I Always Thought Romantic Love Was The Plague And I Was A Plague Doctor.

i always thought romantic love was the plague and i was a plague doctor.

so here's an aro-colored plague doctor

An artwork of a plague doctor carrying a bow and a bag of arrows behind him. The plague doctor is dressed in a black cowl adorned with chains and green jewels, and a cape that resembles the Aromantic flag. Its clothes are mainly of white and black with light green piping and is secured with a belt with tassels. The background has a thin aromantic flag beside the plague doctor's head and has geometric designs on both sides of the plague doctor.

me oversharing beneath the cut about how amatonormativity has screwed me up in ways I have never been screwed up before.

(rant beneath the cut is full of negativity, triggering, but perhaps relatable. idk. read at your own risk)

okay so let's have a mini story telling time about how romance plagued every aspect of my life until now.

My bestfriend in high school treated me of less value after she gets her boyfriend. This experience was what drove me into drawing plague doctors during valentines. These doodles were captioned with "Plague is in the air", because my friends in my circle told me to not hang out with her on that day because it's valentines day. So cool, I thought I should avoid them like they were the plague.

For the first half of college, I've been a wingman for way too many of my friends for my only female and best friend.

It has gotten to a point where the meaning of my companionship with my male friends had become solely for providing a connection to a girl they want to date.

In the long run, my bestfriend, who my 'friends' were pining for, actually has been pining for me. She asked if we could be a thing, I said yes because I thought that, romance isn't probably as disgusting as I think of it.

To protect tradition and to protect the feelings of the men she rejected (who I also wingmanned), we kept it hidden.

For the entire time, she emphasized how I was dense and oblivious about romance. For the entire time I was confused, disoriented, and even repulsed. I didn't know how to reciprocate and I certainly did not have THOSE feelings either at all.

Of course it didn't end well.

After that failed attempt at romance, I have been involved in three more encounters after that. Men suddenly started talking to me out of nowhere. Initially, I thought that they were just trying to make new friends. I didn't realize they were hitting on me but when I did, I cold-shouldered them out of my life.

The last one was the most traumatic. I have explicitly stated that he shouldn't attempt to romance me because I've admitted that I'm way too tired of dealing with it, but he was stubborn. He has also gone as far as sexualizing me against my will.

So yeah.

Amatonormativity made me lose faith in the meaning of my friendships.

It made me realize how friendship is easily overshadowed by romantic relationships.

It made me worry that my kindness is misread as a romantic gesture.

It made me constantly hate how friendship is only seen as a stepping stone for a romantic relationship.

And because amatonormativity has rendered all my significant connections meaningless, I'll spend every second of my life hating amatonormativity. I will always be repulsed at the concept that destroyed every goddamned friendship that I had. Nothing has ever made me feel THS sick. I will always think of it as the plague.

More Posts from Alligatorintherain and Others

8 months ago
Said It A Year Ago And I’ll Say It Again.

Said it a year ago and I’ll say it again.

Pirate all your favorite shows, movies and games while you still have the chance.

Oh, and never stop supporting physical media.

1 month ago
Here's The Complete Masterlist Of The Twst Dorm Songs Music Videos WITHOUT Their Background Music! I've

here's the complete masterlist of the twst dorm songs music videos WITHOUT their background music! i've added the mp3 versions of their instrumentals as well <3

i do not claim any work as my own and only share twst content as a fan. all edited material is under the fair use copyright and everything belongs to aniplex, disney japan, and yana toboso respectively <3

Here's The Complete Masterlist Of The Twst Dorm Songs Music Videos WITHOUT Their Background Music! I've

considering that the mvs are all region locked, i've compiled the downloadable files of the full music video (mp4 and mp3) here in this google drive along with the vocals and instrumentals only!! enjoy!! if you faced any issues with the link, don't hesitate to send me an ask or dm!

Here's The Complete Masterlist Of The Twst Dorm Songs Music Videos WITHOUT Their Background Music! I've
Here's The Complete Masterlist Of The Twst Dorm Songs Music Videos WITHOUT Their Background Music! I've

HEARTSLABYUL – "OBEDIENCE"

SAVANACLAW – "DIADEM"

OCTAVINELLE – "ENTANGLEMENT"

SCARABIA – "FAR OUT"

POMEFIORE – "LA VOLONTÉ"

IGNIHYDE – "SOUZETSU AION"

DIASOMNIA – "ARBITRARY NATURAL DISASTER"

Here's The Complete Masterlist Of The Twst Dorm Songs Music Videos WITHOUT Their Background Music! I've
Here's The Complete Masterlist Of The Twst Dorm Songs Music Videos WITHOUT Their Background Music! I've
1 year ago

Absolutely gorgeous art

“no More Red Skies….”

