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"Quivering" is my least-favourite word in the english language. Nothing and nobody should be quivering. If you're quivering right now, stop that shit immediately. Tremble or shake if you must but the quivering has to stop.

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i don’t know how to say these things in a nice way because my nerves have been fried for quite some time and i’m basically running on empty right now but i wanted to write about anti-asian sentiment, and more specifically, how people can address it.

there are a lot of posts with a lot of notes going around coming from very well-meaning people about how we can combat anti-asian sentiment by fighting cultural appropriation or stopping insults about food and whatnot, and i understand the impulse, but the fact is this: anti-asian sentiment is rooted in white supremacy, in colonialism, and in imperialism, and those things cannot be stopped by simply teaching people to say our names correctly.

if you want to end anti-asian sentiment, we must end white supremacy and imperialism. if you want to end white supremacy and imperialism, you must learn about the histories of white supremacy and imperialism— not only in asia, but across the world. it is crucial that we, as asians, unite ourselves with other colonized people to fight these systems. i invite others to move past the badge of allyship and truly learn what it means to commit yourself to the fight against white supremacy and imperialism, and then do it. 

now, more specifically: when we think about the 8 people who were killed in atlanta this week, we understand that they were targeted because of their asianness, yes, even knowing that all who died were not asian— but they were targeted also because of their class, the line of work they were in, their migration status, their gender. the women who were murdered were at particular risk because they were working-class migrant women who worked in a massage parlor, and who may have been s*x w*rk*rs. this is absolutely crucial to understand! you cannot understand their deaths as being separate from war crimes committed by the united states in vietnam, or from the sex tourism industry in southeast asia.

even when we think about the spate of attacks on asians on the street, or at the train station, or on public transit, who is being targeted? the majority of these attacks are on working-class, low-income migrant elders. there are other attacks, still, that i have heard that have targeted asian women specifically. these, too, are acts of violence tied to white supremacy and imperialism. so understanding this– if a white man approaches me, or my sister, or my migrant neighbors with intent to harm us, what good does it do if he is educated about how to pronounce my name, or if he knows how to use chopsticks respectfully? 

these are just some thoughts i am having that i think are missing from the conversation, at least on this website. thank you for reading if you have gotten this far. i hope this makes sense. i truly pray for the downfall of imperialism every single day.

if you are looking for places to learn more, or to donate, please check out the following organizations. i am in new york, so some of these orgs will be local to me, but i have tried to include national orgs i know of that are doing good work. thank you.

Nodutdol – donation link for NYC-based community organization of Koreans in the US against war and militarism

Desis Rising Up and Moving (DRUM) – donation link for NYC-based org of South Asian and Indo-Caribbean working class people fighting for economic justice

BAYAN USA – USA-based alliance of grassroots organizations working towards national democracy in the Philippines. there is a donation link on their website. this is the overseas chapter– the main organization is in the Philippines. 

Red Canary Song – donation link for US-based grassroots collective of Asian migrant s/x w/rk/rs 

Butterfly – donation link for Toronto-based Asian and migrant s/x w/rk/rs network

Atlanta-area spa shootings fundraisers – GoFundMe donation links for families affected by the Mar 16 murders 

All I want is this life with you.

‘am i Having A Brain Problem or Being a Shithead’: a short procrastination checklist

aka why tf am i procrastinating on The Thing (more like a flowchart, actually)

lots of people who have executive function difficulties worry about whether they’re procrastinating on a task out of laziness/simply wanting to be a jerk or mental struggles. this checklist might help you figure out which it is at any given time! (hint: it’s almost never laziness or being a jerk.) (obligatory disclaimer: this is just what works for me! something different might work better for you.)

1) do I honestly intend to start the task despite my lack of success?

yes: it’s a Brain Problem. next question

no: it’s shitty to say one thing & do another. better be honest with myself & anyone expecting me to do the task.

2) am I fed, watered, well-rested, medicated properly, etc?

yes: next question

no: guess what? this is the real next task

3) does the idea of starting the task make me feel scared or anxious?

yes: Anxiety Brain. identify what’s scaring me first.

no: next question

4) do I know how to start the task?

yes: next question

no: ADHD Brain. time to make an order of operations list.

5) do I have everything I need to start the task?

yes: next question

no: ADHD Brain lying to me about the steps again, dangit. first task is ‘gather the materials’.

6) why am i having a hard time switching from my current task to this new task?

i’m having fun doing what i’m doing: it’s okay to have fun doing a thing! if task is time-sensitive, go to next question.

i have to finish doing what i’m doing: might be ADHD brain. can I actually finish the current task or will I get trapped in a cycle? does this task really need to be finished?

the next task will be boring/boring-er than the current task: ADHD brain. re-think the next task. what would make it exciting? what am I looking forward to?

