Things Are Doing Ok But My Heart Feels Heavy And I’m Holding Back Tears But I Have No Idea Why

every time someone seems to kinda appreciate me i get my hopes up and i suddenly start getting my shit together like i text them first and dress well and i make sure i look ok and my behavior is ok and i try to be as kind as possible.. until i realize i'm too kind to them and way too uninteresting for them to like me even a slight bit and when it hits me i have this huge wave of hatred covering me and i want to destroy stuff and i start being distant because i feel betrayed and i start gradually hating them and every time i think about my very existence i just feel so pathetic and i hate myself even more and- anyway this is the story of how no one's ever been interested in

all my characters must be dead by now

but this kind of support feels good 🥺✨

I wish all writers who haven’t been able to write in a long time bc of depression a very I love u and I promise u will write again

whenever i tell my friends i’m never invited to their parties, the only answer i get is ‘oh i never get invited either, you know.. there was just this one time when-’

bitch you’re the one planning the parties and you’re invited to other people’s so just be honest and tell me you don’t like me instead of being such an asshole

me all day every day 

writer culture be like

I JUST HAD THE SECOND WATTPAD MOMENT OF MY LIFE TODAY I CAN DIE IN PEACE

Noooo I'm sorry I accidentally lied

The best day to talk to your crush is whenever you feel ready

It's April 1st y'all

The best day to talk to your crush tbh

Shoot your shot!!

You get a positive answer: congratulations, I'm happy for you :)

You get a negative answer: pretend it was a joke and it's all good, I'm sorry for you but no worries you'll be fine

The Gray Day

I decided that today would be a gray day. It’s not a white day because things are going wrong; but it’s not a black day because I found a way to get better. However, this implies that I hurt someone. I don’t want to, but I’ve been destroyed a little more every day for more than a year. I believe in Love, I really do. But many things went wrong. Maybe it wasn’t real Love and this might explain why it makes me feel this way; or maybe was I too young to be happy with all of this. Whatever the reason is, I decided that I wanted to stop. It’s getting too hard for me. Fortunately, I’m feeling better with myself than I used to, so I haven’t thought about self harm or suicide to end my pain. I think I have to let him go. He doesn’t want to, but we have to. I know myself, and if I stay, I will force myself to do things that hurt me, that make me unhappy, that disgust me, and a few others. I don’t want this to happen, I don’t want to fake smiles or feelings, or make him believe I’m happy with us. Truth is, I was happy in the beginning, when I thought it was forever. But now I’m thinking about the time I still had a choice. Because I feel trapped, I can’t make my own decisions. He tells me to go to bed early and he knows when I don’t, he calls me all the time even though he knows that phones that ring and vibrate are unbearable for me. He has ‘crisis’ when he gets mad and yells at me because I don’t help him. I can’t do anything without receiving lots of messages and calls from him. Together, we stopped cutting ourselves and we got better, but now he’s pulling me down with him while I’m trying to fly. I know that this sounds selfish and I guess I am, but I can’t do this anymore. I wanna be able to do whatever I want without having to justify myself, I want to spend entire days without hearing my phone, I want to meet new people and do what I want with them without having to justify myself, I want to be free. It’s been several hours now since I’ve put my phone on plane mode and I know he’s probably trying to call me, he’s sending me messages, telling me he’s crying and he’s gonna hurt himself. A few hours earlier, I had an idea. I’m gonna write a letter, since we’re all in quarantine, because that’s the only way I can tell him without using a phone. I will write that I can’t do it anymore, that it’s over, and that I need my independence back. I will gather all our things, all our memories, and give them back to him once the quarantine will be over. I’ll delete all our pictures, block him on every social media because I know he won’t leave me alone. And then I’ll tell my ‘best’ (only) friend what happened and we’ll never talk about this again. After all of this; I’ll be able to accept myself as I am, not as I ‘should’ be, and I’ll be there for people that need me, for the ones I lost contact with, and I know I’ve made enough efforts to be able to go talk to people I don’t know, for I’m feeling way stronger than I was. Tonight; I am writing thid on Tumblr but I’m not expecting any reader. I thought I’d just let my mind write this and then I’d post it. If by any chance, someone is reading this, I hope you’re doing okay, and that my text might be a bit useful (pretty sure it’s not tho). I wish you the best.

Sirius: Nice hands, Moony.

Remus: Uh...thank you?

Sirius: I bet they'd look better wrapped around my-

James: BIBLE! WRAPPED AROUND THE BIBLE. PRAISE THE LORD, AMEN.

one of my classmates figured out what i did yesterday and she texted me this morning to know how i was doing and she spent the day giving me supportive looks, not pitiful ones and i'm truly grateful