Tf2 Posting - Blog Posts

Last request, and pls dont feel obligated to do all of these i just like spamming ya: Medic listening to scout ramble while medic is performing surgery on him?

[It's alr! I love writing stories for you! I'm always interested in your ideas and requests so ask away!💀✨️]

Not so fast surgery

◇ TF2 Medic and Scout [platonic]

◇ mentions of gore and blood

Scout walked down the hall, heading straight for the Medic's lab. Today was the day that every mercenary passed their check ups. Sure enough, Scout sat down on the table when Medic entered.

"Ah! Zhere you are! You seem to be ready"

"Ya bet doc! I assure you, this will be quick"

"Yes yes, you said it last time"

"Hey! It wasn't my fault! I didn't know that i had metal pipe as my hip instead of a bone!"

"Ja ja. I'm sureeee you didn't. Just sit still for me please"

When Medic started examining him, Scout obviously didn't listen. He kicked his legs, moved left and right, turned around and was easily distracted by everything. Later, Scout lay flat on the table and talked as Medic gently pressed on his chest.

" ...-and this i when I told himm, 'nu-uh I won't do that' and he's like 'whaaaa' and I- ow!!"

Medic, noticing Scout's reaction, pressed the same spot again.

"Hey! Watch it doc! It hurts!"

"It does?" Medic asked. "Well this isn't suppose to hurt"

Medic put his medigun over Scout.

"You know the drill. It won't hurt that much"

"Ah come on doc- I'm fine, really!" Scout stood up. "See I'm fine-"

At that moment, the Medic pushed him in that place and placed him on the operating table again.

"OW! Owww!"

"Scout don't play games with me. Stay down, or I will knock you out."

"Fineeeeee. Do your worst Doc."

Medic took a bone saw and stabbed Scout in the chest, cutting him open. Scout screamed in pain, but quickly stopped and lay down while Medgun healed him. They stayed quiet for a while before Scout broke the silence.

"So. You wanna hear a funny story of how i died and all?" Scout asked.

"Yea sure. I'd like to know what did you saw on the other side" Medic replied.

"Yeaaa. That wasn't creepy at alllll. Anyway, so you remember when we were attacked by the robots? One of them got lucky shoot in my side and I was dying. Like ughhhh i felt weak and all. This is when naked Sniper and Spy walked in. Spy was speechless for a moment, he probably couldn't believe I took out so many robots by myself and I bet he was 100% jealous. Anyway, I remember he was saying something but eh, i forgot what it was. And then! This is when something unexpected happened. Tom Jones himself showed up and he confirmed he is MY FATHER! Can you believe that?!"

"No, not really" Medic replied.

"But it's true! And he said he's proud of me and all! Amazing, so cool. After this everything went dark and I woke up in bright cloudy heaven! Soo cool!"

"At least you're going up" Medic mumbled.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing. You were saying that it was cloudy?"

"Oh yea! Full of clouds! I meet the big guy up there and he said I was a gift to the women! Ha! I knew it! So anyway I think they were doing some popcorn because I heard a crunch or something, later I don't remember, but I heard him saying a date or something- I don't know. But anyway, this is when I woke up and Spy was sooo pissed while Sniper smiled. But the best part is what I'm about to tell you, because.... it's... heartbreaking to me"

Scout took a deep breath, and Medic rased his eyebrow.

"Oh reallyyy? Vell go on zhen"

"So after we came back an all, I went to Tuefort where there was a free trip to Tom Jones house! When I saw this I was like 'F#CK YEA I'M COMIN'!'. It took a while but I finally got there, and this is when I found out that Tom Jones...was....dead..."

"Oh. That must have been quite a- shock"

"A big one, because I realized that since he was dead...and while I was dying....and there was only Sniper and Spy ...that means..."

"You finally found out? Vell that's good! I found out after I took the blood sample and tested it, this is when I found out that your father is-"

"Tome Jones showed up to me not in person, but as a ghost!" Scout replied with big smile on his face"

"I- was?-"

"It makes sense now! Since Spy and Sniper were together that means when Tom was dead, he came to me to confront me before he disappeared!"

"Oh yes yes, your father disappears a LOT" Medic joked while Scout was still rambling about it.

Soon Medic caught something that was causing Scout so much pain, he took it out and it was-

"Coo"

"Archimedes?" Medic said while holding his dove, covered in blood.

"What the- I had a bird in my chest?! Again?!"

"It looks like it. Archimedes. What did I told you. You can't do that."

"Coo coo" Archimedes replied.

"Do not sure such faul language on me! That's it, you're going to stay in your cage till the end of the procedure"

Medic put Archimedes in cage which was made out of metal and was shaped like a real rib cage.

"Brids" he shruged his shoulders and help Socut with his wound.

"It will take some time to, you can continue making noise. I won't mind anyway. While you talk, it makes me believe that you are alive "

Scout happly shook his head.

"Alright, I don't want to tell ya another longggg boring sotry so let's make this more fun! Alright so patient said to Doctor: I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.

And Doctor replied: Next time, take off the candles."

Scout giggled at his joke. Medic smirked and continued to heal his patient.

"Or this or this! Why did the doctor laugh at the X-ray? Because it was humerus." Scout laughed even harder, meanwhile Medic chuckled on his joke.

"I also have a joke. You go to a doctor for a complete checkup. You haven't been feeling well and you want to find out if you are ill. After the checkup, the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

'I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time' the doctor says."

"Oh. Uhhh- How long have I got" Scout asks.

“10…” Medic started.

"10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" he asks desperately.

“10..…9..…...8.....…7…....6...."

Scout widen his eyes as he stood up.

Medic started to laugh as hard as it was possible after seeing Scout's frightened face.

"Woo hohoho! You should have seen your face!"

"'Haha. Funny.... Whatever"

"Oh don't be like that. At least your chest is healed. Next time watch out for Archimedes, he is still stubborn to get inside your chest, again. No matter how."

"Uhhh, alright. Thanks doc!"

Scout walked out of the office, while Medic was cleaning his hands off of blood. It went surprisingly good, Medic had fun with Scout and he promised to himself that next time he'll tell him more doctor/patient jokes.

[Hope ya enjoyed it! Thank you for amazing ideas mein freund! Have a nice day/night!]

open your eyes

I think I'm gonna get back into posting here but it's probably going to be a lot of tf2 related stuff, so apologies to everyone who did not follow me for that.

i feel like the tf2 fandom doesn't appreciate the comedic value of ENGINEER driving a PICKUP because how is he getting in there? it seems pretty low to the ground in his meet the team video but it's also being weighed down by a ton of stuff. additionally, it's ok sometimes to disregard canon for the bit

consider: a man who kills people for money too short to step normally into his truck so he has to climb into it