Me Seeing Anti:

Oh to be his personal fleshlight

since twitter is becoming a hellhole, have this. does this even show up in the tags lmao?

Quick Post

Hey guys. Gonna be calling these little posts quick posts (Q.P.). Idk but my brain feels the need to organize this blog a little.

Recently watched the new season of squid game and like many, very much enjoyed it and a little frustrated at the ending, even your supposed to be. But I’ll save my other thoughts for the Post of the Day.

For now, I wanted to talk about Dae Ho and his character. Absolutely loved, even in his fumble in the ending. SPOILERS FROM HERE.

When he started shaking at the gunshots, I already knew where his character was heading. And I must say as someone with PTSD herself, I completely understand his actions. But am also frustrated with them as well. But it’s what it’s supposed to be like for someone watching in the outside. Until you’re in a situation like that or have been through what he’s been through, then you understand why he froze up in the end but it doesn’t mean you don’t have to be frustrated with it. It’s something I’ve experienced from both the outside and inside, making something like PTSD properly executed and shown to the audience. I’ll go into more detail about it but this little thing about Dae Ho is why I can’t hate him and will be defending him as my full time job now. Loved his character and loved his execution. Great job as always Squid Game.

Also, I’ll be posting my Heart Killers Ep 6 and 7 review on Wednesday since I forgot to do it yesterday and I got A LOT to say. Sorry about the wait guys but thanks for sticking around. Can’t wait to go more in depth and sorry this wasn’t as quick/short as I wanted. Sorry I’m like lowkey sleep deprived writing this. Ok now I’m done. Bye!

well that was one hell of an experience

Thoughts for Today - Ep. 4 of The Heart Killers

Ah yes, the long awaited THK Wednesday has arrived and with it, a new episode. Once again, it delivers a nice a little episode, a more laid back one in comparison to last week’s BDSM scene, FadelStyle NC scene, and so on. I loved the vibes of today’s episode and without further ado, let’s jump right into.

Review:

So I’m still figuring out how I want to format my reviews, just bear with me guys 😭. But anyway, to start off, we finally boyfriend conformation from both sides! I would say congrats if this wasn’t The Heart Killers and we all know how it’s gonna go down. Another praise of the show is I like how messy it’s making everything. It’s clearly showing the audience the messy web that it’s spinning, how everyone is deceiving and lying to one another that makes it feel very so real, unfortunately. It’s miracle how it’s been able to balance campy and uncomfortable realism so well. Like Kant’s character, for example, finds new ways to make me fall in love with him. You understand why he’s doing what he’s doing while also watching him fall deeper in love for Bison that conflicting with his goals. And it makes the audience struggle of which path he should take; if he chooses Bison, he loses his brother and freedom. If he chooses his brother, he loses Bison and what it means to love someone like that. It’s uncomfortable, tense, and I love it.

Same with all the characters. Bison showing more signs he’s not as naive and cutesy as he pretends to be and if that preview for the next episode has anything to say, it’s that were finally going to see more of this cold blooded killer side. We did get to see more of that side today and I like how the show is taking its time with showing that to us. Saw a little bit last week with Bison’s sadistic tendencies in bed and now today with his jealousy and threats to Kant before he switches to his more nicer side. The beginning being hilarious, little side tangent. The little side vigilante mission they went on was also very cute, a close call from Captain, but otherwise a great little scene that helped to deepen their bond. Till they finally made it official as boyfriends. Now, I definitely think Kant likes Bison. Probably more than he should as we can see whenever he’s been genuine through his facial expressions. When he’s apprehensive about something, his face will show it as will whenever he’s being genuine and caring about Bison. Also showing that when he had those flashbacks in the shower. He likes the man and he knows he shouldn’t because now, his goals, his freedom and his brother are at risk. It’s all going to be so awesome to see unravel next week.

