I Have Two Small Ones:

This can be perfectly explained by the hc that he was also a contortionist on top of being a trapeze artist when he was in the circus.

Dick probably just considers this to be a maybe slightly exaggerated version of a jumping splits.

im rereading tom king’s mister miracle and there’s this action group shot

then i notice

what’re u doin bud

why didn’t gandalf just carry the ring to mordor himself with these tongs

don’t!!! try!!! so!!! hard!!! if!!! you’re!!! feeling!!! kind!!! of!!! nothing!!! don’t!!! try!!! so!!! hard!!!

don’t!!! fake!!!! your!!!! interests!!!! to!!!! make!!!! someone!!!! like!!!!! you!!!!

@prokopetz Someone reposted this on one of those tik toks with the fake usernames.

Concept: a superhero whose civilian identity is five different people. Not like they’re a hive mind or they can duplicate themselves or anything – they’re just a group of five people who all have different powers but coincidentally wear roughly the same size costume, who’ve decided to team up and share the same heroic persona. As far as both the general public and the broader super-powered community know, they’re a single incredibly hard-working super with a bewildering variety of seemingly unrelated powers, except they only have access to any given power some of the time owing to complex criteria they refuse to adequately explain.

(Thus far they’ve been very careful to ensure that their heroic persona is never provably in two places at once, though honestly it’s only a matter of time; there’s some argument among the group whether to deal with that eventuality by coming clean, or by claiming that bilocation is also one of their powers.)

sirius + regulus black, glaring at each other from across the table:

sirius: never have i ever hidden under the invisibly cloak when i heard footsteps coming up the stairs, leaving my partner with his dick out

regulus: *smirks, and takes a sip of vodka* never have i fucked on peter’s bed

sirius: *takes a large sip of vodka* never have i ever been caught fucking by mcgonagall

regulus: *inhales the vodka* never have i ever used the marauders map to scout out a new place to fuck

sirius: *takes two gulps of vodka* never have i ever skipped quidditch practice to fuck

regulus: *drinks half the bottle* never have i ever used my wand to-

peter: *grabs the bottle* that’s enough from you two

peter: also, my bed?? really?

remus + james: *dying*

I love Knox, and I think I want to be him because he’s allowed to be very smart for a joke like once an episode without being expected to be that smart all the time

Don't claim you like himbos unless you stan Knox from Some Assembly Required

Regulus’ is so damn funny

Marauders fake tweets, priv accounts

(Minus Evan and Bartys cause theres a limit)

Don’t just leave this in the tags.

Also considering Jason grew up poor what if:

Jason: You know, I didn’t even know that shirts without blood stains or bullet holes existed until I was like seven, lol.

Tim, *horrified in grew up rich*: HUH?!

Jason: Hey I saw this shirt in a thrift shop and thought you'd like it.

Tim: There are bullet holes in it.

Jason: It's Gotham, just be grateful I got the bloodstains out.

My personal and somewhat flawed lists of the batfams ages from oldest to youngest are:

1. The (mostly) relative to each other list:

Alfred: either an old human or an at least 200 year old immortal fae creature with the appearance of an old British human butler

Bruce took Dick in when he’d been Batman for 3 years, so: 3 + (age Bruce became Batman) - (age Dick became an orphan) = X years older than Dick

Babs: Dick’s age + 1

Dick: Babs’ age - 1

Jason: Dick’s age - 5 (when Bruce adopted him J was 12 or 13 and Dick was 17 or 18)

Cass: Tim’s age + 1 or 2 (at least 2 months older than Steph)

Steph: Tim’s age + 1

Tim: old enough to remember the night Dick became an orphan, so was like 2 at the time

Duke: Tim’s age or a year younger

Damian: somewhere between 10 and 14, at most 15 or so

2. The (mostly) with actual numbers list (current ages):

Alfred: either a 67+ year old human or a 200+ year old immortal fae creature with the appearance of an old British human butler

Bruce: at least 45, at most 54 probably 47, 48 or 49

Babs: at least 26, at most 31, probably 28 or 29

Dick: at least 25, at most 30, probably 27 or 28

Jason: at least 20, at most 25, probably 23

Cass: at least 18, at most 24, probably 22

Steph: at least 18, at most 23, probably 21

Tim: at least 17, at most 21, probably 20

Duke: at least 16, at most 21, probably 19

Damian: at least 10, at most 15, probably 12 or 13

3. The one far too long sentence explanation:

Alfred is old enough to have raised Bruce after his parents died, Bruce is old enough to have taken in Dick during his third year of being Batman, Dick was not quite ten years old yet when Bruce took him in, Babs is a year older than Dick, Jason was adopted when he was like 12 or 13, which was after Dick stopped being Robin at the age of 17 or 18, Tim is old enough to remember being at the circus when Dick’s parents died, Dick was still Robin when a nine year old Tim had started following him around on patrol, Jason died at 15, Tim started training to become Robin a few months later, after noticing how violent Bruce had become and contacting Dick didn’t work, Tim trained to be Robin for a year before he became Robin at 13 or 14, Steph met Tim while they were in costume as Spoiler and Robin and she was 16 as of not too long after that, Cass is a year older than Steph, Damian is old enough to remember meeting Jason when they were both in The League Of Assassins at the same time, when Tim was 17, Talia dropped off a 10 year old Damian in Gotham, Bruce got stuck in the time stream for a year a few months later, Duke became Signal when he was 16, Bruce also became his foster dad around that time, Tim is somehow still 17 when Damian turns 14.

4. Honorable mentions list:

Roy Harper: Dick’s age - 1, at least 24, at most 29, probably 27

Lian Harper: somewhere between 17 to 21 years younger than Roy, at least 3, at absolute most 12, probably 5 to 8, most likely 7 or so

Cal-El/Clark Kent: old enough to have a child that’s just turned 21

Kon-El/Konner Kent (spelling his human name as Konner with a K just makes more sense to me and the alliteration is nice, okay?): The aforementioned 21 year old, because this makes him roughly the same age as Tim and of legal drinking age

Bernard Dowd: also roughly Tim’s age

Jon-El/Jonathan Kent (Clark’s son, who’s alive, why are there so many people named Jonathan Kent???): Damian’s age

Jor-El/Jordan Kent (Jon’s twin brother who I’m not sure even exists outside the arrowverse and one fic I’ve read): him and Jon are both the same age as Damian

Trying to figure out a reasonable age difference for the Robins is like the worst math word problem except you measure the answer with your heart