pity on you and allows you to have it back.

His eyes burn into you as you take sips, keeping them slow and intermittent despite the fact your body begged for you to down it all.

“Lay back down, you’re still recovering,” he says before taking your empty glass.

You do as you’re told, hunkering back down into the soft bedding, watching him once again. He pours more water into the glass and leaves it there for you to take when you need it.

“Why am I back here?” your question makes him visibly stiffen as he places the pitcher down again.

Your eyes follow him as he moves around. You can’t tell if he’s making himself look busy to buy himself time or not. The question is answered when he returns from the wash room with a damp cloth.

He sits at the edge of the bed and begins to softly pat at your skin, cooling your skin down and making you relax. You close your eyes against the stinging burn of tears that come from his caring actions.

You don’t know what he’ll do if he realizes you’re crying.

It had been so long since you had been close to him like this. No aggressive or negative feelings weighing you both down. It had been even longer since you felt his gentle touch, a touch that didn’t have you flinching away from him.

“You almost died,” he finally says, removing himself from you.

You immediately miss him. It takes you everything not to pull him back to you, to not cry out for him not to go. But you stay silent. He is too.

You’re not sure if he realizes how close to crying you are, but he doesn’t say anything more. He doesn’t press you. You swallow the lump in your throat and open your eyes again.

He’s standing in front of the window once more. You can see his face now, the way the moonlight makes his eyes glow.

“I did?” you finally ask.

He looks at you again, a simple sideways glance before nodding, “You did.”

“I see,” you respond, looking down at your hands folded above his blanket.

You suddenly realize you’re not wearing your own clothes, instead wearing some unfamiliar ones. You don’t comment on the fact that Xiao had probably undressed you and redressed you.

You’re too busy thinking that you don’t notice the way he fists are clenched tight at his sides. His entire body is stiff and trembling, jaw clenched tight to keep the pathetic noises that want to free themselves inside.

“You almost died,” he suddenly spits, repeating his words from earlier. You pause and look up at him, the uncharacteristic emotion in his voice catching you by surprise.

Finally, you take in his disposition. His head hung low, hair veiling over his face, preventing you from seeing the expression he wore. But from the way his shoulders tremble, you’re sure he’s...crying.

“I thought you were dead,” he hisses, “You were so cold...you weren’t moving. What the hell was I supposed to do then, huh?” He’s not looking at you and you’re not sure if he’s speaking to you or monologuing. Still, you remain quiet and let him talk, “You’re not supposed to die.”

“I didn’t die,” you finally speak, making him fall silent.

“I was...scared,” he admits, so soft that you almost missed it, “I was so scared it felt like I was losing my mind.”

“Xiao…”

“No,” he snaps, finally looking at you. His eyes are glassy, tears clinging to his lashes and the sight makes your heart ache, “How could I have ever...What would I have done if you died? What if you died...and all you remember of me was...the hatred and anger?”

“Is that not what you feel towards me?” you ask softly, “I can’t say I remember the time before you hated me anymore. I don’t know if I even want to. It’s so much easier knowing you hate me now, than remembering that you once loved me.”

“Love,” he whispers, making your brows furrow in confusion, “Don’t say it like I don’t anymore.”

“Xiao…” you sigh, shaking your head, “You don’t have to feel guilty. Truly, it doesn’t bother me anymore.”

He takes a few steps towards the bed until he’s standing right in front of you. You don’t dare look at him but he reaches down and touches your cheek with gentle fingers, “Then why are you crying?”

You scoff, “Why are you crying?”

“Because I know I’m not strong enough to keep this going,” he admits, “I’ve spent so long remembering everything I did to you. Everything I said to you...years upon years of guilt and regret. I tried so hard to pretend like I didn’t search everywhere for you. When I was finally freed of those shackles, when I was finally...faced with everything I had done...I looked for you. But you had already gone.”

“You wanted me gone,” you spit, knowing how bitter you were beginning to sound, “Don’t you remember what you told me?”

“Every word,” he breathes, hand returning to your person to pet your hair, “I’ve spent every moment of my life remembering. I didn’t have any control of who I was back then, ______,” The sound of your name falling from his lips has a sob breaking free from your chest, “I’ll never be who I was before everything. I carry these sins upon me as I deserve to. But I will never be the man who hurt and scared you again.”

