Aftercare

to you it’s perverted gross sex. to me it’s being creative, working through traumas and baggage, healing my inner child, playing, practicing intense vulnerability, finding even more ways to fall in love with my partner, finding more ways to fall in love with myself, learning confidence & how to ask for what i want, care work, emotional release, relaxing, community building, theater, dance, writing, problem solving, therapy, radical honestly, and so much more. and also it’s gross perverted sex.

Setting the boundaries and rules is very important

The energy flow of kink can help motivate things beyond your sex lives.

Often times the first step on the path of developing a BDSM practice is the seemingly simple yet often very complicated step of accepting parts of yourself that you are unsure about because of social conditioning leading you to think less of yourself by accepting them. There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting to allow someone else to control certain parts of your life. There are healthy ways to do that and there are unhealthy ways to do that. An appropriate and mindful BDSM practice is about developing the healthy ways while learning about the unhealthy ways that might rise up as obstructions to your success. 

🌀🌀🌀you must obey

do you really want it?

One of the most common pitfalls I see in D/s dynamics, especially for submissives, is the tendency to focus too heavily on personal wants that don’t simultaneously benefit their Dominant. Don’t get me wrong, we all have individual desires in life-like that must-have book or a killer pair of shoes. But within the context of a D/s relationship, the essence of submission lies in prioritizing what pleases the Dominant.

True fulfillment for a submissive often comes from serving, fulfilling their Dominant’s wants and needs, and finding joy in the act of giving. When our focus shifts too far toward personal whims, it can disrupt the balance that makes a dynamic thrive.

Interestingly, I’ve noticed that many Dominants fall into the trap of over-prioritizing their submissive’s desires. They become overly focused on ensuring the submissive’s happiness, sometimes at the expense of their own. While this might seem like the ultimate expression of care, it can unintentionally lead to a dynamic where submission begins to fade. Why? Because submission, at its core, thrives on structure, leadership, and the natural flow of power—not on a Dominant constantly catering to the submissive’s every whim.

The key here is balance. A healthy D/s relationship is built on mutual compatibility and shared goals. Finding a partner who aligns with you fully. Not just in terms of D/s style but also in life goals, sexual compatibility, and long-term vision. This is crucial. When the foundation is strong, there’s less friction between the Dom and subs wants and needs, because they naturally align.

When a submissive’s wants already resonate with the Dominant’s, and vice versa, the dynamic becomes less about one person serving the other in an uneven way and more about mutual growth and fulfillment. That’s the beauty of finding someone who checks as many of your boxes as possible. It ensures that both partners are uplifted and fulfilled without compromising the power exchange that makes the dynamic so unique.

Ultimately, success in a D/s relationship comes from understanding this delicate balance and nurturing it. When both partners are on the same page, the connection deepens, the submission thrives, and the Dominant leads with confidence. And isn’t that what we’re all striving for?

Objectification, Degredation, Ownership and Praise - A Guide

Objectification -> You are a hole to fuck

Degradation -> Your holes are worthless and filthy

Ownership -> Your holes belong to me

Praise -> Your holes feel so good

Objectification and praise -> You are such a good fuck toy

Objectification and Degradation -> You are a worthless fuck hole

Objectification and ownership -> You are my personal fuck toy

Degradation and ownership -> You are mine to destroy. I will ruin you.

Degradation and praise -> You are such a pretty little cum slut

Ownership and praise -> You are my favorite- I love owning you

Objectification, Degradation and Praise -> You are the best little cum hole

Objectification, Degradation, praise and Ownership -> You are my favorite cum filled hole to fuck.

Reblog with your favorite combination or add your own!

https://www.ted.com/talks/emily_nagoski_how_couples_can_sustain_a_strong_sexual_connection_for_a_lifetime?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare