It Should Be Illegal To Take A Nap And Still Have A Headache When You Wake Up. Like No I Shut It Off

I tap the mic. “Most people don’t want to crawl down your chimney and steal your dog.”

the crowd murmurs uncertainly.

“If someone wants to steal your dog,” I continue, “there are easier ways to do that. They don’t have to crawl into a chimney.”

Murmuring intensifies. People stand in their seats and begin to boo.

“People disguising themselves as chimney sweepers and stealing dogs is not a rational fear,” I shout. “Literally anyone could steal your dog. Why make sweeping chimneys illegal?”

“I have a list of chimney sweeps who stole dogs from parks!” Someone yells, throwing a shoe.

“You seriously think no chimney sweepers could possibly ever steal from a home?” Another cries.

“Only a dog thief would even want to crawl into a chimney to begin with!” Says a third.

A single tear rolls down my cheek. They are all so fucking stupid

This is a metaphor

i love them so much

i wish they were here

this is so sad

raaaagghhh i miss them sm

weird and off-putting but endearingly so

i would let you devour me if you just asked

for the first time in forever (reprise) from the frozen soundtrack

@slicedquartz @gerard2parenthesesreal /nf dw lolz

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

Put your fucking knight on a leash it keeps trying to duel mine

They aren't wrong

anyone wanna take me out back and shoot me like an old dog