Men Be Like "I'm Fighting Demons". And The Demons Be Homosexuality

This but any dish still takes at least 1 hour because time isn't real (and I may get distracted by literally anything)

the really crazy thing about cooking is that once you practice it enough (for all the gamers reading this: "grind enough exp") your threshold for wuat counts as a low effort / depression / I Dont Really Want To Cook meal rises steadily and you can feel yourself becoming the kind of person whose "chill dinner" takes 1h45 and involves three pans

My mom got a scarf for her dog to make him "look cool" and I genuinely don't understand how this is supposed to look cool 😭😭 He looks like he's going to the market to sell radishes

HAPPY MEAL- You take a bite of your burger, but something is wrong. The horrible tang of vinegar taints every micrometer of the patty.

COMPOSURE [Easy: Success]- You manage to fight down the urge to spit the half-chewed sludge into your napkin, and instead force yourself to swallow like a normal human being. As calmly as possible, you lift the bun off the burger to peer beneath.

HAPPY MEAL- As you suspected. Pickles.

AUTHORITY- You should demand a refund. Or a new burger. Or BOTH. You TOLD them you didn't like the nasty things.

YOU- Yes. Get up. Go give the cashier a piece of your mind.

AUTHORITY [Trivial: Failure]- Oh, God, the cashier. You can't do it. The moment you look toward the counter, your legs lock up and your mouth goes dry. The thought of actually confronting your fellow hard-working proletariat with some kind of mistake—let ALONE demanding MONEY from them like some kind of penny-pinching CAPITALIST—makes you feel sicker than that pickle did.

[MORALE -1]

KIM KITSURAGI- "Something the matter, Detective?" The Lieutenant has been following your eyes, from the dissected burger to the cashier.

YOU- "No. It's fine."

COMPOSURE [Trivial: Failure]- Your voice cracks slightly as you answer.

KIM KITSURAGI- The Lieutenant sighs and stands up.

EMPATHY [Heroic: Success]- He's not mad at you. It's a sigh of pity.

VOLITION [Godly: Failure]- Oh, GOD, that's worse, somehow. You feel a stabbing pain in your chest as you curl forward over the table.

[MORALE -1]

KIM KITSURAGI- At the counter, the Lieutenant clears his throat to get the cashier's attention, then gestures back to you. "Excuse me. He asked for no pickles."

[MORALE CRITICAL]

when a character has a shirtless scene and they have washboard abs and no sign of any belly fat not even a little bit

just found a presentation on wolves i made recreationally when i was 8 years old

Immensely powerful thrift shop find, google drive to follow

I wish harry could witness these for himself

Kim Kitsuragi shitpost voicelines!

Please see end of post if you want to use these!

Submitted by you, voted for by you, I'd like to present the voicelines you were just dying to hear being said by Kim - dutifully performed by the brilliant Jullian Champenois.

In 10th place,

How did we get here? We walked, believe it or not. You were not entirely lucid.

In 9th place,

I want to have fuck with you.

In 8th place, Normal people, when they go down a slide - they're fine.

Submission idea attributed to this post.

In 7th place, No, detective, I do not just want to go apeshit.

Submitted by bowyooo. In 6th place, Apartment complex? I find it quite simple.

Submitted by elelei. In 5th place, Officer, what the fuck was that?

In 4th place, Trans rights are human rights, detective. Obviously.

In 3rd place, Do I like men? Man is a hopeless creature. I don't like much of anyone. ...Oh, if you meant sexually, then, yes.

In 2nd place,

Detective, Instead of worrying about appearing 'submissive and breedable', please make sure your paperwork is submitted and readable.

Submitted by scrollingdown. And finally, in 1st place, the voice line you all wanted to hear so so badly is...

I'm da king of da highway.

Usage

You are welcome and encouraged to use these for memes, shitposts, and other foolish fan content on social media. When you do, please include credit to Jullian Champenois. You can also include a link to his website, tag him on Instagram/Twitter (@julliannailluj), or mention his Youtube channel according to the content you make. Commercial content of any kind - ads, promoted videos, etc - is explicitly forbidden by these usage terms. Anything of this sort will require specific permission by Jullian. Please don't fuck around we love him. That's it! Thank you everyone for participating, reading, and enjoying this silly little project.

one of the best kim moments in disco elysium tbh

Better than poutine