The scene between them in the forest, disregarding the kitchen scene and the scenes of him missing Style, were an awesome build up to the scene in the woods. We know very well that he could’ve killed Style anytime he wanted and hell, he’s probably thought about it more than once. That was until he started getting curious about him. Then the infamous self-fun scene in Ep. 2 came out, where his curiosity turned into lust. Then that lust exploding into fruition in last week’s episode where he slept with Style, hoping to get it out of his system when he knew deep down he’d probably want more just as much as Style. The same Style who, show cased as being a playboy and only down for hookups, was legitimately hurt that he was ‘nailed and bailed’ in his words. I like how even though he tries to pass if off, he’s hurt with Fadel treating it like nothing, where now, he’s invested in the man before he was told that he’s an assassin. Before that, he made it clear that he’s cares now about Fadel, wanting to learn more about him and be there with him more, stating these thoughts and emotions in the warehouse in the woods. That scene was so well done. The vulnerability from Fadel, the intent listening from Style. You can see Style a little on edge before Fadel grabs him, then his face and guard falling the more he listens to Fadel rant about his feelings. His face turns from caution to understanding, leaning in to kiss Fadel and confirm his own feelings by saying ‘It’s ok to love.’ (Screamed at this part) And Fadel? Joong never fails to impress. The way he just rants about his feelings, how he hates that Style has made him this way, how he hates that he misses Style. This is first time in the series that I think we get to see that crack in his shell, his mask slipping for a brief second as he lets all this come out and for a second, we see the caring man we was once before his life got in the way and molded him into putting up such high walls. And when Style tells him that, his face soft for the first time ever, he embraces Style not because he has to but because he wants to. There’s no excuse of wanting to let it out or to get Style off his back. He WANTS Style. He WANTS to have him, embrace, to care about him. The NC scene feeling so much more passionate, tender, and real than last week. Both sides giving into each other completely, opening up their walls for each other, even if for a little. I loved it so much, the acting from both sides incredible and the chemistry off the charts that gives KantBison a run for their money.

Overall, had fun with this episode like usual. With the way things are going, the slow buildup to eventual catastrophe soon to come will be great to see, well story wise. The acting was fun per usual and we got to see some great character moments despite the more laidback setup of the episode. Love how the plot is still progressing, my only complaint is that I hope we get to see more Mother and Keen moments as I know they are going to be somewhat responsible for the downfall of our characters. That’s all I had for today, give the episode an 8/10. Thanks for reading this far and hope you great rest of your day/night!

Until next time.

6 years...

...

Quite a glowup

Thoughts for Today - Ep. 1-3 of The Heart Killers (BL)

Hey guys. I know, it’s been a fresh minute since I’ve used this blog, well besides for looking at posts without doing some of my own. Trust, I plan to fix that starting today. Don’t expect super frequent posts as I am still in school (cries in final exams) but I do want to be more active here, especially regarding some works I have cooking that I want to share as well as shows I want to rant about. Which brings us to today’s icebreaker, the recent Heart Killers BL series.

And my thoughts so far? I honestly am in love with this series. Might be one of my favorite off all time so far, and that’s saying something coming from a Kinnporsche glazer, rightfully so that series is also incredible. So I’m going to rant about the episodes so far and some other topics I’ve seen floating around the show. So strap in cause I got quite a few things to saw if you’re interested.

EP. 1 - Great start to the series in my opinion. I loved the character intros and all of them are perfect to showing the audience that these are not good people. Extremely morally grey and paints the way to great character development. Makes them more realistic, as people in real life are often morally grey as well, dirty and complex, just like these characters. Brings an element of realism to an otherwise campy and sometimes goofy show about assassins and deceit. Also yes, have to talk about the KantBison scene. Now, I havent watched too much of their work, only pieces from their shows, but from I could see they had great chemistry and it’s on full display here. Their scene was passionate, raw. Another praise to give to the show is how openly sexual it is and I love it. Also loved the dynamics they’ve at that point, Bison being the dreamer, Fadel the reluctant, older brother who does what he thinks is best, Style an annoying but lovable diva, and Kant, a liar who’s doing it for the greater good of his brother. The tension as well between Fadel and Style, chef’s kiss. Can’t wait to see one of them break. Overall, had a great time with the first episode.

