Thinking Abt Kms 24/7 Just To Not Be Able To Do It For A Girl I Love

thinking abt kms 24/7 just to not be able to do it for a girl i love

god i wanna kms so badly but i know how much itd hurt her, ik how upset she’d get, how it would crush her world and ruin her life and id do fucking, literally fucking anything for that girl, literally anything, she asks me to not kms, she asks me to stay and its not just her asking me to, she makes me wanna try and fight too, i just, i get so tired and when i get tired i have no energy to fight, i have no energy to push it away or let go of it, i give in, im tired

im so tired, im so ready to give in again and attempt again, i literally just did last monday, i freaked out i had to have her tell me to stop so i didnt actually kms, i wish i wouldve at least sent myself to the hospital from the damage but im not even good enough for that

i cant help but think that my attempts are good enough because i never sent myself to the hospital i always had the power to stop myself but what the fuck does that make me? a fucking big ass pussy, a faker, a fraud

god, just, fucking kill me please im so so tired

More Posts from Aj-capral and Others

1 year ago

The Paris trip of 1961.

The story goes that John had been planing a long holiday with Paul for some time (according to some early notes of the new Beatle bio “in tune”) and when he received a ratter large amount of money from some rich relatives (£100, which at the time was a ratter large amount). With this money they decided to cancel their gigs from the 30th of September till October 15th (which the others did not enjoy much, being that they needed the money.)

“Last night I heard that John and Paul have gone to Paris to play together - in other words, the band has broken up! It sounds mad to me, I don’t believe it…” - Stuart 1961

On September 30th they set of, hitch-hiking from England, originally planning on going all the way to Spain, but eventually upon stopping in Paris and being hit by a sudden laziness, due to the fact that they had been hitch-hiking for days, the pair decided to stop in Paris.

“We’d never been there before. We were a bit tired so we checked into a little hotel for the night, intending to go off hitchhiking the next morning. Of course, it was too nice a bed after having hitched so we said, ‘We’ll stay a little longer,’ then we thought, 'God, Spain is a long way, and we’d have to work to get down there.’ We ended up staying the week in Paris - John was funding it all with his hundred quid.” - Paul on the anthology.

They booked a very cheat hotel, that from the pictures we had seen only had one single bed. During the trip they walked around all of Paris, checking out the artistic scene in Montmartre and even getting themselves a pair of what we today call a “bell bottoms"  (eventually taking them in themselves) and the new beatle cut.

They hitch-hiked back to liverpool and arrived back at around the 15th. 

To this day all the pictures we have are theses:

The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.
The Paris Trip Of 1961.

Also two cute facts are that:

1- According to this post, "That last picture is one Paul took of John sleeping in Paris. From what I remember of a performance he did of ‘Here Today’, and earlier comments, this picture hangs framed on a wall in Paul’s house.”

2- Also the lads not only came back to Paris later on in their life, but in interviews they were many times caught says that they missed Paris. 

2 years ago

You hate when people see you cry because you want to be that strong person. At the same time, though, you hate how nobody notices how torn apart and broken you are.

3 years ago

Voice Actor Albedo voicing Khoi Dao HAGSGSSHAHAHAHAHAH

HKJFSDHFLS PLS MY MIND IS RUNNING RN

HELP NOW ALL I CANN THINK ABT IS ALBEDO USING LOGIC IN GAMES LIKE AMONG US THAT FEATURE THE OTHER VAS, ONLY TO LOSE HIS MARBLES LATER 😭

khoi as a genshin character tho 🥺🥺 hELP HE WOULD BE SO FUNNYFHDKSJ

10 months ago

Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.

2 years ago

y/n: HELP! I TOLD WILLIAM I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK! Michael, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

5 years ago

it’s because she IS his destiny

christian would fall in love with satine one million times if he could; he would choose her again and again. even after everything that happens. he would relive everything and again. satine is his destiny and in every world, in ever retelling of their story, destiny will unfold the way it is meant to. there is no other way his life was meant to be; he arrived in paris when he did and things unfolded like such because it was predestined her would fall in love with her.

he would fall in love with her, hold her, kiss her, protect her, cry over her, scream for her & fight for her in every iteration of this world. everything is worth it to him; all the love and the pain and the good times and the bed times. when she’s gone he appreciates every moment he had with her, in the depths of his sorrow, he still smiles when he thinks of her.

christian will never fall in love with anyone ever again.

because he loves satine. there is no one else for him.

she is his destiny, even if destiny was unkind to them.

1 year ago

if someone says they watch dead apple for the plot, they're lying, because I've never met anyone ever who understood the plot of that movie

1 year ago

The Beatles, 1964:

John- The Smart one

George- The Quiet one

Paul- The Cute one

Ringo- the drummer

The Beatles, 2023

John- The Gay one

George- The Bitchy one

Paul- Lesbian Woman

Ringo- the drummer

10 months ago
“I Was Looked At, But I Wasn’t Seen.”

“I was looked at, but I wasn’t seen.”

-Albert Camus, “The Misunderstanding.”

1 year ago

>*vinyl scratch sound*

>YOU'RE NOW LISTENING TO

>*car crash sound*

>102.3

>*elephant sound*

>MUSIC RPF FM

>*explosion*

>WHERE WE PLAY NOTHIN BUT RPF, RPF, AND MORE RPF

>*glass shattering sound*

>*police siren*

>THIS AIN'T YOUR GAYLOR'S STATION

>*two of us - the beatles starts playing*

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aj-capral - 光

shitpost mostly • gaming • and some other things....The closer you get to the light, the greater your shadow becomes.

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