My Beautiful Man - Blog Posts

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The power of emotional attachment - My Beautiful Man

This is going to be long, buckle up.

This might be a hard pill to swallow but hardly any lasting relationship can be entirely healthy.

Call it what you want but unexplainable attachment, shared past/trauma is what works to keep people together when rationality fails (and emotions aren't rational). Sometimes you stay together just because you're used to being around each other. Familiarity is comfort.

Sure, Hira is touched when Kiyoi steps in while he gets bullied but the unexplainable attachment is his attraction. Hira hated going to school since day 1. He stuttered like he dreaded on the first day of school & was ready to get bullied. Kiyoi walks in late with carefree strides & draws attention away from Hira much to his relief. He looked like everything Hira was not. Popular, confident.... Attractive. For the first time Hira is helplessly attracted to someone. Watching Kiyoi was an incentive to go to school. This helps Hira endure the bullying. Since he had decided Kiyoi is unattainable, loving him felt safe. There was distance, no fear of rejection, no shattered expectations. Hira subconsciously associates Kiyoi with his will to wake up & continue going to school, continue living daily life when he had no one to come home to.

Initially Kiyoi is weary of Hira's intentions. Hira gives off an impression of a weirdo, a sore loser, a stalker. Kiyoi softens gradually as Hira keeps his secret safe. For the first time someone wants nothing from him. Hira loving him from a distance seems so selfless that Kiyoi can't help but find it cute. So he subconsciously associates Hira with unconditional love & admiration. Kiyoi wanted to be a celebrity for the exact same reason - to witness the adoration he saw in Hira's eyes. Something he had in his own eyes for those on TV.

As time passes, Kiyoi sees the downside. Hira likes his imaginary version of King Kiyoi & not the attention starved Kiyoi. He is indeed a fanatic & his religion/God is Kiyoi the mere mortal. Kiyoi is torn between attachment & his need for acceptance at this point. He's heartbroken that Hira refuses to see through him. After all the drama that happens, these scenes are a turning point.

This is Kiyoi finally communicating his needs for once. He admits that he wants to melt into Hira's embrace only if Hira will NOT act like a devotee but as his boyfriend. Yes, Hira is selfish. He wants to feel safe so he decided it was goodbye after Kiyoi kissed him & said see you again. He chose to ignore the endearing tone of stalker. It's obvious even without context that Kiyoi meant "Yes you're gross & annoying. But I love putting up with you, Idk why. So please stay around me."

These Hira scenes with Hira as top are especially meaningful. It not only shatters the stereotype of the ruder character with heavier built topping, but also shows the true essence of the characters. (This is has nothing to do with who is more dominant/ submissive in the relationship!!) Kiyoi wanted to feel loved, cared for & pampered. And Hira wanted to do exactly that. To give Kiyoi the attention he craved for.

Hira pins Kiyoi down. It's like he's bringing him down from the pedestal he put him on. Hira is letting himself express his desires. As for Kiyoi, he's finally feeling safe being vulnerable with the one he yearned for. The ending is symbolic of a new beginning. It's 2 people choosing to put aside their perceptions of each other & start looking at the other as an equal. Look at each other beyond appearance & image.

This is Kiyoi accepting Hira. Notice how he never talked to Hira in public in the past? They barely talked even if they were together in isolation back in high school.

But now, he's clingy IN PUBLIC. It's Kiyoi saying "Yes Hira you are extremely gross to the point I question why I love you. But I love you regardless & I am willing to accept even your most disgusting form."

Hira can come across as a creepy stalker to others but he's Kiyoi's beloved stalker.