Getting Closer To My ‘gray Day’ And I Keep Pretending I’m Ok When Really I’m This Close To Burst

Sirius: Nice hands, Moony.

Remus: Uh...thank you?

Sirius: I bet they'd look better wrapped around my-

James: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN.

sooo my friends have been making plans right in front of me and not including me for a while and they keep talking about it all the time when i’m around and the whole crew is invited except me

so far they planned holidays and movie nights, some in a few days, some in a few weeks

and i know i sound kinda angry or jealous or anything but honestly i just feel worthless and it hurts to see i’m not wanted and it’s just proving me right, i’m not important and they’re better without me

showed up in class with fresh cuts on my throat from the mental breakdown i had yesterday when i skipped class and one of my classmates laughed and said 'lmao did a cat do this?' but like really first degree and i remained silent and she was like 'ok..' and we've been sitting here awkwardly for 15min now

damn this life is getting too good

just lent money to a guy i didn't know and he said he'd get me a drink someday and he'll pay me back :)

(no worries i don't know him but he's friends with my friends so it's safe and he's a good guy)

When they force me to go see a therapist

Therapist: Do you feel different sometimes? I mean different from the others

Me: *stays silent as if I was thinking about an answer*

Me: Don't you think we're all different?

Therapist: 0.0

Therapist: Wtf

me: *randomly telling myself that my crush is no big deal and i'm fine*

crush: *texts me*

me: omg i love him, LOOK AT HIM HE'S SO KIND

Character: What are you doing?

Me: Just thinking about what's gonna happen to you

Character: Tell me

Me: No you'll see later

Character: Fine

Character: *waits a long time*

Character: I DIDN'T WANT TO FALL IN LOVE DELETE THIS

Me: I like it

Character: I DON'T

Me: Ok so what do you want next?

Character: KILL ME, END MY SUFFERING

Me: I think it'll be nice if you have children

Character: DON'T-

Character: *has children*

Character:

Me: Perfect.

Character: Fuck you.

sirius: please let me put eyeliner on you just this once, we can’t go to a punk show if you’re not wearing eyeliner

remus: alright, fine

sirius: *sees remus with eyeliner on*

sirius, choking: holy fuck, i think i might be gay

i told him i was logging off bc he was pissing me off and making it worse

and rn as i was crying i got a text from a friend i made literally three days ago and he said he was sorry for not doing the right thing at the right time and he hopes it's not making me feel too bad and he was feeling guilty about it and couldn't stop thinking about it so he decided to text me to check up on me and i started crying louder bc it's just so sweet of him, especially after what my other 'friend' did

texted a friend to tell him that 1. i was here if he ever needed anyone (bc he told me he had no one to talk to) and that 2. i've been treated unfairly and it's making me upset and his only answer was 'i need you to send me the thing i asked you for bc it's due tomorrow' and i can't believe i'm constantly trying my best for people that just couldn't care less