I Think I Just Need To Vent Or Advice

Love these boys

Stiles protecting Derek throughout the seasons. [Derek’s version]

Please? Haha. I need it right now

if you’re reading this

a lump sum of money is on the way to you

The truth

I’ve always been the type to hide my pain. I struggle silently for the most part. Very few have seen me cry. Though many have seen my scars. I’ve not been the one to hide after the fact. I try my hardest to be honest, but I almost never tell people the truth about my scars. They know that they’re self-inflicted, I’d never try to actually convince them otherwise anymore. Though I never really tell them the truth of the reasons behind them. I always give them basic reasons and they accept that. They don’t push so I don’t offer the real reasons. I doubt I’d tell them even if they did. I would not in a million years post this if I thought there was any chance of anyone I personally know seeing this. I’m not sure if I’d be able to post it if I knew more than like ten people would see this honestly. I feel like if I talk a little more about it, maybe I could help someone else. Or at the very least make sure they know they’re not alone in this fight. Most likely I’m going to regret this, but I’ll go though with it anyway. Let me start of with this, no this isn’t me trying to get attention or be all woe is me. If I wanted attention there are plenty of other places I could do that. Here I’m only ever going to be raw and honest. The same way I was with my first post. So I’ll start from the beginning and build up to the present. So when I was young my parents got divorced, though they still almost have always lived together, which means lots of fights, that my brother and I always witnessed no matter how hard they tried to hide it from us. We weren’t stupid, we saw and heard pretty much everything, or mostly I did. Though that’s probably the least of it if I’m being honest. I’ve always been bullied for one thing or another, sometimes for my weight, sometimes for being half black, sometimes for my parents and other things I honestly couldn’t tell you because I don’t even think they knew why. I had a lot of fake friends throughout my life, they mostly wanted my brother even as a young girl. Mostly I ended up getting adopted by my brother’s friends which was great as long as my brother and I were on good terms. When I was in I think second grade, my absolute best friend who was a year older than me and was completely infatuated with my brother, decided to experiment with my body without my permission to do so. I’d love to say that was the only time something like that happened to me, but that’s not true you’ll get to know what I mean later on in this post. So she raped me for lack of a better word while I was sleeping over at her house. I never told a soul until really recently. If you didn’t gather my brother was everything to me as a kid, he was, honestly still kinda is, but we moved the summer of my third grade year. I don’t know what happened, but after that my brother and my relationship really fell apart for a long time after that, still hasn’t been the same honestly. So I lost my only really friend, which made me very lonely and desperate for friends and a place to fit in. I got that, but I also lost that fairly quickly as well. The bullying continued even with the change of schools, not that I really expected anything different. There was a neighbor that lived across the street from me that worked at my school. He kinda became a family friend. Keep that in mind as I tell you the next part. Almost everyday during lunch for close to six months, he would molest me. I didn’t want to make a big deal about it, hell I blamed myself about it, so I didn’t tell anyone about it. My friends noticed what was happening and knew it wasn’t right, so they went to the principal behind my back without my knowledge. The principal didn’t do much of anything about it, I mean the guy got fired, but she didn’t tell my parents or contact the police like she was supposed to. So she reinforced inside my head that it was my fault. Also his mother verbally attacked me for telling her other much younger son about it. So I didn’t tell anyone else for a very long time. Since both made me continue to believe I was in the wrong. Though I know now that isn’t true, it took me so long to get to that point. Three years later I told my mom about it and begged her not to tell anyone, then maybe a year and a half later I told both my brother and father about it. He still lived beside me and I still had to deal with him. He moved away finally maybe a year ago. After I had graduated high school. That was spread around school after I talked about it around the wrong person. Eventually everyone knew some version of the story. My entire middle school knew some small part of the story. I was horrified and that made the bullying worse. For a long time I felt completely alone even with friends, there were only two people that actually really made a difference in my life during that time and they both left me in very different ways. One was Harlee my best friend, she stood up for me or kept me away from the people trying to tear me apart. That was before 8th grade when her and her new best friend started bullying me using things only my friends knew. So it hurt so much more. The other one was the best friend I got after Harlee left me. Her name was Kelly, she was such a bright beautiful soul. She was amazing and really helped me begin to heal for the first time in my life. We had lost touch after 8th grade and the next I had heard about her was that she died. She meant the world to me and there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss her. She was barely 13 when she died from cancer, I never knew the extreme pain of loss until that day. I couldn’t move for an hour after I’d heard about her passing, besides the sobs ripping through my entire body. I still haven’t gotten over the pain of her passing. That was one of the times I really started to self harm, after that pain. I’d done it a few times before like when my aunt had gotten breast cancer, which she luckily survived, or when I had told someone new about what the guy had done to me. Things were kinda fine for awhile, there was still bullying, but nothing comparable to middle school. I had gotten into a relationship with my best friend and things were serious between us. We had really thought we were gonna get married. We both still live each other, but we’ve both moved on. He got into another amazing relationship, but I didn’t. I wanted to rebel against him which in hindsight made no sense seeing as I broke up with him, but I dated a girl he told me would be no good for me. He was 100% correct, she was terrible to me and for me. That didn’t stop me from staying in that terrible relationship for almost three years. She was abusive to say the least, but it was kinda okay in the beginning. She desperately was trying to buy my love, which I gave to her in a way. She spent a lot of money on me but she was truly awful. Though things never got physical in the beginning. It was over a year into it when she started hurting me. It seems like after we had sex she got so much worse. She would beat me, which I would fight back just as hard, but that I could handle mentally. It wasn’t until she started raping me that I truly knew this wasn’t going to change. I wouldn’t say I was scared of her, since I knew I could take her, but I was so lost by this point I didn’t know who or what I was anymore. I either needed out of that relationship or I was going to end up dead, whether it be her or me I didn’t know. Still it took me a very long time to get outta the relationship. It was the December after graduation I finally stuck to my guns and got out of it. I lost most of my high school years to that girl, but I learned a lot from that experience. I wouldn’t be who I am today without that terrible experience happening. I got a stalker soon after the break up since I almost immediately met a guy online and tried to become fwbs with him. We met up once, did a little bit, but he got almost as crazy as my ex. Eventually I honestly didn’t feel safe anywhere in my neighborhood or town because of them. I needed out, but I didn’t know how. I genuinely hate myself and I felt ugly beyond description. Those external things really destroyed me internally, for a long time throughout most of those things I wanted to die. I hated everything about me and nothing helped. I would self harm and it felt good to me. I know how that sounds, trust me. But for years all I really felt was stress, pain, numb and fake. As bad as it sounds self harm helped temporarily, though I do not at all promote it. You get addicted to it and it’s nearly impossible to quit. It’s not really worth it. Honestly if I could undo it I probably would. Though there isn’t anything I can do now besides fight the urge. Things got better and worse when I moved to the other side of the country. But I think I bore my soul enough for today. Now I’m in an amazing relationship with an even more amazing guy. I wouldn’t change a thing, as long as I get to keep him. He’s helped me heal in ways I never knew possible. I love him with every inch of my body and I wouldn’t trade him for an easier life. I really don’t know how I survived everything, but I promise you the fight to stay alive is always worth it. I’m proof of that. I had almost given up on life and love, then Josh came into my life. My love for him, began the slow process of healing. So I guess the moral is, no matter your history, you have a bright future ahead of you as long as you keep living to get to that point. It’s worth the fight I promise you that. If you ever need someone to talk to I’m here for you no matter what. I love you all and I need you to keep fighting, to keep living. Sorry for the long post, but I think it needed to be out there. I mean it, if you need someone to talk to I'm right here, I promise you that. Please feel free to reach out to me.