EP. 2 - Have to say, the most campy episode so far. But I’m not complaining, Style of course being the reason for this. I got to say, usually I hate characters like this, the overly annoying ones to smother and don’t respect boundaries, so I’m shocked to find that Style is still as lovable to me as ever. I think it’s because of the added subtext that at first, he’s only really doing this for his best friend and his car. So he’s doing it with the benefit of the reward after. It’s messed up and keeps up with the theme of toxicity in this show. And it’s also hilarious to see Fadel have the patience of a saint and put up with his shenanigans. Hell, even giving him money for his products he ‘dumped.’ The tension between the two is great and got even better during the sauna scene. So many thoughts for that, super hot. It showed Fadel being the most giving to Style since they first met, makes sense since that only happens when the two are alone. He leans into his touch almost, closes his eyes and just lets himself feel Style’s hand on him. At least, till Uncle comes in and ruins it. Style basically being the ‘Ricky, when I catch you Ricky’ to him was hilarious. Till we go to the unconsensual kiss. Now, again, makes sense character wise since Style has been described as shameless in his attempts to pursue someone but I like how the show portrays it as something thats still not right. I love that the show isn’t afraid to delve into heavy subjects like this and still manage to portray them in a bad light without romanticizing them like other BL shows. It fits the tone of the series perfectly and I love it. Especially when we got to the end of the episode of Fadel’s fun time to himself. Hot as well, shame we lost a soldier so early. The post nut clarity hitting him hard afterward also made me chuckle out loud. It’s ok, we’ve all have our rough days. The Kant and Bison stuff was also very sweet, Kant paying off his friend to flirt with Bison to make it more convincing to him is a level of dedication I can’t even hate on. Proud of my toxic boy. Love how they’re still learning to trust each other, more Bison to Kant really, showing that he’s not as naive as some might think. Again, had fun with this episode as well as can’t wait for the next.

EP. 3 - Wow, def need to touch some grass after this episode. Here I thought nothing would top the Fadel fun time scene last episode but here we are. Now, there is a lot to say about this episode as got a good amount of info this time. We got introduced to ‘Mother’ who is actually worse than I expected her to be. It’s clear that she doesn’t give a damn about these boys (at least so far), merely using their ‘love’ as a means of manipulation to have the boys blindly follow her orders and take our her enemies. Reminds me of Tony from Pitbabe just gender bent. Showing the outsider brother, sorry I forgot his name at the moment, clearly being set up as a foil for the assassin brothers and I’m interested to see where they take him. Also, lore drop on Fadel? So boy wasn’t just rightfully paranoid, he lost an ex bf in this line of work and poor boy doesn’t want the same happening for his brother. Makes sense since at the beginning of the episode, he covered for Bison and lied about him seeing someone. Another cute brotherly moment besides from the one later one where he tells Bison he’ll help him get out of this so he can have a normal life. I swear, I love these two so much. And of course, more Style annoying Fadel, my favorite pastime. Jk but Fadel being used to it at this point is hilarious. Also loved how Style went to help Fadel and then proceeding to make the boy nervous when he changed into the uniform in the kitchen. Like Style, if only you knew the true effect you had over this boy. Fadel was practically drooling at the mouth looking away from him to stop getting horny. More cute scenes between Kant and Bison but unfortunate when Kant had to report back to Captain who suggests getting into their home instead. Mission failed successfully? (Iykyk). The club scene with Fadel was amazing, Style is right when he says that he’s handsome to be making like that on the side. But when he started imagining he was in fron of Fadel instead of the woman? They’re literally soulmates your honor, two minds think alike. Interesting though that after Fadel saved him from those three after the club, he’s switches on wanting to sleep with him to actually wanting to know more about him. His suspicions opposite to Kant’s, who wants to date Bison for the reason of staying out jail, to Style, who actually wants to know more about Fadel, what makes him tick and to let his walls down. So makes sense when they finally have sex, he’s not enjoying as much as he would’ve before he changed his goal about him. The whole sex scene actually, while still good, feels underwhelming for those two and it should be. Fadel’s doing it because he claims it’ll get Style off him, which lets be fr, he’s dying for that cookie since that last episode, so he feels this is mandatory and not into it as much as he would be if he actually vulnerable with Style. To which Style picks up on. He looks attentive, not as in the moment as one think he would be because he knows Fadel isn’t doing this because he really likes Style but because he feels like he has to. It’s more interesting than it is erotic and I love how the direction for that scene was. And the punch to Style after? Much deserved cause I did not like that whole grief club scene. Maybe to was to further hit home that Style isn’t a good person or maybe this foreshadowing for something, idk. I’m not a fan and it seems I’m not the only one. However, I can’t say the same for the ending of the show. The BDSM scene. Now the show is filled with triggers, stated that very early on, as early as the trailers so this didn’t surprise me too much. The roofing however, was interesting but makes sense since Kant needs to get more evidence at their house. But when the tables flipped, it catches him off guard. Him clearly hesitant and somewhat scared at first but not saying anything cause he’s far in to give up now. But to him starting to melt into and possibly feeling good was another level of spice I welcomed. I have so much more to say but maybe I’ll save that for after the series is over for a full analysis.

