Aromantic - Blog Posts

My Good Omens LGBTQ+ Headcanons

If I misused any romantic, sexuality or gender identity, let me know.

Here are mine:

Aziraphale: Panromantic, Demisexual, Graysexual, Agender(he/they)

Crowley: Demiromantic, Demisexual, Graysexual, Genderfluid

Anathema Device: Pansexual, Cisgender

Newton Pulsifer: Straight, Cisgender

Adam Young: Straight, Biromantic, Cisgender

Madame Tracy: Bisexual, Cisgender

Sergeant Shadwell: Straight, Cisgender

Gabriel: Aroace, Agender(he/they)

Pepper: Pansexual, Cisgender

Brian: Gay, Cisgender

Wensleydale: Aroace, Non-binary(they/them)

Beelzebub: Biromantic, Graysexual, Non-binary(confirmed)

Hastur: Aromantic, Gay, Cisgender

Ligur: Gay, Cisgender

Michael: Bellussexual, Agender(she/they)

Started “Loveless” by Alice Oseman last night and now it’s 3 am and I’m on page 312. Needless to say, I love it.👏👏👏👏👏🧡💛🤍🩵💙

The love that this post is getting makes me so happy and proud! I love all of you and I’m so happy that we are spreading the positivity!😊

I feel like we can all agree that labels can either bring people comfort or make people feel like they are being put into boxes. So on that note, I wish you all a good day, and I hope you find comfort with yourselves whether or not you identify with a label.

I feel like we can all agree that labels can either bring people comfort or make people feel like they are being put into boxes. So on that note, I wish you all a good day, and I hope you find comfort with yourselves whether or not you identify with a label.

*Likes girl* (Is girl)

*Likes boy* (Is boy)

*Likes person* (Is person)

*Likes nobody* (Is nobody)…

Aro Joy

Aro Joy, 1/1 - it’s almost AUTUMN!!!! 🍁🎃🧣 ✨ (and I’m very excited lol, early fall is one of my favourite times of year 😂). Ok but back on topic - I’ve actually had a vision for this specific comic for … a while 😭 Like, half a year ago. It’s been a journey, accepting my arospec identity (and from what I’ve heard talking to y’all, it’s been like this for many of you too), and though I’ve been open about the bumpier parts of the experience, I wanted to also talk about the positives, all the joys of being aro, too 💚💚🐸

As a general disclaimer: The sentiments here aren’t meant to speak for all aros - because some aros want to be in romantic relationships (or be otherwise partnered), and of course this is equally valid and should be respected! And on the same note, allos can be happy with being, or just want to be single, because again - this isn’t something defined by orientation.

But I think for a lot of us, our arospec orientation can be tied to how feel about our lives in relation to partnership … which is that, we’re okay (or happy) being single! For the longest time, I held it against myself that I wasn’t in a relationship, but not because I wanted to be in one - I just thought it was a milestone that would make other people think of me as a ‘real’ adult 😭😭 Realizing I was aro gave me the opportunity to reassess how I viewed myself, and my relationships with other people. I was able to actually let go of that idea of having a “””missing piece”””, and appreciate everyone and everything I have in my life. I sound kinda cheesy saying this, but for the first time, I think I have everything I’ve ever wanted, relationships wise? I’m at peace, and I really appreciate it.

__

School’s gonna start soon for me and for some of y'all, so I hope that goes well for everyone! Please take care, and as always I’d love to hear what you think! What are your favourite things about being aro? 🐸

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: “I find it fascinating, the way alloromantics value romance.” Celia stands outside in front on a vibrant fall day. She seems to be on a walk on a trail.

Behind her, the leaves are a bright orange, and she is wearing a white wrapped top, jeans, and an orange ribbon choker.

Slide 2: “When I bring up the fact -”

A flashback to an earlier time, where Celia is talking to another girl (who is alloro). Celia says “You know, life without Romance is not inherently bad, or unfulfilling -” 

The other girls says, “yeah, but it’s DIFFERENT.”

Slide 3: [Pure text] There’s this really deep, engrained idea, even amongst people who are accepting and understanding of the idea that being aromantic is valid, that romance brings a new level of joy to life. A kind of special fulfillment they would be lost without.

Slide 4: “And I’ve got to say …” Celia speaks to the viewer.

Slide 5: “That sounds really hard, yikes” She shrugs nonchalantly.  

