Chai Tea Bag + Lil But Of Brown Sugar + Apple Cider Packet + 16 Oz. Mug Of Hot But Not Quite Boiling

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Top-Tier Villain Motivations

They will be safe. It doesn't matter who else or what else burns as long as They will be safe.

I will be safe. The hunger and the cold will never touch me again.

Fuck any bitch who's prettier(/cooler/better-liked/better at making dumplings) than me.

Yes, Master

Love me. Love me. Love me. Love me. LOVE ME!

I know the terrible things these so-called "heroes" will do if I don't stop them (<- is absolutely wrong)

I don't want a better future, I want a better past!

No other way to get performance art funded these days

this website’s easy watch. *dangles a bunch of greek gods like keys*

Some time ago i came to the conclusion that Xeno and that evil cockatoo from Rio (i think his name was Nigel or something like that) are literally the same being. Like, they even kind of look similar to me. Please tell me i'm not crazy

NO I SEE IT DMSHMDMSDMAMDBSMBD

What does Tim say when people ask about his spleen?

Damian: I am updating my blackmail records. Tell me what happened to your spleen in its full hilarity.

Tim: I donated it to a sickly orphan.

Damian: You win this round.

———————

Tim: I have to be careful, I lost my spleen.

Carrie: How?

Tim: Aliens.

———————

Tim: I'm zero percent spleen and fifty-nine percent pizza sauce.

Helena: Zero percent spleen?

Tim: Yep. On the bright side, they named a disease after me.

———————

Luke: I've designed nanotech vitals trackers to be implanted on our spleens.

Tim: Oh, no thanks. I don't have one.

Luke: You don't have a spleen?

Tim: It wasn't paying rent so I evicted it. Lazy freeloader.

———————

Barbara: Why does your chart say you're missing a spleen?

Tim: I made a deal with the devil but I had a discount code so instead of my soul I just needed to sell a non-essential organ.

———————

Steph: What happened to your spleen? Are you okay?

Tim: I'm fine. It's taking an extended gap year.

———————

Harper: So... can I ask about your spleen?

Tim: Yeah, don't worry. I was part of a failed science experiment.

Cullen: What'd they do?

Tim: They injected me with a serum that was supposed to make me indestructible. But instead all I got were a spleen removal and chronic insomnia. And a free T-shirt.

Cullen:

Harper:

Cullen: Was it a nice shirt?

———————

Dick: What do you mean you don't have a spleen?!?

Tim: It was confiscated by airport security.

———————

Tim: Happy Pride! My spleen finally came out of the closet. And by closet I mean my body.

Kate: Diversity win.

———————

Tim and Jason: *arguing*

Jason: At least I still have my spleen!

Tim: It's genetic!

Jason: Sucks to be you.

Tim: We have the same dad. It could happen to you too.

Jason, scoffing: Whatever.

Jason, internally: Oh shit, he's right. I need to see Leslie.

———————

Tim and Bette: *sparring*

Bette: *hits Tim*

Tim: Ow. Time out. That was my spleenhole.

Bette: ...How?

Tim: It took a trip to the Titanic in a soup can with a Playstation controller.

———————

Duke: Since when did you have that scar?

Tim: Since losing my spleen last year.

Duke: How do you lose a spleen?

Tim: You forget to cherish it.

———————

Cass: ?

Tim: I digested it.

———————

Selina: You know I have to tell Bruce about this.

Tim: Okay, fine.

Tim: I had to get it removed as a kid after falling into a well of bats.

———————

Bruce: Tell me what happened to your spleen so Alfred and Leslie can give you the proper treatment.

Tim: What do you mean?

Bruce: Everyone's been telling me you don't have it.

Tim: Well, I do, so...

Bruce: Alright, I'll have a talk with them about bad taste pranks.

———————

Alfred: You can't keep the truth from me, Master Tim.

Tim: Assassins stole it.

Alfred: I wasn't born yesterday. Now what really happened?

Tim: ...

Posting on here feels like when you impulsively text a friend, but they don't reply right away, so now you're overthinking everithing and debating wether deleting the text is better but before you can they see it.

Or you just forget you ever sent anything and go on with your life untill your friend asks why the fuck you texted them about how 'Voldemort would look if he had a runny nose since he doesn't have one. Like would snot just be running down his face?' at 3 am.

What if Danny Fenton and Billy Batson become fast friends. Danny is annoyed at cultists trying to send "brides" to the Ghost King. Billy is weirded out when adults try to flirt with Captain Marvel. Danny hits upon the idea that they should be each other's beards. If the Ghost King and the Champion of Magic are very publicly dating, that should keep unwanted suitors off their backs, right?

Of course they are both absolute Chaos Gremlins about it.

Cultist: We offer you this sacrifice, oh great king!

Danny: One moment please *whips out fenton phone* Hey honey, guess what? Some idiots are trying to tempt me away from you again. You got my coordinates?

Billy: *Kool Aid man entrance* Who dares?!

Cultists: Run awaaaaay!

***********

Captain Marvel takes a hit while fighting a villain. Phantom out of nowhere with a steel chair!

Danny: Nobody hurts my schnookums!

Everyone: ???

************

Captain Marvel brings Phantom to the next JL potluck as his plus one, with Danny in full creepy ghost mode.

Billy: Oh yes, we've been on again, off again for the last thousand years or so. We have our differences, but nobody gets me quite like he does! *exaggarated dreamy sigh*

Hal: That's nice...

Meanwhile Danny is shoving an entire burger in his mouth, displaying multiple rows of sharp teeth.

Danny: Man, I love the 21st century! Food sure has changed a lot since I died. And the technology!

Ollie: Oh? When did you die?

Danny: *glares* It's incredibly rude to ask a ghost about their death

Nearby Leaguers are edging away, nervous about being on the menu next.

Flash: Hotdogs! Who wants hotdogs?!

Danny: Oh, me! As long as they don't fight back

Everyone: wtf is going on here

There really is no feeling quite like discovering a new song that fits your blorbo to a T. Best I can do to convey it is something like

Merthur's first meeting in a nutshell:

Merlin: be a buddy, not a bully bro

Arthur: I AM NOT YOUR BRO now get down on your knees for me~