Once I Gave My Ex A Foot Job In A Crowded Mall #tmituesdays

wanna be called puppy in mundane situations, “thank you puppy” when i do you a favor, “pretty puppy” when i show off my outfit, “c’mere puppy” when asking to cuddle

Call me a blunt the way I should be passed around by a bunch of alternative women

dragging my mutt into a bathroom stall because he hasn’t been able to keep his paws to himself while we’re in public. roughly jerking him off because its clear what he’s been begging for, teasing in a low voice. what, gonna clench and make a mess on my fingers? gonna whine so loud i have to cover your mouth and push your head back into the stall door so no one hears us? you better hope that biting your own hand is enough to stifle your whimpers when i kneel on this grimy tile to suck you off.

I feel bad that some of yall assume Reddit is just for republican neckbeards. it is currently fucking plastered in leftist posts, making fun of trump and musk, calling out trump for basically admitting to election fraud and musk for the fucking salute, people literally openly saying they wish these assholes would die. Some subreddits with broad other purposes have been largely converted into leftist communities. Believing tumblr is the only existing bastion of leftists or whatever WILL make you bitter and miserable lol

god is a woman and she cracked my beer open with her belt buckle at the lesbian bar

i know most people following me dont care about the weather, but i really need to share this because im genuinely gonna throw the fuck up dying of laughter over whoever runs this national weather service account on twitter fighting for their lives

I'm glad that people are still having fun on tumblr even after we found out about the frightening ghoul that reblogs posts but doesn't say anything

actually getting pregnant? no. bad. awful. I do NOT want that!!

having them grunt in your ear how they're going to knock you the fuck up like the worthless breeding bitch you are while they pound you into the mattress before cumming deep inside of you? YES. YESYESYESYESYESYES. LITERALLY NOTHING BETTER. YESSSSS. THE BEST. YES PLEASE!!!