You feel him tug you forward, burying your face against his chest as he cups the back of your head. His chin rests atop your head and you cry. He lets you exhaust yourself, lets out a deep sigh when you finally wrap your arms around his middle.

He holds you, allows you to ask him questions before answering with a gentleness he hadn’t allowed himself in what felt like eons. He told you his story, explained every detail of his life, of the dark past, of the vile atrocities that he had been forced to commit against his will.

You listened, heart aching at the pain he had to endure for so long. He was jaded, scarred and burnt from his past. It haunted him so deeply, actions he could never atone for weighed on him as heavy burdens.

“If you’ll let me…” he whispers into your hair, “I just...if I can have one thing in the end...I want you.”

“You’ve done so much,” you reply, “To repay the debt and to protect...and you really just want me?”

“More than anything,” he replies, not hesitation.

You pull away from his embrace and he allows you, meeting your gaze with utmost sincerity. You can see it in the way his eyes shine with hope, searching yours for an answer.

The easiest way to answer him is by cupping his cheek and pressing your lips to his.His entire body relaxes and his hands return to your person, gripping you tight as if you were going to slip away. He kisses you back, every emotion he feels being poured into it.

You tangle your hands in his hair and pull him down. He catches himself on his hands, framed on either side of you. Pulling away from the kiss, you chase him and he sighs.

“You’re still recovering, I don’t want you to get hurt,” he breathes.

You whine and shake your head, reaching out to touch him, “Please, Xiao? ‘M okay, I promise.”

He still hesitates and you decide to take it a bit further to entice him. You reach down for the hem of your shirt and carefully pull it off. When you can see again, Xiao’s eyes are burning as he stares at your body.

“God…” he breathes, resting his forehead against your shoulder, peering down your body as his hands begin to venture across your skin, “Just like I remember…”

His breath comes in pants, smoothing his thumbs over your ribs before he finally cups your breasts. You whine at the feeling and arch your back but he’s quick to click his tongue, “Stay still or I stop.”

You go limp at the threat of him stopping. Instead you reach up and wrap your hands around his biceps. He pulls his head from your shoulder and leans back over you properly to kiss you again.

You whine into the kiss, wrapping your arms around his neck to hold him close. He allows it with no complaint, simply continues palming your breasts, thumbing over your nipples. You swear you feel him smile when your whole body trembles at the feeling.

“Xiao…” you whimper, moving your hands from around his neck. He sits up, resting back on his heels to run his hands down your body.

He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even react to your call of his name. Instead he shifts so he can tear the blanket from your body. You squeak when you’re finally completely exposed, tits bare and your bottom half just the same.

You feel your face flush hot, quickly closing your thighs and curling them in on yourself. Xiao clicks his tongue once more at the display of shyness, hands coming to grip your knees.

“Why are you hiding from me?” he asks, voice gruff with lust, “Won’t you let me see all of you?”

“Y-You’ve still got all your clothes on,” you mutter, looking to the side so he can’t see how flustered you are.

He regards you for a moment, memories bouncing around in his head. Memories of you and him. The first time you let him touch you all the way to the last time he’d ever touched you. Both had such contrasting emotions to them. He wonders if you think the same -- if you remember that time. How you had cried, how he had made you cry.

“I’ll take them off later,” he whispers and you finally look at him.

His eyes are locked on his hands, where they rest on your knees. His brows are furrowed, as if lost in thought and you have half a mind to question him on it. But you choose not to. Instead, despite the trepidation you feel at being so vulnerable in front of him again, you let your legs fall open.

He inhales sharply through his nose, a noise of surprise and approval. His eyes lock onto your cunt, folds glistening from how wet you already are for him. He mindlessly licks his lips, one hand trailing down your inner thigh -- slow, as if he’s waiting for you to stop him at any minute. But you don’t of course, you want him so much. You have no idea how long you had been craving the familiar, loving touch he once had. But now that you’re reminded of the tenderness he once displayed, you desperately want to feel it again.

“Pretty,” he mutters under his breath when his digits finally meet your folds, which he eagerly spreads open with two nimble fingers.

It makes you squeak and hide your face in embarrassment as he analyzes you, takes in every detail. The way your entrance clenches every so often, drooling your sweet juices, to your little clit that throbs and begs for his attention.

He’s more than willing to give it.

Collecting the slick at your entrance with his thumb, he drags it up to the tender little bud. The sound you make when he finally presses his thumb against it is heaven. His own mouth falls open in wonder as he makes soft, slow circles. Your thighs tremble and your hands mindlessly grapple for whatever they can, which happens to be his bedding and thigh. Though your nails bite into his skin, he pays it absolutely no mind. He’s entranced by how messy your cunt becomes in a matter of seconds. Such a simple touch has your body responding beautifully.

He briefly wonders if you’d ever been with anyone else. He certainly hasn’t. Did you make such a mess for those you had bedded? His jaw clenches at the possessive feeling that overcomes him.

Unlike in the past, it’s not a toxic feeling. It isn’t one that scares him, instead it has him leaning down to press his lips against the soft skin of your stomach. You’re his now. You’re his once again. That’s all that matters.

He trails his lips up your body, now using two fingers to play with your clit. He doesn’t want the sweet sounds you make to stop.

Once he reaches your breast, he eagerly wraps his lips around your nipple. You cry out immediately, hands tangling into his hair. He hums at the feeling and your whole body twitches.

“Xiao…” you gasp, one hand leaving his hand to reach between your body. He continues to mouth at your breast, humming when your hand gingerly wraps around his wrist, “Want more, please…”

His eyes nearly roll back in his head at the sweet sound of you begging. He finally pulls his mouth away and looks at you, eyes sharp as ever, “Tell me what you want.”

He can feel it, of course. The way your pretty hands desperately push on is fingers, all he’d have to do is slide them in. You mindlessly rut your hips against the digits and he growls.

“Didn’t I tell you to stay still?”

“‘M sorry,” you gasp, “Please don’t stop, Xiao. Want it.”

He bites back a groan. You’re just as sweet and pliant as he remembers. The almost blind trust you have in him not to hurt you has him flooding with emotion.

“What do you want? Say it,” he orders, voice much softer than before.

“Put them…” you press his fingers against your entrance and whine, “Inside. Please?”

He’s not prepared for the way you so greedily accept them. You gummy walls stretch so easily to accommodate him. You’re already dripping down his hand. He moves his fingers slowly, watching your face intently as you adjust to being filled.

Your lashes flutter and you sigh almost as if you’re breathless before your eyes open again and you meet his gaze. He sees the bashfulness return but before you can cower away, he crooks his fingers up and finds your spot as if he had it memorized after all these years.

And truthfully, he had. There had been many nights that he had been plagued by memories of your body, of touching you. No one had ever made him feel the way you do.

“Xiao!” you squeal, hands slamming down on the bed as your legs kick almost helplessly under the onslaught of pleasure.

“Mhm?” he hums, pinning one of your thighs down with his free hand to keep you nice and spread open for him. His eyes are glued to where your cunt swallows his fingers greedily.

“Right there, please,” you gasp, shamelessly whining and begging.

He huffs a laugh through his nose, “So noisy.”

“‘M, ah, ‘m sorry,” you babble, “Feels so good.”

He loves how responsive you are, how sensitive you are. The way you tell him what it is you’re feeling, how he’s making you feel, makes him painfully hard. But he’s not willing to move on from this just yet, he wants to be greedy for once. He wants to take everything you’re willing to give him.

Your cunt flutters around his fingers and he allows himself to moan softly at the feeling. He knows you must be close, your little tells hadn’t changed after all this time. The way your thighs jump and tremble to the way your hot little cunt gets so messy. You’re creaming around his digits, he can see the way white slicks his knuckles.

You’re muttering nonsense, feet kicking the bed helplessly. He wants to chastise you for moving around so much but he knows you can’t help it. With how tight you squeeze around his fingers, he knows you’re dangling precariously over the edge.

All you need is a final push. The fact that you need him to send you over, need him to do something for you to cum is a rush.

You watch with wide eyes as he puckers his lips suddenly and noisily spits on your cunt. It lands on your clit and in seconds, his thumb is rubbing it in.

The entire thing is too much and you cum with a breathless cry. His arm pins your hips down, keeping you from moving around too much as you thrash, cumming nice and hard for him as he works you through the high. He slides his fingers out and lightly circles your clit, easing you down as you shudder and whimper before finally falling still.

You’re panting by the time he removes himself from you, allowing you to close your thighs as the feeling of vulnerability washes over you again.

He can feel your eyes on him as he stands. Suddenly, you’re sitting up and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Hey--” he’s ready to force you to lay back down, eyeing the burning scar on your back but he’s cut off by you tugging at him.

“Don’t go,” you whimper and he softens immediately, running his hand through your hair.

“I’m not,” he responds quickly but you still don’t let him go.

He opts to begin stripping himself despite the fact you’re still clinging. Once his upper half is bared, you look up with wide eyes. He can see the way they sparkle at the sight of him and he nearly melts.

Cupping your cheek, he pulls you in for a kiss, allowing you to tug at the materials adorning his waist until he’s finally as bare as you. Keeping you locked in a kiss, he carefully lays you back down in bed, cupping the back of your head as he does so.

He easily handles your body, pulling your thighs open again so he can slot himself between them. Your knees press into his ribs and you cling to him once more, as if you really believe he’s just going to leave you.

“‘S okay,” he breathes softly, pecking your lips a few times, “‘M not leavin’...”

His words begin to slur together the further he gets dragged down into the lust. He ruts his ips forward and you both sigh when the underside of his cock finds your core. His hips work slow, passing over your folds as he slicks himself up with the mess he’d forced out of you. Every time he grinds against your clit you whimper into his mouth, thighs jumping at the overstimulation.

It makes him want to tease you, to torture your poor, sensitive little cunt and to hear you cry out for mercy as he forces you to cum over and over for him.

But that would have to wait for another time. Right now, he wants nothing more than to be with you, to indulge in your love.

You reach down before he has the chance to, wrapping your hand around the base of him. He pecks your lips again before he looks down, allowing you to guide him inside.

You stretch to accommodate him, the width wider than his fingers had stretched you. But the burn feels deliciously familiar. You keen and whine the further he pushes inside.

He watches how more and more of him disappears, groaning at the feeling of you pulsing hot around him. Before he bottoms out, he suddenly pulls his hips back until just the head is left. His length is glistening from how wet you are.

“So messy,” he spits softly, licking his lips at the sight.

“Mhm,” you whine, hands grabbing at his biceps on either side of your head, “‘S for you.”

Your little confession has him cursing under his breath, sheathing himself inside you in one smooth roll of his hips. As his hips meet yours, you let out a sweet cry that he eagerly swallows as he kisses you.

“‘S mine,” he whispers against your lips. You nod and whimper as he fucks you in earnest.

Though Xiao can keep his touches and kisses soft, as soon as his cock is inside you, he can’t help but use you however he wants. You always love it, however, the way his cock has your mind going blank is otherworldly.

Though you had never had any other lover, you knew that you would always be ruined for anyone else. No one would ever make you feel the way he did, the way he so easily made you cum undone. The soft, filthy words he whispers to himself, as if you’re not even listening. Hissing vulgar things through clenched teeth, like your cunt makes him go feral.

“So tight,” he mutters, eyes still locked onto where the two of you are connected. It’s like he’s entranced, hypnotized.

“Xiao!” you cry out, tossing your head back, “‘M close, please, jus’ a lil more!”

He huffs, changing the angle of his hips just a bit. You squeal, knees knocking against his sides as you begin to squirm.

“Too much!” you cry out, hands pressing against his chest as your body is racked with stimulation.

“You can take it,” he huffs, grappling your wrists in one hand to pin them above your head.

He uses the leverage to fuck that spot harder. Every time he sinks in, he rolls his hips, making sure to grind against your clit. Tears build up in your eyes as you sob, entire body trembling but unable to get away from it as he pins you down with his body.

“Cum,” he orders breathlessly.

And you do.

He groans at the feeling of you squeezing around him tighter than ever. He slows the movements of his hips, the tightness making it difficult for him to keep his pace. He rocks mindlessly into you as you tremble and cry through the intense orgasm.

Before you can recover, he’s releasing your hands and sitting up, gripping you beneath the knees before pinning them to your chest. Neither of you care about your injury, you don’t even feel anything but pleasure anymore.

“No, no, Xiao!” you sob, remembering all too well the damage he can cause in this position.

He shushes you and presses down on the back of your thighs, pulling out until just the tip is inside. You hold your breath, eyes wide as he simply fucks the tip in and out.

You wait for the inevitable, biting your lip as you tremble. He waits for you to release the breath you’re holding. Though he’s not looking at you, he pays attention to every minute detail about you.

When you finally let out that soft little exhale, he swings his hips down, sheathing his cock inside. Your legs kick in his hand and your hands slap helplessly against him but he pays it no mind. He continues pulling his cock out before quickly stuffing you nice and full again.

“‘S too much!” you sob, tears trickling down your cheeks. He ignores your weak complaints, knowing you want it just as much as him, “I-I’ll make a mess! Xiao!”

He groans at your warning and nods his head, “Touch yourself.”

It’s a cruel little command that you can’t help but obey. He can see your hand is trembling as you reach down to swirl timid little circles around your clit. He watches, bottom lip caught between his teeth at the sight. Your walls hug him tight as you continue the circles in time to the deep, penetrating intrusion of his cock.

“Xiao--” you gasp, quickly abandoning your task to press your hands against his hips.

“Stop pushing me away,” he spits, slapping your hands off of him.

“It’s too much!” you repeat your complaint.

He huffs, “You can take it. You’re almost there.”

He meets your gaze after a moment, taking in the wide eyed, open mouthed look on your face. The pressure in your core intensifies and your whole body begins to tremble. Your hands return to his body, though they wrap around his biceps once again, nails biting into the skin. You leave red lines across the green of his tattoo. He hisses at the pain but it doesn’t deter him.

Though your eyes are open, he’s sure you’re not seeing anything but stars.

“You’re gonna cum,” he mumbles, he takes one of your hands and laces your fingers together.

You blink up at him and sob his name. He softly shushes you, tenderly kissing your forehead as if his cock wasn’t stuffing you full.

“‘S okay,” he whispers into your hair, “C’mon, give it to me.”

You cry out his name again, your free arm wrapping around his neck, scratching his back. He’s panting, growing close to his own end quickly.

“I know,” he whispers, knowing you’re overstimulated and wound too tight. The way you cling to him as if he’s a lifeline has him pressing the softest of kisses against your skin, squeezing your hand between his, lacing your fingers together. A reminder that he’s there to ground you, that he’s with you, he’ll get you through it. You just need to let go.

You go completely still for a split second before your back arches. He slips his arm beneath your back to hold you close, supporting you as you thrash and cry. You bury your face in his neck, muffling the lewd noises in his skin. Your hands grab onto any part of him that you can as he continues the same, brutal pace of fucking you.

“Ah!” you squeal, your orgasm dragging out for much longer, only growing in intensity.

He can feel it. The way you squirt, gushing around his pistoning cock. Every movement has you gushing over and over again, wetting not only your skin, but his and the bedding as well. Neither of you can be bothered to care about it, however.

“That’s it,” he coos, finally slowing after a moment.

Your entire body is trembling, harder than you had all night. He pulls himself away from you despite your desperate cry. He folds you back into the previous position and you sob, shaking your head.

He shushes you, the same as he had been all night, “‘S my turn,” he assures.

You relax into the bed, arms dropped on either side of your head. You watch him through lidded eyes as he begins to rock into you once more. He avoids grinding himself against your clit when he sinks inside, knowing it would, in fact, be too much for you right now.

He looked down at where you were connected.

Strings of your slick connected your skin and his every time he pulled back. Your cunt was puffy, clit throbbing in the aftershocks of the intense orgasm. A ring of white was at the base of his cock, a symbol of just how hard you had cum.

The mess you’d created made his cock throb. You were such a good girl, so sweet for him. He looked back up at your face, at the dreamy look on your face and he groaned.

“So pretty,” he whispers, his own blunt nails biting into the underside of your thighs.

You whine at the pain but make no complaints. He has half a mind to feel embarrassed as you watch him cum. Your hand reaches down to caress his chest and stomach as you feel him pulse inside you, the warmth of his cum filling you up.

You sigh, a happy sound that makes his heart warm.

Pulling out of you, you wince at the feeling of his cum dripping from you but neither of you comment on it. Instead, he leans back over you and presses his lips to yours once more.

Your hand tangles in his hair and he sighs, allowing you to hold him and cling to him for a moment. He feels you shiver and frowns, watching as goosebumps rise over your skin.

Suddenly, too sudden for your liking, he pulls away. You squeeze your thighs closed and subconsciously cover your breasts with your hands, watching as he climbs off of the bed.