I might not have enough time to complete the task: ADHD brain wants to finish everything it starts. (if task is time-sensitive, go to next question)

i just want to make the person who asked me to do it angry: sounds like anxiety brain trying to punish itself, because I know I’ll be miserable if someone is angry at me. why do i think I deserve punishment?

no, I seriously want to piss them off: okay, i’m being a shithead

7) have I already procrastinated so badly that I now cannot finish the task in time?

yes: ADHD brain is probably caught in a guilt-perfection cycle. since I can’t have the task done on time, i don’t even want to start.

reality check: having part of a thing done is almost always better than none of a thing done. if I can get an extension, having part of it done will help me keep from stalling out until the extension deadline. i’ll feel better if I at least try to finish it.

no, there’s still a chance to finish on time: ADHD brain thinks that I have all the time in the world, but the truth is I don’t. 

reality check: if i’m having fun doing what I’m doing, I can keep doing it, but I should probably set a timer & ask someone to check on me to make sure I start doing the task later today.

8) I’ve completed the checklist and still don’t know what’s wrong!

probably wasn’t honest enough with myself. take one more look.

if I’m still mystified, ask a friend to help me talk it out.

hope this helps some of you! YOU’RE DOING GREAT SWEETIE DON’T GIVE UP ON YOU

Soft Floral Art by Marie Egner 🌷🌺

Here is a list of some YouTube ASMR ambiences/soundscapes (they’re all hyperlinked, so click away!) Unlike traditional ASMR, these videos do not feature any people. Talented YouTubers have used software to create rendered environments with layered sounds, with many of these ambiences inspired from fantasy to others based in reality. I find music with lyrics to be distracting sometimes, but these are great background noises for focusing, studying, doing homework, and even for relaxing. Enjoy and good luck ♡

LIBRARY SOUNDSCAPES

1. Royal Library | Rain and Thunderstorm Sounds on Study Ambience with Crackling Fireplace 

By New Bliss 

2. LIBRARY AMBIENCE: Writing Sounds, Whispering, Pages Turning, Rain, Fireplace 

by Autumn Cozy 

3. Ambience/ASMR: Writer’s Library from the 1930s, 4 Hours

by Ambience of Yesteryear

4. Study Ambience / Library Sounds / 3 Hours #241

By Winter Whale ASMR

5. Harry Potter inspired ASMR - Hogwarts Library REMAKE - Animated ambient soundscape cinemagraph

By ASMR rooms 

CAFE SOUNDSCAPES

1. Rainy Day at Coffee Shop & Jazz Music | ASMR Ambience 4K

By Cozy Corner 

2. [ASMR/Ambience]cafe after closing on a rainy urban night

By Sound Forest 

3. Coffeehouse ASMR Ambience

By Miracle Forest 

4. 1 Hour of Tea Shop Ambience | Background Noise | Cafe Ambient Sounds

By Nocturnal House 

5. ASMR Increase Concentration Tokyo Cafe Study Ambience for Homework & School

By asmr soupe 

COZY SOUNDSCAPES

1. 🎧 Cozy Ambience Bedroom - Rain on the Windows of the Rainy Night View of the City 10 Hours | Sleep

By The Relaxing Town 

2. Cozy Cabin Ambience - Writer’s Room with 8 Hours of Rain, Thunder and Fire Sounds

By Calmed by Nature 

3. Bed Breakfast ☕ Snowy Morning [ASMR] Cozy Cabin Ambience ❄️️ Winter Day with Little Bunny friend 🐰

By ASMR Weekly 

4. Rain sounds | cozy cabin | Sleep, Study, Meditation 10 hours

By White Noise Tranquility 

5. Cozy Winter Cottage | Snowstorm and Fireplace Sounds | blizzard | 10hours

By dreamy sound 

INSPIRED BY SOUNDSCAPES

1. ASMR Mystical and Noble Atmosphere of Slytherin Common Room●Harry Potter 3D Ambient Sound

By asmr soupe 

2. Lord of the Rings Inspired ASMR - the Green Dragon Inn - Medieval Tavern Ambience and Animations

By ASMR rooms 

3. ⛩ Spirited Away’s Dormitory - 1 Hour - Ghibli ASMR Soundscape

By Vibrating Art 

4. Twin Peaks Double R Diner Ambience - 8 Hours of Smooth Jazz Music, Rain Sounds, & Cozy Cafe Ambience

By Calmed by Nature 

5. A Moving Castle Type ASMR Ambience

By Miracle Forest 

told my friend 'my day was ok!! they're all blending together' and then downed a random pill my mom takes which turned out to be anxiety meds and two pills of melatonin. now what

HOT SINGLES DOOMED BY THE NARRATIVE IN YOUR AREA!!!!!!!!! CLICK NOW!!!

experiments in digital watercolor~