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⢠An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
⢠A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.
⢠A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
⢠An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
⢠Two quotation marks walk into a ābar.ā
⢠A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
⢠Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
⢠A question mark walks into a bar?
⢠A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
⢠Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."
⢠A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
⢠A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
⢠Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
⢠A synonym strolls into a tavern.
⢠At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
⢠A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
⢠Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
⢠A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
⢠An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
⢠The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
⢠A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
⢠The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
⢠A dyslexic walks into a bra.
⢠A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
⢠A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
⢠A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.
⢠A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony
- Jill Thomas Doyle
I can't not share this!
Okay, this one made me laugh, every thing about it š¤£
idea: scene with two characters eagerly stripping each other clearly about to bone, but they keep getting interrupted by finding carefully concealed weapons in each otherās clothing, so they keep just unholstering, revealing and unstrapping increasingly ludicrous amounts of hidden guns and knives as the clothes come off, and itās lowkey killing the mood a little
A lot of this stuff are things I already do, but I'd forgotten about the 401k, so thank you for the reminder.š
Bras last longer if you let them air dry. Donāt put them in the dryer.
If you have a problem with frizzy hair, donāt dry your hair with a towel. It makes the frizzies worse. (I recently read an article that said to use a t-shirt? I brush mine out and let it air dry.)
Whites wash best in hot water. Everything else can be in cold - save on your electricity bill.
You can kill 99.9% of germs in a sponge by putting it in the dishwasher for a cycle or by microwaving it for 2 min (be sure to make the sponge damp before microwaving and to put a cup half full of water in with it and please DO NOT squeeze the sponge until it has cooled off)
Airing out your room/house and letting sunlight in every so often can decrease the number of household pests like silverfish and ants.
Black underwear is best during your period as stains are less likely to be visible.
To save money, put aside 10% of each paycheck into a savings account. Itāll add up.
Unless your hair has something on/in it (like grease or mud or something), using conditioner first can actually be the better choice. The conditioner holds in the good oils that help you hair look sleek and beautiful, which shampoo would otherwise wash away.
Speaking of shampoo - if you have long hair, washing just the bits that touch your scalp is generally enough. The rest of your hair gets cleaned with just the run off from your scalp.
If you put a tampon in and itās uncomfortable/you can feel it, you didnāt do it quite right. A properly placed tampon is virtually unnoticeable by the wearer.
Apply deodorant/antiperspirant a couple hours in advance of when you need it. This gives the product the chance to block your sweat glands. Using deodorant just before going somewhere where youāll sweat (this means walking outside for people in high humidity places) results in your sweat washing the deodorant off and starkly limiting its usefulness.
After running the dryer, use the dryer sheet from that load to brush out the lint catch - it gets everything off in a fraction of the time itāll take you to get it clean with your bare hands. Paper towels also work well.
Wash your face everyday, or as often as possible. Forget which brand of cleanser is best. Just washing your face everyday will guarantee you clearer skin. And do you best not to pop pimples, as tempting as the urge may be.
Fold laundry asap after taking it from the dryer to avoid wrinkles. This may seem obvious for dress shirts and silly for things like t-shirts, but youāll notice the difference even then once your shirts stop looking like unfolded paper balls.
I have done this before š¤£š¤£
People with shit eyesight whenever they're around other people with shit eyesight start passing around their glasses like it's a blunt rotation just to see how blind everyone else is.
This is AMAZING!!!
It just kills me when writers create franchises where like 95% of the speaking roles are male, then get morally offended that all of the popular ships are gay. Itās like, what did they expect?
As a Pisces myself this makes me very happy as Kisame and Konan are two of my favorite characters.
Pisces: Tenten Kisame Konan Yahiko
Capricorn Pisces Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo Libra Scorpio Sagittarius Aquarius
Louder for everyone who needs to hear!!
Source
āImage Credit: Carol Rossetti
When Brazilian graphic designer Carol RossettiĀ began posting colorful illustrations of women and their stories toĀ Facebook, she had no idea how popular they would become.Ā
Thousands of shares throughout the world later, the appeal of Rosettiās work is clear. Much like the street art phenomenonĀ Stop Telling Women To Smile, Rossettiās empowering images are the kind you want to post on every street corner, as both a reminder and affirmation of womenās bodily autonomy.Ā
āIt has always bothered me, the worldās attempts to control womenās bodies, behavior and identities,ā Rossetti toldĀ MicĀ via email. āItās a kind of oppression so deeply entangled in our culture that most people donāt even see itās there, and how cruel it can be.ā
Rossettiās illustrations touch upon an impressive range of intersectional topics, including LGBTQ identity, body image, ageism, racism, sexism and ableism.Ā Some characters are based on the experiences of friends or her own life, while others draw inspiration from the stories many women have shared across the Internet.Ā
āI see those situations I portray every day,ā she wrote. āI lived some of them myself.ā
Despite quickly garnering thousands of enthusiastic comments and shares on Facebook, the project started as something personal ā so personal, in fact, that Rossetti is still figuring out what to call it. For now, the images reside in albums simply titled āWOMEN in english!ā or āMujeres en espaƱol!ā which is fitting: Rossettiās illustrations encompass a vast set of experiences that together create a powerful picture of both womenās identity and oppression.
One of the most interesting aspects of the project is the way it has struck such a global chord.Ā Rossetti originally wrote the text of the illustrations in Portuguese, and then worked with an Australian woman to translate them to English. A group of Israeli feminists also took it upon themselves to create versions of the illustrations inĀ Hebrew. Now, more people have reached out to Rossetti through Facebook and offered to translate her work into even more languages. Next on the docket? Spanish, Russian, German and Lithuanian.
Itās an inspiring show of global solidarity, but the message of Rossettiās art is clear in any language.Ā Above all, her images celebrate being true to oneself, respecting others and questioning what society tells us is acceptable or beautiful.
āI canāt change the world by myself,ā Rossetti said. āBut Iād love to know that my work made people review their privileges and be more open to understanding and respecting one another.āā
From the site:Ā All images courtesy Carol Rossetti and used with permission.Ā You can find more illustrations, as well as more languages, on herĀ Facebook page.
Absolutely good to know!
www.hermitagemuseum.org
britishmuseum.org
www.louvre.fr
www.museodelprado.es
collections.vam.ac.uk
www.moma.org
www.khm.at
www.digitalsculpture.org
www.tnm.jp
artsandculture.google.com
collections.lacma.org
collections.rom.on.ca
Always! Always, always!!!!!
Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696
Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433
LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255
Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743
Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438
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Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453
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Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk
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b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk
b-eat youthline (for under 25ās with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)
Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600
Drinkline: 0800 9178282
Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk
Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight
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Norway: 47-815-33-300
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Russia: 8-20-222-82-10
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Switzerland: 143
Taiwan: 0800-788-995
Thailand: 02-249-9977
Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800
Ukraine: 0487-327715
(Source)
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