Poison In My Blood,

fuck off. if you have money to waste on blaze you have money to donate. if you have money to waste and to blaze you have money to donate twice.

Honestly you’re completely right. I really don’t have the money to waste for things like this. I would rather donate to something useful. In my mind I thought that spreading knowledge or awareness would be more beneficial, because if I can change just a few people’s minds, then that itself is going to promote just as much change as would a donation. I would say somewhat even more valuable. Sure if I donate somewhere I can help feed someone or house someone, which I definitely want to do. But if I can shape the minds of the future, then maybe we have a fighting chance at survival in general. And you don’t know me, and I don’t know you. You don’t know what I do everyday to help my community. I’m no president, no spokesman, I’m just a normal human being just as much as you, that wants good things to happen to the people in their life. And if you don’t want that, I’m sorry. Thank you for expressing yourself, I’ll take your words into consideration. Good luck to you.

I try to refrain from writing my bad thoughts, but goddamn sometimes I hate myself. Sometimes I hurt and I don’t know why. Like my heart is collapsing and my blood is desperately trying to run. Like my stomach is squeezing and the air doesn’t want to leave my lungs. It would be so much easier to die. To lay down and never get up again. I feel so weak and heavy but I’m so uncomfortable sitting still. Everything is spinning and god knows I’m sober. I try to scream but I’ve never wanted help. I’m a man and I have to be strong. I’m not allowed to be any other way. I really am alone. Nobody cares enough. Or maybe I care too much.

I wish I was never abandoned.

I wish that the people that said they loved me stuck around.

I wish I had a father growing up.

I wish I was strong enough to fight back when I was a kid.

I wish my friends were actually my friends.

I wish I could cry.

I wish I could talk to the only person that ever showed me love, but she’s gone.

I wish a lot of things, I even wish I could just disappear.

All these wishes yet all I can do is move forward. Fuck wishes, fuck a shooting star, fuck a birthday candle, fuck prayers, fuck a fortune cookie, I don’t believe in any of that shit. I’m no longer wishing.

Now stfu and put on that smile and act strong until you are. I will succeed. I will win. I will survive. I’m so angry that I’m going to beat all the odds just to spite the world. A big fuck you for making me go through this shit. This big bag of shit. And I’m only here to set it on fire. WHATEVER IT TAKES.

Never miss a Monday

Home body,

But nobodies home.

How could I exist?

I’m only blood and bone.

I’m way too deep in consciousness,

i get lost in supermarkets.

Who are you to judge,

what’s inside my pockets?

If I gave you the world

You’d question how I’d got it.

If heaven was here,

You’d stomp right on top it.

i love it when it rains

reminds me of the days

you helped me thru my pain

but it never went away

if i’m being honest

i have to let you go

the southern sun is setting

sinking ships below

backwards i’ve been running

downwards i have flown

heart is getting heavy

you say it’s overgrown

i can truly see the beauty in everything. even the ugly. even the impossible.

i am made up of broken promises and unlived dreams.

three days

till the weekend,

i feel weak and

cant even eat,

been reeking of weed,

can’t even sleep

but i’m so tired

i killed the sheep

i hate my skin

why do i exist

i look like if

god took a piss

watch the sun,

rise,

the sky is a much sweeter poet.

look away,

oh unwieldy femininity,

i am unworthy of your gaze.

may our eyes meet,

reflections in the same star,

the sun watches you,

fall.

candle of the night,

i succumb to your prowess,

extinguish my reality,

oh burning desire,

be gentle with the flame.

i can not forgive what hasn’t happened,

or forget what’s to come,

whether i drown in hazel,

or endure in song,

i’ll still just be watching movies,

leaving it up to the divine.