IM LOSING IT - Blog Posts

• personally, it’s past my deadline •

Pleaseeee tell mee its not just me who has realised this BUT OH MY DAYS the amount of new music that has come out this year and new changes like noah kahan, the crane wives the new singer of linkin park, ALEX WARREN and hozier like i am getting feed this year with music

Im loving all this mew music and they are bangers as well

THE NEW SINGER FOR LINKIN PARK ohhhh my dayssssss her voice is just the best i cant evennn like i do not know how i havent listened to her before. Like genuinely go listen her voice is amazing i need it injected into my veins

Cool Girl

Ghoap x female reader / 18+ / masterlist

Your hand is shaking again.

It’s a defense mechanism or something, you think. Some physical manifestation of your anxiety. Something psychological, you’re sure of it.

It’s the only thing you’re sure of, if you’re being honest.

You stalk home as fast as you can, scowl affixed to your face like it’s been cemented there, seeping deep into your frown lines, etching them like a chisel on marble.

The walk sobers you. Brings you back to rational sense, little by little.

You shouldn’t have called them. You’re so dumb. You’re asking for trouble.

But is it so bad, to want to cause an emotional reaction? To want them to be as miserable as you?

It’s pathetic. A way to seek validation. A mistake.

One you’re sure you’re going to pay for.

Your front door is unlocked.

The door pushes open nearly on its own, and your eyes struggle to adjust in the pitch black of your hallway. No light from the street spills from the living room, which means the drapes have been drawn closed.

Your heart leaps into your ears, pounding between your temples at a frenzied pace.

It’s fine. You’re fine. It’s probably them.

What if it’s not? Do you have a weapon? A way to defend yourself? You find your pepper spray in your bag, readying it between trembling fingers.

“Hello?” You call.

Nothing.

“Hello… if you’re in my flat, you better-“ a firm hand grips back of your neck, like a viper assaulting its prey, and you scream.

“It’s me.” Simon murmurs into your hair, touching over your pulse. “Jus’ me.”

“You scared the shit out of me,” you twist out of his grip, fumbling for the lights.

When they flick on, you blink a few times to adjust.

He’s a sight for sore eyes in joggers, a black sweatshirt, black hat.

His eyes burn. They scald you, roving from top to toe, his mouth sealed in a scowl. “Have a nice night, sweetheart?”

You gulp. “I- I did.”

“Thought you were clever with that phone call?”

“I… I didn’t think-“

“You didn’t.” He cuts you off, and then points to living room. “Go sit on the couch.” Your hand trembles against your chest, and you hang your head.

Got the attention you wanted?

“Where’s Johnny?” You whisper as he takes the seat next to you, massive shoulders turning so he can peer downwards.

“Decided this was better to handle on my own.” Your heart squeezes painfully in your chest.

“Oh.” Simon takes a deep breath, eyeing your shaking hand, and then shakes his head. You can’t read it, can’t ever read him, and you wait with breath frozen in your lungs, wait for him to say something, anything.

But what comes next, is not what you expected.

“Johnny’s in love with you.” You jerk back, eyebrows raised into your hairline.

“No.” Your voice trembles. “No, this… this is casual.”

“It is.” Simon’s lips press flat. “The girl at the hotel, she was a job. Had nothin’ to do with our… personal lives. She was a loose end to tie up when we got back. It was convenient, that she lived in our city.” Your mind tumbles and falls, your sense dives off a cliff.

Johnny’s in love with you.

“I don’t understand… you, after-“

“I let you believe it.” He says simply, looking down his nose at you. He’s never looked so cold. “At first, I wanted to explain, to correct it, for his sake, but… the opportunity was too good. So I told Johnny that you reminded me of our arrangement. That you agreed, that you always said you didn’t want a relationship. The situation at the bar with your date,” he smiles self indulgently “that was just for fun. Would’ve fucked ya right up against that door for the whole bar to see if you let us. Split that pretty pussy open on my cock and watch you gag on Johnny’s, but you still wanted to be a brat,” he rolls his eyes, “it was all a distraction I built for him.”

Alarm bells blare inside your skull, Johnny’s words from the other day when he brought the flowers repeating over and over.

“Ye think ye saw us with another woman, or on a date, but-“

“Ye agreed. Ye always said ye didnae want a relationship.”

“No- no. He… he came here, he made it sound-“

Simon studies you. “He’s explosive, sometimes. Doesn’t handle his emotions well, gets all twisted up. I think when he came over here, he wanted you to tell him you wanted more,” he sighs, rubs his chin. “He’s so out of sorts over it all, poor boy.”

“Why? Why didn’t you… why didn’t you tell him the truth? Or me?” His lips curl into a sneer.

“Because Johnny is mine. I might share his body with you, sweet girl, but I won’t share his heart.”

grrrr I’m making a species sheet for Hollows but I’m impatient so here’s a female and a male hollow

Have fun guessing which is which lol :]

Ever just watch a gut wrenching anime and go to the next season to find the characters are all goofy silly guys now but BAM hit in the gut cry time

for you guys to understand how actually obsessed i'm with writing i just woke up from a dream where enid was an insane person at a psychiatric ward and wednesday was her psychiatrist (???)

I think he feels sigma, guys

Just want to post my art projects from this years that I'm most proud of-ish, and I'm burnt out from this week, and finals haven't even started yet.

This was an abstract piece that I made based off the Theme of Laura because yeah. Ngl, it's giving more TV Girl (the red lines are pink irl my lighting just sucks ass, and I'm too lazy to find better lighting).

This was my gridded drawing from the beginning of third quarter. I'm surprised I came out of this drawing alive after the million years I spent on it.

Lastly, my final. Because I wanted the option with the most creative freedom (and the easiest), I did another collage. This collage, once again, is about the Crane Wives, but I made it about their song The Moon Will Sing because I can.

So, basically I'm a copycat because everyone is making mutated Sam aus, but I accidentally made him look like if SCP-682 and Barney the Dinosaur had an unholy baby. I think I failed in the whole eldritch horror department because I meant for him to look more fucked up, but he turned out kinda cute in my opinion. Cute in the way that I want to put him in a jar and observe him like a bug, I mean.

Rate my fit for school tomorrow 1-10🥶

I'M NOT READY TO GE BACK TO SCHOOL😭

In my rizzless dreams,

I see that GYATT...

Skibidi Toilet.

I ACTUALLY NEED A LOBOTOMY GUYSS

i hate being alive, because i simply dont feel pasionate about anything, i dont have a dream job or goal i wanne reach, i dont see myself in a relationship, i was never in love, i dont have any close relationships in general. Im just there.

and it fucking sucks.

Okay so I was on c.ai and

yo leonidussy dap me up homeboy

I was gonna draw smth for this but I'm lowkey burnt out from my awesome swag daily drawing streak 😓

I'm too short for a fist bump or anything that is considered a dap chat. Mb dawg you have to sit down a lil for me to reach🙏🙏