Overall, the series is so much fun and entertaining, the level of tension, incoming angst and storytelling is all wonderfully done and it leads me to being excited for the next coming week and how they’re going to redeem this band of morally grey men. That’s what character development is for. If they started out as goody two shoes then the show would be boring. The element of realism in the toxicity and deceit all these characters have is honestly what’s setting up for some amazing drama to come and it boggles my mind that some people are using that reason to drop the show. The show was very clear that it would go into some heavy subject matter and people hating the show on that are the reason we can’t have nice things. I understand not wanting to watch the show due to some of its triggers but calling the show ‘bad’ because of these reasons is absolutely ridiculous. There are other shows who try to go into this subject matter but don’t have the good writing Heart Killers have to pull it off. Sorry for the rant but had to get it off my chest.

All in all, watch the series if you can handle the heavy subject material as it’s definitely worth the watch. And don’t if you don’t! We all have our preferences but don’t hate something when it isn’t finished yet please. Let’s spread love, not hate. But I think I’ve all I wanted to say. Can’t wait till next week cause the show is getting good.

See you all in the next post, my marvels. Bye!

JSE Community Greet

Preferred name: Yamilla or Milla (whichever is easier)

Preferred pronouns: she/her

When did you start watching JSE?

I remember first coming around the channel around early 2016, before the whole ego craze started with Anti. My friends introduced to him one night and I fell in love with his personality and gameplay style ever since. It only increased when he started the whole Anti thing in October. Had no idea who Anti was 😅

Why did you start watching JSE?

I started watching him because I really enjoyed his personality as he was really fun to watch and listen to when I had a bad day. My friends and I would geek out about the Anti appearances and was overall a lot of fun. But then when I go thigh school, my friend circle fell apart and had no one to talk to about his videos, ego related or not, and I became super busy with school and sports. Stopped watching him for some time but then got back in 2018 during the ego Mayhem. However, in December, I left again due to schedule being too busy. Proud to say I re-entered the community in April of 2022 and dont plan on leaving again any time soon.

What's your favourite things about the channel?

Obviously the ego stuff but also his meme time playlist and the analog horror reactions.

Do you have a fave ego?

Two, actually. Anti is my top for now, don’t judge I’m a sucker for villains, and Jackieboy Man, even though we have no canon content of him😅 But don’t worry I have feeling we’ll be getting some soon. 🙏

What type of community member are you? (lurker/artist/theorist/editor/shitposter/author etc)

Always been a theorist but recently became an editor on Tiktok. Sometimes an occasional writer of a short story, nothing massive. Maybe I should post some on here, idk.

What else do you enjoy?

I enjoy going out with friends, drawing, writing, editing, Marvel, horror movies, movies in general, working out and playing sports, spending time with family, or just relaxation with myself every now and then.

Are you open to nice messages and new friends?

Always. I’m always happy to make new friends and talk to people, especially when it comes to this kind of stuff. So DM’s are always open!

https://at.tumblr.com/archivefullofyoutubers/jse-community-greet/gz0bc1gpn951

Here’s the link to the original post

y'all don't understand how obsessed i am

New Drama Alert - Weak Hero Class 1 (Status: Finished)

Alright chat, let’s have a chat (haha, I’m sorry). So new post series alert. In this post, I’m going to rant about a kdrama all social media talks about when it comes to great dramas; Weak Hero Class 1. Just finished today since I got inspired by Study Group, a new drama I’ll post about later, and damn. Do I have to say, I was not disappointed. Expectations exceeded actually. Was actually bawling my eyes out a little bit ago, still kinda am, and just from that rare occurrence when watching a kdrama, an automatic 10/10 for me. But seriously, I need to rant about this show and its arcs, writing, just everything. So I’m not stop wasting time and yap to help cope with the emotional damage this show left me.

Weak Hero Class 1 Review

1. Introduction - Right from the start, Sieun slamming a book against someone was an amazing start to the series. Great hook, and great misleading character introduction for him. At least, that’s what you think when you first meet him after the intro. But another great this show does is the set up. As this little crash out was just gonna be pay off for the character arc later. And gosh, what genius writing. Also introducing my favorite, Suho, another misleading character intro as we see him sleeping in class and not caring about school. Even though it is using the typical kdrama bully trope, the show finds a way to make it fresh and not feel repetitive in future episodes. Great setup and great introduction again.

2. Writing - Again, let me glaze, but the writing in this show is incredible. One of the best I’ve seen in kdrama so far. This show excels in emotional writing and relationship writing that makes the audience feel attached to these characters while also making each character feel unique with their own personality. Hell, sometimes even the villains get a bit of the spotlight, even if they are just obstacles and setup for future characters. But, another thing I love is how everyone in this show is gray, morally wise. No one here is 100% good nor bad, their home lives and past setting up to make them understandable but not excusable from their actions later on. How it shows and poses questions of what it means to take it too far, how much pain you can take before you say enough and that just because you were hurt doesn’t make it right to dish it out on others, especially your friends. So when our favorite characters does something bad, we of course shout at them no but we understand why they’re doing it. All around, fantastic writing as it takes such a tired out and simple bully concept and finds a way to tell an engaging story about insecurity, pain, and morally questionable themes.

3. Characters - By god, have I never felt so horrible for such a set of characters. Like please, give my boys a break. Especially for Beomseok. And now, I’m going to defend my boy since I’ve been seeing a lot of hate for the character. Now, what he did was inexcusable, terrible. I’m denying that and neither is anyone else in the show. It’s goes back to one of my praises about the show; accountability for its characters. Both from the law and the characters themselves. Beomseok is someone not introduced till episode 2, and we see him as a very shy, quiet kid who keeps to himself. Or at least tries to till the bullies get a hold of him and start pushing the kid around like they did Sieun. But when Suho and Sieun come to his rescue, he still feels hesitant to hang around them, till Suho starts making him feel welcomed and part of the group. Then, they get into some trouble with a gang and Beomseok’s first choice is to just pay the money and get it over with. But his friends say they wanna catch him and lock him up for good, and we see him fighting back against it. Now, the audience may start to see him as a coward and they’re right. I did at this point, even when he goes back on their plan to just give them money, especially if it meant that Suho’s life was at stake. Then, the trio get into trouble, Suho and him get taken, and now they’ve beaten the gang leader and got him thrown in jail along with his associates. Still, Beomseok doesn’t too thrilled about it, and we see why when he gets home to his father who finds out the news and pays the police to keep it under wraps. And, sensitive content, but the little moment of just the punishment his piece of shit father gives him changes everything we know about Beomseok’s character. The complete perspective shift was well done and jarring to saw the least. Now we as an audience understand why he’s the way he is. He’s not a coward, he’s terrified of his father finding out and beating him for trying to make things right. For bringing attention to himself when his father told him to stay low. How he’s practically opposed to making friends or having people know him in fear of his father. So when he goes off the rails, does the bad shit, betrays his friends when he gets a moment of revenge against his bullies from the same people who bullied him, he feels accepted, completely buying into the venom the other bullies spilled about him being Suho’s gofer.