As someone that has grown up surrounded by beaches and done surf life saving, I know how the sea works. Lots of people dont. Every summer multiple tourists die here because they don’t respect the sea, if you’re going to the coast, here’s a thing I saw on Facebook.

Writing challenge for me...

I want people to give me a writing challenge, like mini prompts to use and rules and guidelines I have to follow. I have never done it and it seems fun, so I want to try. And give me a time deadline that I have to have it done by. And I'll post it here and probably Wattpad. Depends on what kind of story it turns out to be. Also tell me if it should be a fanfiction. Though I only probably know enough about Harry Potter, Supernatural, and possibly Teen Wolf, but only preseason four. I will only probably do a few like 3 to 5 depending on how many I get and the time restraints on each along with the word count they want from me.

If this pops up while you’re scrolling, I wish you unconditional love and massive success.

I would have had no idea this is a slur I’m disappointed how much it’s used now

hey guys friendly reminder from your fave Canadian that esk*mo is a slur so please don’t use it!

I see it usually in the context of “esk*mo kisses” which may pop up when people talk about their ships and their headcanon, but it means “snow eaters” in cree and is a slur against Inuit people so please just don’t use it!

and I would appreciate if u reblogged this because people outside Canada don’t seem to know this for the most part

Derek Hale Appreciation Week 2021 Day 2:

Tuesday Nov 23 - Missing Moments // Favorite Quotes

Stiles stands off to the side, while I’m sitting down watching me in concern.