He takes the rag he had used earlier to wipe your skin, to clean the mess that covered him.

You can feel your heart hammering so loud it makes your ears ring. He doesn’t say anything, doesn’t even acknowledge you as he moves around the room, slipping his clothes back on --though without all the accessories.

He runs a hand through his hair, straightening himself out before he heads to the door. You sit up quickly, eyes wide as you watch him open it. Before you can call out to him, he’s shutting the door behind him.

You’re left alone and feel a deep ache in your chest. You let yourself fall back into the bed, ignoring the soreness of your body as you tug the cover over yourself. The silence of the room is deafening, but before long it's filled with your sad, pathetic sniffles.

Mentally, you shame yourself for being so foolish. Even after so many years, you were just as naive as before. You can’t actually believe you’d been stupid enough to allow yourself to believe any of it was real. You’d gotten a taste of him once more, and now you were being punished for being so greedy.

It hurt to think that, just for a moment, you remembered what it was like to be loved by him.

You were so lost in your thoughts, you didn’t hear the door open again. You also didn’t hear his weary sigh.

He moved around the room, glancing at you curled up on the bed, assuming you had fallen asleep. His own mind was abuzz, processing everything. It was easy to fall into the rhythm, no matter how long it had been since he performed it.

He knew you liked a nice, soft cloth to clean you up. The harshness of a normal cloth was too much given how sensitive you always were afterwards. You would also no doubt be craving some water -- though he made tea for you instead. He wasn’t quite sure what you enjoyed about it so much, but he was more than willing to indulge.

When he finally moved to the bed, he sat down, placing the cloth and bowl of warm water on the table. He turned to you and tugged at the sheet, making you gasp. You looked over your shoulder and he frowned at the sight of your tears.

His heart lurched in his chest -- worry that he did something wrong, that he hurt you, or even that maybe you were feeling regret in accepting him back.

“Y-You’re back?” you ask it, sounding so pitifully broken that he can’t help but pull you into his lap.

You’re easily adjusted, allowing him to lean back on the headrest with you curled into his body, still sniffling and crying.

“Did you think I left?” he asks softly, petting your hair.

You solemnly nod and he sighs, “I’m sorry I just...I want to believe that you...But I…”

“It’s okay,” he assures, “I haven’t earned your trust back. But I will.”

“Xiao…” you whisper, looking up at him.

“Let’s just get you cleaned up, alright?” you nearly start crying when you see he had gathered everything he would have back then.

BY the time you’re clean and curled up in bed, you’re exhausted. The tea had made you nice and warm and as you snuggled against his chest, you began to doze. Though you didn’t particularly need sleep, your injury had weakened you enough to warrant it lest you get worse.

Xiao’s body is worn but he chooses to lay there in the darkness of the bedroom. He stares at the ceiling, listening to the sound of your breathing. He desperately wants to close his eyes and, for once, sleep as well. Just so he can experience sleeping with you again.

But he can’t bring himself to. He’s terrified that if he opens his eyes, you’ll be gone and nothing will have changed. He’s not sure if he would survive if all of this had been a dream.

So he stays awake until he’s sure.

3K notes View Post

xiaotopia

4 years ago

I want to live by myself when I move out of my parent's place but I'm really afraid of money problems? I'm afraid that the only place I can afford will be in the ghetto and it'll all be torn apart and I'll only be allowed to eat one granola bar a week. I'm really stressing out about this. I don't know anything about after school life. I don't know anything about paying bills or how to buy an apartment and it's really scaring me. is there anything you know that can help me?

HI darling,

I’ve actually got a super wonderful masterpost for you to check out:

Home

what the hell is a mortgage?