Also wanna talk about people saying ‘All this over Suho not following him on Insta.’ It wasn’t about the Insta following, it was about Beomseok’s insecurity getting the best of him and telling him that Suho was looking down on him and didn’t think he was good enough to follow him back. Remember, Beomseok’s character is all about impressions, how people view him. The first person to ever notice him didn’t bully him and actually treated him like a friend. So when, he doesn’t see that he followed him, but he followed a girl and was paying more attention to her after just barely meeting her, the thoughts in head started to spill lies. I can relate to him in that, but of course, I didn’t nearly kill anyone over this. But Beomseok’s character was a ticking time bomb. The kid was bullied so much that he had to transfer and get therapy for it, starts gettig bullied at his new school about it, then if he tries to ask his father for help, he’ll just get beaten for it. He’s abused everywhere, no wonder the kid went off the rails when given the chance. All the years of abuse, emotional degradation and self-hatred pilling on with no support or outlet, Beomseok finally snapped. Kids like him unfortunately sometimes go down this path as they feel some sense of control and validation through putting down others. He unironically became the people that treated him like shit, that pushed him down his path. His character really is the saying ‘Hurt people hurt people.’ But when he sees Suho not moving, the fog over his brain lifts and he sees through the glass clearly. And the way he breaks, everything crumbling around him was just heartbreaking. At the end of the day, he was a kid who needed proper reassurance, as all of this was due to miscommunication, insecurity and harsh reality.

But another character I wanted to rant about was Sieun and his fantastic character arc. How he went from the quiet boy to total badass was greatly written. It’s first established how smart he is, shown by how he’d rather study than talk to people and how great his grades are. I love this also goes into his personality and what makes him tick, as his parents have never really paid attention to him, not even his academic accomplishments. So he’s like, what’s the point in trying to make friends since no one really cares for me or what I’ve accomplished? Then Suho shows up and throws all that out the window. Suho was the first person in his life to really care for him, regardless of his grades or not. His first ever friend. Someone that stayed even when he tried to push him away. So when Suho nearly dies, his friend who cared for him and fought for him, he breaks. He crashes out and goes to get revenge just Suho would do for him. Taking what he learned from him to strike fear into the bullies and make them pay for they did. Really and truly this time. I love how it shows that while Sieun may not have the fighting skills that Suho does, he’s damn smart enough to make up for it. Using the environment and his smarts to his advantage when it comes to fight was such an ingenious way of making strong without making him a copy of Suho. It made his fighting style unique and in the ending episode, shows how he combined his knowledge with his fighting that gave him the under hand and victory against even an experienced UFC fighter. The arc of him standing up for himself and not being closed off anymore makes him one of the best kdrama characters in the genre. Of course, Suho was amazing as well, acting like a sort of shield and guardian for the others, even apologizing and trying to make Beomseok see reason after what Sieun tells him. That understanding someone and what they’re going through can make a difference. Let’s just pray that he wakes up next season.

4. Acting - Phenomenal. Absolutely brilliant. Brought me to tears, laughter, anger, all the emotions. The 7th episode was enough to make me bawl on its own. Just from the amazing chemistry between and them really getting the audience to be invested in their characters and relationships so when the emotional stuff happens, you feel the distraught emotions they feel as well. They made it feel so real and so fun to watch and I couldn’t be more happy with the cast they’ve presented to use today.

Overall, this show was a fantastic watch. One of the best shows, just in general, that I’ve ever watched. The story and writing make it engaging from the start and find a way to use a simple concept and make it exciting with new obstacles and writing that keep the audience hooked. If not the writing, then the characters themselves are enough to make you feel like part of the gang and cry with them when it all goes to hell. Highly recommend and give this one a try if you have time. But that does it for me, hope enjoyed this longgg ass tangent. Just had to get it off my list since it was so good.

Until next time, bye!