Slide 6: Celia speaks from the bottom of the panel, and a big speech bubble says, “People seem to have such a hard time with dating? Pining? Trying to court people? (I actually do not know much about romance, despite my love of the genre) It just seems like so much work, just to feel fulfilled.”

Extra doodles of character struggle with online dating, pining with writing love letters, and dollar bills with a rose exemplify the various struggles mentioned.

Slide 7: Shot switches back to Celia in the forest. She’s now holding a maple leaf in her hand, staring down at it contemplatively as she speaks. “I’m … actually feeling pretty good about my life.”

Slide 8: She holds the leaf up to the light now. “I don’t really feel like there’s something missing without a partner. Although, maybe one day -” In the bottom half of the panel, the perspective switches to her POV centered on her hand with the illuminated leaf, “I’d also be happy with a QPR.”

Slide 9: It’s one of the things that makes me grateful that I’m aro.

The shot has switched to be from behind Celia, staring out at the landscape of mountains, the fall foliage, and the river below. Celia has let go of the leaf and it drifts away in the wind]

I’m not trying to be inflammatory, I’m just curious. How do het ace/aro people face SYSTEMATIC oppression? Gay/bi/trans people face oppression like difficultly adopting children, finding housing, they may be fired from employment because of their gender or orientation. So they are bared from normal parts of live because of their gender/sexuality. Gay ace/aro people face this too, but what do het ace/aro people experience on a societal level?

If you’d been following my blog at all or even bothered to peruse it a little before dropping this message in my inbox, you’d probably already know the answer to your question. 

You’d ALSO probably know that there are bi and pan aspecs too (e.g., I’m panromantic demisexual) which isn’t “gay” (does this term also include lesbians?) so I feel like your ask erases part of my own identity and that of others in the community.

For these reasons and more, I’d bet money that you’re not here because you’re “curious”. You’re probably here because you figure this is how you’re gonna stop a “self-imposing” aspec from speaking up for herself. 

Well guess what: That’s just hateful & sad.

Regardless though of your intentions, I’m here to say that there is in fact SYSTEMATIC oppression against aspecs. For example, Dr Gordon Hodson wrote this about his 2012 study: 

In a recent investigation (MacInnis & Hodson, in press) we uncovered strikingly strong bias against asexuals in both university and community samples. Relative to heterosexuals, and even relative to homosexuals and bisexuals, heterosexuals: (a) expressed more negative attitudes toward asexuals (i.e., prejudice); (b) desired less contact with asexuals; and © were less willing to rent an apartment to (or hire) an asexual applicant (i.e., discrimination). Moreover, of all the sexual minority groups studied, asexuals were the most dehumanized (i.e., represented as “less human”). Intriguingly, heterosexuals dehumanized asexuals in two ways. Given their lack of sexual interest, widely considered a universal interest, it might not surprise you to learn that asexuals were characterized as “machine-like” (i.e., mechanistically dehumanized). But, oddly enough, asexuals were also seen as “animal-like” (i.e., animalistically dehumanized). Yes, asexuals were seen as relatively cold and emotionless and unrestrained, impulsive, and less sophisticated.

When you repeatedly observe such findings it grabs your attention as a prejudice researcher. But let’s go back a minute and consider those discrimination effects. Really? You’d not rent an apartment to an asexual man, or hire an asexual woman? Even if you relied on stereotypes alone, presumably such people would make ideal tenants and employees. We pondered whether this bias actually represents bias against single people, a recently uncovered and very real bias in its own right (see Psychology Today column by Bella DePaulo). But our statistical analyses ruled out this this possibility. So what’s going on here?

If you’ve been following my column, you’ll recall that I wrote a recent article on what I called the “Bigotry Bigot-Tree” – what psychologists refer to as generalized prejudice. Specifically, those disliking one social group (e.g., women) also tend to dislike other social groups (e.g., homosexuals; Asians). In our recent paper (MacInnis & Hodson, in press), we found that those who disliked homosexuals also disliked bisexuals and asexuals. In other words, these prejudices are correlated. Heterosexuals who dislike one sexual minority, therefore, also dislike other sexual minorities, even though some of these groups are characterized by their sexual interest and activity and others by their lack of sexual interest and activity.