I stare at the ground and say “It was a dream. It was actually. It was more like a nightmare.”

Stiles says “Okay. what happened?”

I say “It started with these hunters that caught Peter and me after we left Cora. It was a family of them led by a guy named Severo. They broke into my loft.”

Stiles asks, “Who was it?”

I can’t say it so I say, “There are a lot of myths about how people can get turned into a werewolf. Usually a bite. There is one about rain water.”

Stiles of course finishes it for me, saying, “Drinking rainwater out of the puddle of a werewolf’s print.”

I sigh and say “There is another one.”

Stiles looks even more concerned, sitting across from me and says “Derek, if this is all just a dream, why do you look so worried?”

I flinch and say, “Because I don’t remember waking up. So. So tell me how do you know? How do you know if you’re still dreaming?”

Stiles is quick to answer, “Fingers. In dreams you have extra fingers.”

I grab Stiles’ hand pulling it up to show both of us that he has extra fingers. Oh god. No, please. Kate’s back. No. I come back to myself and stare for a minute at her.

I clutch my stomach where she shot me and say “It’s real. You’re real.”

Kate walks closer to me, laughing, and says, “That’s right, Derek. And if seeing me is a surprise, watch this.”

She shifts into a werejaguar and I know I’m out of luck. No one is going to be able to save me this time. No one will know how to save me this time. Not even Stiles will be able to figure this out. Of course I figured out that Stiles is my anchor only to be ripped away. I can’t have nice things, clearly. She knocks me out and I wake up feeling strange in a dark place surrounded with wolfsbane. I can slightly hear what I think must be chanting and soon I’m unconscious again. I wake again to someone breaking through the wall of whatever I am in and reach out to them once the hole is big enough for me to get out of. I don’t recognize who saved me though I feel like I should. I don’t know what happened to me, but the two people who saved me seem surprised by something and concerned. I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse about the situation. We’re stumbling through what seems like an old temple maybe and once we are outside I hear a heartbeat and scent I recognize.

A girl says “Is that him? Is that Derek?”

Mischief says “Sort of.”

I look up and Mischief looks much older than I expected. I stare at him for a moment, feeling like I’m missing something huge. I’m confused and frankly a little terrified.

I make eye contact and say “Mischief?”

He flinches and says “Der. Are you okay? God what did she do to you?”

I shake my head and say “I don’t feel right. I feel like I’m missing something and I don’t understand. How old are you now and why do I feel like I haven’t aged at all?”

He looks towards the boy holding me up and says “I’m 18, Der. I don’t know how, but someone turned back your dial and you’re 15 again. Which means control issues again and you’re missing a lot of memories. Der, I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to fix this, but I’ll do everything I can to help you. You’ll be okay. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to help you.”

I flinch and say “Mischief, how do you even know anything about this? Last thing I knew you knew nothing of this world.”

He flinches and says “My best friend is a werewolf, my girlfriend is a werecoyote, my other best friend is a banshee and Kira is a kitsune. Things are very different now, Der. Also I go by Stiles now.”

I nod towards the boy holding me up and say “He is the werewolf best friend?”

He nods and says “Yeah Scotty is a werewolf now. Lydia the strawberry blond is the banshee and Maila is the werecoyote. Breaden is the lady holding you up, she’s a mercenary. She’s looking for the woman who took you and did this to you. But we should leave now, you’re safe with us, Der.”

I nod weakly and say “Okay. I trust you. I don’t know about anyone else, but you I trust.”

He nods and herds me to the Jeep that belonged to his mother, though I don’t smell her on it at all anymore. I look up at him and he can see the question in my eyes I guess because he sadly shakes his head letting me know she never got better. I flinch hard and get shoved into the car. Mischief herds everyone else into the backseat. He turns to the lady still standing outside and nods at her.

He says “Thank you for your help. She’ll probably be coming for him again so you might want to follow us. So you can hopefully catch her.”

She just nods and hops onto her bike. We all leave and I’m more confused than I ever have been before. Mischief just lightly touches my hand and smiles softly. I nod and fall into unconsciousness once again, knowing Mischief will do his best to keep me safe even from his friends if necessary.

@softranswolves

SIGN UP FOR PROMPT 621: AMNESTY 2024 WEEK 1

This week's prompt is: ANY PAST PROMPT

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Reblog if you don't care if someone is transgender, straight, gay, lesbian or bisexual.

  My followers better all reblog this.

There should be more notes

REBLOG FOLLOWERS.

As long as you’re willing to love, you’re alright in my book <3

 i fucking love this.

This is amazing <3

No H8

If you don’t rebolg this: