Mr. Shark

“Peter is a child.” Tony hisses into the phone. He’s keeping one eye on the kid from where he is standing, not hiding just standing, around the corner.

“He’s normally a child Tony, what’s your point?” Rhodey asks, Tony can hear him yawning over the line.

“Yes, he’s normally like 14 though not 4.” Tony is definitely not screeching in distress. “Normally he is my height, not this tiny thing.”

“What?” Rhodey asks, and he sounds more awake now.

“I don’t know, Friday says it’s Peter, but he’s like 2.” Tony peeks out to see Peter trying to pull himself onto the couch, he gets a wave and a gap-toothed grin.

“I thought he was 4.” Rhodey points out, and it sounds like he’s laughing at Tony.

“I don’t know what age he is, he’s small Rhodey. I need help, please come help me with the spider kid.” He pleads, waving back at Peter. Peter starts to toddle towards him.

“I’ll be there tomorrow morning.” Rhodey grumbles, and the dial tone sounds in his ear. Tony’s eyes are wide with fear when Peter bumps into his leg.

“Tomorrow morning?” His voice is little more than a squeak.

“That is what he said boss.” Friday replies, she sounds smug.

“Okay, hi Peter.” Tony greets crouching down next to the kid. “I’m Tony Stark.” He holds out his hand to the little guy.

“Hi!” Peter shouts, grabbing onto his hands. “I like your bobots.” He holds out his arms in the normal kid gesture for pick me up, and Tony does, hefting the kid onto his hip.

“Really, which of my robots is your favorite?” He asks, bouncing a little. Peter squeals excitedly.

“I like the nice wall lady, and the dumb rolly robot, but my favorite is suit lady.” He informs Tony, nodding excitedly. “She’s nice.” Tony laughs.

“She is, isn’t she? You know I think you are her favorite human too.” He pokes Peter’s nose for emphasis. Peter giggles, grabbing onto his glasses with one hand, and yanking them off his face. “Ow.” Tony winces, and the glasses snap in half, apparently the little spider still has some super strength.

“Oh no.” His eye’s go wide and glossy and he looks up at Tony. “Please no mad. I didn’t mean to Mr. Shark.” Tony is trying very hard not to look like he wants to cry. “Please don’t leave.” Peter sniffles.

“I’m not leaving Peter, I’m right here. The glasses are dumb anyways.” He takes what’s left of them from Peter and drops them in the garbage. “See all gone.”

“No gone. I broke the boat and you were gone, no leaving now.” Peter insists, clutching at Tony’s shirt. Tony drops onto the couch, he needs to look put together for the kid, but his heart feels like it’s breaking in his chest. He gave Peter abandonment issues. He was trying to break the cycle, and he failed. Gesturing with his left arm for Dum-E to come over, he tries to soothe the kid.

“I’m so sorry Peter. I shouldn’t have left you then, and I won’t leave you now. I promise.” He pats Peter’s pack in an attempt to be comforting. Dum-E rolls over, blanket clutched in his claw.

“Pinky promise?” Peter asks, holding up his pinky.

“Pinky promise.” Tony links his pinky with Peter’s just as Dum-E drops a blanket onto both of their heads. “Thanks Dum-E.” Tony grumbles, it makes Peter giggle so Tony will consider it a success.

“You’re not mad?” Peter asks.

“Nah those glasses were dumb anyways. I’m much prettier without them.” Tony informs him. Peter reaches out, grubby fingers poking at Tony’s cheeks.

“Your eye is dark under. Aunt May says it’s a bag but that doesn’t make any sense.” Peter informs him. “You put things in bags.” He informs Tony.

“I do not have bags under my eyes.” Tony insists. Peter looks as unconvinced as a four-year-old can. “I get a healthy amount of sleep.”

“Mr. Shark, you don’t sleep, ever.” Peter points out, and Tony doesn’t really have an argument, and he doesn’t really want to correct Peter’s pronunciation of Stark, so it’s time to change the topic.

“Friday, how long until Rhodey gets here?” He asks.

“Based on his flight plan, he should arrive at the building in approximately 10 hours.” Friday replies. Tony tries not to look absolutely horrified.

“I’m going to die.” He whispers, Peter pats his cheek comfortingly.

“Don’t worry Mr. Shark, I protect you.” Peter assures him, it’s the cutest thing Tony has ever seen and he’s going to wrap this kid in bubble wrap and never let him outside into the dangerous world ever again.

the umbrella academy as john mulaney quotes

Luther: “I have hair on my shoulders now. I don’t even have a joke for that, that’s how much I hate that shit.”

Diego: “Who’s that? Who are you? Whats that? What’s that over there? Don’t do that!”

Allison: “Get the fuck out of here with your technicalities. Just ’cause you’re accurate does not mean you’re interesting.”

Klaus: “I started when I was 13 years old because I stole 2 cigarettes from my older sister and I hid them in a shoebox under my bed with a copy of Cosmopolitan magazine.”

Number Five: “One black coffee”

Ben: “Just too anxious for a lot of things, I get nervous all the time, not even about like major life things, just about like everyday situations.”

Vanya: “My friend was telling me that his dad used to beat him with a belt and that’s just the setup to my story, so… forget about that poor son of a bitch”

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ace-with-anxiety

8 years ago

Feeling heard alleviates tangled emotions for me. I often don’t need an action taken, just to feel heard, so that I can move on from the feeling.

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.

Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?

And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run

But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually

Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.

Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

Anyone else relate to these ace moods?

1) thinking you just have really high standards

2) thinking you have a very specific type which you haven’t found yet

3) thinking other people are joking

4) not realizing the song was about sex

5) thinking movies and tv are over dramatizing it

6) thinking movie and tv is accurate but like how???

7) not knowing which one it is

8) wondering when you’ll turn out to be gay

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

I drew Todd from Bojack Horseman because asexual representation is SO important and him coming out to Bojack made me cry!

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ace-with-anxiety

6 years ago

The worst trick a childhood anxiety disorder pulls is, you spend your early years being applauded for being so much more mature than your peers, because you aren’t disruptive, you don’t want any kind of attention, you don’t express yourself, you keep yourself to yourself - this makes you a pleasure to have in class, etc etc - and you start to believe it’s virtue. But you’re actually way behind your peers in normal social development, and who knows if you can ever catch up.

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ace-with-anxiety

8 years ago

She was becoming herself… casting aside the fictitious self which she assumed like a garment to appear before the world.

Kate Chopin (via infj-misc)

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