This anti-asexual bias, at its core, seems to boil down to what Herek (2010) refers to as the “differences as deficit” model of sexual orientation. By deviating from the typical, average, or normal sexual interests, sexual minorities are considered substandard and thus easy targets for disdain and prejudice. Contrary to conventional folk wisdom, prejudice against sexual minorities may not therefore have much to do with sexual activity at all. There is even evidence, for instance, that religious fundamentalists are prejudiced against homosexuals even when they are celibate (Fulton et al., 1999). Together, such findings point to a bias against “others”, especially different others, who are seen as substandard and deficient (and literally “less human”). “Group X” is targeted for its lack of sexual interest even more than homosexuals and bisexuals are targeted for their same-sex interests.

From news coverage of a recently published study (2016):

What should the average person take away from your study?

Since I first became interested in the issue, I have come to conclude that U.S. society is both “sex negative” and “sex positive.” In other words, there is stigma and marginalization that can come both from being “too sexual” and from being “not sexual enough.” In a theoretical paper, I argued that sexuality may be compulsory in contemporary U.S. society. In other words, our society assumes that (almost) everyone is, at their core, “sexual” and there exists a great deal of social pressure to experience sexual desire, engage in sexual activities, and adopt a sexual identity. At the same time, various types of “non-sexuality” (such as a lack of sexual desire or activity) are stigmatized.

For this particular study, I identified thirty individuals who identified as asexual and asked them first, if they had experienced stigma or marginalization as a result of their asexuality, and, second how they challenged this stigma or marginalization. I found that my interviewees had experienced the following forms of marginalization: pathologization (i.e. people calling them sick), social isolation, unwanted sex and relationship conflict, and the denial of epistemic authority (i.e. people not believing that they didn’t experience sexual attraction). I also found that my interviews resisted stigma and marginalization in five ways: describing asexuality as simply a different (but not inherently worse) form of sexuality; deemphasizing the importance of sexuality in human life; developing new types of nonsexual relationships; coming to see asexuality as a sexual orientation or identity; and engaging in community building and outreach.

I hope that average people would take away from this study the idea that some people can lead fulfilling lives without experiencing sexual attraction but can experience distress if others try to invalidate their identities.

Some of the social isolation we aspecs experience comes from religious communities. Indeed, the popular myth that religious people revere aspecs is very much NOT TRUE. For example, read “Myth 8″ from the VISION Catholic Religious Vocation Guide:

MYTH 8: Religious are asexual

Question: What do you call a person who is asexual? 

Answer: Not a person. Asexual people do not exist. Sexuality is a gift from God and thus a fundamental part of our human identity. Those who repress their sexuality are not living as God created them to be: fully alive and well. As such, they’re most likely unhappy. All people are called by God to live chastely, meaning being respectful of the gift of their sexuality. Religious men and women vow celibate chastity, which means they live out their sexuality without engaging in sexual behavior. A vow of chastity does not mean one represses his manhood or her womanhood. Sexuality and the act of sex are two very different things. While people in religious life abstain from the act of sex, they do not become asexual beings, but rather need to be in touch with what it means to be a man or a woman. A vow of chastity also does not mean one will not have close, loving relationships with women and men. In fact, such relationships are a sign of living the vow in a healthy way. Living a religious vow of chastity is not always easy, but it can be a very beautiful expression of love for God and others. Religious women and men aren’t oddities; they mirror the rest of the church they serve: there are introverts and extroverts, tall and short, old and young, straight and gay, obese and skinny, crass and pious, humorous and serious, and everything in between. They attempt to live the same primary vocation as all other Christians do: proclaiming and living the gospel. However, religious do this as members of an order that serve the church and world in a particular way. Like marriage and the single life, religious life can be wonderful, fulfilling, exciting, and, yes, normal. Yet, it also can be countercultural and positively challenging. It’s that for us and many others. If you thought religious life was outdated, dysfunctional, or dead, we hope you can now look beyond the stereotypes and see the gift it is to the church and world.

NOTE: YOU CAN BE A GAY CATHOLIC PERSON BUT NOT ASEXUAL, BC ASEXUALITY DOESN’T EXIST (yet somehow we’re also “most likely unhappy” and “oddities”). I sincerely hope and believe that not all religions characterize us aspecs this way. But here are some personal accounts I found on a reddit site answering the question “Do any religions have a negative stance toward asexuals?”:

Please note that the Christian pastor in the last example was fearful (or something?) that an asexual was helping to lead a youth group and kicked them out of the church as a result.

Happy Pride!