“no more red skies….”

alternative title: “ Chlothar and his son Caribert”, inspired by the painting “Ivan the terrible and his son Ivan” by repin, this quest just made me think of it :’)


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4 years ago
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.
Anti Anxiety.

Anti anxiety.


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1 year ago
RYUKO REDESIGN

RYUKO REDESIGN

holy FUCK i had SO MUCH FUN DRAWING THIS OH MY GOD okay. Here's my redesign of Ryuko from Miraculous! I really wanted to accentuate, I suppose, a more personal design to Kagami? I saw a redesign of Ryuko once where she wore like a hakama and I thought that was neat so I took some inspiration from that.

I was inspired by AKIRA and also Ryuko Matoi for, oh wow, un, unexplainable, reasons. You can see the Kill La Kill sorta undercut hair dye. Also, her hair is a sorta purplish wine in mixture with her canon blue and my original idea of going brown instead like her concept art and deciding both was good.

Also- Don't ask how that jacket/shirt/suit actually works. Jotaro Hat logic. You don't question it. Meanwhile drawing the skirt details were REALLY fun

I hope you like her! it's a bit of a complex design but, hey, I like em

2 years ago

Pop culture reduces It's a Wonderful Life to that last half hour, and thinks the whole thing is about this guy traveling to an alternate universe where he doesn't exist and a little girl saying, "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings." A hokey, sugary fantasy. A light and fluffy story fit for Hallmark movies.

But this reading completely glosses over the fact that George Bailey is actively suicidal. He's not just standing there moping about, "My friends don't like me," like some characters do in shows that try to adapt this conceit to other settings. George's life has been destroyed. He's bankrupt and facing prison. The lifetime of struggle we've been watching for the last two hours has accomplished nothing but this crushing defeat, and he honestly believes that the best thing he can do is kill himself because he's worth more dead than alive. He would have thrown himself from a bridge had an actual angel from heaven not intervened at the last possible moment.

That's dark. The banker villain that pop culture reduces to a cartoon purposely drove a man to the brink of suicide, which only a miracle pulled him back from. And then George Bailey goes even deeper into despair. He not only believes that his future's not worth living, but that his past wasn't worth living. He thinks that every suffering he endured, every piece of good that he tried to do was not only pointless, but actively harmful, and he and the world would be better off if he had never existed at all.

This is the context that leads to the famed alternate universe of a million pastiches, and it's absolutely vital to understanding the world that George finds. It's there to specifically show him that his despondent views about his effect on the universe are wrong. His bum ear kept him from serving his country in the war--but the act that gave him that injury was what allowed his brother to grow up to become a war hero. His fight against Potter's domination of the town felt like useless tiny battles in a war that could never be won--but it turns out that even the act of fighting was enough to save the town from falling into hopeless slavery. He thought that if it weren't for him, his wife would have married Sam Wainwright and had a life of ease and luxury as a millionaire's wife, instead of suffering a painful life of penny-pinching with him. Finding out that she'd have been a spinster isn't, "Ha ha, she'd have been pathetic without you." It's showing him that she never loved Wainwright enough to marry him, and that George's existence didn't stop her from having a happier life, but saved her from having a sadder one. Everywhere he turns, he finds out that his existence wasn't a mistake, that his struggles and sufferings did accomplish something, that his painful existence wasn't a tragedy but a gift to the people around him.

Only when he realizes this does he get to come back home in wild joy over the gift of his existence. The scenes of hope and joy and love only exist because of the two hours of struggle and despair that came before. Even Zuzu's saccharine line about bells and angel wings exists, not as a sugary proverb, but as a climax to Clarence's story--showing that even George's despair had good effect, and that his newfound thankfulness for life causes not only earthly, but heavenly joy.

If this movie has light and hope, it's not because it exists in some fantasy world where everything is sunshine and rainbows, but because it fights tooth and nail to scrape every bit of hope it can from our all too dark and painful world. The light here exists, not because it ignores the dark, but because the dark makes light more precious and meaningful. The light exists in defiance of the dark, the hope in defiance of despair, and there is nothing saccharine about that. It's just about as realistic as it gets.


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2 years ago
Day 1: Welcome Home

Day 1: Welcome Home

Hey guys it’s been a bit. I saw @vyladromeave ‘s aphtober prompts and I really liked this one. Hopefully gonna do more as long as school doesn’t kick my ass. 


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2 years ago

These are the only three flaws I will concede, when it comes to the Jedi during the Prequels.

“They got lax/complacent.”

