Alwaysmissingyou - Always Missing You

what’s it like to be happy?

No matter how much abuse i suffer it’ll never be enough to convince me it was bad enough.

FRANK O’HARA

“[JULY IS OVER AND THERE’S VERY LITTLE TRACE]”, Selected Poems by Frank O'Hara (1974);

original photo and edit

Your pain is real.

There’s differences between schizophrenia and schizoaffective order, and lots of people get confused when they hear “schizo” and they think it’s the same thing.

Schizoaffective disorder is kind of a blend between the symptoms of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. You have mood swings that go back and forth between mania and depression which stem from bipolar disorder, and usually have psychotic symptoms similar to schizophrenia for at least two weeks at a time. In that time you may experience hallucinations, delusions, confused speech of thinking, unusual body movements, lack of emotions or lack of empathy, withdrawal from social activities and social anxiety.

It’s common that people get misdiagnosed (schizophrenia, bipolar, bpd, etc) when they have schizoaffective disorder, because a lot of the symptoms are also symptoms that other mental illnesses and disorders have. Take into consideration if you have a close blood relative who may also have schizophrenia, schitzoaffective disorder, or bipolar, because your risk of developing will be higher. As well as stressful or traumatic events that may have happened to you. These are both things that can cause symptoms to arise. The main difference is the mood disorder that comes with schizoaffective disorder.

There’s 2 types of schizoaffective disorder (depressive type and bipolar type) whereas there are about 8 different types of schizophrenia (paranoid, hebephrenic, catatonic, undifferentiated, residual, simple, cenethopathic, and unspecified schizophrenia).

Doctors treat schizophrenia with antipsychotics and schizoaffective disorder with antipsychotics as well as possibly prescribing a mood stabilizer. These have been considered effective and

Know that you’re not alone, there’s more people out here in this world with the same disorder, even if it is rare. We are here. We are listening. We understand. I was scared shitless and hopeless when I found out about it. Especially because it’s not curable, just treatable. But you can’t let it stop you from living life a full life and neither will I

sketches for out of lust, out of love (2018)

bevin macutay

How could you do that? How do you LIVE with yourself?!

IT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO END THIS WAY.