Have some Pride Ghosties I found

Got bored so I made a bunch of pride flag combos

Shigaraki icons

LET ARO PEOPLE HAVE SEX

LET ARO PEOPLE BE VIRGINS

LET ACE PEOPLE DATE

LET ACE PEOPLE BE SINGLE

LET ARO PEOPLE DATE

LET ARO PEOPLE BE SINGLE

LET ACE PEOPLE HAVE SEX

LET ACE PEOPLE BE VIRGINS

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week, y'all!!!!

Be yourself, embrace your aromanticism, and don't let anyone tell you who you are or who you should be!!

💚💚🩶🤍🖤

Am I the only one who has a few specific friends who I'm really close with and love to be around, and, if they wanted to, I'd be completely down for making our relationship into something different (romantic, queerplatonic, etc.), but at the same time, I don't activity have a crush on them or want to push for a different relationship bc what if they don't feel the same way or don't know what queerplatonic relationships are.

I want a relationship that is completely undefinable by any existing labels or words. Like, we're so close and we hug and kiss each other's foreheads and cuddle and travel and explore together, and we get along so well and have so much in common. But at the same time, our relationship isn't fully romantic or fully platonic; it's a completely separate, open-to-interpretation thing that we tweaked as needed, and we have our own boundaries and things we are and aren't comfortable with, and we respect each other in every way, shape, and form.

Am I the only aro-spec person who switches between wanting a committed partnership, be it romantic, platonic, queerplatonic, etc, and wanting to be as far away from relationships as possible?

Was I the only aro-spec person who had the experience of thinking that I had crushes growing up, but looking back, they might not have been crushes because 1. I could never or only rarely name any traits that I liked about them (and those rare times that I could were traits that I simply admired), 2. I felt immense relief when they rejected me, or 3. I just wanted to have a crush, so I chose a person and consciously decided to develop feelings for them, not knowing that it doesn't work like that?

Something I recently realized that helped me understand my aro-spec identity is that my "crushes" that I can remember weren't actually fueled by romantic attraction for the person. They were actually fueled by attraction towards the idea of dating/liking them, but not actually them as a person. I wanted to find my soulmate and as soon as I found someone that I thought fit that ideal, I would start daydreaming about being with them, but I wasn't really attracted to them as a person, just my idealized version of them and the relationship. As a result, I couldn't really name any traits about those people that I liked, aside from surface level ones like, "funny," "nice," and "hardworking." And while I was aesthetically attracted to them, I never really fantasized about kissing them or being super romantic with them (aside from maybe hand-holding or hugging), and if I ever tried, it made me uncomfortable and felt like I was violating them. Did anyone else have a similar experience or is it just me?

Did any other aroace-spec people try to write fanfiction when they were younger, but struggled to write romance/romantic scenes? Because I vividly remember trying to write fanfiction when I was younger, but not really knowing how to write the romance because that wasn't something that I felt that much. And this goes for all kinds of romantic fanfic, reader insert, OC insert, shipping, etc. I tried writing all of the above, and every single time, I was unable to write, or even sometimes start, the romantic scenes, because I just didn't know what exactly that felt like or how romantic relationships started. And even when I could get through writing fanfic, it just felt SO unnatural and weird to actually write; like not bad, but just odd, like not realistic. But somehow, people really liked it, so I guess I did something right lol

Same!! I love iced matcha lattes!! Water is probably my go-to drink, but I drink matcha almost everyday soooooo

ok so i got it aroace people love to eat garlic bread, but what do y'all like to drink ? i'm curious

for me I prefer iced coffee or iced matcha latte. anyone else ?

Idk if I'm the only aro-spec person who is like this, but I need to talk about it bc it's been on my mind so much lol

So, like...in general, I have a complicated relationship with romance. In fiction (books/movies/tv/fanfic), I only really like queer romance. Two guys? All for it! Two girls? All for it! NB person with someone else? All for it! Granted, there will always be exceptions and romance stories that I prefer more than others, but by large, I tend to enjoy most queer romance stories that I consume. HOWEVER, for some strange reason, when it comes to straight romance stories, I almost always get squicked out or uncomfortable!! AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHYYYY!!! Like, it could be nearly identical to a queer romance story, but I would still be uncomfy if it was heterosexual, and I don't know why!!!!!!

When it comes to irl romance, I'm usually either indifferent or uncomfortable with it, no matter if it's queer or straight. Like, I can usually handle it, unless they're full on like making out or smth, then obviously, I'm extremely uncomfy and averse, but if it's casual, then it's just whatever.

But, honestly, I don't know what my deal is with the fictional romance!! I've even forced myself to like some straight romance in the past, but it's always SO forced.

