My Grandma Used To Recite The Saying "is It Better To Have Loved And Lost Or To Have Never Loved At All?"

my grandma used to recite the saying "is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?" and every time my answer would be that i would have rather not loved at all.

she would smile then, and say "then you did not love". i didn't understand what she meant. of course i had loved. i had a broken heart, didn't i? i had the scar to prove it, the inability to eat. i had loved and wished i hadn't. i loved, i thought.

and then i met you, and i fell in love and then i lost you and now i understand because i would feel this pain over and over again just to love you for five extra minutes. i would fix my heart and hand it back to you without hesitation. "look! it's all better now! you can try again" i would tell you, i would cry it out hysterically while waving my taped heart in the air. i would love you a million times knowing i would lose you and i would not care as long as i got to do it. i have loved. i have loved so completely.

mae // what a bittersweet thing to understand.

More Posts from Aj-capral and Others

1 year ago

Odasaku's last words were exactly what Dazai needed to hear. And were the ONLY thing that could have freed him from the Mafia and, set him on the path to the light

Odasaku's Last Words Were Exactly What Dazai Needed To Hear. And Were The ONLY Thing That Could Have

“You should know this yourself. No matter whether you’re on the side of killing people or saving people, there will never be anything that can surpass your mind. There is no place in this world that can fill your loneliness. You will linger in the darkness forever.”

I've seen lots of people complain that Oda is being too cruel here, that he is destroying Dazai's hope that he could be better. BUT ITS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE! The next paragraph in the light novel shows exactly why.

At this moment, Dazai realised for the first time.

Odasaku understood him far beyond what Dazai had ever thought. He had already reached close to his heart, the place near the centre of his heart. Before this, Dazai had never noticed there was someone who understood him so well.

For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted to know something from the depths of his heart. Hence, he brings up the question to the person before him.

“Odasaku… I… What should I do?”

Dazai truly believes deep down, that he is fundamentally broken; that he is not a human being, he is terrified of any hope that he might be able to find a reason too live because everything he wants is lost to him the moment he attains it.

If Oda had said "Dazai, you can be a good person if you try" or "Your human just like everyone else" Dazai would not have accepted it, he might have tried for Oda's sake, but he would not have seen how deep Oda's understanding of him was and thus would not have asked him that crucial question:

“Odasaku… I… What should I do?”

It's because Oda understands that Dazai cannot except his humanity that he can set Dazai on the right path. He does not tell Dazai that he will find a reason to live if he saves people, because Dazai would never believe that. instead he tells him that it will be a little more beautiful, which Dazai can hold onto and follow, and hopefully find that reason to live himself, without Oda telling where it can be found.

“Since both sides are the same, become a good person. Save the weak, protect orphans. Regardless of whether it’s justice or evil, to you, there isn’t a big difference between the two… But, doing that would be better.”

“How do you know that?”

“I know, I know this better than anyone else.”

Dazai looked at Odasaku’s eyes.

Odasaku’s eyes were filled with conviction. The words were clearly said with some sort of strong basis. was it past experience? Or perhaps someone’s suggestion? —He was trying to show Dazai the path he once walked. Dazai understood this.

Dazai could trust it.

“I understand… I’ll do that.”

Oda understood Dazai, deeply and truly, better then anyone else ever has and maybe ever will. His description of Dazai shows that perfectly:

"He's sharp witted with a mind like a steel trap. And he's just a child━a sobbing child abandoned in the darkness of a world far emptier than the one we're seeing."

He saw him for both the genius he is and the child he pretends not to be, and was the only person to ever reach both half's of Dazai's soul, he was his friend, simply and truly. The only one he ever had.

2 years ago
aj-capral - 光
aj-capral - 光
5 years ago

it’s because she IS his destiny

christian would fall in love with satine one million times if he could; he would choose her again and again. even after everything that happens. he would relive everything and again. satine is his destiny and in every world, in ever retelling of their story, destiny will unfold the way it is meant to. there is no other way his life was meant to be; he arrived in paris when he did and things unfolded like such because it was predestined her would fall in love with her.

he would fall in love with her, hold her, kiss her, protect her, cry over her, scream for her & fight for her in every iteration of this world. everything is worth it to him; all the love and the pain and the good times and the bed times. when she’s gone he appreciates every moment he had with her, in the depths of his sorrow, he still smiles when he thinks of her.

christian will never fall in love with anyone ever again.

because he loves satine. there is no one else for him.

she is his destiny, even if destiny was unkind to them.

1 year ago
Did YOU KNOW I Cant Draw Cats
Did YOU KNOW I Cant Draw Cats

did YOU KNOW i cant draw cats

2 years ago

y/n: HELP! I TOLD WILLIAM I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Michael, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

5 years ago
Reblog This For Suicide Prevention.

Reblog this for suicide prevention.

1 year ago

kingdom hearts is like, people suffer a lot and oh hey look Mickey Mouse is here

4 years ago
I Wonder How This Event Went Down But I Hope It Was Dramatic And Gay

I wonder how this event went down but I hope it was dramatic and gay

1 year ago

I'm almost 100% sure this is how the agency will stop Fukuchi getting One Order

Aya seemed to recognise the flash of One Order. Why? One Order was made during the war and never used, so there’s no way she’s seen it before. But there is one blinding flash that she would have seen, and that she could never forget

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order
I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

AND GUESS WHO IS RIGHT THERE ON THE BATTLE FIELD!

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

I think Kunikida swapped out One Order for a fake containing a flash bang, Tanizaki is also there and could have used light snow to make them invisible while Fukuzawa distracted Fukuchi. And Fukuchi couldn't stop this by cutting the past, since he would have no way to know where they were at any given moment

But how could they have done it? They are on deaths door, well as Kunikida says here...

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

I thought it was weird that Yosano hasn’t shown up in the airport so far, she is way to central to the ADA to be left out of what seems to be building to the final conflict, this would be a great way to bring her in and call back to Kunikida saving Aya. The ADA is strongest together, and the biggest mistake Fukuchi (someone who does not have a great track record with subordinates) makes is forgetting that.

I thought for ages that Ranpo’s plan with Poes book was incredibly dumb, it was way to straight forward and he had shown Fukuchi what the books could do beforehand. But if it was just to make Fukuchi think he had thwarted him and let his guard down then it makes perfect sense!

I'm Almost 100% Sure This Is How The Agency Will Stop Fukuchi Getting One Order

I also think that Fukuzawa trying to convince Fukuchi to kill him and spare the others was not part of the plan, he feels responsible for everything that happened to the agency, and feels like Fukuchi only targeted them to get revenge on him.

So I still think there is a good chance of him potentially dying

Overall I'm really confident about the flashbang thing, since otherwise Aya's line makes no sense. but the rest also fits very well! They could use Annes room to escape afterward and Fukuchi would have no way to follow them, Ranpo is not stupid enough to leave room for error in such an important moment.

IM SO EXCITED TO SEE HOW THIS ENDS

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aj-capral - 光

shitpost mostly • gaming • and some other things....The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.

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