The Umbrella Academy As John Mulaney Quotes

a junior who was taking the psat today ditched the idea of pulling the fire alrm to get out of testing and instead hacked into the school’s alarm system to set it off exactly when the English section was scheduled to start

THIS KID WAS SLICK ENOUGH TO HACK INTO AN ALARM SYSTEM BECAUSE HE WASN’T PREPARED FOR THE PSAT

and there you have it

that’s the summary of the American education system

“If you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You’re doing things you’ve never done before, and more importantly, you’re Doing Something.”

—  Neil Gaiman (via quotebook-in)

The things they don’t teach you in school

Victor refusing to make the Monster a wife because he was worried they’d breed is such a cop out. Like, you’re cobbling together body parts from charnel houses. You can just not give her any ovaries. You can just spay her like a cat. Why are you this dumb Victor. You’re a doctor.

so apparently it was pepperony week and no one told me??? i did these silly doodles right after seeing homecoming, inspired by the film’s ending + a goofy convo with a friend :’)))

The signs as PSAT 2016 things

Aries: rich entitled grandma Taurus: stubborn girl with a camera who stalks photographer Gemini: Acknowledge The Subway Voice Actors Cancer: *dolphin pop noise* RISING CORTISOL LEVELS Leo: dominant sponges Virgo: t a l e n t over m o n e y Libra: angle DAB Scorpio: cameron’s unappreciated artwork Sagittarius: fake artisans smh Capricorn: You Cannot Use A Calculator For The English Portion Of The Test Aquarius: S T I C K M A N Pisces: underpaid journalist

Hey. Do you need a hug?

Maybe you’re having a stressful day. Maybe you just need a deep breath. Maybe you just didn’t realize how stressed you are. It’s okay! You deserve love and warmth in your life.

Are you comforted by words? 

Here’s an Emergency Compliment

Here are some kind words you can personalize with your name 

Here are 15 more emergency compliments 

Here is a Self Esteem Boosting Confidence Machine 

take a moment - video 

believe in yourself - video 

Inspiration from Jacksepticeye - PMA 

encouragement from Mr. Rogers - video 

you are ENOUGH - video 

Do you need to hear some pleasant ambient sounds?

How about rain sounds you can customize? 

You can listen to a cafe here  

or how about a crackling fireplace?  

ASMR? Stimming? 

Soap cutting ASMR - video 

more soap ASMR - video 

a 4 hour ASMR video to help with sleep 

ASMR face and scalp massage - video

ASMR slime - video 

the most satisfying video in the world 

more satisfying videos 

Lora Zombie speed painting - video 

Agnes Cecile speed painting - video  

the fastest workers in the world - video 

how candy canes are made - video 

Mr. Rogers shows how crayons are made - video 

How about a game or activity distraction?

Play 2048 here 

A whole website of free games!  

play chess against a computer 

Here are some coloring pages you can do online!  

Play Flow online here 

here’s a game where you stretch a giraffe’s little neck to give kisses 

Learn about the history of life on earth with PBS Eons 

Do you need something soothing?

Control the pattern of rain here! (flashing colors warning)

try doing nothing for two minutes 

Vent to a stranger online for FREE!  

weavesilk, where you can create a soothing pattern 

have you ever been to the nicest place on the internet? 

watch Bob Ross bring joy to painting - playlist 

How about a laugh?

Vines you can show your grandparents 

History of the entire world, I guess  

History of Japan 

Rhett and Link caption fails 

Thomas Sanders Vines 

The Demented Cartoon Movie (warning for flashing colors) 

The ASDF movie 1-11 

The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon by Richard Gale  (warnings for some bruises and some violence)

Rhett and Link VS Hank Green - SHUT UP AND DANCE 

It’s going to be okay. Today may be the worst day of your life - but tomorrow won’t be. Life is a series of ups and downs, and that means there’s going to be good and bad. Drink some water, let yourself cry if you need to, and get a good night’s sleep. You’ll feel better in the morning. 

This is scary. Why the fuck can’t Trump get over his dumbass wall idea?? People can’t pay their bills rn bc of him #growtfupTrump

Let me explain the food stamps issue.

Today, all people on SNAP got their FEBRUARY benefit early. If you get January benefits you should still get them on your regular benefit day, provided it’s before (I believe) the 27th. (I may be wrong on that)

But yes, January and February benefits have been given out.

There will be no March benefit. Unless the shutdown ends and the 2019 budget is passed and the budget contains funding for SNAP.

The SNAP program has run out of money. There is no money for food stamps because the budget was not passed. In his tantrum over the Wall, Trump is starving us.

If you know somebody on Food Stamps, and you have some extra money, consider passing it their way. But also be prepared to help in March, and April and so on, if the shutdown doesn’t end, or if the budget does not contain SNAP funding.

Don’t let us starve to death.

That’s what careless words do. They make people love you a little less.

Arundhati Roy (via infj-misc)

You are a supervillain with the power of giving life. You wish to conquer the world. Only two problems - a superhero who always manages to stop your plans, and the fact that they have power of death.

Then it’s hard to find what to do with that rolling energy.