So, yeah, that's how I feel. Can anyone else relate, or is it just me??

I WANT A QPR SOOOOOO BADDDDD!!

I want someone that I can call my partner, but not necessarily in a romantic way. I want someone to hug and be close to. I want someone who I can listen to and who can listen to me. I want someone who shares my interests. I want someone that will agree to discuss and respect our boundaries with one another. I want someone who I can just be with, like we can just exist together. I want someone who will go book shopping with me and just listen to me gush about different books. I want someone who will walk down the halls with, and maybe we'll hold hands and maybe we won't. I want someone who will always be ready to comfort me and who I can comfort whenever they need it. I want someone who will help me calm down and think through things carefully. I want someone who I can explore and go on adventures with.

Basically, I just really want a queerplatonic partner/relationship.

Same!! What would hook me in was the elaborate plots and character backstories, not so much the romance. Like, for example, I read a lot of MHA reader insert and OC fanfic, and what I really liked was how creative the OC/reader's backstories would be, or how they would contribute to the storyline throughout the fic, not so much the romance elements; in fact, they were kind of annoying at times.

Edit: in fact, I would write fanfic myself, but what I focused on and enjoyed most was coming up with unique backstories, quirks, character dynamics, and subplots for the OC/reader. And, when it came to writing the romance, I had no idea how to make it believeable, or even how to write it in the first place.

Am I the only aroace-spec person who read a lot of fanfic when I was younger, but instead of inserting myself into the reader insert stories, I would just insert one of my characters or a random OC that was similar to me but not the same, bc it felt weird to put myself into those situations?

Or was that just me?

Am I the only aroace-spec person who read a lot of fanfic when I was younger, but instead of inserting myself into the reader insert stories, I would just insert one of my characters or a random OC that was similar to me but not the same, bc it felt weird to put myself into those situations?

Or was that just me?

made some clown designs based on the aro, ace and aroace flags!!

Thinking about forms of love again

life really is just letting yourself express love in a thousand different ways and letting yourself accept and experience love in a million other ways

love love love 🥰

Yknow I still want Cressida to get a dressmaker gf like u cannot convince me that wouldn’t be perfect idk I can just see it so clearly in my mind lol

Also I so badly want Eloise to be Aromantic or some kind of aspec, strong independent woman with no need or want of romance please (my hopes aren’t high because it’s literally a romance show but still)

₊˚✩彡 intro post?! ⋰˚☆

◞┈┈┈⋆┈┈⊰✩⊱┈┈⋆┈┈┈◟

Basic info

ᯓ★ call me Nat/Nathaniel/Discoball

ᯓ★ HE/HIM S'IL VOUS PLAÎT!!

ᯓ★ i am trans

ᯓ★ kinlist: Yuga Aoyama, Yuga Aoyama, Yuga Aoyama etc

ᯓ★ i mostly post aoyama content (OFC), but i also draw sometimes

ᯓ★ byf: i may often be repulsed by romance. (I am aromantic myself) if you mostly post abt it, please dont follow

DNI: basic+procomshippers

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Not-so-useful info

-͟͟͞☆ i have a huge amount of oddly specific aoyama headcanons. most of them is just me projecting

-͟͟͞☆ i MAY be nd. (Its just hard to get diagnosed in my country)

-͟͟͞☆ im gay. idk who needs it but here you go

-͟͟͞☆ i have 3 discoballs in my room

⠀°.✩┈┈∘*┈୨୧┈*∘┈┈✩.°

a pretty gap to take space☆

◝┈┈┈⋆┈┈⊰✩⊱┈┈⋆┈┈┈◜

https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Ftemu.com%2Fs%2F5dkSpHvwfySAZ8&t=MjhlMDZhZGVjMWViMTdjNWJhOTYzMDVhOGJkM2FkYTFhNmJiZTZlOCw5YjY4MzBlMThiZmRlOWJjNjA4YzIzM2EyZDMyMjEyZjRmMDBmN2Mw&ts=1690132123

Hey hey, post your codes in the comment and lets help each other out, yeah? My code is 252857222

ok so I need someone to tell me if friends can feel very strongly about each other, want to spend the rest of their lives together, and get jealous over their friend's other relationships or if that's queerplatontic behavior because I need help with a fic I'm writing

I wish it wasn’t a hot take that a story in which two characters of any gender prioritize their purely platonic relationship over any other romantic or sexual interests they might have is a textually queer story