Sup Any Angsty Apollo Hc You Have? I’m Hungry And Desperate For Yummy Angst To Gobble Up And Cry Myself

Sup any angsty Apollo hc you have? I’m hungry and desperate for yummy angst to gobble up and cry myself to sleep :]

Okay, this took a little while because life, college, and July fourth happened lmao

So. I like to think about just when the purposeful emotional/psychological abuse started and when the physical abuse started between Zeus and Apollo so...TW for abuse talk.

Because, well, when Apollo was young there isn't really a need for Zeus to crack open the bolt - however, we also know from canon that Apollo was subjected to the bolt in his younger years.

Now. To the headcanons!!!!!

During the first thousand or so years of Apollo's life, Zeus was an actual good dad to him (especially compared to Ares). He spoiled both twins excessively because sweet! A couple of kids who aren't failures! Look at them!!! They're already so good with a bow!!! They're so talented!!!

In the Discord, it was mentioned that in Ancient Greece fathers usually took charge of their sons while the mother taught the daughters, so if we apply that to Apollo's life, I think we can assume that maybe, perhaps, there was some psychological abuse going on, but nothing hardcore - probably along the lines of "make me proud or earn my eternal disappointment" *points at Ares*.

The first time Zeus has to actively punish Apollo was because Gaea ordered it - Apollo killed her son Python, and Zeus (being the guy he is) would cave to her wishes. I actually have a fic in store for this convo so here's what I'm thinking:

Zeus would, of course, instantly point the blame at Gaea and deny he had any choice in the matter (even though he has gone against her wishes before...eyes the Titans in Tartarus).

Apollo, who's only paternal figure so far in his life is Zeus, wouldn't question this and only think about how unfair Gaea is (and to be fair, Python had it coming...).

When Apollo returns and he and Artemis are goofing off on Delos, the events of And By The Sun's Light happens and this, I believe, is when it starts slowly trickling into physical abuse zone.

Think about it. You are Zeus, powerful king of the gods, a new, proud father to a couple of twins that you already favor so highly.

Then one day, they both - by happenstance - gain a new domain at the same time.

Oh shit. You think. That's strange. But you shrug and hand them off to Helios and Selene, two of the most powerful Titans on Olympus.

Of course, you still keep an eye on them. You're not stupid, and get biweekly reports from their mentors on their progress - and the unease starts to trickle in.

It increases, in particular, when Apollo starts to amass other domains alongside his music, poetry, prophecy, healing, youth and light.

Truth, knowledge, harmony, ect. are all absorbed into his power arsenal and you, the king of the gods, are now sweating.

This was not suppose to happen, so now, I believe, is when Zeus started to use the "light" zaps (as stated in-series) from his bolt to keep Apollo in line. He doesn't want him to get any ideas after all.

Unfortunately for Zeus, that isn't enough to deter Apollo.

(Sidenote: I also think Zeus didn't want Helios to take "his" place - after all, abusers don't want a positive version of themselves in their victim's lives)

Enter stage left: The Olympian Rebellion.

Ohohoh...

"shit I need to ramp it up" thinks Zeus as he stares at the faces of his wife, brother, and his favorite children.

And ramp it up he does. Of course, Apollo's first stint as a mortal happens here, and man. is it bad. Troy's king is the perfect tool and metaphor for Zeus's own rule to give Apollo (and Poseidon) a taste of what else may happen if he (they) continued to defy him.

It sucks, of course. Apollo's very adamant about it not being a picnic. And for a while, after it's all over, it seems like all's well.

Of course, Zeus doesn't lay off the zaps every now and then, but it's nothing compared to later in Apollo's life.

He even considers Apollo's request to free Prometheus and grants it, because isn't he just such a considerate father?

Really, the first time he had to go gunho on Apollo with the bolt was when he and Heracles got into a fistfight - but really, what kind of king would he be if he hadn't prevented Apollo his sons from tearing Heracles each other apart?

After all, he can't show favoritism now can he?

*insert huge THIS IS SARCASM sign here*

But then...Asclepius happens. This upstart thinks he can meddle with what belongs to the gods? Well, Zeus will teach him a lesson on death - and how permanent it can be!

...he didn't take into account how Apollo would react to his son's death.

Nor the rebelliousness of the action itself.

*Alder rubs her hands together*

alrightly gang. THIS. This is it.

Apollo is turned mortal for a second time, but to Zeus's displeasure, it's actually a pretty good time for him. Admetus is friendly, and the two hit it off rather well - too well, if Apollo's very blatant, embarrassing affection is anything to go by.

Well. This just won't do!

Hmm...Thinks Zeus. What's another punishment that will let the lesson sink in?

He looks down into the Underworld.

Perfect.

So Apollo becomes a god again. He's still pretty sad, but he's feeling better - even moreso when Zeus says he's decided to make Asclepius immortal! He'll be the god of doctors!

Ecstatic, Apollo immediately agrees...and then is forced to watch as Asclepius is locked up and he's forbidden from seeing him.

Not only that, but now...Zeus brings out the eagle eye and the big guns. He alternates between nitpicking Apollo, and praising him.

And he also cranks up the voltage on the bolt, so the lesson lingers.

The Trojan War happens. Zeus simultaneously indulges and denies Apollo's wishes.

And then. *Alder gleefully rubs hands* AND THEN.

ROME HAPPENS.

BUCKLE UP THIS IS WHEN IT GOES DOWN.

Helios fades, and Apollo inherits his power. Think about that. Apollo, an already powerful god inherits the power of a Titan. And not just any Titan, but Helios.

That's a hella lotta power.

...and that's a hella lotta threat in Zeu-oops, sorry, Jupiter's eyes.

(Now Jupiter I think has differences from Zeus, but I haven't really devoted any time to drawing that line between them so stuff may change here. However, Jupiter/Jove had a emphasis on family, so my little spin on that...is right here >:))

Jupiter, like Juno, has the domain of family in Rome. He's seen as the Ultimate Dad TM. And you bet he uses that to manipulate the hell out of Apollo.

"A good son wouldn't do [insert perceived slight here]"

"What kind of example are you setting for your brothers?"

And most of all...

"What would your mother think of your attitude?"

Ow. Talk about a punch to the gut.

So yeah. Rome is when things got BAD. The bolts became a lot more constant. The emotional/psychological abuse was unbearable.

Apollo barely had anybody to go to. His options were limited.

...but the one place he did feel comfortable in was with Commodus.

(hahah, yes, I managed to reel Copollo into this too lmao)

In a classic Apollo move, our favorite god goes from one toxic influence (his father) to another (his boyfriend), really showing how ingrained the normalization of abuse/toxicity in Apollo's life is.

He has no red flag sight. He has no alarm bells.

He could walk right into a situation where the word "abuse" is labeled in CAPS and Red and he'd just go "oh shit, what did I do now?"

And his father is all to happy to "let him know" what he did "wrong".

Thanks for coming to my TEDtalk hoped this was a good ride! :D