Curate, connect, and discover
Summary: Izuku takes Kacchan up on his advice and takes a swan dive off the roof.
Warnings: References to suicide, if that’s triggering I wouldn’t read :)
Izuku stood above his own grave with a strange sense of apathy. It wasn’t to say he didn’t care that he was dead…it was the opposite in all honesty. It was his own fault. He took Katsuki’s advice. All Might left him there. What else was he supposed to do when presented the opportunity? That was how he ended up wandering the graveyard he had been buried in.
He felt a strong sense of guilt now, but the relief of responsibilities and ageing was incomparable to anything in his life. But so was the lack of drive. He had nothing to fight for anymore. Most of all, he missed his mother.
He saw her having to confirm that the body someone had reported was his own, seeing his bloody and mangled form contorted into all sorts of angles that they weren’t supposed to be. He only wished to hold her one last time, to apologise for everything he had put her through but she could finally live in peace, without being harrassed by anyone everytime they walked out of the house together. The stares and whispers would stop now that she didn’t have a child with red targets masking as shoes tugging on her hand. Most of all she could be friends with the Bakugou's again. He wasn’t putting pressure on her to stay away for his own sake. He had seen Mitsuki visit her at the scene and afterwards, comforting his mothers gut wrenching sobs in a way that he now couldn’t.
He was startled out of his reminiscing by the crunch of gravel beneath someone's feet, causing him to glance up. It was Kacchan.
In his hand was a bouquet, an array of lotus flowers, lavender and roses. It was a strange amalgamation and was expecting his ex best friend to walk straight past his grave and continue further into the cemetery. But he didn’t. He sat directly in front of Izuku and started speaking.
“I’m sorry I didn’t go to your funeral…my mom was there I know, I just…I couldn’t bring myself to see what happened. What I caused. I know it’s too late now to fix anything, but for what it’s worth…I miss you Izuku.”
It felt as though he was talking to the void. Izuku wanted to hold him and forgive him and scream at him all at the same time.
“I fucked up so badly. I was so insecure I pushed it all onto you. You were the only one of those extras who actually cared. I should never have abandoned you. And now this is all my fault. I’m so sorry Izuku…”
As much as the ghost wanted tears to gather in his eyes, they wouldn’t. The familiar burning sensation behind his eyes came but the blurring of his eyes as a film of tears should cover them never did. He missed crying. He and his mother were connected through the famous ‘Midoriya tears’ as Auntie Mitsuki used to joke. But now that was dead and gone, along with him.
“Izuku. It feels strange to call you that now. I called you Deku for so long. God I’m so sorry Izu, if I had realised sooner…if I had done things differently maybe you’d still be here. You could get all the support items you could want…we could’ve been a team, pro heroes together…like we always dreamed when we were kids.”
It was gut wrenching to see the once arrogant and strong willed person that Katsuki once was pour his heart out. His emotions were normally concealed under indifference and agitation, it was unnerving to see him so vulnerable, so open. Izuku did the only thing he knew how to do. He attempted to wrap his arms around him in a cold embrace.
“It’s okay Kacchan. It was my own fault. Don’t blame yourself…I would never have been able to become a hero, go on with your life. Forget about the useless Deku who held you back. Be the best hero you can be for the both of us.”
Bakugou seemed to shiver slightly at the touch and glance up, straight through him, closing his eyes and letting the tears fall was strange. The old Katsuki would never allow such weakness to show.
“It’s getting cold so I should probably head off soon, my therapist said that sitting at your grave and talking to you might help me. It feels like you’re actually here, Zuku. I know it’s probably my mind playing tricks on me, but please, if you’re there…I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve to be a hero for what I did to you. I wish there was a way to take it all back, to make everything right again. You were always my Zuku, you were the only person in that shitty middle school who would’ve given a shit about me if my quirk wasn’t powerful, and I became one of them. I- I should’ve seen what was happening. I’m so sorry Izu.”
“Kacchan…I AM here, I need you to see me and hear me! I forgive you! It was my choice, a stupid one and I regret it! I want to be back with you! We could be heroes together. I’m so sorry I was the one who left…”
The burning sensation was mack and if he squeezed his eyes shut tightly enough he could imagine rivers of tears that would never come falling. He tearlessly sobbed for what could have been and what he lost and now what was found, even if it was too late.
“It feels like your arms are around me right now, god, I wish they actually were, you were always cold though, you and your scrawny ass was always cold…I remember when we were kids I’d always give you my scarf when it was cold. I miss you so much Zuku.”
“I am hugging you! I’m here! I miss you too! I’m so sorry.”
“I should get going…More training for UA…I’ve practically lived at the gym since…Ya know. I love you Izuku, I’ll be back to visit soon I promise.”
Izuku smiled softly, patting the spiky hair and giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I love you Kacchan. I’ll be here waiting for you.” The smile turned bitter as he watched his best friend walk away from him, the only thing he left was the flowers that sat atop his grave. “Be a good hero for me.”