The Secret To Life Is Always Having Something To Look Forward To

Being mysterious doesn’t exist in the real life world if you think you’re mysterious and aloof you probably just come off as disinterested and an asshole

i found the perfect display for my 100,000+ year old shrimp fossil

when the lyrics you've been mishearing are more clever than what's actually in the song

when i die ill go to heaven and the real gun emoji will be there waiting for me

went to a discussion led by elliot page earlier today and there were many good things said but at one point the other presenter asked him "what's a cool thing about yourself that has nothing to do with being trans?" and he said "uhh this is all I've got going for me" and then paused before adding "if anyone has three oranges, I can juggle"

One thing I like to do to derail unproductive social whining is to loudly announce that my butt hurts. This is a tactic I primarily employ at family functions but is also delightful while in close proximity to people being mean to retail and service workers

fungal Bruno Mars I'd help food waste degrade for u

evil bruno mars i’d throw a grenade at you