first apartment essentials checklist

how to care for cacti and succulents

the care and keeping of plants

Getting an apartment

Money

earn rewards by taking polls

how to coupon

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

how to save money

How to Balance a Check Book

How to do Your Own Taxes

Health

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

things to bring to a doctor’s appointment

how to get free therapy

what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment

how to make a doctor’s appointment

how to pick a health insurance plan

how to avoid a hangover

a list of stress relievers

how to remove a splinter

Emergency

what to do if you get pulled over by a cop

a list of hotlines in a crisis

things to keep in your car in case of an emergency

how to do the heimlich maneuver

Job

time management

create a resume

find the right career

how to pick a major

how to avoid a hangover

how to interview for a job

how to stop procrastinating

How to write cover letters

Travel

ULTIMATE PACKING LIST

Traveling for Cheap

Travel Accessories

The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase

How To Read A Map

How to Apply For A Passport

How to Make A Travel Budget

Better You

read the news

leave your childhood traumas behind

how to quit smoking

how to knit

how to stop biting your nails

how to stop procrastinating

how to stop skipping breakfast

how to stop micromanaging

how to stop avoiding asking for help

how to stop swearing constantly

how to stop being a pushover

learn another language

how to improve your self-esteem

how to sew

learn how to embroider

how to love yourself

100 tips for life

Apartments/Houses/Moving

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 1: Are You Sure? (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 2: Finding the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 3: Questions to Ask about the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 4: Packing and Moving All of Your Shit (The Responsible One)

How to Protect Your Home Against Break-Ins (The Responsible One)

Education

How to Find a Fucking College (The Sudden Adult)

How to Find Some Fucking Money for College (The Sudden Adult)

What to Do When You Can’t Afford Your #1 Post-Secondary School (The Sudden Adult)

Stop Shitting on Community College Kids (Why Community College is Fucking Awesome) (The Responsible One)

How to Ask for a Recommendation Letter (The Responsible One)

How to Choose a College Major (The Sudden Adult)

Finances

How to Write a Goddamn Check (The Responsible One)

How to Convince Credit Companies You’re Not a Worthless Bag of Shit (The Responsible One)

Debit vs Credit (The Responsible One)

What to Do if Your Wallet is Stolen/Lost (The Sudden Adult)

Budgeting 101 (The Responsible One)

Important Tax Links to Know (The Responsible One)

How to Choose a Bank Without Screwing Yourself (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting

How to Write a Resume Like a Boss (The Responsible One)

How to Write a Cover Letter Someone Will Actually Read (The Responsible One)

How to Handle a Phone Interview without Fucking Up (The Responsible One)

10 Sites to Start Your Job Search (The Responsible One)

Life Skills

Staying in Touch with Friends/Family (The Sudden Adult)

Bar Etiquette (The Sudden Adult)

What to Do After a Car Accident (The Sudden Adult)

Grow Up and Buy Your Own Groceries (The Responsible One)

How to Survive Plane Trips (The Sudden Adult)

How to Make a List of Goals (The Responsible One)

How to Stop Whining and Make a Damn Appointment (The Responsible One)

Miscellaneous

What to Expect from the Hell that is Jury Duty (The Responsible One)

Relationships

Marriage: What the Fuck Does It Mean and How the Hell Do I Know When I’m Ready? (Guest post - The Northwest Adult)

How Fucked Are You for Moving In with Your Significant Other: An Interview with an Actual Real-Life Couple Living Together™ (mintypineapple and catastrofries)

Travel & Vehicles

How to Winterize Your Piece of Shit Vehicle (The Responsible One)

How to Make Public Transportation Your Bitch (The Responsible One)

Other Blog Features

Apps for Asshats

Harsh Truths & Bitter Reminders

Asks I’ll Probably Need to Refer People to Later

Apartments (or Life Skills) - How Not to Live in Filth (The Sudden Adult)

Finances - Tax Basics (The Responsible One)

Important Documents - How to Get a Copy of Your Birth Certificate (The Responsible One)

Important Documents - How to Get a Replacement ID (The Responsible One)

Health - How to Deal with a Chemical Burn (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting - List of Jobs Based on Social Interaction Levels (The Sudden Adult)

Job Hunting - How to Avoid Falling into a Pit of Despair While Job Hunting (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting - Questions to Ask in an Interview (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - First-Time Flying Tips (The Sudden Adult)

Life Skills - How to Ask a Good Question (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - Reasons to Take a Foreign Language (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - Opening a Bar Tab (The Sudden Adult)

Relationships - Long Distance Relationships: How to Stay in Contact (The Responsible One)

Adult Cheat Sheet:

what to do if your pet gets lost

removing stains from your carpet

how to know if you’re eligible for food stamps

throwing a dinner party

i’m pregnant, now what?

