I Have Sea Foam In My Veins, I Understand The Language Of Waves.

You give a little love and it’ll all come back to you

Not good enough.

Do You Love Someone With Depression?

If you have a partner or are close to someone who struggles with depression, you may not always know how to show them you love them. One day they may seem fine, and the next they are sad, distant and may push you away. It is important that you know that as a person who is close to them and trusted by them, you can help your friend or partner have shorter, less severe bouts of depression. Mental illness is as real as physical illness (it is physical actually, read more about that here) and your partner needs you as much as they would need to be cared for if they had the flu.

Your relationship may seem one-sided during these times, but by helping your partner through a very difficult and painful affliction, you are strengthening your relationship and their mental health in the long term.

1. Help them keep clutter at bay.

When a person begins spiraling into depression, they may feel like they are slowing down while the world around them speeds up. The mail may end up in stacks, dishes can pile up in the sink, laundry may go undone as the depressed person begins to feel more and more overwhelmed by their daily routine and unable to keep up. By giving your partner some extra help sorting mail, washing dishes or using paper plates and keeping chaos in check in general, you’ll be giving them (and yourself) the gift of a calm  environment. (I’m a fan of the minimalist movement because of this, you can read more about that here.)

2. Fix them a healthy meal.

Your partner may do one of two things when they are in a depressed state. They may eat very little, or they may overeat. In either case, they may find that driving through a fast food restaurant or ordering a pizza online is just easier than fixing a meal. Eating like this, or neglecting to eat will only degrade your partner’s health, causing them to go deeper into their depression. Help your loved one keep their body healthy, and their mind will follow. This is a great article that talks about the “Brain Diet” which can help the symptoms of depression, and this article talks about how our modern diet could contribute to the recent rise in depression. Here is a recipe for a trail mix that is quick to make and has mood-boosting properties.

3.Get them outside.

 The benefits of getting outside for a depressed person are huge. And it is possibly the last thing on earth your partner will want to do. Take them to be somewhere in nature. Pack a picnic and lie in the sun, take a leisurely hike or plant a garden. Being barefoot in the dirt, or “earthing” helps ground the body and reverse the effects of living in a world of emf’s, and digging in soil can actually act as an antidepressant, as a strain of bacterium in soil, Mycobacterium vaccae, triggers the release of seratonin, which in turn elevates mood and decreases anxiety. Sunshine increases Vitamin D production which can help alleviate depression. My friend Elizabeth wrote an excellent post about Vitamin D and its link to depression here.  For more information about other sources of Vitamin D, this is a great post as well as this.

4. Ask them to help you understand what they’re feeling.

If your partner is able to articulate what they are going through, it will help them and you better understand what you are dealing with, and may give insight into a plan of action for helping your partner. Also, feeling alone is common for a depressed person and anything that combats that feeling will help alleviate the severity and length of the depression.

5. Encourage them to focus on self-care.

Depressed people often stop taking care of themselves. Showering, getting haircuts, going to the doctor or dentist, it’s all just too hard, and they don’t deserve to be well taken care of anyway in their minds. This can snowball quickly into greater feelings of worthlessness since “Now I’m such a mess, no one could ever love me”. Help your loved one by being proactive. Tell them “I’m going to do the dishes, why don’t you go enjoy a bubble bath?” can give them the permission they won’t give themselves to do something normal, healthy and self-loving.

6. Hug them.

Studies show that a sincere hug that lasts longer than 20 seconds can release feel-good chemicals in the brain and elevate the mood of the giver and receiver. Depressed people often don’t want to be touched, but a sincere hug with no expectation of anything further can give your partner a lift.

7. Laugh with them.

Telling a silly joke, watching a comedy or seeing a stand up comedian will encourage your partner to laugh in spite of themselves. Laughing releases endorphins and studies show can actually counteract symptoms of depression and anxiety.

8. Reassure them that you can handle their feelings.

Your partner may be feeling worthless, angry and even guilty while they are depressed. They may be afraid that they will end up alone because no one will put up with their episodes forever. Reassure them that you are in the relationship for the long haul and they won’t scare you away because they have an illness.

9. Challenge their destructive thoughts.

A depressed person’s mind can be a never-ending loop of painful, destructive thoughts. “I’m unlovable, I’m a failure, I’m ugly, I’m stupid”. Challenge these untruths with the truth. “You’re not unlovable, I love you. You aren’t a failure, here are all the things you’ve accomplished.”

10.Remind them why you love them.

Look at pictures of happy times you’ve had together. Tell them your favorite things about them. Reminisce about your relationship and all the positive things that have happened, and remind your partner that you love them and they will get through this.

(via The Darling Bakers)

revisiting two of my oldest beloved characters! ♥

"Toree is always excited about something and can be so damn talkative, but Deziree doesn’t mind too much. she just finds it endearing and adorable.” 

Abuse: I know it is hard to believe at the moment, but please know that it was not your fault. You did not and do not deserve to be hurt. You deserve the very best. If you haven't told anyone about what happened, please think about it. Talking about it, even just to a tumblr follower will help you in the long run.

Post traumatic stress disorder: If you have nightmares and flashbacks about your past, it's ok. It doesn't mean that you are weak, not at all, it just means that your brain is having trouble coping with what happened and is trying to find a way to. Talking to someone about what happened will help you. It won't be easy and it will take time, but eventually it willl fade away with help.

Rape: It was not your fault. He/she had no right to take advantage of you. You never asked for it. It wasnt because of what you were weariing or how much you drank...if you never said yes its not consensual. If you couldnt stop the person that doesnt mean you were weak or deserved it. You aren't alone. I am here for you.

Anxiety: Its ok to be not ok. Being anxious doesn't make you weak. Just remember to take deep breathes and try to meditate. It's going to be ok. I am here for you.

Self Harm: I know how hard it is to deal with the urges to cut or hurt yourself in some way. Please know that I am here for you whenever you need someone to talk to. You don't need to hurt yourself. You dont deserve pain. You are amazing. i hope one day you believe me.

Eating disorders: No matter what size jeans you wear, you are beautiful. The number on the scale does not determine your worth. Food is fuel for your body, just like cars need gas your body needs food. Food wont make you fat ugly disgusting or anything negative. You are beautiful just the way you are. You are worthwhile. You are important.

Depression: Unable to get out of bed today? that's ok. Just curl up with a blanket and snuggle under your sheets. You are ok. Even the darkest nights will end. You can't see rainbows without a storm, but this storm will pass. I am proud of you just for being alive. If you were able to get out of bed, i am proud of you. If you stayed in your pjs all day, i am proud of you. If you tried to smile but couldn't I am proud of you. If you managed to smile, I am proud of you.

Suicidal: I know it is hard. I know you are struggling. But I promise you it will get better. Maybe not tomorrow or next year, but eventually your life will turn around. I am so proud of you for being alive when you feel all hope is lost. Please never give up. You deserve to live. I am here for you. Please never give up, not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever. Talk to someone and let them help you. You are so worthwhile. I love you. You are not alone.

Vasantha Yogananthan - La Traversée