This Is So Wholesome

I love mangoes your honor

the historical vlad dracula is overrated, his brother radu was awesome

nicknamed ‘the handsome’

died before the age of 40 but compensated by living a full and interesting life that did not consist of fruitless guerrilla warfare interrupted by long boring spells in the slammer

literally the sultan’s favorite boyfriend

you think i’m kidding but i’m not fucking kidding

so his dad who was ruler of wallachia (aka southern romania more or less) sent radu and vlad to the ottoman court as political hostages when they were kids and they grew up there along with the future mehmet the fucking conqueror

you know. the dude who conquered constantinople in 1453, brought an end to the eastern roman empire etc etc

that dude

turns out mehmet had a ridiculous crush on radu

so one day mehmet tried to get handsy and radu thought to himself, what should i do in my precarious position as political prisoner from a small-fry principality on the fringes of the empire when the heir to the ottoman throne is putting the moves on me?

I KNOW I’LL STAB HIM IN THE LEG

so he did. he did that

and then he went and climbed a tree and refused to come down until mehmet got patched up and probably limped over all c’mon baby don’t be like that

like i bet stabbing the sultan got you a one-on-one appointment with the royal executioner. except not for radu because he was that much of a badass

meanwhile vlad was probably planning to LISTEN WHO FUCKING CARES

anyway

so radu eventually of his own volition became mehmet the conqueror’s boyfriend and they went on many exciting adventures together

like the siege of constantinople

where was vlad at the time? being kicked out of his own country because his standard approach to politics was ‘devise new and exciting ways to torture and kill people slowly’. despite what certain history books will have you think he was super unpopular with… everyone basically.

radu was highly educated and spoke multiple languages and was all about turkish and persian literature. also possibly converted to islam though sources tend to contradict eachother on that

by the time radu was 22 mehmet gave him a command and started sending him places

like wallachia to overthrow his brother who was being politically inconvenient

SO MUCH GAME OF THRONES-GRADE BACKSTABBY DRAMA HAPPENED YOU HAVE NO IDEA

also radu married a serbian (or possibly albanian) princess named maria despina and had one daughter

died suddenly in his late 30s, which is code for ‘probably poisoned’

and in conclusion: a genuinely interesting historical figure you don’t hear enough about because his brother was a vampire or something

Hermione: Did you find out anything from Dumbledore?

Harry: Not much—only hints and riddles.

Hermione: Did you ask about your scar hurting?

Harry: We didn’t discuss it.

Hermione: You should have. I am sure it is very important.

Harry: In that case I am sure Dumbledore would have refused to explain it.

Into The Spiderverse took 100% of its critically acclaimed visuals from comic books and street art and while there are obvious in-universe reasons for this it can’t be ignored that BOTH of these are traditionally seen as “lowbrow” populist art forms, here celebrated for their inherent beauty, complexity and sociopolitical importance. In this essay I will-

(ChorpSaway) 8-bit Sanctuary arrangement

one of my favorite lotr facts is that gondorians speak sindarin as a first language and yet when faramir was talking to frodo and sam about cirith ungol he was like “we don’t know what’s in there.” like faramir. cirith ungol is sindarin for “pass of the spider.” do the math

Matryoshka

Psst, hey, hey you, yes you

Everybody who reblogs this before may 25th 2019 will get a little cryptid design based on their blog, url, etc.