first aid tools to keep in your house

how to keep a clean kitchen

learning how to become independent from your parents

job interview tips

opening your first bank account

what to do if you lose your wallet

tips for cheap furniture

easy ways to cut your spending

selecting the right tires for your car

taking out your first loan

picking out the right credit card

how to get out of parking tickets

how to fix a leaky faucet

get all of your news in one place

getting rid of mice & rats in your house

when to go to the e.r.

buying your first home

how to buy your first stocks

guide to brewing coffee

first apartment essentials checklist

coping with a job you hate

30 books to read before you’re 30

what’s the deal with retirement?

difference between insurances

Once you’ve looked over all those cool links, I have some general advice for you on how you can have some sort of support system going for you:

Reasons to move out of home

You may decide to leave home for many different reasons, including:

wishing to live independently

location difficulties – for example, the need to move closer to university

conflict with your parents

being asked to leave by your parents.

Issues to consider when moving out of home

It’s common to be a little unsure when you make a decision like leaving home. You may choose to move, but find that you face problems you didn’t anticipate, such as:

Unreadiness – you may find you are not quite ready to handle all the responsibilities.

Money worries – bills including rent, utilities like gas and electricity and the cost of groceries may catch you by surprise, especially if you are used to your parents providing for everything. Debt may become an issue.

Flatmate problems – issues such as paying bills on time, sharing housework equally, friends who never pay board, but stay anyway, and lifestyle incompatibilities (such as a non-drug-user flatting with a drug user) may result in hostilities and arguments.

Your parents may be worried

Think about how your parents may be feeling and talk with them if they are worried about you. Most parents want their children to be happy and independent, but they might be concerned about a lot of different things. For example:

They may worry that you are not ready.

They may be sad because they will miss you.

They may think you shouldn’t leave home until you are married or have bought a house.

They may be concerned about the people you have chosen to live with.

Reassure your parents that you will keep in touch and visit regularly. Try to leave on a positive note. Hopefully, they are happy about your plans and support your decision.

Tips for a successful move

Tips include:

Don’t make a rash decision – consider the situation carefully. Are you ready to live independently? Do you make enough money to support yourself? Are you moving out for the right reasons?

Draw up a realistic budget – don’t forget to include ‘hidden’ expenses such as the property’s security deposit or bond (usually four weeks’ rent), connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.

Communicate – avoid misunderstandings, hostilities and arguments by talking openly and respectfully about your concerns with flatmates and parents. Make sure you’re open to their point of view too – getting along is a two-way street.

Keep in touch – talk to your parents about regular home visits: for example, having Sunday night dinner together every week.

Work out acceptable behaviour – if your parents don’t like your flatmate(s), find out why. It is usually the behaviour rather than the person that causes offence (for example, swearing or smoking). Out of respect for your parents, ask your flatmate(s) to be on their best behaviour when your parents visit and do the same for them.

Ask for help – if things are becoming difficult, don’t be too proud to ask your parents for help. They have a lot of life experience.

If your family home does not provide support

Not everyone who leaves home can return home or ask their parents for help in times of trouble. If you have been thrown out of home or left home to escape abuse or conflict, you may be too young or unprepared to cope.

If you are a fostered child, you will have to leave the state-care system when you turn 18, but you may not be ready to make the sudden transition to independence.

If you need support, help is available from a range of community and government organisations. Assistance includes emergency accommodation and food vouchers. If you can’t call your parents or foster parents, call one of the associations below for information, advice and assistance.

Where to get help

Your doctor

Kids Helpline Tel. 1800 55 1800

Lifeline Tel. 13 11 44

Home Ground Services Tel. 1800 048 325

Relationships Australia Tel. 1300 364 277

Centrelink Crisis or Special Help Tel. 13 28 50

Tenants Union of Victoria Tel. (03) 9416 2577

Things to remember

Try to solve any problems before you leave home. Don’t leave because of a fight or other family difficulty if you can possibly avoid it.

Draw up a realistic budget that includes ‘hidden’ expenses, such as bond, connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.

Remember that you can get help from a range of community and government organizations.

(source)

Keep me updated? xx

152K notes View Post

xiaotopia

4 years ago

Yo, I just finished reading "Longing for you" and I just gonna say it was *chef's kiss*, like spare some talent pls >:0

I'm glad that you love it! Talent? Thank you for the compliment! Though I still need to practice writing and finding my own style of writing, a long way to go! Have a nice day ^^

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