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

Yeah*. If you listen to the director’s commentary, George Lucas states the scene in AOTC with Jocasta Nu is there to indicate how unprepared the Jedi were before the Sith’s plan. They thought they were secure and ready but they were not and it turns out humble restaurant owners like Dex know things they don't.

*HOWEVER: Who wouldn’t be complacent, in times of peace?

The Sith were thought to be extinct and Dooku was once a Jedi, a revered one at that. Nobody could have suspected he’d betray the Order that raised him and loved him.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

Nobody could've suspected that he'd abuse of their trust and delete a system from the Archives using the credentials of his best friend who he'd had assassinated. That's a verrrry specific scenario, and expecting them to be prepared for that is unreasonable.

"They should've sensed something!" Well, by this point in time, everything surrounding the Jedi was tainted by the Dark Side, which clouded everything. So on the one hand, this situation granted Sidious the gift of foresight and allowed them to always be one step ahead, and on the other, it caused the Jedi to be stuck trekking ahead in a fog, unsure of what the next move would be.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.
These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.
These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

“They were politically-inept.”

Yes**. That’s how the Sith ran circles around the Jedi. They figured “there’s only two of us, if we march into the Temple we’ll get slaughtered, but wait, the Jedi serve the Senate and the Senate is run by politicians… what if we become the politicians? Then we can destroy the Jedi and the principles from the inside!”

**HOWEVER: The Jedi were politically-inept by choice.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

After all, their function isn’t setting policy but carrying it out. They’re not politicians, they’re diplomats and as such they're not allowed to get involved in the political process.

But if they were... they still wouldn't. Because power corrupts, and if you let the space monks (who already have magical powers) have political power too, then that will lead to a very dark place.

The Jedi knew that if they tried to play politics, they’ll lose because they have neither the ruthlessness nor the status to do it well, so they make it a point of never going anywhere near it.

Unfortunately, that leaves them open to situations where the Senate or Palpatine corner them into doing something they really don’t wanna do.

It's how they were forced to expel Ahsoka, how they lost the favor of the citizens and it's how Dooku, then the Emperor, framed them as power-hungry sorcerers with his propaganda.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.
These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.
These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.
These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

“The war made them hypocrites.”

Sure***. The Jedi were meant to be diplomats, not soldiers. By waging war instead of keeping the peace, they’ve compromised on their values.

***HOWEVER: The Jedi know this and they’re not happy about it at all.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

Firstly, because they were forced into this situation by the Senate and Palpatine, who drafted them into service.

Secondly, because they know they’re essentially moving ahead blindly and playing right into the Sith Lord’s hand by fighting this war he orchestrated.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

But finally, it’s that they know that not joining would’ve been worse. Sticking by their principles would’ve resulted in the enslavement and genocide of many populations. Sometimes, the spirit of the rules must be prioritized over the letter. Either do nothing and be true to your principles, or go against them but save lives.

It’s a bad choice to make, but not as bad as not making one.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.
These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

It's a bad choice, but it's motivated by a desire to do some good and it did. They saved countless lives (sometimes at the cost of their own) and inspired countless more to form the Rebellion, later on.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

So... three flaws.

But they all come with asterisks. There’s a reasonable (sometimes, even admirable) justification for each of them.

I’m pointing these out because a lot of people seem to conflate “the Jedi were flawed” with “the Jedi were at fault” when talking about their own demise. And the answer to that is:

No.

The Jedi were not at fault. Everybody else was.

The Senate was at fault for growing corrupt and self-serving.

Big Corp for their never ending greed.

The Separatists for being so blind and naive as to think Big Corp would tooootally value their principles and absolutely not commit war crimes every chance they get.

The Sith for being the mass-murdering egotistical assholes who started this whole mess.

And the citizens of the galaxy for not taking up arms in the face of blatant injustice.

These Are The Only Three Flaws I Will Concede, When It Comes To The Jedi During The Prequels.

Sometimes bad people win.

That doesn't always mean the good guys are at fault. Sometimes, the bad guys are just… better at the game. Mostly because they see it as a game, and the good guys don't.

Luckily, 20 years later, most of the above faults were rectified by the Rebellion, which was led by the best of the Senate, and composed of Separatist remnants and brave citizens of the galaxy.


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alligatorintherain - alligatorintherain
alligatorintherain

Please call me Rain. 19yo he/her I'm both a girl and a boy. I don't know what exactly that means but 👍. Talk with me if you like! I'm open to all conversations! If I'm not in the mood to talk at the moment I'll just tell you bluntly if I'm not in the mood so please don't be offended if I do so. I'll get back to you when I am so we can have a conversation! :)

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